View Full Version : Why is it so HARD!!!!!
Why is it so dang hard to teach your wife how to properly shoot a handgun..... When it comes to archery she is dead nuts accurate, but put a handgun in her hand and whoooo its scary... She is great on the safety aspect, but when I try to explain grip technique and trigger control, its like nobody is home..:confused:
I think its a WIFE thing, I have never had any problem helping out other ladies that shoot....but when it comes to my wife, well I just cannot get it done, and well I end up walking off muttering to myself...:D
Too busy fighting the urge to shoot you? ;) Who knows, I've seen grown men like that. And my ex-fiance could shoot the hell out of a rifle, she grew up hunting and shooting rifles and shotguns, but couldn't shoot a pistol to save her life.
Gentle Ben
03-26-08, 18:28
how are you teaching her? my wife had never seen a gun in person until she met me. I taught her the fundamentals of grip, sight alignment/picture, trigger press, etc with an airsoft gun. Then I let her use a .22 pistol. By that point she was very comfortable and doing well accuracy-wise, so I moved her up to a 9mm.
Usually the worst person to try to teach to is a close relative or wife/girlfriend.
Too much emotional baggage....usually.
Not in every case, but that's been what I've seen and experienced.
Sometimes, a more neutral instructor can get results, telling them the exact same thing that you just did, but because it wasn't you, it went through.
Jay Cunningham
03-26-08, 18:49
What Templar said - you are probably phreaking her out.
Drop her off with an instructor and GO AWAY.
Sometimes one instructor doesn't get through and another can. I've seen a student that took at least 4 before something clicked.
Sometimes you are baffled when after a week, someone says "I got it!" ok, what's that? "man, when you have the front sight in focus, you are more accurate!" Have I been speaking another f'ing language?
RogerinTPA
03-26-08, 21:11
Usually the worst person to try to teach to is a close relative or wife/girlfriend.
Too much emotional baggage....usually.
Not in every case, but that's been what I've seen and experienced.
Sometimes, a more neutral instructor can get results, telling them the exact same thing that you just did, but because it wasn't you, it went through.
That is soooo true. I lost count at the number of guys actually yelling and getting pissed off at their woman while she's holding a loaded firearm!:eek:
That said, I must have trained quite a few ex's who turned out to pick it up rather quickly after a safety course, position coaching and dry firing prior to getting to the range, then just fine tuning once we got there. After 2 or 3 sessions, they were shooting pretty damn good.
Why is it so dang hard to teach your wife how to properly shoot a handgun..... When it comes to archery she is dead nuts accurate, but put a handgun in her hand and whoooo its scary... She is great on the safety aspect, but when I try to explain grip technique and trigger control, its like nobody is home..:confused:
I think its a WIFE thing, I have never had any problem helping out other ladies that shoot....but when it comes to my wife, well I just cannot get it done, and well I end up walking off muttering to myself...:D
Some women just have more trouble than others learning proper stance, ect. Normally I find that telling them to watch some Youtube videos that depict people who know what they are doing helps (normally it is up to me to find these videos as they obviously do not know who knows what they are doing and who doesn't if they themselves are not grasping the concepts), as it gives them another female figure to emulate if you are lucky enough to find a vid with a girl shooting.
That and practice practice practice. Maybe a .22 pistol to eliminate blast/kick from the equation until stance/grip are mastered would be a good idea.
I also agree with the emotional baggage thing another poster put up there. It is YOUR wife or GF and you want them to do well, and they also want to make you proud, so both of you are really stressed over GETTING RESULTS and this leads to frustration or feelings of failure when things don't go 100%. That is why I always compliment/smile as long as they are safe. Fix ONE THING at a time, maybe get her gripping it correctly one day, then work on her body-stance the next. Take it slow and above all, make it fun, or you will ruin a potential enthusiast.
Another thing I have noticed with myself is that sleeping on it helps. I tend to go over my failures/successes right before I go to sleep, and you would be amazed at some of the insight I gain doing this. This was especially helpful back when I fought full contact and was more involved with martial arts. The whole "what could I have done to avoid being hit/what could I have done to make my strikes more successful?" questions and mentally playing things back in my head over and over changing little bits and pieces as I did helped immensely. The same thing goes for me and shooting. Maybe others are the same way, I bet they are :) (or maybe I am just a headcase).
Robb Jensen
03-27-08, 04:46
I find that loved ones don't learn from me well but do from other people teaching them the same things.
I gave a good friend a call last night (chief instructor/amour for a big PD) he said he would be glad to come out and help....He then laughed and said he had the same problem with im own wife....so he had another instructor help her out..LOL!!!:D Atleast I know I'm not alone!!:D
Why is it so dang hard to teach your wife how to properly shoot a handgun
It's the same reason they can't drive.
