View Full Version : Do You Guys Feel Like You're The Only One...?
One thing about south Florida is we have a lot of elderly people.
And that means almost without fail, when I'm doing something like eating out there will be at least one "old guy" who obviously can't get around too well and despite the number of people between me and the door NOBODY ever gets up to grab the door for the guy.
Now I don't expect anyone to stop eating to walk him to his car or carry his belongings or any number of other things that might have been seen as "common courtesy" once upon a time, but it amazes me that people literally 6-10 feet from the door can't just pop up out of their damn seat and grab the door for the guy.
Even worse, I don't even think that most people notice or even think to do something like this. Every now and then, especially if you are at any kind of "dining out" restaurant an employee will grab the door for somebody like that but even that can't be depended on 100%.
But if you are at any kind of fast food place, pizza joint, etc. you can pretty much forget it. And that means I have to stop eating, walk past 4-8 tables full of able bodied selfish assholes and grab the door for the guy. I don't mind doing it, I just mind being the ONLY guy who seems to do it.
I also really don't wanna be down here when I one day become the old guy who has a hard time getting around sometimes. I know I will truly be "on my own."
I had total hip replacement surgery and when I use a cane people come out of the woodwork to hold and open doors for me. It's kind of embarrassing as I can handle doors but people around here are just that way.
You ain't the only one. I think that a lot of society look at that situation and says "not my problem, someone else will take care of it." Then guys like you and me do take care of it.
You ain't the only one. I think that a lot of society look at that situation and says "not my problem, someone else will take care of it." Then guys like you and me do take care of it.
I know I'm supposed to do it because that's the way it's supposed to work and one day people are "supposedly" going to help me but I can't help feeling like every person I walk past owes me $1.
Failure2Stop
07-02-13, 00:50
Every time one of us stands up and does the right thing, somebody notices. Hopefully the kids.
If their parents can't show them how to be men, I will.
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I would suspect that these elderly folks are from NY or NJ and have voted for Lautenberg and Schumer, just keep that in mind.
But you are doing the right thing.
I always hold the door for other people, or if someone is carrying something or like what happened with you. Not very common common courtesy. It is sad really.
Every time one of us stands up and does the right thing, somebody notices. Hopefully the kids.
If their parents can't show them how to be men, I will.
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Honestly, that is how I learned.
My Grandfather and father "taught me" but I learned when people I respected would stop mid sentence in our conversation to go open the door for somebody or do something similar. It was the final reinforcement of what my father and grandfather had been saying all along.
My Grandfather was the kind who if we were in Hardee's would say something like "Pop your ass out of that seat and go get the door for that guy." It of course annoyed me as a kid even if I did understand it was the "right thing." But seeing the examples of people I looked up to really got the message all the way home for me.
My kids are learning these kinda things :)
I always do these kinda things for folks
Straight Shooter
07-02-13, 04:53
Your hot-damn right F2stop...damn right. I do stuff like that daily.
Its still fairly commonplace here in the deep South.
I always hold the door for other people, or if someone is carrying something or like what happened with you. Not very common common courtesy. It is sad really.
Me too and will continue to do so. But I also find more old people not acknowledging my effort with a simple thanks. Respect flows both ways. Merely living a long time does not entitle you.
Gutshot John
07-02-13, 05:46
The only reward of virtue is virtue and a display of honor is all the more powerful when it's uncommon and made with pride. Expecting people to follow your example is too much to expect. Be content in yourself that you've done the right thing. I promise you, others noticed.
At some point, you can only do so much.
In the end it humbles me, that despite whatever differences we may have had in the past, you are a gentleman. I'll endeavor to keep that in mind.
My 13 year old son, who is well on his way toward becoming an Eagle Scout, is the most thoughtful, kind & morally sound human being I know.........period.
It fills me with a pride I can't describe to see him go out of his way to get doors for women or the elderly/infirm without being told or even prompted by me. Hell, I'll admit sometimes I haven't even noticed that someone dropped something or needs a door opened and I turn around and he's already doing it. He reminds ME to be a better person, which is ass backwards, I know. :)
Unfortunately, it is inevitable that some inconsiderate, self centered people will not even acknowledge his help with a simple smile or thank you. I just thank him FOR THEM, remind him how proud of him i am and quietly imagine the satisfaction I would reap from giving them a nice attention getting throat punch. :)
My 13 year old son, who is well on his way toward becoming an Eagle Scout, is the most thoughtful, kind & morally sound human being I know.........period.
