Originally Posted by
Safetyhit
This is a brilliant post and is both appreciated and noted.
As far as how she got me arrested, here in New Jersey the laws have recently changed to a no bail system for many charges, and I was in fact released with no bail after I went in front of a judge on Monday. Because the arrest took place on a Saturday I was forced by the new law to be held until I had my initial hearing. It's just how it works now but it's certainly not always right or fair by any means.
Her illness gradually caused her to see me as the enemy and she convinced herself that I was always up to no good, which deep inside I know she knows I was not in any way. This is a typical scenario with people with schizophrenia, they tend to turn on their loved ones who would do the most for them. Most importantly however is that when we did start our relationship I knew she was troubled and I knew why (sever trauma can induce or amplify the symptoms), but she did not display nearly the level of paranoia that developed gradually or I would not have taken her in.
I know no one has a magic wand to help me or more importantly her. But I also know that if the person can be made to acknowledge their schizophrenia then they can control the symptoms and for some there are "successful" outcomes. I tried so very hard to get her to stop and think about what she was doing or saying toward the end, but eventually logic and reason simply failed, hence my feelings of failure.
But like you say, this is out of my league now and while she is already displaying signs of regret I know that if I take her back it will continue until she is seeing a therapist that does more than prescribe her medications and collect their pay. Someone has to do what I was not able to do, which is get her to take the first step and acknowledge that she has developed schizophrenia, and therefore be more aware of her increasingly unhealthy behavior. Until then, which may be never I know, nothing will change.
I guess my hope is that someone, somewhere can help me find a way to do that.
Wow, where do I start? I grew up around an uncle who is schizophrenic. I spent a lot of time at my grandparent's home, where he lived when he wasn't in the state mental hospital (we still had such a thing back in the 70's). He was fully diagnosed, legally adjudicated and frequently institutionalized against his will. He was and is to this day one of the kindest, gentlest, funniest people I know... when he's on his meds. When he's not, he's dangerous and spooky as hell. I swear you can almost physically feel the menace flowing out of him. Fortunately as he's aged, his episodes have continually gotten farther and farther apart. He just doesn't stop taking his meds anymore. Which is not easy, because he's explained it to me himself. The meds dull every sensation in life. There are no highs or lows, just monotone. That's why going off the meds is so attractive. If they think they've gotten better because they haven't had an episode for quite a while, the only way to test that theory (and feel the highs of life again), is to stop taking them. He just knows through long term experience that he hasn't gotten better, never will and the meds are the only way to have any semblance of a normal life.
On the crazy female front, yep. I've got that experience too. My wife is diagnosed bipolar/ADHD. We made a decision about her condition over 15 years ago, that we wouldn't survive as a couple without her acceptance and gaining control over it. The manic highs and lows were too close together to have any sort of stability. It was like flipping a light switch. So she, then we went to therapy and an MD for the Rx's. I can't tell you how many drugs we tried, but it took over 2 years to get the right combination. We'll have been together 22 years next April, so it can and does work in that specific area and with those specific conditions. Oh, and we never had kids because she didn't want to pass on her mental genes (her mother had it too until she passed), and I didn't want to pass on the bad ticker genes on both sides of my family tree. I know I don't always display a lot of patience and tolerance on here, which might be a safety valve because I've had to learn and develop the patience of Job in my personal life.
I still count myself lucky, because a really good friend of mine was three kids in when they finally diagnosed his wife with real deal multiple personality disorder. She was heavily abused from the start. To put it into perspective just how abused, one of her uncles was best friend and running buddy to Gene Leroy Hart. If you aren't familiar with that name, Google it. On second thought, just go here: http://www.girlscoutmurders.com/index.php
I spent a lot of time around him and his wife when he was going through this (they're long divorced now). We spent many a late night discussing her condition and what brought it on. He wouldn't allow his girls anywhere near her family and went so far as to tell all the male members that he would kill them on sight if he ever caught them alone with any of his kids. He and his brothers were all fairly wild and he had what you would call "a particular set of skills", so I never doubted he'd do exactly what he said. I guess her family believed him too, because they left his kids alone and they grew up well adjusted. Not to mention quite prepared to defend themselves too.
I also had a female subordinate for a couple of years that had MPD. She was undiagnosed, but I knew the signs quite well from all the time I spent around my friend and his wife. You could see her coming and tell by her walk when she was in another one of her "selves". She ultimately couldn't keep her job because she refused treatment and her multiple personalities couldn't maintain control of her emotions or even perform all the required job functions.
I know the DSM-5 now calls MPD "Dissociative Identity Disorder", but I did all my research under the DSM-III and DSM-IV. I say all this because MPD/DID are sometimes confused with schizophrenia, but they're quite different. People with full blown MPD are extremely rare (everything is a range or spectrum now). The fact that I've actually known and spent significant amounts of time around not one but two people with it is extraordinary. Most people in the psychiatric field may never experience anyone with it.
I guess what I'm saying with all this is that without a correct diagnosis and acceptance, there is no hope. Even with those things, there would still be trials and tribulations for many years to come. I have a LOT of empathy for your situation and you should certainly know you're not alone. I wish you the best of luck and I'm absolutely available via PM if you need to bend an ear.
What if this whole crusade's a charade?
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine…
Bookmarks