View Full Version : Anybody decided not to have kids and glad you didn't or wish you had?
My wife and I are in our mid thirties and we've talked about having kids in the next few years but decide against it. By then age is an issue along with other complications my wife may already have.
We've talked about adoption and being foster parents which I think would be rewarding but we're still not sure if that will be right for us.
Has anybody decided not to have kids and been happy with the choice or regretted it after you felt you were too old? Did you adopt or foster?
Eurodriver
07-08-13, 17:19
My wife and I are in our mid thirties and we've talked about having kids in the next few years but we always are back to not being ready. By then age is an issue along with other complications my wife may already have.
We've talked about adoption and being foster parents which I think would be rewarding but we're still not sure if that will be right for us.
Has anybody decided not to have kids and regretted it after you felt you were too old? Did you adopt or foster?
I cannot answer your questions but I would like to inform you two things which you probably already know but cannot be stressed enough.
1. At 35 a woman is 6 times more likely to suffer infertility problems.
2. You will never "be ready". Ever. No one is.
Failure2Stop
07-08-13, 17:25
I get to do a lot more dumb things and enjoy expensive hobbies without worrying about ankle-biters.
Not a thing in the world against good folks having kids, I simply found myself in and out of enough relationships that I realized that it wasn't for me.
If you want kids and can support them (financially, emotionally, and socially) then I see nothing at all wrong with it. And, frankly, the world could do with some more good people.
I was 40 and my wife was 30 when our only child was born. I can't speak for others, but the moment she touched me she had me, unconditionally. I could only wish that for others. I thought my life was full before her; I was totally mistaken having her opened my entire world. I now know how much I would have regretted going thru life without having someone to give my name to.
Your wife's pregnancy would carry additional risks to both her and the baby, but it's certainly been done; just remember there's 20 years that you are wholly responsible for that child (mine at 12 still doesn't sleep all night) and it's one heck of a committment. There are lots of children in this world arleady that need a loving home and that's certainly an alternative for you both.
You will NEVER be ready. Sometimes you just gotta go for it. Best wishes.
My wife and I are in our mid thirties and we've talked about having kids in the next few years but we always are back to not being ready. By then age is an issue along with other complications my wife may already have.
We've talked about adoption and being foster parents which I think would be rewarding but we're still not sure if that will be right for us.
Has anybody decided not to have kids and regretted it after you felt you were too old? Did you adopt or foster?
Obviously a very personal decision, but at 48, still don't think kids are for me. Regrets some day? Perfectly possible, but every choice made, some doors open and some close and hindsight 20/20.
Clearly, both extremely challenging and (potentially) extremely rewarding.
Good luck with your decision regardless.
Crow Hunter
07-08-13, 17:53
My wife and I are in our mid thirties and we've talked about having kids in the next few years but we always are back to not being ready. By then age is an issue along with other complications my wife may already have.
We've talked about adoption and being foster parents which I think would be rewarding but we're still not sure if that will be right for us.
Has anybody decided not to have kids and regretted it after you felt you were too old? Did you adopt or foster?
This is right up my alley.
My wife and I (mostly I) kept putting off having kids until I got a better job, better salary, got this paid off, that paid off, etc. We finally started trying 8 or so years ago. Turned out my wife has atypical polycystic ovarian syndrome AND endometriosis and I found out I have extremely low testosterone and my sperm count is in the 10-20M range. After surgery to remove the endo, me being on a year of HCG injections and 3 IUI attempts we have finally given up. She is 35 & I am 39.
It is one of the biggest regrets of my life that we didn't start sooner when my count was higher (and I didn't have low T) and before my wife's endo got so bad. It might not have happened then but it wouldn't have been "my fault" for waiting so long. But now, I feel like I ****ed it up by always saying "next year, after XYZ".
Knowing that I will never be a father brings tears to my eyes just sitting here typing this. Hearing about friends or seeing them with their children can be really painful, particularly when they ask "Why don't you have kids, what are you waiting for..."
2. You will never "be ready". Ever. No one is.
To build on this, you will never "be ready" to discover that you will never have that innocent smiling face looking up at you saying "Daddy".:(
My wife and I have talked about adoption/foster but I was involved in the foster care system when I was in HS/college through a girlfriend that was a foster child and had many foster siblings. (Many as in constantly rotating through due to family/behavioral issues) Based on what I know she went through and what I saw personally with other foster children and the problems that you have to deal with are not pretty and require some serious emotional strength.
So we are not going down that route.
From my experience, if you have the ability to have children, you should exercise it and cherish that gift beyond everything else you have. Those with children are truly blessed.
I cannot answer your questions but I would like to inform you two things which you probably already know but cannot be stressed enough.
1. At 35 a woman is 6 times more likely to suffer infertility problems.
2. You will never "be ready". Ever. No one is.
# 2 can not be stressed enough. I was not ready for my two suprises at 23, but I love em to death.
Eurodriver
07-08-13, 17:56
This is right up my alley.
My wife and I (mostly I) kept putting off having kids until I got a better job, better salary, got this paid off, that paid off, etc. We finally started trying 8 or so years ago. Turned out my wife has atypical polycystic ovarian syndrome AND endometriosis and I found out I have extremely low testosterone and my sperm count is in the 10-20M range. After surgery to remove the endo, me being on a year of HCG injections and 3 IUI attempts we have finally given up. She is 35 & I am 39.
It is one of the biggest regrets of my life that we didn't start sooner when my count was higher (and I didn't have low T) and before my wife's endo got so bad. It might not have happened then but it wouldn't have been "my fault" for waiting so long. But now, I feel like I ****ed it up by always saying "next year, after XYZ".
Knowing that I will never be a father brings tears to my eyes just sitting here typing this. Hearing about friends or seeing them with their children can be really painful, particularly when they ask "Why don't you have kids, what are you waiting for..."
To build on this, you will never "be ready" to discover that you will never have that innocent smiling face looking up at you saying "Daddy".:(
My wife and I have talked about adoption/foster but I was involved in the foster care system when I was in HS/college through a girlfriend that was a foster child and had many foster siblings. (Many as in constantly rotating through due to family/behavioral issues) Based on what I know she went through and what I saw personally with other foster children and the problems that you have to deal with are not pretty and require some serious emotional strength.
So we are not going down that route.
From my experience, if you have the ability to have children, you should exercise it and cherish that gift beyond everything else you have. Those with children are truly blessed.
Wow. That was intensely personal and you may have just changed my mind.
Thank you.
Anybody decided not to have kids and wish you had?
I decided kids weren't for me a very long time ago and I have never regretted it. In fact, it is probably one of the better decisions I have made in my life.
I love kids always have thought they were fun since I was one :) hahahah
I am turning 50 this month my kids are 4 and 9
started late not for any other reason then I did not even meet my wife till I was in my mid 30s and we got married and waited and came to that same conclusion you are never ready so decided to have them :) she is in her low 40s and had some complications with the second one
like most happy parents would not trade it for anything :) but we both knew we wanted kids when we met
now we are not ready for them to grow up :)
if someone knows they do not want them respect that to and glad folks know not to have them if they do not want !
hate it when folks have kids then seem to hate them ? never could figure that out ?
edited to say I do wish I was younger sometimes just for the fact of rough life on my knees and joints are not the same as I was in my 30s so harder to do things ? and wish I would be around longer to watch them grow up ? but also I dont second guess things am a Christian and do believe in the everything has its purpose ? not saying I just coast on auto pilot !!! but saying we are doing well also when folks meet me they would never guess I am as old as I am I appear young and seem to have younger attitude still
I have two different aunts and uncles who decided long ago to not have children, and for what it's worth, both of them have said multiple times that they have regret that decision and wish now they had had children.