Oops... I mean most women don't have the same primal DRIVE to learn how to fight well. That's what I meant to say.
As others have said, teaching a close relative, especially your spouse, how to shoot is fraught with danger. It has absolutely nothing to do with her or you, it has to do with the way couples tend to interact.
Speaking in generalities:
Wives who are dragged into shooting by husbands are not necessarily interested, or as interested, as their husbands to begin with.
Wives do not want to make mistakes or look stupid in front of their husbands. Thus, they try to hard.
Husbands expect their wives not only to pay attention to every word we speak, but we expect them to understand, process, absorb, and follow every instruction perfectly the first time.
Husbands are more likely to criticize or use harsh language with their wives than with a "generic" student.
So when something doesn't go perfectly, she feels like she's failed and he can't believe she's not doing it right.
Like I said, it's a generality but I've seen it many times. I've actually had to separate couples in classes. One guy I remember very clearly kept talking to his wife after each teaching point, "explaining" it to her. She was a soup sandwich. After the two were separated -- over his objections but much to her relief -- she suddenly learned how to shoot.
If your wife has the time, money, and interest to become serious about shooting, send me a PM. There is a "Lady's Camp" put on by my friend Julie Goloski and some other world-class female shooters a few times per year. I've spoken to many of their students and every one of them was absolutely thrilled by the instruction, motivated to keep shooting, and genuinely more skilled.
wives have a "stop telling me what to do" attitude with their husbands.
makes them unteachable.
get her with an instructor, and it will be like night and day.
ThirdWatcher
03-27-08, 16:37
how are you teaching her? my wife had never seen a gun in person until she met me. I taught her the fundamentals of grip, sight alignment/picture, trigger press, etc with an airsoft gun. Then I let her use a .22 pistol. By that point she was very comfortable and doing well accuracy-wise, so I moved her up to a 9mm.
This is the approach I took when teaching my daughters how to shoot. The worst thing you can do is start a new shooter with something that kicks hard. The downside to teaching them to shoot is I keep giving my guns away (to them).:D (In fact, I am now M4less, a temporary state, I assure you.)
Perhaps we need more female firearms instructors.
TheGhostRider
03-27-08, 17:00
wives have a "stop telling me what to do" attitude with their husbands.
makes them unteachable.
get her with an instructor, and it will be like night and day.
100% accurate.
My wife is a good shooter. Not great....... good.
Trying to instruct her is......... painful.
She doesn't tolerate criticism from me even when it's applied in a constructive fashion.
But an outside instructor is ok.
I believe that most women take instruction from a neutral party much better than from someone they know. The pressure of trying to impress her hubby without showing weakness tends to make her self conscious, which creates a conflict of emotions. Once this happens the learning stops and quite often a mental block takes place preventing the learning process.
johnson601
03-27-08, 17:01
I had this same problem with my wife, she couldn't hit sh#t! Then a friend of mine went shooting with us and he said "you know that she is left eye dominant right?".... Solved all of our problems. If you are like me, I just expected her to do what I said. I think we over-look small things when it is a loved one.
CarlosDJackal
03-27-08, 17:06
When I teach basic Pistol courses I usually make it a point to try and separate couples. This was we avoid what you are talking about.
I've also noticed that about 80% of the women I've taught are cross-dominant. Go figure!!
My wife is very good with basic accuracy, i.e. getting a good sight picture and putting the hole where it is needed. Until recently though, she was awful with overall handling of the gun. Would not get the backstrap deeply seated in the web of the hand, but instead would keep hiking the gun up with the heel of the butt in the pit of her palm. Although she only shoots with me 1-2 times a year, this went on for years.
For some reason though, the last couple of times out she started actually getting it. I just made a brief mention starting out as to correct grip, which she right away took and maintained throughout the session. Improvement was marked. Came back a month or so later and she picked it right back up.
Trying to figure -- why now? We both turned 50 within the past few months, and she is now well into "the change". Could that be it? Does the child-bearing capability impose some kind of genetic incompatibility with guns? Then as they get beyond that, they can become the kind of cold-hearted killers that men are all along ! ! ! :D
I've been a firearms instructor for many years. Some time ago, over a 6 year period, I volunteered my services 2-3 times a year as a guest instructor for a women's only class of handgun self-defense. In discussions with John & Vicki Farnam, we came to the same conclusion: women are hard-wired differently & respond better to female instruction. Spouses are usually the worst choice for instruction, regardless of the subject matter. It's better to have another professional teach your spouse with you not even attending the classes. If you insist on being present, it's best to keep it zipped & have no opinion - both during training & later.
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