My life was just turned upside down.......

[devildogljb]

So Sunday afternoon while at work i received a call from my elderly father saying I had gotten mail at his house. Thinking it was for him (we have the same name) he opens it and calls me in a panic. To paraphrase the letter he has a granddaughter and i have a niece we knew nothing about and is currently in custody of the Child protective service. After my mom passed years ago myself and my father decided it was time to break ties with my younger brother due to the constant drug use (my family had tried for many years to help), the felony convictions and even a investigation into assisting in a bank robbery and the attempted break ins to our house he said he lived by drug dealers he owed money. The letter was looking for some one to take her into their home until they can figure out what to do. I have no idea who the mother is but i'm expecting shes a real winner also. I end up calling the next day on Monday with my girl friend of over 2 years that we just bought a 3000 square foot house and my father. Turns out she is almost 2 years old was being taken care of her mom's great grandparents then when they could no longer take care of her passed onto a "babysitter". The circumstance when child protective services stepped in, i am not allowed to know. But her mom's parents said they wanted nothing to do with her. So the director of the office there asked two things would i be willing to foster her and if later on down the road adopt her. With out a hesitation i said yes to both. So i just passed my FBI background check along with the girlfriend (no surprises there) and now waiting for a call from her case worker on Monday for the next steps. I do not have any kids, im not rich but like any one else in the U.S. trying to pay their bills. So needless to say I am scared out of my ever loving mind. My brother is currently on the run for felony warrant's so i dont predict him jumping into this any time soon. So i have a couple of questions if any one here has gone threw the foster care process. 1. How long does the process usually take. 2. I know i will have to open my home to a inspection. Obviously i am a firearm owner, but will this some how affect me from taking in my niece? I do keep all my firearms in a safe (you cant miss it in my "man cave") unless i am home and I am carrying. 3. If I adopt when do you start sitting down the dates when your "cleaning" your firearms Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Eurodriver]

What are you doing man????

Your life isn't upside down - it is going to be permanently ****ed.

Real life doesn't award "good people" points. You just end up involved in a bad way with Mr Felony warrants and deadbeat mother.

Good luck. Your firearm ownership won't affect anything as long as you don't have a Molon Labe flag outside and wear camo.

[Hmac]

Can't help...never been through it. But I have to admire you for your open heart and your willingness to put aside selfish concern for your own life and reach out to a poor two-year old to try to give her a better life.

[JoshNC]

This is a good thing. This little girl is your flesh and blood. Your brother and likely her mother are F ups. But your niece doesn't need to be. You have an amazing opportunity to raise her up to be a productive well adjusted person. I think this is a huge blessing.

[Lefty223]

But I have to admire you for your open heart and your willingness to put aside selfish concern for your own life and reach out to a poor two-year old to try to give her a better life.

^^^ THIS! ^^^

My fiance went through this 5-years ago with children of a nephew of her's. We took in 8-year old and 13-year old girls after the sudden death of their maternal Grandmother. Their biological Mother passed away during delivery of the younger daughter. The biological 'sperm donor' of the oldest is unfit as a member of the human race, never mind as a father or man. No one knows who the father of the youngest is.

We didn't pursue foster care per se, but guardianship, leading to eventual adoption. In our case, we wanted them to be with family and not thrown into the foster care world, where they do not have to be kept or placed together. When you think about, the ONLY person of family that the youngest has in her life is her older sister. Our situation involved 2 States, the sending State who really screwed the pooch (didn't process the correct legal paperwork, malfeasance abound - everywhere, and were grossly negligent, to the point of placing the girls in a temporary situation (before we got court/appointed custody from our State), to where the girls were sadly abused and neglected. Someone or two from the child care servces from that sending State should be in jail! I never went into this looking for a recognition for stepping up and taking them in (only ones in the greater family to do so ...) but equally ... I never expected to get kicked in the nuts either. That negligent State probably cost me many, many $1,000+s in wasted legal actions due to their negligence. It is not the $$ that concerns me ... just rather wish that I could have spent it for my girls' benefit instead.

We got that all worked out and in the intervening years they both have grown and matured and seem to have recovered from their unfortunate past. At the advanced age of my fiance and I (then late 40s) the LAST thing on our radar was for us to be 'parents', as my lady had already help raise the 3 kids of her older sister who passed away from cancer at a too early age. So my fiance had "been there ... done that."

Biggest message we send and intone to the girls are that they are now safe, secure, well cared for and LOVED. Some nights my fiance and I would fall asleep next to each other and wonder "What the heck happened to our lives?" And then there are days, like me working on our boat with the the 12-year old (youngest is growing up ... fast!) and she was my tool helper. She has become quite mechanically minded and not only knows a regular from a Phillips screwdriver, she knows the acronym of 'righty tighty - lefty loosey', plus the difference between a pop rivet and a solid rivet. This past Spring I 'gave' her a 12' aluminum boat and told her 'it's your's'. She sanded and painted it (w/ help of course) and even used the lneumatic rivet tool to fix a few leaky rivets.

