My life was just turned upside down.......

[ramairthree]

How can a TWO year old.....a toddler... have any understanding about the world. They still barely speak. It's not the same as a teenager

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

Mix one fetus with 9 months of various drugs and alcohol in the womb.

Some are born with obvious syndromes.

Some are born with stuff that becomes obvious as they get older.

Some have more... subtle issues.

Some seem to not have problems.

Some experience some nutritional and emotional developmental deficits during those first few years.

[TMS951]

I commend you on your decision to take on this burden. You are bettering your family, our country and our people by doing it.

I just had a son 13 months ago. Never before have my wife and I worked so hard, or loved so much. He is an amazing little who is developmentally advanced for his age and has a personality that melts hearts. He has every traditional advantage that matters in our society. He still provides a challenge.

I think you are an amazing person for what you are doing. I do though think you should take the negative things people have said into consideration. Maybe not as a means of changing your mind, but to fully understand what lies ahead for the next 16 years.

-Not married concerns me, its not her 'flesh and blood either'. Had you guys planned on getting married? Having kids? Are you prepared to go this alone if it provides to much for her and your relationship.

-Are prepared for what could be a troubled and underdeveloped little girl? The drugs are bad, but so is the idea she likely was neglected socially and emotionally. The beginning is when the foundation is set for these things. That said I also thin 2 is young enough you will able to do a good amount of course correcting.

-Your brother and the baby moms are of less concern to me. I think if they come around they will be easy to dispose of legally.

Sorry to be a downer at all. But thank you for the awesome thing you are doing for this girl.

[Alex V]

My thoughts:

It seems to me like you are acting on impulse or emotion here. Have you really thought this through? I don't wish to encourage you to take in this child in need, or discourage you either. I'm simply wondering what happens six months from now when things settle down and you realize your life is not longer your own. That slap from reality can be a heavy handed one, even in ideal circumstances when people plan this out and do it deliberately.

Do you like your life or any aspect of it? If you want things to stay as they are, then don't do this. If you don't like your life the way it is, and want to completely change it all around, then go for it. Understand that there will be changes that you can't fathom right now. Whether or not these changes are for the better is a matter of perception. Some love and some hate it. Its a mixed bag for most people.

Jumping in and being the hero is going to feel great at first, but how are you going to feel months or years from now? You might feel great and its the best thing you've ever done. It might give your life meaning and purpose that you never knew existed. Or it might suck real hard, and you'll resent what has happened to your once carefree life. If you are the kind of strong person who has the intestinal fortitude to soldier on though the rough stuff and offer an unusually high level of self-sacrifice for years on end, then by all means, rescue this little girl and give her a great life. If you are going to resent the life changes, lack of seep, loss of money, strain on your relationship with the GF, etc…, then don't get in the middle of this mess.

Think this through before you sign those papers. Talk to several people who have raised daughters. Try to gain more insight into what you are really signing up for. And your GF? Is she really on board with this? Does she really want to be an instant Mommy? How is she going to feel when you work late and she has to do the laundry so the kid has clean clothes for school, and the dishes, and get the kid ready for bed?

Just food for thought man. Things to consider.

Please keep us posted.

This is some good honest advice. My wife and I decide long before we got married that kids just weren't something we wanted. It pissed off my parents, but we knew it was the right choice for us. We can't make the call for you, but this should not be a decision taken lightly. If you have always planned on having kids and this just accelerates the process, maybe it will be a great thing. If kids were not in the cards, this may not work out too well.

I believe that what you are doing is a good thing. To help this little girl in her time of need is noble, but how will it effect your life and your relationships? Is this something your GF wants?

[WillBrink]

What are you doing man????

Your life isn't upside down - it is going to be permanently ****ed.

Real life doesn't award "good people" points. You just end up involved in a bad way with Mr Felony warrants and deadbeat mother.

Good luck. Your firearm ownership won't affect anything as long as you don't have a Molon Labe flag outside and wear camo.

You'd turn your own niece away, a 2 year old girl who has no hope but him? Yes, his life is gonna be tough for some time, and may end up being very rewarding too, but only time will tell. I have no kids and never really wanted any but I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror knowing she was sitting in some foster home due to having a chit bag for parents and she was my niece.

[26 Inf]

Mix one fetus with 9 months of various drugs and alcohol in the womb.

Some are born with obvious syndromes.

Some are born with stuff that becomes obvious as they get older.

Some have more... subtle issues.

Some seem to not have problems.

Some experience some nutritional and emotional developmental deficits during those first few years.

Here is the story on my daughters, I'm pretty much in my lane on this.

During first pregnancy mom drank alcohol, dad was around but in process of going to jail; during second pregnancy dad was in prison. My oldest daughter is biracial, my youngest is white. They are one year and seven days apart.

The youngest had health issues and failed to thrive. Mom was in the system and the girls' pediatrician admitted the youngest baby to the hospital. Mom removed her from the hospital. The pediatrician went to the social workers who went to the police. A social worker and juvenile detective got on mom's trail and tracked her to Denver. IDK how they did it but they found that mom was stripping and living in a sleazy motel. Denver PD went to check welfare and found the two girls alone in the motel room while mom was at work on the pole. They were 1 yr 2 months and 2 months old at the time.

