Anyone Here Have Experience With Trauma Induced Schitzophrenia?

[Buckaroo]

Our daughter married into a family with mental illness issues (she married the "healthy" brother). He rapidly went off of his good behavior that had won our daughter's heart. Drug use to self medicate, mental and verbal abuse that almost became physical. I cannot describe what it feels like when you hear your type A, straight A, full ride through college kid say she spent the night in the bathroom because she was scared of her husband. Thank God his cousin (like a brother to him) brought her home to us to discuss the situation. We owe him everything.
She tried and tried starting with counseling then on to medical appointments. He could not believe he had a problem. He had always taken care of his older brother. When it all came crashing down with him alone in the car and so upset that he was talking about hurting himself she called me and I called his step father. Step father could not understand what we were so upset about.... Denial can run really deep.
She said she didn't want to be there when he got home (oh so telling). She left with us and then said "he is going to destroy all my stuff when he gets home and I'm not there. " Decision time! We moved her out and that was the end. Several weeks later I took her to the county court house to file. It was the most difficult day of my life (my wife doesn't like that idea) because I never wanted my little girl to go through a divorce. It was the right decision. Today she is married to a wonderful God fearing man who loves her and would lay down his life for her.
Not sure if our story is helpful (or just cathartic for me). I'm praying for you and her. (I still pray for my ex-son-in-law). Sometimes the hardest decisions are the right ones.

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[ramairthree]

If you are in a relatively early marriage with no kids,

Pop smoke, break contact.

Her playboy history and fact she married you at nearly 20 years older is classic, textbook, straight up stripper head behavior indicative of a plethora of self esteem problems, daddy issues, and various other traits and behaviors.

Schizophrenia, bipolar with psychotic symptoms, borderline personality, etc. can present in typical, atypical, and combined ways that mean she could be years away from having the right diagnosis, let alone medication regimen that she will invariably not comply with.

Combined with a nearly 100% chance her psyc path will intersect with the drug and alcohol path.

Even highly successful, established people with a lot of resources and relatively productive psyc disorders can crash and burn hard. The majority spent a lot of time burning and never even reach all that high to crash from.

You may feel obligated to do the white knight till death do you part thing,
But it likely will not be pretty.

Edit
It just clicked you have been together two years, not married two years.
No brainer.

And you have known her her whole life?
And your’re 17 years older?
As in you knew her when she was like a baby and a little kid and you were all grown up?
And you expect a good outcome from this weird ass Springer shit why?

I’m all for middle aged guys having their mid life crisis and getting a new woman and all, but if it is someone you watched take their first steps and loose their first baby tooth and all while you were grown up,
Things are likely to be very complicated.

[NWPilgrim]

+1 to ramair and others on same page.

I have avoided posting to forums for a some time because of a legal/custody battle one of my daughters went through (reason is irrelevant). The ex is an abusive sociopath. Unrelated to that but in the category of dealing with traumatic mental illness a SIL was bipolar with psychotic episodes. She liked to drink and during manic periods would go off her meds leading to psychotic depression, abuse, etc. She started as a doctor, pilot, and fun person but once the illness took hold she was erratic and after nearly a decade finally lost her medical license (scary how bad she had to get before it was pulled!) and her final boyfriend and her lived in self-made squalor. Another SIL is bipolar but has the discipline and support of her second husband to stay on her medication and is able to not work and reduce much of stress in her life successfully. Still she goes haywire once in a while, complete with hallucinations. Both SILs regularly saw psychiatrists.

First: DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH HER NO MATTER WHAT ELSE YOU DECIDE. No kid should be knowingly procreated and raised in a house with an abusive parent, whether mentally ill or just cruel. Kids complicate every other action you will ever ponder. As two adults it is easy to split and not have anything to do with her ever, or only on rational terms. With just one kid, your life will be entwined with her illness and abuse for 16 yrs minimum and likely much longer, and the child will suffer immensely and have tons of issues to sort out most of their lives.