Don't be afraid to take some credit for that. Most often, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It's also a result of good parenting. Good job bro!
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Common courtesy. Hell of a thing.
Don't be afraid to take some credit for that. Most often, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It's also a result of good parenting. Good job bro!
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Thanks, man. I'm pretty sure it's his mother's influence. :)
On another note, anybody else ever unknowingly held a door for a feminazi, only to get scolded and demeaned for oppressive, chauvinist behavior? True story, no shit.
The only reward of virtue is virtue and a display of honor is all the more powerful when it's uncommon and made with pride. Expecting people to follow your example is too much to expect. Be content in yourself that you've done the right thing. I promise you, others noticed.
At some point, you can only do so much.
In the end it humbles me, that despite whatever differences we may have had in the past, you are a gentleman. I'll endeavor to keep that in mind.
This.
I know people notice when I live my Southern ways in the North.
99% of the people respond positively.
Each little act...
-------------------------------------
"One cannot awaken a man who pretends to be asleep."
On another note, anybody else ever unknowingly held a door for a feminazi, only to get scolded and demeaned for oppressive, chauvinist behavior? True story, no shit.
Yep... and she got an "F.U. then" from me after she bitched at me.
My pet peeve is when you're walking past someone & you catch eye contact, I'll nod & say Hi and the other person just turns away & says nothing. What's wrong with some people? That gets my goat like no other.
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One thing about south Florida is we have a lot of elderly people.
And that means almost without fail, when I'm doing something like eating out there will be at least one "old guy" who obviously can't get around too well and despite the number of people between me and the door NOBODY ever gets up to grab the door for the guy.
Now I don't expect anyone to stop eating to walk him to his car or carry his belongings or any number of other things that might have been seen as "common courtesy" once upon a time, but it amazes me that people literally 6-10 feet from the door can't just pop up out of their damn seat and grab the door for the guy.
Even worse, I don't even think that most people notice or even think to do something like this. Every now and then, especially if you are at any kind of "dining out" restaurant an employee will grab the door for somebody like that but even that can't be depended on 100%.
But if you are at any kind of fast food place, pizza joint, etc. you can pretty much forget it. And that means I have to stop eating, walk past 4-8 tables full of able bodied selfish assholes and grab the door for the guy. I don't mind doing it, I just mind being the ONLY guy who seems to do it.
I also really don't wanna be down here when I one day become the old guy who has a hard time getting around sometimes. I know I will truly be "on my own."
Yes, I am often the only person who makes a B line to such a person to make sure they can get through a door, or out of they chair, get groceries in their car, etc. Yes, i'm left with a "WTF is wrong with people?" feeling.
What was originally the responsibility of the church/family has been transferred to the gov't... through Social Security taxes/benefits.
Thus continues the march of expanding government and shrinking personal responsibility.
The natural connection between generations is being lost.
montanadave
07-02-13, 08:09
To Steyr and others, I commend you for modeling proper manners in public areas. And I certainly agree there seems to have been a general decline in mutual respect and public decorum, not to mention just plain old kindness and consideration towards others.
But there's also a name for what you are describing, known as the "bystander effect." Social psychologists have studied and documented it in a variety of settings with a wide range of subjects.
"The term bystander effect refers to the phenomenon in which the greater the number of people present, the less likely people are to help a person in distress. When an emergency situation occurs, observers are more likely to take action if there are few or no other witnesses." (http://psychology.about.com/od/socialpsychology/a/bystandereffect.htm)
So not all people are rude or indifferent. They just tend to behave rudely or indifferently in larger groups, assuming some other guy (like you, Steyr) will get the door. One on one, we're not as bad as we seem to be.
I agree with your bystander effect, but I think the cultural rot is more pervasive and there is other evidence of a serious decay.