As for me, we have a 7 month old baby girl and it can be very difficult and taxing at times, but it is well worth it. I am a very active person who likes to always be out doing things, and having a child has definitely affected that to some degree, but I would never change having our baby girl. Life seems much more fullfilling with a child to raise and share the fun times with.
I think watching your own child grow and learn and take in life, is one of the best joys life can offer. Each person is entitled to their opinion, and my opinion may change when our girl hits the teenage years :lol:, but I think having children is well worth it.
montanadave
07-08-13, 18:22
No kids. No regrets.
My first marriage ended in divorce when I was in my early thirties. I also had a rather significant drinking problem. Had there been kids from that marriage, it would have been a train wreck.
Met my current wife in an AA meeting. We've been together almost twenty years. Because of her breast cancer history, she was advised not to have children and I absolutely agreed.
We've had more than one heart-to-heart regarding children and neither of us felt strongly about wanting to be parents. Given our ambivalence, it seemed like the right decision then and it still seems like the right decision now.
If I have anything I wish to pass along to the next generation, my brother has two kids I think the world of. And my best friend has a little girl that's a gem. I would have no regrets leaving whatever estate we may have to them.
Inkslinger
07-08-13, 18:30
The only time I regret it is when I start the lawn mower ;). My wife and I were on the fence about it for years. We figured if it happened, it happened. Then she had some medical issues that decided for us. It was actually kind of a relief. We love our nieces and nephews, and all of our friends kids. That's enough for us. We have a blast with them, then come home to the dog and a nice quiet house and relax.
I agree on you will never be ready. Even when you think you are, you're not. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. By a long shot.
It's hard when they are young but when they get older they are more self reliant and it gets easier. My daughter is my little buddy. She loves off roading, hiking and when she is older she is gonna be my shooting partner.
justin_247
07-08-13, 18:52
I cannot answer your questions but I would like to inform you two things which you probably already know but cannot be stressed enough.
1. At 35 a woman is 6 times more likely to suffer infertility problems.
This is not really true.
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2013/06/20/doctor-challenges-women-and-fertility-myths/
.46caliber
07-08-13, 19:04
I can echo what others have said, there is no "ready", period. Parenthood is something that cannot completely be prepared for. You learn as you go and it is simultaneously the most taxing and most rewarding undertaking I've ever experienced. I just finished playing a counting game at the dinner table with sweet and sour packets from our Chinese take-out.
Crow Hunter, my heart goes out to you and your wife.
Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk HD
CrowHunter...thank you for sharing that.
Ever considered adoption???...plenty of adopted kids loving their adoptive parents.
Back to the original question...you're never prepared and I'm w/ 3 kids. #3 was kinda unplanned and at 11 months old at the moment I'm finally getting over that infant ass kicking...LOL
it's a private decision but if you're financially ready, go for it!!!
No kids. No regrets.
My first marriage ended in divorce when I was in my early thirties. I also had a rather significant drinking problem. Had there been kids from that marriage, it would have been a train wreck.
Met my current wife in an AA meeting. We've been together almost twenty years. Because of her breast cancer history, she was advised not to have children and I absolutely agreed.
We've had more than one heart-to-heart regarding children and neither of us felt strongly about wanting to be parents. Given our ambivalence, it seemed like the right decision then and it still seems like the right decision now.
If I have anything I wish to pass along to the next generation, my brother has two kids I think the world of. And my best friend has a little girl that's a gem. I would have no regrets leaving whatever estate we may have to them.
My brother has two kids, and he's a great parent and they are great kids. My two sisters (both older) and I, never had kids and neither sister (both in their 60s now) don't regret not having kids.
Obviously, they (and I) wonder "what if" and all that.
On the flip side, I know plenty of parents who have said to me "I love my kid(s) to death, but given a choice now, I probably would not have done it in retrospect"
You don't hear about them much as it's not warm and fuzzy, but I can tell you more parents feel that way then people realize.
Me, when my friends had kids, I didn't have en envious bone in my body over it, confirming again, not everyone should have kids, and I wish more people realized that before they had them.
Me, don't really enjoy babies, don't like having my life narrowed down to their needs/wants, waking up 8 times per night, cleaning poop, etc (yes, I know "it's different when it's yours" they say, and that's probably true!) but I know all that is supposed to be offset by what they give back to your life.
I was never convinced, and i'll be honest, the very idea of being totally responsible for another human beings life, scars the hell out of me and always has.
Yes, I'm a commitaphobe by nature, and that's the biggest commitment one can make. Scars the hell out me frankly.
How do we know our ARs are reliable, accurate and set up right? We just go shoot it. No matter how much research we do, we never know until we put it into practice. I had no idea how my life would turn out when I had my kids and yes, it's been quite a journey. For myself, raising my two sons is the best thing I've ever done. They are two of the finest people I've had the pleasure and the honor to meet. There are many things I did not do because I needed to be a father to my boys, but the world is a better place because of it.
The best thing you can do to prepare yourself for parenthood is hitch up your pants and commit to seeing it through come hell or high water
Wow a lot more opinions than I though being put out there. Some seem to make the decision easier and some harder. It's kind of hard to know where to start.
I guess the "being ready" part of my post isn't exactly the best point to make because I expected all of the "you're never really ready" comments. No offense intended its just I don't think anybody is really ever ready for what to expect. I really meant when it comes to make the responsible decision to have kids. Sure there are happy accidents and some not so happy. As Will hit upon you never hear people say they wish they wouldn't have had kids. Plenty are put up for adoption.
I was an accident and my parents for whatever reason decided not to have any more. They didn't start out well off so they decided another child would be too much burden for me to have a good life. We had our own set of problems but I know they don't regret it other than some of the opportunities they may have passed up.
My wife's Dad really didn't want to have kids but her Mother did or so I'm told. They did OK as far as basic needs but there was some emotional neglect from her Dad and emotional and a little physical abuse from her Mom for whatever reasons. You can't help but wonder if her Dad's regrets and her Mom's resentment of that affected them.
The hobbies thing is big with me. Not something I couldn't enjoy with a kid after a while but I would definitely have to cut back. My wife loves traveling and not being tied down. I can't take that away from her. Anybody that's been married several years knows you just can't take something away from the other. I like some travel myself. If it came down to us splitting up just because she wouldn't have kids that would never happen because I know it would be the biggest mistake.
I can definitely understand that fostering could be hard. Maybe so hard we wouldn't want to do it and I really don't think my wife has really thought seriously about how hard it will be. It seems like to me adoption could turn out so much better. If you have that bad of a regret it seems like you may want to try. No judgments or assumptions intended Crow Hunter but I hate to see people sad brother.
I had a close coworker whose wife and he decided for whatever reason to adopt an infant girl. I don't believe they even think about her not being blood anymore. What does it really matter at this point? She's a great 8 year old kid that as far as I know has little to no emotional or behavioral issues. She's always has a great attitude and I've never once seen her whine, complain or throw a fit. My point is you have just as big of a chance getting screwed up genes out of your own pool than somebody else's.
