View Full Version : Which president would win a knife fight?
Magic_Salad0892
09-10-12, 03:10
I got this amazing idea from the pistol-training forum, and they got it from another site. So here are the rules.
•Every president is in the best physical and mental condition they were ever in throughout the course of their presidency. Fatal maladies have been cured, but any lifelong conditions or chronic illnesses (e.g. FDR’s polio) remain.
•The presidents are fighting in an ovular arena 287 feet long and 180 feet wide (the dimensions of the [1] Roman Colosseum). The floor is concrete. Assume that weather is not a factor.
•Each president has been given one standard-issue [2] Gerber LHR Combat Knife , the knife [3] presented to each graduate of the United States Army Special Forces Qualification Course. Assume the presidents have no training outside any combat experiences they may have had in their own lives.
•There is no penalty for avoiding combat for an extended period of time. Hiding and/or playing dead could be valid strategies, but there can be only one winner. The melee will go on as long as it needs to.
•FDR has been outfitted with a [4] Bound Plus H-Frame Power Wheelchair, and can travel at a maximum speed of around 11.5 MPH. The wheelchair has been customized so that he is holding his knife with his dominant hand. This is to compensate for his almost certain and immediate defeat in the face of an overwhelming disadvantage.
•Each president will be deposited in the arena regardless of their own will to fight, however, personal ethics, leadership ability, tactical expertise etc., should all be taken into account. Alliances are allowed.
http://pistol-forum.com/showthread.php?5293-In-a-Mass-Knife-Fight-to-the-Death-Between-Every-American-President-Who-Wins-Why
http://faceintheblue.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/in-a-mass-knife-fight-to-the-death-between-every-american-president-who-would-win-and-why/
My top 5.
1.) Andrew Jackson
2.) George Washington
3.) Theodore Roosevelt
4.) John Kennedy
5.) Zachary Taylor
Discuss....
1) the Rough Rider, Teddy Roosevelt
2) the General, George Washington
3) the Bank Buster, Andrew Jackson
4) George W. Bush, due to his reflexes
5) Bill Clinton, because he'd cheat
Reagans Rascals
09-10-12, 03:44
Reagan.... all the way... even when that man died... he still had the body of 40 year old.... he's like Jack Lalanne...when he was on vacation at Camp David he would make the Marine guards bring him wood to split, and he'd just split wood with an axe all day for something to do... that's a man's man
this is day one stuff:
rule number 1: Don't Mess With Reagan
rule number 2: DON'T EVER MESS WITH REAGAN
Eisenhower would be a close Second... followed by Roosevelt and then Lincoln with his long ass reach... plus no body knows what the shit he's got hiding under that big ass hat of his... might be a blunderbuss.....
Reagan.... all the way...
I'd never have guessed. :rolleyes:
Btw, which Roosevelt? Teddy or FDR
Reagans Rascals
09-10-12, 04:38
I'd never have guessed. :rolleyes:
Btw, which Roosevelt? Teddy or FDR
Teddy....
although ol' FDR coulda been hiding something wicked under that polio blanket...
http://i1058.photobucket.com/albums/t403/jwmassaro/tumblr_lsb67udB8h1qede6xo1_500.gif
COME GET A TASTE
theblackknight
09-10-12, 07:32
when he was on vacation at Camp David he would make the Marine guards bring him wood to split, and he'd just split wood with an axe all day for something to do
A working party w Marines where the C&C did half the work? WUT :eek: :)
sent from mah gun,using my sights
High Tower
09-10-12, 09:01
1) Teddy Roosevelt. He got shot and still finished his speech before going for care. Thats just impressive.
2) Andy Jackson. A warrior.
3) Grant. He would be drunk enough not to care.
These are my top three. I definitely got a few chuckles out of some of these. Clinton would definitely cheat, but his downfall would be trying to get phone numbers from some in the audience. He would also be distracted by Teddy's cigar.
Teddy Roosevelt...period.
In addition to everything else known, he imported a Judo instructor from Japan and was one of the first Westerners to study in the US.
Obama.
He would apologize to the others first for the horrible situation they were in, then blame it on Bush or rich people. Then he would grant himself the power to declare himself the winner through Executive order.
The End.
Teddy, hands down. Didn't even need to read anything other than the title.
1) the Rough Rider, Teddy Roosevelt
He was an obese windbag.
Jackson was a knife fighter.
He was an obese windbag.
Who happened to be able to back it up. :D
The Marines backed him up, that is true.
I'd have to believe the edge in general those with military officers training in the older 18th & 19th century eras would have had at least remedal fencing and use of sabre in thier course of study. Like actual use of, not cerimonial parade stuff.
Difficult to pin down to a fine degree but would bet on any of them over 20th century competitors with the exception of Kennedy due to having more than 30 feet of guts, and as loathe as I am to say it, BHO simply because he's proven his skill at stabbing people in the back on more than one occasion.
Come on... Haven't you seen Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter??? Thats some real history mother****ers!!!!!
Moving on...Captain Marvel vs. Superman, who would win in a nunchaku vs. sai battle (no kryptonite chucks allowed)?