I have had the pleasure of spending quite a bit if time with elders in nursing homes. As our society has continued to increasingly institutionalize elder care I have noted an increasingly sharp decline in children even showing passing interest in spending time and giving attention to aging parents. It is like at some point the children feel the parents no longer exist.
Not only have we passed "physical care" onto others, "care" has gone out the window.
"I don't visit because I want to remember how Dad was, not how he is now." Ever hear someone say something like that? I have, and not just once either.
The problem is the people of whom the OP speaks of helping are INVISIBLE because of cultural rot.
Think about that for a moment and consider coming changes in health care laws about "allocating resources".
gunrunner505
07-02-13, 08:53
Common courtesy is dead and buried. In todays hooray for me to hell with you world someone would rather step over you than help you out.
You see it everywhere. The way people drive, conduct themselves in public. It really is depressing.
My mom says there is nothing social about our society, and she's right. People don't interact anymore. Email has replaced actually speaking to another person. Kids would rather have an ipad or xbox rather than a bike. It's sad. We all hang out here over a common interest but we're not locked in the basement 24/7 shooting zombies either.
My boss actually got pissed at me once because rather than email a coworker who sits 10 feet away I actually spoke to him, in English. I mean red faced pissed too. Really?
Interact. Hold the door.
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Army Chief
07-02-13, 09:12
You would think that, even if folks acted only out of their own self-interest (if I get the door for this guy, maybe somebody will get one for me later), this most basic of courtesies would still predominate.
I've always done it (even over the past year, when it was sometimes a challenge to stand or walk, much less wrestle a heavy door open), and have taught my children to do the same -- almost to the point of being ridiculous about it. You know something is amiss when the most common response these days is sort of an astonished gratitude, as if you've just extended a most unusual or unprecedented courtesy. Heck, I remember when only a complete jerk wouldn't grab or hold a door for folks.
Now, I'm sure that our grandfathers probably sat around and bemoaned much the same thing in their day (i.e. the shameful lack of hat tipping to the ladies or some-such); that said, it seems fairly clear that we are haven't been moving in the right direction. When you really think about it, that makes no sense whatsoever, because everyone appreciates the benefits of living a polite society.
Don't even get me started about the grossly overweight (but otherwise able-bodied) urban divas who take up all of the handicapped parking spots so grandpa and grandma have to hump it from the back 40.
AC
Don't even get me started about the grossly overweight (but otherwise able-bodied) urban divas who take up all of the handicapped parking spots so grandpa and grandma have to hump it from the back 40.
AC
That one lights my fire too, AC.
I don't know how many times I've taken my 74 year old mother (with handicap parking permit) grocery shopping, only to have to park in the back 40 (I drop her off at the door) because a hugely obese 30 something woman parked in the last handicap spot.
Then, you watch her, with no other visible handicap besides an abundance of fat, take the last motorized shopping cart while an elderly woman with double knee replacements stands there with a cane, too polite to complain!
Man! Can somebody tell me how "fat" is a handicap? And, how that somehow frees you from common decency?
MountainRaven
07-02-13, 09:46
Yep... and she got an "F.U. then" from me after she bitched at me.
I haven't.
My pet peeve is when you're walking past someone & you catch eye contact, I'll nod & say Hi and the other person just turns away & says nothing. What's wrong with some people? That gets my goat like no other.
This.
Whenever I'm out running or taking a walk, I smile, nod, and greet every person I see. Most of them respond in kind. But there is almost always at least one who won't smile, nod, or reply... they look at me sideways and then look away.
If I see them again on the same walk, I smile, nod, and greet them again ("Hello, again!"). Some people will respond in kind, some will laugh (which is fine)... but the people who didn't respond the first time completely ignore me.
Such people annoy me to no end.
Army Chief
07-02-13, 10:05
Whenever I'm out running or taking a walk, I smile, nod, and greet every person I see. Most of them respond in kind. But there is almost always at least one who won't smile, nod, or reply... they look at me sideways and then look away.
Slightly off-topic, but I've even noticed this in a military setting where basic customs and courtesies are concerned. I can't even recall how many times I've been walking through a parking lot on post and observed some slacker (sadly, most often of a certain gender and demographic, but I digress) go out of his/her way to get to the far side of the lane and look away to avoid rendering a simple hand salute. Look, I've been an enlisted Soldier, and I get that it can be tedious to always have to snap-to for every officer you see, but this is ridiculous.