Case in point. My wife's sister's ex husband had a girl with cystic fibrosis with his first wife. Knowing that any kids they had would have a death sentence they had a second girl. The older one just had a lung transplant at age 17. She's doing OK for now but they've always struggled and life expectancy is to the thirties I think. Its just a sad situation that may have turned out a lot better if they had any sense and adopted instead of intentionally bringing this on two helpless kids.
There's nothing wrong with adoption. Just because two people share blood, it doesn't mean they share a bond. Unrelated people can form unbreakable bonds- look at a man and a woman with a solid marriage. When my sons were born, I knew that just because I fathered them didn't mean I had the right to be their dad. That, I had to earn
...It's hard when they are young but when they get older they are more self reliant and it gets easier...
...and then they get older still, and it gets hard all over again ;)
I have three kids, aged 21 to 28, and despite the ups and downs associated with parenting I'd do it all over again without hesitation. Now I'm just waiting for them to repay me for allowing them to reach adulthood by presenting me with grandchildren.
Been married 33 years now. THE best decision I have EVER made was to not have kids. As you might expect - my wife feels the same way. Neither of us can stand em:). There are those who should have kids, and those of us who shouldn't. Both choices are correct for the right individuals. The tough part can be deciding which camp you belong to:)
John
At this point in our lives my wife and I don't want any children. We had the conversation when we first started dating. I knew I didn't want kids and it was important for me to know she was of the same mind.
She always says "I like kids, when they go home with their parents"
I have always been honest in that children are not for me. I have seen several friends have children and place their lives on hold essentially. I can appreciate that type of selfless dedication but I am not willing to do the same. The cost benefit analysis for me does not add up.
We are still young, got married in Feb and we are both 30. Maybe our minds will change but I doubt it.
Voodoo_Man
07-08-13, 20:08
This is not really true.
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2013/06/20/doctor-challenges-women-and-fertility-myths/
Coworker of mine is 41, just had her 4th, no issues, no complications, she says she might want a 5th!!
I told her she should probably enjoy life, her oldest is in his late teens.
Crow Hunter
07-08-13, 20:12
I can definitely understand that fostering could be hard. Maybe so hard we wouldn't want to do it and I really don't think my wife has really thought seriously about how hard it will be. It seems like to me adoption could turn out so much better. If you have that bad of a regret it seems like you may want to try. No judgments or assumptions intended Crow Hunter but I hate to see people sad brother.
Fostering is very hard. Honestly, I think the only people that can do it are those that are very "hard of heart" and or are very strong emotionally. Unfortunately, based on my ex-girlfriend's experience, most of them are just there for the check they get from the State and to have live in domestic workers.:( Many of the children were victims of multiple forms of abuse. Ever been propositioned by a 9 year old because that was really the only way that she knew how to get attention/affection/food? :mad: What about kids that stole food and hid it in their rooms because they thought that was the only way they could go to sleep on a full stomach? What about kids that flinched when you raised your hand to adjust your cap because they were so used to being beat? It was enough to make me cry and want to beat someone to death as an 18-20 year old kid myself.
What is even more heartbreaking was the way the system worked (at least in TN). After you have built up a rapport and you know they finally felt safe and comfortable and you could see that they were actually happy the State would yank them out and put them back with their scum of the Earth parents. Parents who would give a 4 year old a bath in bleach.:mad: Or they would only be with you temporarily while they were looking for another foster home.
It was hard on me then and I was just a bystander, I can't imagine actually being the foster parent. If you can do it, you are a stronger man than I am.
We have looked into adoption very hard, IVF too. Both are extremely expensive and potentially heartbreaking. We didn't want to spend $20-50,000 (on top of everything else we have spent to date and done without for years) and still not be parents. We decided that after nearly a decade of trying without success that we were just going to accept it and go on with our lives and try to enjoy each other.
Smuckatelli
07-08-13, 21:40
My wife and I were dating for a month when I was stationed in Prague. I was short toured and sent to Bangui. She ended up getting married and having a girl. She devorced immediately after the girl was born, the husband couldn't handle a child and the longer they stayed together during the pregnancy and birth the worse he became. He didn't want to be tied down to a kid.
My mother forwarded a letter from her about 5 days before pulling into Australia. The girl was a year old at that time. I took leave to the Czech Republic after deployment a couple months later my wife came to Pendleton for a week. A month later she and her daughter came to the states and we married a month after that. The bio father didn't care as long as he didn't have to pay child support. My daughter is now 19, we have had many ups and a few downs. I taught her how to shoot, she finished high school with a 4.2 GPA in advanced placement classes. She is now a Midshipman at GWU, finished last year with a 3.9 GPA. I taught her how to ride a bike without training wheels on 5 April 1999. I showed up at school the one time that she screwed up....the principal was shocked that I would show up over such a minor incident. I pointed out to him that when she does good; it's all her, when she does bad; I failed somewhere. She had her 'Nirvana' moment the day after she finished high school when she asked me if I was her bio dad. I had told her this back when she was 5 and it didn't phase her at all. Then at 18 when she asked again, it didn't phase her again, she figured that she blocked it out. Our relationship still hasn't changed except now she talks military stuff with me. For two years she competed at Camp Perry, I played Soccer mom. Boy friend problems she comes to both my wife and I. I was able to live my childhood all over again as she grew up except I was able to anticipate a lot more bumps along the road then when I traveled it.
Eight years after we married; right around retirement time we had a son, 16 months later another daughter. As many on this forum know Tomas was fighting blood cancer for a little over three years. Constant trips to the ER, daily chemo, 5 surgeries, 23 spinal taps. Yet I still have the opportunity to relive my childhood with him and Anna. I also taught them how to shoot..:) I think the best part of raising children is when you are teaching them something; a life long lesson or something as simple as crossing a street....and you she the look in thier eyes when they final understand why you are teaching them this lesson.
Children are a major financial drain, no way around it. As they get older the riens need to be loosened and you worry if you covered all bases with them.
The arguements, the disciplining, the first dates, the first overnight stays away from home, the soccer mom activities, the good, the bad, the ugly and the childhood cancer....
I wouldn't trade any of it for the amazing lessons they have passed on to us while we were passing on to them life lessons. I'm 50 years old and I still am sought after by my 19 year old for recommendations. I still get to be an 11 and 9 year old with the other two. Tomas is doing the BSA Physical Fitness Badge....I know find myself doing push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups and a mile run everyday when I return from work. It is easy to be a child again when you have children.
I have a friend that is also 50, no children and this bothers him more than anything else. He married right before he retired thinking that she would have a child with him, turns out kids weren't in her future she was after his $$$$$. He is devorced and bitter now with the knowledge that if he were to have a baby now, he would be approaching his mid 70's when the child became an adult. He isn't a happy man by any stretch of the imagination. He does have a very impressive gun collection and a massive stockpile of ammo. He remembers his childhood and also realizes this is the only memory of childhood for him. He doesn't think he'll be able to raise kids to adulthood because of his current age.
My sister ended up adopting two babies; one about 13 years ago, the other about 10 years ago. They are fully a part of our family history even though they are not blood.