The girls were removed from mother's care and within two days were back in Kansas in emergency placement. We took them in as foster parents a week later. The oldest did not like men, but bonded with me immediately, except during her night terrors.

First job fatten up the little one. Second job get oldest past the night terrors she experienced on a regular basis. During these episodes she would not let any man near her, she would run from me screaming, eyes wide open, seemingly not seeing. We felt she had been abused but the doctor said she hadn't been sexually abused. These terrors were difficult for me because a month after we got the girls my wife left for the summer to attend advanced training. My neighbor's wife helped me calm her down on these occasions. By the end of the summer, when my wife returned, these night terrors had pretty much passed.

Meanwhile youngest daughter was developing slowly, it seemed she'd never learn to roll over or crawl, then it seemed she'd never walk. We were doing 'patterning' exercises with her and when she did finally walk it was with a weird crossover gait plus toe walking. We figured she was autistic and moved on with that for a couple years. She was also ADHD to the max. Finally we exhausted local resources and took her to the KU Med Center for evaluation - she was not autistic. We took her to a pediatric neurologist and an MRI revealed she had a slight case of cerebral palsy. Physical therapy, continuing at home, got her off her toes and removed the crossover gait.

But she was still ADHD. We didn't want to med her, eventually we did, for about 6 months, then dropped her back off and decided to kill her energy with exercise, soccer - despite her CP and other issues she was and still is a fast runner, every day after work we'd go for walks, bike rides, play four square, etc. That helped, but when she was 7 and followed her sister into the pool and joined the local YMCA swim team things evened out. Nothing like an hour, then two hours of swimming to mellow a kid out and give them focus.

The girls are now 17 and 18. The oldest is going to college on scholarship to swim and play stringed bass. We are currently having issues with new found freedom with her because she has lived her life school, bass, swimming year-round. She was 18 when she graduated and moved out on her own a month later. Quite frankly, we held her too close and she needed room. The youngest is on the same track, except she sings and swims. Going to start letting her go a little earlier.

The girls have brothers that are 19 and 25 years older. I'm here to tell you girls are waaay more worrisome to dad's than boys.

Here is a picture of the girls:

Attachment 46546

Best thing that ever happened to me.

How could you not help a child?

[WillBrink]

Here is a picture of the girls:

Attachment 46546

Best thing that ever happened to me.

How could you not help a child?

So much win. Thanx for sharing.

[6933]

That little girl, in need of protection, is your family; PERIOD. We have two small kids and it will forever change your life. Wouldn't give them up for anything despite little kids being a handful.

She's young and that age is known for resilience. She will have issues to work through, but that can be handled; especially since she is so young.

Take that girl, never look back, and make her YOUR daughter.

All the inconveniences that come with children melt away when you get that smile that is just full of love. When those smiles start coming, you'll forever be wrapped around her finger!

Start the discipline ASAP. You'll have a nice window of opportunity to re-mold her. Kids want/need structure, rules, and enforcement. Re-mold may mean discipline, habits, attitude, manners, etc.

Going from loving them to death and then wanting to kill them is a natural part of parenting; get used to it. Kids are gonna' kid. The boundaries you set and enforce will generally help you from wanting to kill them too much.

However, all that is overshadowed by the joy, love, satisfaction, and delight kids can bring: As long as you do your part.

[Eurodriver]

You'd turn your own niece away, a 2 year old girl who has no hope but him? Yes, his life is gonna be tough for some time, and may end up being very rewarding too, but only time will tell. I have no kids and never really wanted any but I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror knowing she was sitting in some foster home due to having a chit bag for parents and she was my niece.

Coming from a family of drug users (and dealers), strippers, felons, and alcoholics (basically all of the worst parts of "Florida Man" with one surname) I would absolutely turn away my own niece...or sister...or father...or child.

I have seen first hand what allowing someone else's problem into your home creates. What happens to OP when this girl's felonious pops shows up in 6 months or 6 years or 16 years looking for a handout? It will happen.

I don't need that in my life; I don't have that in my life. I could easily let my sister move in with me now that her party lifestyle has caught up with her and she's on the streets. Not my monkey not my circus - we both grew up in the same house, had the same friends, went to the same schools and are the same age (we're actually twins). I got a DD214, a Masters, and a CPA license. She got a bartending license. Her choices in life don't pay me no nevermind. If she gets knocked up by some hoodlum and they can't care for this kid I'm supposed to take it in? Hell to the naw naw, nawwww.

I get that this 2 year old did nothing wrong, but OP isn't morally or legally obligated to care for her either. Mad props to the OP for being a good man and taking care of her, but there is no way in hell I would ever involve myself with people like that after spending a lifetime getting away from them. I've grown up having an uncle come to the house trying to sell my dad's jacket to my mom or waking up with slashed tires because you wouldn't share the perc's you were prescribed for wisdom teeth removal with cousins.

Pass on them and their kin.

[WillBrink]

I get that this 2 year old did nothing wrong, but OP isn't morally or legally obligated to care for her either.

I couldn't hold a 2 year old responsible for the deeds of their chit bag parents, and apparently, neither can he. We'll have to agree to disagree here.

[ScottsBad]

OP, you are a really good guy.