After years of just letting it go, I finally started stopping these folks and telling them (in a good-natured, non-threatening way) that "at the end of the day, it makes no practical difference to me whether I get saluted or not. I've been an officer for more than 20 years, and believe me, I'm over myself. On the other hand, when you pull a stunt like that to avoid it, you are clearly communicating something to me about what kind of Soldier or NCO you are, and if you take this profession seriously, that ought to be a matter of some concern to you."
More often then not, once you make it about "them," the lights come on, and they realize the error of their ways. Still, when I was a young private, I would have fully expected to get my ass kicked (or extra duty, at the least) by some platoon sergeant if I was ever spotted trying to get away with something like that. The times ... they are a changin.'
AC
Don Robison
07-02-13, 10:49
You're not the only one, but there seems to be damn few of us left.
I was on a break yesterday and a girl was taking a pan of water out to the two ducks that hang outside one of the entrances. I was getting a drink and noticed her so I grabbed the door for her since she was trying to push the handle down with her elbow. The look I got was as if no one had ever opened a door for her.
See someone that needs a hand, give them a hand, it was the way I was raised.
brickboy240
07-02-13, 11:02
Since Florida is mostly full of ex-Yankees...it does not surprise me that they lack manners and common courtesy.
I see some rudeness like that here but it is still very common for people (even younger ones) to show basic courtesy towards elderly people and the disabled.
Kids being raised by single moms and broken households is adding to the lack of manners in our society. I'd bet money on it.
-brickboy240
RogerinTPA
07-02-13, 11:11
This is what liberalism has lead us to throughout the past 50 years. Me, me, me, it's all about me. Don't raise your kid and let the streets do it = shitty adult. Understanding today's society, bad manners, a lack of respect, compassion, unwillingness to render assistance to those in need, only to watch the event unfold, is 'normal' for most, so I don't get wrapped around the axle over it. Most of the people I meet under the age of 30, some up to 40, are practically worthless as far as being a human being is concerned. I have opened doors for women, the elderly and small children all my life. I render assistance if and when required. Helped neighbors in need. I help little old ladies in tennis shoes get items off the top shelves in grocery stores. It's the way my father raised me, to be a gentleman, but to show no mercy to those who try to harm me or loved ones. I don't expect others to do it, I just do. Similar to F2S's sentiment's, lead by example.
Army Chief
07-02-13, 11:15
Kids being raised by single moms and broken households is adding to the lack of manners in our society. I'd bet money on it.
It's the way my father raised me, to be a gentleman ...
While this is certainly no affront towards mothers who are doing their best in those kinds of situations, I've got to believe that you are on to something here. Say what you will about gender roles or inherent traits, but no woman can reasonably be expected to effectively perform as both a nurturing mother and a coaching father. We should probably just be amazed that so many do as well as they do, as I honestly don't know many men who could do the same.
We've lost something with this game of musical-chairs family life that has become so commonplace, and while not necessarily germane to this discussion, I always feel badly for the "ex-grandparents" in these situations, too. It doesn't "take a village" to raise a child, but a normal, functioning family with all immediate and extended members present is certainly not a bad starting point.
AC
Gutshot John
07-02-13, 11:17
Things my grandfather taught me...
"Courtesy costs you nothing."
"Thoughtless words/actions cause as much pain as deliberate ones...a gentleman never insults anyone accidentally."
"When someone offers you help that you don't need or want, be gracious and thank them anyways. You never know when the next person will really need their help."
"Sincere, but unpolished courtesy is more appreciated than polished insincerity...don't be afraid to act even if you're unsure what is proper."
"No one can make a fool out of you...but you."
"If your courtesy isn't appreciated...tough, you're not doing it for them."
After years of just letting it go, I finally started stopping these folks and telling them (in a good-natured, non-threatening way) that "at the end of the day, it makes no practical difference to me whether I get saluted or not. I've been an officer for more than 20 years, and believe me, I'm over myself. On the other hand, when you pull a stunt like that to avoid it, you are clearly communicating something to me about what kind of Soldier or NCO you are, and if you take this profession seriously, that ought to be a matter of some concern to you."