We started fairly young. I am 44 and my oldest graduated high school this year. One more will graduate this year, and the last will be out when I turn 49. I look back and I wouldn't have changed a thing. It took us years to pay off the bills the births incurred, and it took quite a while (15 years) to finish the house we were building. I honestly don't think anyone is financially ready for kids. You just roll with it and make the best you can out of it.
The one thing I do know now is that I would never want to wait into my mid 30's to have kids. I can't imagine having kids around when I'm in my 50's. I love my kids, but I'm ready to move on to our next chapter in life.
(the wife just called..would anyone like to purchase a 13 y.o.?) ***just kidding if the NSA is reading this***
ETA: Smuckatelli typed his post while I was typing mine. I wish I had the way with words that you do brother.
... I taught her how to shoot...
Seems a shame to pull this single sentence out of what was a *great* story, but it did bring to mind the many hours I've spent shooting with my own kids. If there's anything in this world that's more fun, I don't know what it might be.
It more than makes up for those all-nighters in the ER. ;)
DocHolliday01
07-08-13, 22:16
My Wife and I have have 2 boys right now. I can't imagine life without them. Sure I could have more money for my hobbies or more free time to do other things but nothing compares to being a father, imho.
No regrets. I do wonder sometimes what it would have been like but I wonder what my life would have been like if I had done many things differently.
I have no problems with the miniature humans among us. I like to hear them play.
We've talked about adoption and being foster parents which I think would be rewarding but we're still not sure if that will be right for us.
The current mindset I see being displayed based upon your commentary is positive in regard to your acceptance of a child in your lives. However you will find that acceptance to be amplified in ways which I can't type here, this when you hold your new child and readily accept becoming second to them. You will then become more than you are now.
There is nothing, I repeat nothing more positive, fulfilling or motivating that you will ever experience in your life. Fulfill your dream and remember that if you adopt you and your wife will become someone's life changing miracle.
.46caliber
07-08-13, 22:37
Seems a shame to pull this single sentence out of what was a *great* story, but it did bring to mind the many hours I've spent shooting with my own kids. If there's anything in this world that's more fun, I don't know what it might be.
It more than makes up for those all-nighters in the ER. ;)
Being a fairly young father, I find myself often reflecting on the things that most impacted me and created the fondest memories as a young boy. Days spent in the duck blind always measure head and shoulders above the rest. I hope that one day my daughter wants to build those same memories with me.
Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk 4 Beta
At this point in our lives my wife and I don't want any children. We had the conversation when we first started dating. I knew I didn't want kids and it was important for me to know she was of the same mind.
She always says "I like kids, when they go home with their parents"
I have always been honest in that children are not for me. I have seen several friends have children and place their lives on hold essentially. I can appreciate that type of selfless dedication but I am not willing to do the same. The cost benefit analysis for me does not add up.
We are still young, got married in Feb and we are both 30. Maybe our minds will change but I doubt it.
My wife has said almost the exact same thing quite a few times. She loves them when they're cute but dreads the grimy little germ factory phase. She baby sat a good bit as a teenager. I would never trade her for a woman that wants kids though. I would prefer them wiping their own butt to changing diapers. Funny.
My wife and I were dating for a month when I was stationed in Prague. I was short toured and sent to Bangui. She ended up getting married and having a girl. She devorced immediately after the girl was born, the husband couldn't handle a child and the longer they stayed together during the pregnancy and birth the worse he became. He didn't want to be tied down to a kid.
My mother forwarded a letter from her about 5 days before pulling into Australia. The girl was a year old at that time. I took leave to the Czech Republic after deployment a couple months later my wife came to Pendleton for a week. A month later she and her daughter came to the states and we married a month after that. The bio father didn't care as long as he didn't have to pay child support. My daughter is now 19, we have had many ups and a few downs. I taught her how to shoot, she finished high school with a 4.2 GPA in advanced placement classes. She is now a Midshipman at GWU, finished last year with a 3.9 GPA. I taught her how to ride a bike without training wheels on 5 April 1999. I showed up at school the one time that she screwed up....the principal was shocked that I would show up over such a minor incident. I pointed out to him that when she does good; it's all her, when she does bad; I failed somewhere. She had her 'Nirvana' moment the day after she finished high school when she asked me if I was her bio dad. I had told her this back when she was 5 and it didn't phase her at all. Then at 18 when she asked again, it didn't phase her again, she figured that she blocked it out. Our relationship still hasn't changed except now she talks military stuff with me. For two years she competed at Camp Perry, I played Soccer mom. Boy friend problems she comes to both my wife and I. I was able to live my childhood all over again as she grew up except I was able to anticipate a lot more bumps along the road then when I traveled it.
Eight years after we married; right around retirement time we had a son, 16 months later another daughter. As many on this forum know Tomas was fighting blood cancer for a little over three years. Constant trips to the ER, daily chemo, 5 surgeries, 23 spinal taps. Yet I still have the opportunity to relive my childhood with him and Anna. I also taught them how to shoot..:) I think the best part of raising children is when you are teaching them something; a life long lesson or something as simple as crossing a street....and you she the look in thier eyes when they final understand why you are teaching them this lesson.
Children are a major financial drain, no way around it. As they get older the riens need to be loosened and you worry if you covered all bases with them.
The arguements, the disciplining, the first dates, the first overnight stays away from home, the soccer mom activities, the good, the bad, the ugly and the childhood cancer....
I wouldn't trade any of it for the amazing lessons they have passed on to us while we were passing on to them life lessons. I'm 50 years old and I still am sought after by my 19 year old for recommendations. I still get to be an 11 and 9 year old with the other two. Tomas is doing the BSA Physical Fitness Badge....I know find myself doing push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups and a mile run everyday when I return from work. It is easy to be a child again when you have children.
I have a friend that is also 50, no children and this bothers him more than anything else. He married right before he retired thinking that she would have a child with him, turns out kids weren't in her future she was after his $$$$$. He is devorced and bitter now with the knowledge that if he were to have a baby now, he would be approaching his mid 70's when the child became an adult. He isn't a happy man by any stretch of the imagination. He does have a very impressive gun collection and a massive stockpile of ammo. He remembers his childhood and also realizes this is the only memory of childhood for him. He doesn't think he'll be able to raise kids to adulthood because of his current age.
My sister ended up adopting two babies; one about 13 years ago, the other about 10 years ago. They are fully a part of our family history even though they are not blood.
That is a really powerful story. You remind me a lot of my Dad and it makes me wish I had grown up with a brother or sister. Funny kids that have them don't want them.
I didn't realize adoption was so expensive. I thought it was a fraction the price of surrogacy or IVF.
.46caliber
07-08-13, 23:15
I didn't realize adoption was so expensive. I thought it was a fraction the price of surrogacy or IVF.
It can be brutally expensive and heart wrenching. Mothers will agree to adopt, accept large financial support from the adopters and recant at birth. But that's one end of the spectrum. A close friend in HS gave up her baby and that story is on the other end where everything turned out perfectly for her, the adoptive parents and most importantly, the child.
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DocHolliday01
07-08-13, 23:22
The current mindset I see being displayed based upon your commentary is positive in regard to your acceptance of a child in your lives. However you will find that acceptance to be amplified in ways which I can't type here, this when you hold your new child and readily accept becoming second to them. You will then become more than you are now.