1) the Rough Rider, Teddy Roosevelt
2) the General, George Washington
3) the Bank Buster, Andrew Jackson
4) George W. Bush, due to his reflexes
5) Bill Clinton, because he'd cheat
^This^
Except I would put GW & TR as a tie for #1; they were both cunning/deadly men, both well trained & both men of action.
Zachary Taylor
or
Andrew Jackson
I don't like GWB for a number of reasons, but the dude stays alert:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEMqCrbuw50&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I don't like GWB for a number of reasons, but the dude stays alert:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEMqCrbuw50&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I'd give him good odds, as long as it's not a Segway knife-fight. :D
http://picchore.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/george-bush-segway.jpg
crusader377
09-10-12, 21:40
I think my top five would be George Washington, Andrew Jackson, Zachary Taylor, Grant, and T.R.
I think the final matchup would be between Washington and Jackson.
Teddy Roosevelt...period.
In addition to everything else known, he imported a Judo instructor from Japan and was one of the first Westerners to study in the US.
Cool piece of info Steyr. He seemed like a pretty hard guy. After this and reading his book on his Amazon Expediton (I'll edit with the actual title later), my opinion of him as a man keeps growing.
Moose-Knuckle
09-11-12, 02:41
With out a doubt . . . it would be a draw between . . .
Thomas Jefferson and . . .
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a144/AKS-74/Badass_Jefferson.jpg
Andrew Jackson.
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a144/AKS-74/Andrew-Jackson-is-Badass.jpg
Obama
because he would have DevGru fight for him then take the credit saying, "They didn't do that other people (me) did that... and I did give the order, signed the document, coordinated the operation personally and supplied the knife" :p
Magic_Salad0892
09-11-12, 04:35
Obama
because he would have DevGru fight for him then take the credit saying, "They didn't do that other people (me) did that... and I did give the order, signed the document, coordinated the operation personally and supplied the knife" :p
Badass.
Who thinks that Nixon and Carter would team up, thinking the whole fight was a Jewish Consipiracy?
Collegefour
09-12-12, 05:37
Those who advocate Andrew Jackson have some decent knowledge of history. Jackson was possibly the most brazenly violent man ever to hold the office.
I also think that George Washington is a very good pick, as aside from his obvious combat experience, he was a giant man, especially for his time. He would have excellent reach for a knife fight.
I do think that many of you overlook James Monroe (#5), who was also a combat veteran. Alexander Hamilton would also have been a good pick, but he was never president.
I also like JFK...small, quick, brave...and YOUNG.
Last but not least, Teddy Roosevelt. Pretty obvious, because really his only serious competition for this last place is....Franklin Pierce(#14). If you don't know about him, you should read more. :)
Alexander Hamilton . . . . . . was never president.
Thank the good lord
Magic_Salad0892
09-12-12, 08:36
Thank the good lord
Why? Was he bad?
Why? Was he bad?
http://guerrillamerica.com/2012/08/five-reasons-to-hate-alexander-hamilton/
Magic_Salad0892
09-12-12, 09:33
http://guerrillamerica.com/2012/08/five-reasons-to-hate-alexander-hamilton/
You win.
BTW: Andrew Jackson hating him as reason number four is awesome.
You win.
BTW: Andrew Jackson hating him as reason number four is awesome.
Thomas Jefferson hated him.
If anything, Jackson hating him would have been a mark in the positive. Jackson was an asshole. He's pretty solid proof the Democrats have always been untrustworthy, shifty shitheads with a penchant for violating the Constitution at will.
Magic_Salad0892
09-12-12, 10:13
Thomas Jefferson hated him.
If anything, Jackson hating him would have been a mark in the positive. Jackson was an asshole. He's pretty solid proof the Democrats have always been untrustworthy, shifty shitheads with a penchant for violating the Constitution at will.
You're right. I read that wrong.
I'll have to do some reading on Jackson...
Jackson was a knife fighter.
And for this reason...Obama would levy a tax against his abilities. He would have to train the softy liberal presidents in knife fighting, and several of his fingers would be broken prior to the fight.
In all seriousness, though, he seems to have a distinct advantage in that.
When you read about Washington's life, he had luck on his side in everything he did...surviving smallpox, surviving Braddock's defeat (start of British involvement the F+I War) and his ability to train colonial militia members and Continental Army soldiers to fight European-style and defeat the Brits at their own game. So, I'd say he has a fighting chance, if for no other reason than luck.
I think if was just between Jackson and Washington..... it would be Washington b/c Andrew probably (overconfidently) would bring attitude and a knife........... while George would bring guile & a SABER;)
Collegefour
09-13-12, 00:18
http://guerrillamerica.com/2012/08/five-reasons-to-hate-alexander-hamilton/
Well written, and I don't dispute the author's opinion, however, let us remember that Captain Hamilton was an artillery officer in the American Revolution before he became indispensable to General Washington. The relationship between these two was almost telepathic, in that Colonel Hamilton could sense exactly what Gen Washington wanted to say, and write it perfectly nearly every time. Without Hamilton's help, it could be argued that Washington would not have been able to maintain good control over his army.
Also, Hamilton was a man of his time, and in his time, America was weak. After seven or eight years under the Articles of Confederation, he was not the only one who was exasperated by the pathetic weakness of the Federal Government. Again, I don't dispute the authors opinion, but a better understanding of the man can be obtained by reading the Federalist Papers.
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