See, that's the wordy, officers version. My SNCO version always started with "come here !@#$-head!!!". And usually ended just as colorfully. :laugh:
Guilty as charged. I go out of my way to help others when possible. One thing that really sparks a fire is when people ignore a door held open as if I was a doorman, more than a few have got an earful.
When I was traveling a lot, via plane, I always noticed everyone would just sit and stare as the elderly or short lady or pregnant woman struggles with getting their carry-on in the bin. Here's a clue... Get off of your ass and help them! Not only is it being friendly and courteous but it also helps get everyone's butt in a seat and the bird in the air quicker which helps get me to my destination quicker.
And that means almost without fail, when I'm doing something like eating out there will be at least one "old guy" who obviously can't get around too well and despite the number of people between me and the door NOBODY ever gets up to grab the door for the guy.
Now I don't expect anyone to stop eating to walk him to his car or carry his belongings or any number of other things that might have been seen as "common courtesy" once upon a time, but it amazes me that people literally 6-10 feet from the door can't just pop up out of their damn seat and grab the door for the guy.
Even worse, I don't even think that most people notice or even think to do something like this. Every now and then, especially if you are at any kind of "dining out" restaurant an employee will grab the door for somebody like that but even that can't be depended on 100%.
But if you are at any kind of fast food place, pizza joint, etc. you can pretty much forget it. And that means I have to stop eating, walk past 4-8 tables full of able bodied selfish assholes and grab the door for the guy. I don't mind doing it, I just mind being the ONLY guy who seems to do it.
You're not the only one. I do it all the time. If I have to walk past other people who should know better, I usually make an announcement like "don't worry I'VE got it". I've found that a little public shame goes a long way.
One thing that really sparks a fire is when people ignore a door held open as if I was a doorman, more than a few have got an earful.
Oh, yeah... How about when you hold a door for someone and someone else rushes from the other side to get through or, even better, tries to rush around the person you're holding the door for? I've thrown more than a few shoulder-checks and stiff-arms.
Things my grandfather taught me...
"Courtesy costs you nothing."
"Thoughtless words/actions cause as much pain as deliberate ones...a gentleman never insults anyone accidentally."
"When someone offers you help that you don't need or want, be gracious and thank them anyways. You never know when the next person will really need their help."
"Sincere, but unpolished courtesy is more appreciated than polished insincerity...don't be afraid to act even if you're unsure what is proper."
"No one can make a fool out of you...but you."
"If your courtesy isn't appreciated...tough, you're not doing it for them."
And there it is!
Awesome.
-------------------------------------
"One cannot awaken a man who pretends to be asleep."
Chivalry, courtesy, etc. isn't dead. It is just on a serious decline. I believe the South and West(UT, ID, MT, WY) still have a higher % of those that still act courteous. I've traveled/lived extensively in these areas so it is only my personal observations.
Growing up in NC, with old school parents/grandparents, courtesy was simply a given. I never gave it a thought. It was simply a way of life. Still conduct myself in such a manner and my children will have this passed down to them. Through pats on the backs and kicks in the ass. Just as was done for me. Children too young to have to go get a switch, but the day will come.
Oh, yeah... How about when you hold a door for someone and someone else rushes from the other side to get through or, even better, tries to rush around the person you're holding the door for? I've thrown more than a few shoulder-checks and stiff-arms.
I've had people try to rush through when I'm holding the door for my wife, that doesn't get a very pleasant response. When I hold the door for others and they don't acknowledge me I usually throw out "You're welcome!" in a not very pleasant manner which has gotten me looks from complete confusion to aggression. I've also told people "I'm not a ****ing doorman! Use your manners and say thank you or tip me." Most people comply with said respect for courtesy, while looking sheepish and embarrassed, and others act irritated at my tone, ****'em.
It's bad in my neck of Texas. I was always raised to hold the door open for ANYONE behind me or coming out from the same door that I'm entering. Through the years the "Why thank you"s have degraded to a look of acknowledgement, to straight ignoring me. I still do it, but it is irritating. People don't teach their kids manners anymore and people seem to have just given up on them themselves.