There is nothing, I repeat nothing more positive, fulfilling or motivating that you will ever experience in your life. Fulfill your dream and remember that if you adopt you and your wife will become someone's life changing miracle.
Well said Safety.
I'm 38 and have 4 kids. I agree with alot that's been said and its all pretty much been covered, so I'll hit just a few short things, man.
You will never be ready. Ever. Don't agonize over it.
You will feel different about your own kids. I didn't care much for kids, until I held my own the first time. Life changing experience.
You will never feel love or a bond like you do with your children. Ever. You will feel an almost animalistic instinct to protect and nurture them. It will change you forever.
Kids are retarded expensive. Really. Forget spending money unless you're loaded.
They will change your life in ways you can't foresee or understand and they will bring you more joy, frustration, happiness, fear and pride than you can possibly imagine.
Becoming a Father was the single greatest thing I will ever do. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I wish you best of luck, no matter your decision.
Every person needs at least 1 son and 1 daughter. Sons are the ones that make sure the bills to your home get paid long after you become too senile to write the check. Daughters make sure that your diaper gets changed so that you are not languishing in your own crap.
If you think that I'm kidding, take a trip though a nursing home and compare how the residents live with and without loving kids.
montanadave
07-09-13, 00:37
Every person needs at least 1 son and 1 daughter. Sons are the ones that make sure the bills to your home get paid long after you become too senile to write the check. Daughters make sure that your diaper gets changed so that you are not languishing in your own crap.
If you think that I'm kidding, take a trip though a nursing home and compare how the residents live with and without loving kids.
Well **** that! I'm just gonna start bouncin' checks and shittin' my pants while I'm still young enough to enjoy it! :p
jklaughrey
07-09-13, 02:33
I'm just going to leave these right here. I will note that my children are the ones who will continue on after I'm gone. They are my legacy, my history if you will. We live on through our descendants long after we are dead. http://img.tapatalk.com/d/13/07/09/ute9u4ap.jpghttp://img.tapatalk.com/d/13/07/09/a5uvy6y8.jpghttp://img.tapatalk.com/d/13/07/09/ysujaqyq.jpg
https://picasaweb.google.com/m/viewer?fgl=true&pli=1#album/103792272024519030063/5898516180358209201
Link is of my teenage son at the range.
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Alaskapopo
07-09-13, 06:19
I get to do a lot more dumb things and enjoy expensive hobbies without worrying about ankle-biters.
Not a thing in the world against good folks having kids, I simply found myself in and out of enough relationships that I realized that it wasn't for me.
If you want kids and can support them (financially, emotionally, and socially) then I see nothing at all wrong with it. And, frankly, the world could do with some more good people.
Sums up how I feel. Kids are great but not for me personally. More responsibility than I want to deal with.
Pat
brickboy240
07-09-13, 10:24
I have a kid but we are definitely NOT the type of married with kids couple that thinks EVERYONE should have kids.
In fact..I know many adults that should have never had kids because they are either too immature, self centered or wishy washy and make poor authoritarian figures. Its a shame because the kids grow up and become worthless adults most of the time.
The jails of America are full of people are the result of people that NEVER should have had kids.
If you are selfish and know it or are unable to put others first no matter what...you should never have kids.
-brickboy240
Wow I never thought there would be this many people here that have chosen not to have kids.
Did the world today affect your decision? Politics, economy, social climate, culture, etc.? I'd be lying if I said it hasn't crossed my mind quite a bit.
I wouldn't expect my kids to share my exact political or cultural views but I'd also be lying if I said I wouldn't care either way. Some people grow up to have the exact opposite views of their parents.
My wife and I are in our mid thirties and we've talked about having kids in the next few years but decide against it. By then age is an issue along with other complications my wife may already have.
I was 35 when my first son was born. His brother followed 17 months later and they are 7 and 6 now.
No regrets for us. We don't keep up with them as easily as if we had them in our 20s but we are doing fine. Nothing a bourbon and advil won't fix.
We had thought we would not have kids as my wife had been diagnosed with a very low probability of getting pregnant. So the first pregnancy was unplanned.
We are very happy we had them.....but I can't say how we'd feel if we did not have them.
FromMyColdDeadHand
07-09-13, 10:43
http://i1034.photobucket.com/albums/a426/MileHighPhotos/IMG_8731_zps57bea6b2.jpg
On days like these, I don't know how I would get along with out them. On the 14 hour ride home, I was reminded of some reasons.... ;)
Didn't have kids till I was 35, so I did the kids/no-kids. Waited till we were all done with school and stuff. Yes you'll have more time and money, no doubt.
I made sure not to have children and I am happy with this decision. I retired at 47 and believe I have avoided major stress with my choices.
Doc Safari
07-09-13, 11:44
Just briefly, I decided over 30 years ago kids weren't for me. I don't have the patience, nor did I ever want the responsibility. Everyone I know who has kids tells you that they become your whole focus. I wouldn't mind having a good woman but any kids that come with her would be something I would have to really soberly consider.
I know people who just love kids and couldn't wait to get married in order to have them.
More power to 'em.
Well, a lot has changed over the years as far as rearing children. Some will say that's not true, but IMO it is. I'm a product of the 50's & 60's working middle class, so that will ground my comments if you know what I mean. My son was born in 83 and my daughter in 87. My wife and I raised them as most people do I guess. However, kids then were not the "total family focus" that they are today. I've led an adult life since I was 18 and having kids didn't change that. I continued to do as I always had for the most part, with adding some additional things for parent-kid time. I didn't do everything with my kids and they didn't do everything with me. We all had our own lives that overlapped.
What I see as the norm today is families being taken over by the kids. The parents have no adult life and everything revolves around the kids. We have many friends that can't come over for a nice dinner without having to leave early due to their unruly children. If the child is not the focus and center of attention, they pitch fits and derail whatever activity is taking place. I have friends that can't shoot with me anymore because that won't do anything without their kids and the above happens again. These people (both family and friends) have no adult life and unfortunately they're not raising well adjusted children. I didn't behave this was as a child and my kids didn't behave this way either..
Adoption.. I had a first hand view of the good and bad side of adoption in the same family. My ex-wife's sister and BIL adopted a boy as a infant that was always a very nice kid and turned into a very nice adult. They also adopted a brother and sister (ages around 3 and 5) that took them to the very depths of hell. In Tennessee at that time no background information was available to the adoptive parents. Things went bad fast.. Turns out their mother was addicted during birth and both children suffered severe mental and social problems. They were also starved and would eat any and everything. The sister-in-law had to actually padlock the refrigerator and pantry as the boy would consume everything. He would drink bottles of syrup if he could get to them. They once stripped the flowerbed of ornamental peppers and both required hospitalization. There were no locks on any of the interior doors in the house as they would lock and barricade themselves in. Most of the doors ended up removed from their hinges and every wall in the house was full of holes. The girl started running away as a teen and continually threatened to kill the parents. As soon as she got old enough she ran away, got pregnant and killed in a car wreck within six months. The boy (now in his late 20's) has the mental capacity of a 4-5 year old child. I've never in my life seen a family go through this much pain for so long.
SO.. The only thing I can tell you is to be sure of what you're getting into and be sure that's what you want.. however it might turn out.. Good luck.. Ron
I think for myself it's more of a decision to be alone. After my last girlfriend left 3 years ago I came to the conclusion that that was it. No more. It's not worth the risk.