As the others have said, severe mental illness is not something a lay person can deal with, and many professionals struggle decades trying to help such an afflicted person. If there was no abuse and she accepted her illness, then MAYBE with your loving support she could be treated and live a fairly normal though protected life. But when a person is abusive and refuses to acknowledge their condition there is NOTHING you do that will help or improve her condition. This is not a choice for her. It is chemical/biological. Some people so afflicted still can see they need help and accept it and give up much freedom to stay safe and not hurt others. But most I have known (not just family) are not able to have enough rational awareness to see the problem let alone accept help, and instead are unpredictable and a danger to themselves and anyone that gets into their orbit.

This woman is no longer the person you have known in the past. Her chemistry has changed and she has become another person in a way. If her family is not willing to commit her for observation/treatment and she is abusive instead of just confused then you should get the hell out of the relationship. Many of us are raised to be compassionate and sacrifice for others. But that is a full stop and bail when abuse occurs and doubly so when it is driven by severe mental illness. NO PERSON ON THIS PLANET SHOULD STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ABUSIVE PERSON. It leads to nothing good and much pain and problems not just for you, but anyone else close to you. Maybe one in ten million is saintly enough to endure and make something out of it. Most of us are not. You can spend your life in turmoil and probably land up in jail a few more times and have your property trashed and be betrayed at the drop of a hat and become so embroiled in this turmoil that few other friends have the tolerance to be around you. Or, you can step aside, and get involved with another person(s) who appreciate your compassion and sacrifice and will be enriched by it and be an inspiration to others around you. Life is pretty damn short and has enough pain and misery without latching onto an ungrateful, abusive significant other.

[Safetyhit]

Text me if you need anything Tav.
I'll be working a gun show in Philly this weekend so I won't be on my night shift rotation.
Best of luck to you and your boy. You have been through a lot and I know you are a tough SOB and will get through this too.

Thanks very much Cory. They also confiscated my mobile phone as evidence, which I readily gave them the pass code to as I want them to see everything. I met with a sergeant yesterday regarding the phone (she was the one I gave it to on Saturday when I was arrested) and she stated she will get me my phone back by tomorrow if not today.

[Safetyhit]

And you expect a good outcome from this weird ass Springer shit why?

I’m all for middle aged guys having their mid life crisis and getting a new woman and all, but if it is someone you watched take their first steps and loose their first baby tooth and all while you were grown up

You make some great points I don't want to dismiss, but to clarify this is not and never was "Springer shit". As some here know I stayed completely single for nearly a decade before her because getting laid was far less important to me than my son's peaceful upbringing, which I most certainly did not have. The first year was a fairy tale and I was able to get her out of a very bad circumstance.

She moved into our home within a week of us "meeting" while I was helping my stepmother prepare for a move, and I sure as all hell didn't take her in that fast because she's pretty. I can date a pretty girl from a distance, but she needed to get into a safe place and was very good to my son, which I was extremely grateful for being alone so long. Plus I trusted her in a way I trust no woman and to this day I know she did not mean to hurt me like she just did.

Things are likely to be very complicated.

They already are brother. They already are.

[Safetyhit]

I think you know what needs to be done. As unfortunate as that may be.

My Mother had Alzheimer's and the first thing the doctor told my brother and me was that we would not be able to care for her. It would take professionals. She was right. We tried and that was quite an ordeal.

I had a friend that some of the best doctors in the country described as the worst TBI they had ever seen. That situation was beyond bizarre.

I once new a business owner that had a wife who became problematic over time and I can't recall what her issue was but that ended in divorce.

I've got a couple other situations but the point is, the typical person can't deal with mental illness especially if that illness is adversarial.

I don't know what could have happened that you landed in jail for "three days over nothing" but that is a sure sign you have lost control. You have either lost control of yourself, your relationship, or both. I don't mean that to sound harsh. I simply hope you realize that the bad things have already started to happen and have gotten the best of you. Your seeking answers at the other forum might become a long term devotion as happens with many people for a variety of reasons. People exposed to certain things tend to pick up that torch. But that's a long long term learning experience and -maybe- will offer you some ability to help someone. That someone may even be your long term piece of mind.

Right now though. You should have the immediate goal of protecting yourself and your assets. You need to get it through your head that it's wrong right now and basically seek cover. Being in jail 3 days because someone else has a mental disease is not a rational life. I believe the forum analogy might be 'get off the X'

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but the typical individual can't beat crazy and even the best of professionals have a difficult time in many cases.