Don Robison
07-02-13, 13:18
It's bad in my neck of Texas. I was always raised to hold the door open for ANYONE behind me or coming out from the same door that I'm entering. Through the years the "Why thank you"s have degraded to a look of acknowledgement, to straight ignoring me. I still do it, but it is irritating. People don't teach their kids manners anymore and people seem to have just given up on them themselves.
I've seen the same thing in every state I've ever visited. IMO, it's not a north and south cultural thing, it's a family cultural thing.
I've seen the same thing in every state I've ever visited. IMO, it's not a north and south cultural thing, it's a family cultural thing.
Agreed. However, some areas do have higher concentrations of certain "cultures".
I've seen the same thing in every state I've ever visited. IMO, it's not a north and south cultural thing, it's a family cultural thing.
Agreed. However, some areas do have higher concentrations of certain "cultures".
My area has definitely changed since the 80s. My hometown (not proud of it) had the TX headquarters for the Klan located just a few miles away from the house I grew up in. They had a big sign declaring it too. Now my brood seems to be one of the only non-Hispanic, non-black families in the city. The cultural differences can admittedly be annoying but besides a few things stolen off of our front porch, it's not like we're living in the total ghetto (yet). Yes, but let's be PC and not speak of those things. ;)
I've seen the same thing in every state I've ever visited. IMO, it's not a north and south cultural thing, it's a family cultural thing.
I agree. I find it pretty telling that people give me a surprised look, when I hold the door for them.
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I agree. I find it pretty telling that people give me a surprised look, when I hold the door for them.
Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk 2
Around here it is still considered rude to not hold a door open for a lady. One of the great things that still remain in my small little town.
Manners go a long way.
-Jax
brickboy240
07-02-13, 14:25
Older women (well..those over 40) sort of smile and mostly say, "thank you" when I hold or open a door for them.
Many younger women often give a surprised look at first...like they were not expecting it. Many still say, "thank you."
I guess younger women (under 30 or so) are getting used to living in a world with less manners.
Sad...in a way.
-brickboy240
I was taught to be respectful of everyone until given a reason not to- women especially so.
I hold doors open any chace I get. Pick up dropped objects, ask if I can be of assistance if they are carrying large cumbersome objects, stand when they are sitting down to or leaving hte table, etc.
The older women (40-50+) love it and always say thank you with a big smile, some even comment on "how my parents raised me right" or "you are a fine young man".
The younger ones (teens-30-somethings) either act weirded out like they are surprised, or as if I am trying to hit on them or something, or they actually scald me for holding the door like I am being rude or something...
I've literaly been yelled at and spoken down to for opening the door for young woman (Feminazis). I was dumbfounded that my polite actions would raise such a negative response.
Crow Hunter
07-02-13, 16:11
One thing about south Florida is we have a lot of elderly people.
And that means almost without fail, when I'm doing something like eating out there will be at least one "old guy" who obviously can't get around too well and despite the number of people between me and the door NOBODY ever gets up to grab the door for the guy.
Now I don't expect anyone to stop eating to walk him to his car or carry his belongings or any number of other things that might have been seen as "common courtesy" once upon a time, but it amazes me that people literally 6-10 feet from the door can't just pop up out of their damn seat and grab the door for the guy.
Even worse, I don't even think that most people notice or even think to do something like this. Every now and then, especially if you are at any kind of "dining out" restaurant an employee will grab the door for somebody like that but even that can't be depended on 100%.
But if you are at any kind of fast food place, pizza joint, etc. you can pretty much forget it. And that means I have to stop eating, walk past 4-8 tables full of able bodied selfish assholes and grab the door for the guy. I don't mind doing it, I just mind being the ONLY guy who seems to do it.
I also really don't wanna be down here when I one day become the old guy who has a hard time getting around sometimes. I know I will truly be "on my own."
You are not the only one.
Here in my part of the South, I sometimes feel I am the odd one out.
It can be rather comical at times, back at the first of the year when I first started physical therapy after rupturing a disc, I could barely walk, but I got up from the waiting room to shuffle over to help an older lady that was on a walker get in the door.
She said thank you, but that I looked like I needed more help than she did.:D
Alaskapopo
07-02-13, 16:14
One thing about south Florida is we have a lot of elderly people.
