I couldn't even begin to make something like that up.
I can just see the FB photo popping up now: "I carry a gun because I don't want to be sexually assaulted by a drunken politician who believes in gun control."
Or words to that effect...
"Like the shiver of excitement you’d get if someone suddenly gave you permission to set fire to Piers Morgan." - Jeremy Clarkson
"If some scruffy dude tries to knock down my door in the middle of the night (granted, I'm not a fugitive from justice), I doubt that I would wait an inordinate amount of time to hear him make his little statement about being a "Bail Bondsman ..." or whatever before rotating my safety/selector to something other than the peace and tranquility position." - Army Chief