I understand that the heart wants what the heart wants but it's like a friend once told me..... I was having some relationship problems and he said you know it's kinda like a horse.... I said, I know, I know, I just need to get back on the horse.... he said... No, you need to find yourself a new horse.

It's the same old story. Some things are best placed in the hands of professionals. If you are sleeping in the jailhouse, that time has come.

This is a brilliant post and is both appreciated and noted.

As far as how she got me arrested, here in New Jersey the laws have recently changed to a no bail system for many charges, and I was in fact released with no bail after I went in front of a judge on Monday. Because the arrest took place on a Saturday I was forced by the new law to be held until I had my initial hearing. It's just how it works now but it's certainly not always right or fair by any means.

Her illness gradually caused her to see me as the enemy and she convinced herself that I was always up to no good, which deep inside I know she knows I was not in any way. This is a typical scenario with people with schizophrenia, they tend to turn on their loved ones who would do the most for them. Most importantly however is that when we did start our relationship I knew she was troubled and I knew why (sever trauma can induce or amplify the symptoms), but she did not display nearly the level of paranoia that developed gradually or I would not have taken her in.

I know no one has a magic wand to help me or more importantly her. But I also know that if the person can be made to acknowledge their schizophrenia then they can control the symptoms and for some there are "successful" outcomes. I tried so very hard to get her to stop and think about what she was doing or saying toward the end, but eventually logic and reason simply failed, hence my feelings of failure.

But like you say, this is out of my league now and while she is already displaying signs of regret I know that if I take her back it will continue until she is seeing a therapist that does more than prescribe her medications and collect their pay. Someone has to do what I was not able to do, which is get her to take the first step and acknowledge that she has developed schizophrenia, and therefore be more aware of her increasingly unhealthy behavior. Until then, which may be never I know, nothing will change.

I guess my hope is that someone, somewhere can help me find a way to do that.

[Honu]

I feel for ya as it must just flat out suck

but if she has parents around still I would say let them deal with it and make sure you keep her away from you and your kids as it sounds like they are not hers by blood?

not being harsh just reality of life as a parent of two children is where I am coming from and if your kids are under 18 ? which it sounds like they are? keepe them away the fear of her maybe doing something (not knowing/control) to your children or you one day leaving your child with out you or you without child ! nothing is worth that IMHO at least

do it for your kids %100 cut the cord use that strength as a dad !

I am sure your X (childs mother) would not like her child to be around someone like that it very well could end up with you loosing access to your own child if anything ever happens or comes up ?

again sorry to hear and feel for ya !

[Watrdawg]

As some here know I stayed completely single for nearly a decade before her because getting laid was far less important to me than my son's peaceful upbringing, which I most certainly did not have.

This part of the post, "my Son's peaceful upbringing", is what is most important right now. Unfortunately for your Son and yourself really there will never be any peace in this situation. There is and never will be anything you can do to make things right in her mind. Her illness will never go away or get better. Manageable? Possibly but as others and yourself have said meds are what is needed and she will never be able to come off of them and even then she will never be right. You have jeapordized the safety of your household and spent time in jail because of this situation. You know 100% what needs to be done and it sounds like you just need that confirmation from others. Save your Son and yourself from this situation that will only get worse.

[CPM]

It sucks to read, but you need to end the relationship immediately. Her mental illness has compromised your ability to care for your son for three days, placed you in a dangerous situation for 3 days, and removed your ability to defend yourself, possibly long term depending on your "friend in high places". There isn't a single piece of ass on this earth worth that, no matter how loving, caring, smart, etc... she is.

You are not a mental health professional, and I am fairly certain no one else on here is. Stop playing one. Seek help and advice from a professional, someone with MD after their name. Make sure it's in a scenario where you are paying said person for their advice, not on a website for family members to bitch about their loved ones and "share hope".

Also end the relationship immediately. You're not married and you don't have any kids together. I'd be leaving a wake in the sidewalk as I ran away. It's like a dog that has attacked you- even if they seem better, I wouldn't leave it alone around my child.

[RetroRevolver77]

She needs professional help that you can't give her. On one hand you feel that if you abandon her only bad things will happen but on the other she is a liability. I don't know enough about that particular mental illness other than it's incurable and barely manageable with medication. That is a really sad situation.