Point is ... as well as experiencing 'hard' days ... you will equally experience love in your heart that would otherwise NEVER likely feel.

We make sure the girls got the proper counseling, for their adjustment to their new life, as well as to erase the past. We know it can't be erased, but we have found out that by talking about the 'hard topics', it gets it out on the table, where it can be discussed, dissected, or be angry or cry about - but to more so "acknowledge it and come to terms with it", so it doesn't ruin their future.

Of the 2 of them, it has been hardest on the oldest, as she already has a 'Father', even though I understate it when saying he's unfit as a human. She knows however, that that is just 'who he is' and that it is NOT her doing or her fault. I continually remind her that it is his loss, although she too has suffered due to his inactions, absence and other ... you get the gist; similar somewhat to the Father of the child you're taking in.

On a good note, both of our girls are doing well in school, all As & Bs, and we are very ACTIVE in their education, schooling and social lives. Family is key, as is socialization. The oldest is off to college this Fall ... so I like to think that as a family ... we all did well and their lifes are proceeding on as a good a path as possible.

To your concern of firearms, I'm in a liberal State and passed the caregiver/gusrdianship assessment with an A+ rating. Over time we also got both the girls into my fish & game club and while both started with archery, both have an incredible knack or talent for shooting (especially the oldest, a pure natural) and the youngest will join a formal junior's shooting team this Fall. So don't let your passion for your 'toys' dissuade you ...

Did I look at it like my life turned upside-down? Nope ... it just took off in another direction. There is a sailing analogy I think about often ... "We can't change the wind, but we can surely adjust our sails." Keep this in mind ... and if I may opine, YOU are changing the world, even if the world of one little girl. I commend you for it, I thank you for it, and reach out to me as needed.

Thank you and good luck! My best, cheers!

[TMS951]

I commend you on your decision to take on this burden. You are bettering your family, our country and our people by doing it.

I just had a son 13 months ago. Never before have my wife and I worked so hard, or loved so much. He is an amazing little who is developmentally advanced for his age and has a personality that melts hearts. He has every traditional advantage that matters in our society. He still provides a challenge.

I think you are an amazing person for what you are doing. I do though think you should take the negative things people have said into consideration. Maybe not as a means of changing your mind, but to fully understand what lies ahead for the next 16 years.

-Not married concerns me, its not her 'flesh and blood either'. Had you guys planned on getting married? Having kids? Are you prepared to go this alone if it provides to much for her and your relationship.

-Are prepared for what could be a troubled and underdeveloped little girl? The drugs are bad, but so is the idea she likely was neglected socially and emotionally. The beginning is when the foundation is set for these things. That said I also thin 2 is young enough you will able to do a good amount of course correcting.

-Your brother and the baby moms are of less concern to me. I think if they come around they will be easy to dispose of legally.

Sorry to be a downer at all. But thank you for the awesome thing you are doing for this girl.

[devildogljb]

Well it all comes down to hoping to make a difference i guess. This little girl sounds like shes had no real family since her birth and she is my family. Mr. Felony I dealt with for many years and can handle that situation if the need is required.

What are you doing man????

Your life isn't upside down - it is going to be permanently ****ed.

Real life doesn't award "good people" points. You just end up involved in a bad way with Mr Felony warrants and deadbeat mother.

Good luck. Your firearm ownership won't affect anything as long as you don't have a Molon Labe flag outside and wear camo.

[SteyrAUG]

Well it all comes down to hoping to make a difference i guess. This little girl sounds like shes had no real family since her birth and she is my family.

I hope your noble efforts are rewarded. I hope that you live the rest of your life content with the knowledge that you literally saved the life of this girl.

[PrarieDog]

What are you doing man????

Your life isn't upside down - it is going to be permanently ****ed.

Real life doesn't award "good people" points. You just end up involved in a bad way with Mr Felony warrants and deadbeat mother.

Good luck. Your firearm ownership won't affect anything as long as you don't have a Molon Labe flag outside and wear camo.

I disagree. You have the opportunity to be a blessing in the life of this girl and change her destiny forever. Good on you for stepping up. Though not a kid of your own I can speak for having kids, they are the most frustrating, expensive, aggravating, and time sucking thing and one the most joyful things that can be in your life. Fully worth the effort. God Bless.

[devildogljb]

So kind of like my colt ar

I disagree. You have the opportunity to be a blessing in the life of this girl and change her destiny forever. Good on you for stepping up. Though not a kid of your own I can speak for having kids, they are the most frustrating, expensive, aggravating, and time sucking thing and one the most joyful things that can be in your life. Fully worth the effort. God Bless.