And that means almost without fail, when I'm doing something like eating out there will be at least one "old guy" who obviously can't get around too well and despite the number of people between me and the door NOBODY ever gets up to grab the door for the guy.
Now I don't expect anyone to stop eating to walk him to his car or carry his belongings or any number of other things that might have been seen as "common courtesy" once upon a time, but it amazes me that people literally 6-10 feet from the door can't just pop up out of their damn seat and grab the door for the guy.
Even worse, I don't even think that most people notice or even think to do something like this. Every now and then, especially if you are at any kind of "dining out" restaurant an employee will grab the door for somebody like that but even that can't be depended on 100%.
But if you are at any kind of fast food place, pizza joint, etc. you can pretty much forget it. And that means I have to stop eating, walk past 4-8 tables full of able bodied selfish assholes and grab the door for the guy. I don't mind doing it, I just mind being the ONLY guy who seems to do it.
I also really don't wanna be down here when I one day become the old guy who has a hard time getting around sometimes. I know I will truly be "on my own."
I think its a rural vs urban issue. I work and live in a small town I wave at people to be friendly and the locals respond, the tourist don't and often give you strange looks.
Pat
Older women (well..those over 40) sort of smile and mostly say, "thank you" when I hold or open a door for them.
Many younger women often give a surprised look at first...like they were not expecting it. Many still say, "thank you."
I guess younger women (under 30 or so) are getting used to living in a world with less manners.
Sad...in a way.
-brickboy240
Honestly, they wanted equality and this is what it's like. I'm something of a huge feminist in that I don't believe I owe women (besides my wife) anything.
I don't feel "more obligated" to rescue them more than anyone else. I'll hold a door open if they are right behind me, like I'll do for any person, but I'm not going out of my way to do it.
Elderly people are different, especially those who truly have to struggle with the door.
SeriousStudent
07-02-13, 20:14
As the old guy with the cane, I thank all you young folk who hold the door open for us fossils. :D
SteyrAUG, thanks for helping folks. I'm not surprised you do, with your MA background.
One of my neighbors is a medically retired Marine Major. Four Purple Hearts, two Bronze Stars with V, Silver Star. The man walks with a portside list for two reasons - he was blown up twice in Hue during Tet, and all the decorations he rates tilt him to that side.
We always seem to end up at Krogers about the same time to grocery shop, and I walk over and help him with the doors and his cart. He's quick to do stuff on his own. But I always tell him to let us enlisted swine do the heavy lifting.
I wouldn't care if I was in a wheelchair, I'd open the door for that man any day. It's all about roles and respect.
brickboy240
07-03-13, 11:17
I gave my 14 year old daughter a "Gibbs" styled slap on the back of the head for not holding a door for an elderly man that obviously needed help with what was a heavy door.
(if you watch NCIS...you know what I am talking about)
People looked at me like I was diseased.
I don't care...she now holds doors for everyone. Lesson learned.
-brickboy240
sandman99and9
07-03-13, 14:54
I cover a lot of ground from Orlando up through Gainesville and Jacksonville for work so I am always stopping at gas stations or places to eat and I am amazed at some of the looks I get when I hold the door for people.
I travel to Chicago 2x a year and Miami 2-3 times as well and it does not matter where I am I will hold the door for people. I call on a lot of grocery stores and specialty shops so I find myself helping people all the time with the doors, bags, heavy stuff, e.t.c.
My 2 older sons know what a "Gibbs" slap is :)
S.M.
You are not the only one. There are still good guys around. I look for opportunities to do the right thing every day, and also try to lead by example.
Went to a standing room only graduation the other day. I was shocked at how many young men were sitting down while old ladies and small children stood. I made them get up, and sat the ladies down. You should have seen the glares I got from the PARENTS of these little heathens. A couple of them started to mouth off, but a couple of other men who were also standing, made it clear that their attitude would not be tolerated in mixed company.
I still remember fondly the day I helped a little old lady get across an icy patch in the KMart parking lot in DesMoines, after an ice storm had hit the night before. She was smiling the whole time and genuinely grateful.
The question is: Will we win this cultural war? Are we doomed as a society?
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