I had actually bought the engagement ring before she left. Now I will fess up and admit she left me b/c of my drinking problem so yeah it was my fault.
But it does suck b/c my best friend has a 4 year old girl who I swear hung the moon. I stayed over at their house last weekend and was sleeping on the couch. Kayla (the little girl) woke up and ran to the couch and hugged me b/c of being scared of a bad dream. Not gonna lie, my heart melted. She really does make me smile wider than anything else. One day maybe I'll have a little girl/boy of my own but with my decision to be single that may make it more difficult. A woman is kinda integral.:)
I just can't bring myself to take the chance on another relationship. That's not a pity party. It's a mindset.
-Jax
Whiskey_Bravo
07-09-13, 12:59
My wife and I waited almost 9 years before having our daughter. We went back and forth on if we even wanted one. We finally decided no birth control for 6 months, if it doesn't happen we could at least say we tried... I guess I have good swimmers, we found out about 4 weeks later.
I look back at how much I am glad we gave it a shot. I can't imagine life without my daughter now. I also have to say that it matured both my wife and I in a way that would have never happened had we not had a child. Having a child forces you to think long term, and forces you to focus on someone other than yourself or spouse. We wouldn't change it for the world.
Now, with that said we are good with one. No more children for us. She wears me out enough, so I can't imagine having more. I took the "step" and made it permanent so that there is no second guessing our decision :D
They also adopted a brother and sister (ages around 3 and 5) that took them to the very depths of hell. In Tennessee at that time no background information was available to the adoptive parents. Things went bad fast.. Turns out their mother was addicted during birth and both children suffered severe mental and social problems. They were also starved and would eat any and everything. The sister-in-law had to actually padlock the refrigerator and pantry as the boy would consume everything. He would drink bottles of syrup if he could get to them. They once stripped the flowerbed of ornamental peppers and both required hospitalization. There were no locks on any of the interior doors in the house as they would lock and barricade themselves in. Most of the doors ended up removed from their hinges and every wall in the house was full of holes. The girl started running away as a teen and continually threatened to kill the parents. As soon as she got old enough she ran away, got pregnant and killed in a car wreck within six months. The boy (now in his late 20's) has the mental capacity of a 4-5 year old child. I've never in my life seen a family go through this much pain for so long.
Do you know if they (or at least the boy) had Prader-Willi Syndrome?
Well, a lot has changed over the years as far as rearing children. Some will say that's not true, but IMO it is. I'm a product of the 50's & 60's working middle class, so that will ground my comments if you know what I mean. My son was born in 83 and my daughter in 87. My wife and I raised them as most people do I guess. However, kids then were not the "total family focus" that they are today. I've led an adult life since I was 18 and having kids didn't change that. I continued to do as I always had for the most part, with adding some additional things for parent-kid time. I didn't do everything with my kids and they didn't do everything with me. We all had our own lives that overlapped.
What I see as the norm today is families being taken over by the kids. The parents have no adult life and everything revolves around the kids. We have many friends that can't come over for a nice dinner without having to leave early due to their unruly children. If the child is not the focus and center of attention, they pitch fits and derail whatever activity is taking place. I have friends that can't shoot with me anymore because that won't do anything without their kids and the above happens again. These people (both family and friends) have no adult life and unfortunately they're not raising well adjusted children. I didn't behave this was as a child and my kids didn't behave this way either..
Adoption.. I had a first hand view of the good and bad side of adoption in the same family. My ex-wife's sister and BIL adopted a boy as a infant that was always a very nice kid and turned into a very nice adult. They also adopted a brother and sister (ages around 3 and 5) that took them to the very depths of hell. In Tennessee at that time no background information was available to the adoptive parents. Things went bad fast.. Turns out their mother was addicted during birth and both children suffered severe mental and social problems. They were also starved and would eat any and everything. The sister-in-law had to actually padlock the refrigerator and pantry as the boy would consume everything. He would drink bottles of syrup if he could get to them. They once stripped the flowerbed of ornamental peppers and both required hospitalization. There were no locks on any of the interior doors in the house as they would lock and barricade themselves in. Most of the doors ended up removed from their hinges and every wall in the house was full of holes. The girl started running away as a teen and continually threatened to kill the parents. As soon as she got old enough she ran away, got pregnant and killed in a car wreck within six months. The boy (now in his late 20's) has the mental capacity of a 4-5 year old child. I've never in my life seen a family go through this much pain for so long.
SO.. The only thing I can tell you is to be sure of what you're getting into and be sure that's what you want.. however it might turn out.. Good luck.. Ron
The me! me! it's all about me! kids and their parents really get on my nerves and you probably do good just to keep them from rubbing off on your kids. I hate to sound cynical but it seems like it's more and more common every day.
The PC school teachers and their authority that has gone to their heads either because parents have let it happen or they just can't fight it bothers me. My good friend's boy is 13 and is small for his age. A bully kept picking and picking on him every day. The teachers and bus driver knew it was happening but didn't really punish the bully. One day my friend's kid just got sick of it and beat the crap out of him. They both got to visit the principal and she tried to make them apologize to each other. She tried to force my friend's kid to apologize to a little bastard that was bullying him for weeks and he was only standing up for himself. He wouldn't apologize and got suspended. What do you do?
I would definitely want to get all the background information I could on the parents before adopting. That really stinks about your ex's sister and BIL experience with the two from the junkie Mom. I have to admit I haven't talked to or know of many adoptive parents and the few success stories may be rare. If somebody has given up a child for adoption what are the chances of drug abuse in the past or is it just a case of the mother/father being too young? Hard to say. I have a fear that if we did have a kid it will have Down's or some debilitating birth defect especially after my wife gets older.
The coworker of mine that adopted has a great girl though. The only health problem she has is dairy allergies so they have to constantly watch what she eats and what snacks parents bring to events and so on.
I think for myself it's more of a decision to be alone. After my last girlfriend left 3 years ago I came to the conclusion that that was it. No more. It's not worth the risk.
I had actually bought the engagement ring before she left. Now I will fess up and admit she left me b/c of my drinking problem so yeah it was my fault.
But it does suck b/c my best friend has a 4 year old girl who I swear hung the moon. I stayed over at their house last weekend and was sleeping on the couch. Kayla (the little girl) woke up and ran to the couch and hugged me b/c of being scared of a bad dream. Not gonna lie, my heart melted. She really does make me smile wider than anything else. One day maybe I'll have a little girl/boy of my own but with my decision to be single that may make it more difficult. A woman is kinda integral.:)
I just can't bring myself to take the chance on another relationship. That's not a pity party. It's a mindset.
-Jax
That's a tough one bro. You'll find the right woman some day and you'll know. She'll get to know you and if she really wants it to work she'll put up with your flaws as long as you work on them. I thought I was dating "the one" for six years up until about 10 years ago when we broke up. I was rattled for years. She had a baby sister that was three when we met. They had a single mother for a while and we took on a lot of the responsibility of raising her. She's in college now and turned out to be a good kid. I kind of miss that. When they give you their little hugs it's hard not to tear up sometimes. They can be devious little creatures or they can really be good all the time if you're lucky. You might hear your friend tell you about his daughter's problems but all you see is the little angel. :D
Now I realize the break up was the best thing that could've happened because I met my current wife about two years later. We've seen too many of our friends get married and want to have kids right away just to get divorced.
