A little Humor

[NYH1]

Nice one Doc.

NYH1.

[Doc Safari]

A young woman goes off to college and writes her parents frequently.

First, she tells them she just bought a bicycle.

Over the coming weeks, she tells them how she loves her bike.

She ends up buying a dog, a Schnauzer, but gets busy with classwork and forgets to mention it to her parents in her letters.

Sadly, the dog gets some kind of disease that causes all its hair to fall out.

The lady becomes worried, and not having much money for a vet, writes her parents.

She puts in a letter, "What do I do? All the hair fell off my Schnauzer."

The parents write back:

"Sell the bicycle."

[Doc. Holiday]

Nice one Doc.

NYH1.

I do what I can

[ColtSeavers]

[LoboTBL]

Got this one from a friend.

A couple of us local retired airline pilot types (started as Naval Aviators) were asked to address a junior high gathering put on by the PTA.

I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage
to myself. I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and
all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those
other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions.



The last one
asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical
beliefs?”

I said, “That's an easy one. Looking back over my 7 decades, I
believe I've spent close to 90% of my earnings on booze and whores.
The rest I wasted."

I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live
by:



1) If it flies, floats, or f***s, it's cheaper to rent !

And 2) If it's got tits or tires, you're gonna have problems.

I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish.

They need to know

[26 Inf]

Off an ATC forum:

Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”

Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”

Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?”

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war.”



Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206:
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”

Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”

Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”

Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,… and I didn’t land.”



From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:

“I’m f…ing bored!”

Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”

Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f…ing bored, not f…ing stupid!”



Control tower to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”

United 239: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this… I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”

[daddyusmaximus]

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[Bulletdog]

[JC5188]

Oh my...

Nice

[daddyusmaximus]

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