I almost hit your category. I decided for a number of reasons early on I wasn't interested in ever having kids.
But some things changed quite a bit in my life, a lot of growing up and I found a perfect (or darn close to it) girl for me. And she really wanted kids. We were in college at the time so I kind of went along and kind of thought in my head "we'll see when the time comes". Fast forward 8 years and we had our first little ankle biter. I can say with out a doubt it is the decision I ever mad. Being a dad is an incredible blessing.
All that said, if you aren't in a place to give them a good life don't do it. I've seen too many people that are bitter about their (job, income, marriage, looks, whatever) and have kids hoping it is a quick fix to the marriage or happiness. All that does is eventually fail to satisfy and everyone pays the price for that stupid decision.
Kids are: expensive, greedy, needy and time sponges. But they are also the best thing in the world to me.
I have another thought to add that I don't remember seeing addressed here.
I don't know your situation with work/career choices, etc. but one thing I've seen with ALOT of my friends & family is people having kids who have ZERO time to raise them. Many parents seem totally ok with "Bianca the college student" who earns minimum wage working at "Happy Child Daycare" raising their kids.
I can count numerous examples I personally know where both parents see their kids for less than 1 or 2 hours per day. That minimum wage daycare worker is instilling the majority of what your child learns in a day.
I'm not knocking or belittling anyone or anybody else's choices, but why the hell have kids if YOU are not raising them? Kids are EXPENSIVE! At least be the one responsible for how they turn out and the values & beliefs they learn.
I understand not everyone's finances allow a parent to be home with them, but everyone agrees that you shouldn't raise little assholes. How do you accomplish that with an hour or two a day of influence?
Just something to consider.
My wife and I just adopted a gift from God last November from Shrevport. I'm 48 and feel very blessed.
I walked away from a very lucrative career as a corporate litigator 7 years ago to be a stay at home dad
It's the best decision I ever made
I do agree that parents, not strangers, should raise children
That's not a criticism of those who cannot afford to stay home...but your children should be a priority, and your career a means to an end to support that priority
Fwiw, I will be 40 this year and have two boys, 11 and 7, and a 22 month old baby girl
My sole purpose in life is to protect them and guide them into adulthood....I cannot think of anything I could do that would be more valuable than to unleash three fantastic human beings onto the world
m1a_scoutguy
07-09-13, 23:46
Been married for over 30yrs to the same AWESOME Woman,,,have 2 Kids,,,a 29yr old Son and a 25 yr old Daughter,,Love them both forever & always !! They make me Proud,,they make me cry & they both piss me off,,but that's when I see bits of myself in them,,,LOL !! Got married late,,both wife & I were 27,,,,we weren't going to have Kids for a long time,,but oops,,,shit happens,,LOL,,anyways,,after that we planed the 2nd one and all has worked out reasonably well,,,thats life I guess,,,full of ups & downs,,good & bad,,& Kids definitely bring out all of the above !!! I like to sum it up best with a saying I have used for over 20yrs !!
I wouldn't take a million dollars for the ones I have,,but wouldn't give a dollar to have another one !!! ;)
Suwannee Tim
07-10-13, 14:18
Two completely worthless, sorry sack of shit older brothers caused me to decide early on to not have children. I do sometimes regret the decision but then again I do have a worthless, sorry sack of shit for a step-daughter. I have a buddy that has seven sons, looks like he's going to get some kind of ROI on exactly zero of them. No, I don't regret the decision.
montanadave
07-10-13, 14:31
Two completely worthless, sorry sack of shit older brothers caused me to decide early on to not have children. I do sometimes regret the decision but then again I do have a worthless, sorry sack of shit for a step-daughter. I have a buddy that has seven sons, looks like he's going to get some kind of ROI on exactly zero of them. No, I don't regret the decision.
OK, I shouldn't be amused and please don't take offense, but this post made me laugh so hard it startled my dog.
Then I read it out loud to her. :D
I've never really been a fan of kids but always accepted that I'd probably have them one day, but hopefully by then I'd really want them. Luckily I still have time for that. I will say though, being adopted was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I'm entirely confident that I could not have been more lucky in being adopted into the family that I was, under the circumstances that I had. I was legally adopted at birth so I never had to spend time in group homes or anything like that and I have the best parents in the world. Times like this I realize I never really tell them this stuff. Adoption is a hard and expensive process, and I can only imagine it would be very scary for many of the same and many different reasons as having your own kids, but I could never be grateful enough that I ended up where I did.
TacticalSledgehammer
07-10-13, 15:33
My wife and I are in the same boat as the OP. Do I like other people's kids (no not really) the nice and polite children impress me but are a rare commodity these days.
I think I'd really love my own children if I had any, but life as I know it now is simple. I can easily afford everything and we're happy as is. Maybe one day though....
Suwannee Tim
07-11-13, 14:17
OK, I shouldn't be amused and please don't take offense, but this post made me laugh so hard it startled my dog.
Then I read it out loud to her. :D
Not offended at all Dave. Quite the contrary. More often than not folks are shocked and offended when I characterize my brothers that way. It was a costly and painful process coming to that understanding and I can't think of a higher use for it going forward than giving someone a good laugh. :D
Seriously, several years ago I saw myself becoming a bitter old man and I did not want to be a bitter old man. I keep the bitterness under control with humor.
May I add for all of us who don't wish to have children, what is your responsibility to our future generations and our country?
Muslims are having many children.
May I add for all of us who don't wish to have children, what is your responsibility to our future generations and our country?
Muslims are having many children.
I don't knock people who make this decision. Too many people have kids they don't take care of worth a damn...
HAMMERDROP
07-11-13, 17:17
No kids no regrets 55 years old...many friends who have children, all stressed out and getting divorced soon after kids leave home.
Children may have been an option had I not heard so many times over the years while talking to male parent friends who all remarkably said, " Hey the kids are great love them to death she wanted them...do you want one?"
Michael
Two completely worthless, sorry sack of shit older brothers caused me to decide early on to not have children. I do sometimes regret the decision but then again I do have a worthless, sorry sack of shit for a step-daughter. I have a buddy that has seven sons, looks like he's going to get some kind of ROI on exactly zero of them. No, I don't regret the decision.
Thanks for clarifying that there are sorry sacks of shit out there who started life as children. This happens, however good and responsible parent usually generate quality children. Perhaps instead of using your family's failures to paint with such a broad brush you may want to acknowledge their likely shortcomings.
And don't give me that crap about how good families have bad kids because I know it and and the reverse can also be true.
I've thought about having kids to be part of the good guys to hopefully stand up for ideals I believe in but personally I don't think that's good enough a reason. Not to mention what you want your kids to be doesn't mean they'll turn out that way or they may even have the exact opposite political views. If somebody dislikes a particular race or religion or any type but themselves just remember your kids may turn out to have empathy for or even love and marry one of those types of people. Let's not go down that road.
The decision to be parent or not, regardless of the way you do it, is intensely personal. That being said...
Dad = Best. Job. Ever.
It's certainly the hardest job, and the stakes are high, but the I cannot imagine life without my wee ones. I also cannot imagine the man, the husband, and the child of God I would have become without the lessons my children teach me every day and the way they remind me of what's truly important in life. Every single day.
Dad = Best. Job. Ever.
No doubt about it. We have a newborn and a 2yr. old. 2yr. old is well disciplined and turning out quite nicely. Nothing like hearing your child laugh the full on happy laugh! Rasberries on the stomach make her lose it. Simply nothing like it.
.46caliber
07-12-13, 11:42
No doubt about it. We have a newborn and a 2yr. old. 2yr. old is well disciplined and turning out quite nicely. Nothing like hearing your child laugh the full on happy laugh! Rasberries on the stomach make her lose it. Simply nothing like it.
That laugh is the best way to erase the worst day at work. It works every damn time.
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No doubt about it. We have a newborn and a 2yr. old. 2yr. old is well disciplined and turning out quite nicely. Nothing like hearing your child laugh the full on happy laugh! Rasberries on the stomach make her lose it. Simply nothing like it.
Absolutely! My daughters are 6m & 2yrs old. There's no feeling like hearing them laugh or even getting a big hug with their head on my shoulder. There is NOT ONE thing in world that can replace that feeling & only parents can understand that.
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Absolutely! My daughters are 6m & 2yrs old. There's no feeling like hearing them laugh or even getting a big hug with their head on my shoulder. There is NOT ONE thing in world that can replace that feeling & only parents can understand that.
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Amen, brother. Amen.
If you have em, you get it. If you don't have em, you won't understand till you do.
There isn't a thing on earth that compares to seeing them laugh with their whole body or seeing them succeed at something and immediately turn to make sure you were watching. I wouldn't trade it for any amount of "stuff" I could've bought if I didn't have them.
montanadave
07-12-13, 12:38
Shit, you guys talked me into it!
Just kiddin'. I'm cool with my dogs and the cat. :)
Shit, you guys talked me into it!
Just kiddin'. I'm cool with my dogs and the cat. :)
Dogs are almost the same, Dave. Even better cuz you can beat em and they won't tell social services. :)
Shit, you guys talked me into it!
Just kiddin'. I'm cool with my dogs and the cat. :)
That's ok Dave. I'm not sure I'd want you to breed anyway.
J/K! :D
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montanadave
07-12-13, 12:47
Dogs are almost the same, Dave. Even better cuz you can beat em and they won't tell social services. :)
Maybe your dogs. My dogs have even taken it to the next level, they rat me out to my wife!
The decision to be parent or not, regardless of the way you do it, is intensely personal. That being said...
Dad = Best. Job. Ever.
It's certainly the hardest job, and the stakes are high, but the I cannot imagine life without my wee ones. I also cannot imagine the man, the husband, and the child of God I would have become into without the lessons my children teach me every day and the way they remind me of what's truly important in life. Every single day.
Spot on. We have six, 2 1/2-11. I don't knock people who don't, though. Have 'em, don't have 'em, I don't care...unless you can't or won't take care of them, then I have a problem.
43, never married, no kids; 90% fine with it.
43, never married, no kids; 90% fine with it.
Then can you put me in your will so I can have your Ducati & maybe some guns? :p
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33, divorced once, no kids
Every time I go to Wal Mart, I grow more satisfied with the decision
But I do date chicks with kids since it is nearly impossible to find a woman in my category that has 0-1 kids
33, divorced once, no kids
Every time I go to Wal Mart, I grow more satisfied with the decision
But I do date chicks with kids since it is nearly impossible to find a woman in my category that has 0-1 kids
Hint: If you don't accept the woman's kids, she will never accept you. Make her kids happy, and she will make you happy....
montanadave
07-12-13, 15:21
Hint: If you don't accept the woman's kids, she will never accept you. Make her kids happy, and she will make you happy....
An additional proverb applicable under these circumstances: "Is the ****in' yer gettin' worth the ****in' yer gettin'?" :no:
Another time I just love is the last night time bottle, when the child sometimes just falls asleep on your chest/shoulder, etc. Child is totally happy and content. When they then bust out the sleeping smile, oh man!
m1a_scoutguy
07-12-13, 17:24
Every time I go to Wal Mart, I grow more satisfied with the decision
WTF,,I go to Wally World and I am praying for Humanity as I know it to end,:D,that's not even a good comparison,,,,,,,,,,,,LOL !!! But yea,,I hear ya !! :)
Hogsgunwild
07-12-13, 21:36
May I add for all of us who don't wish to have children, what is your responsibility to our future generations and our country?
Muslims are having many children.
Too many primates out there that are nothing more than breeders. Not just the muslims. Responsible, hard working Americans have never and will never keep up with the knuckle draggers.
Hint: If you don't accept the woman's kids, she will never accept you. Make her kids happy, and she will make you happy....
accepting them is not the issue. The issue is they all have well over 2 kids. I have no issues with ready made families, I just dont want 3-4 that arent mine, and with alot of ladies these days there are multiple baby daddies involved.
montanadave
07-12-13, 21:51
accepting them is not the issue. The issue is they all have well over 2 kids. I have no issues with ready made families, I just dont want 3-4 that arent mine, and with alot of ladies these days there are multiple baby daddies involved.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAp9sFVdERQ
Hogsgunwild
07-12-13, 22:47
My six-year-old son has his head resting on my left hand hand as I type this. He is giving me a hard time for not taking him swimming, yet, and for not getting his cupcake from the kitchen for him. Now he is sticking his stinky foot in my face. Anyhow, we have the same sense of humor and I have had very few friends over the years that I tend to get into such deep and long guttural laughs together with. Not long ago, our English Bulldog ran into a door and scared himself. He turned around and ran like a bolt of lightening straight head-on into the coffee table. My boy and I must have laughed (to the point of being teary-eyed and gagging) for the better part of ten minutes. Unforgettable.
My ex and I were somewhat indifferent about having kids (all of our lives). I was 43 and she was 35 when we tried. She got pregnant about 10 minutes after we stopped using birth control. Very difficult and complicated pregnancy, so, we had to stop at one. We both wish that we could have had another. It was actually miraculous the way things worked out. I went the whole pregnancy thinking that the wife and kid might not make it. Even when the doctor made a major league screw-up, it turns out that we might not have had our son if she had not ****ed up to the point of malpractice (which we did not pursue being grateful that she was incompetent, in hindsight).
My boy is my life. I still make time for myself, but, there is nothing that has come close to making me proud of myself the way that being a good dad to him has.
There was a time when my ex and her issue laden, immature, needy, clingy family (can't forget the meth-head) had me at the end of my rope. Without any doubt, my son saved me when I was at rock bottom. I will always owe him, he will always be my hero and I will always be there for him (like my dad was always there for me and my siblings).
Belmont31R
07-12-13, 23:38
I can see both sides. Young professionals in this economy...makes you take pause. You can be in a world of shit real fast if the mom stays at home, and then the dad loses his job.
I was honestly anti kid for a long time but was young , and really still am. But I ended up in Germany and had a rule to not date fellow soldiers. Finally got back to the US and met my wife. She had two kids when she was 19 and they were 8 months old when we met. Twins, yes. So we dated and she is a really great girl.
I didn't go on a date expecting to get laid and move on. I'm just not the type to do that. Since then we have done good together, and I have two 7 year old boys that call me dad. Haven't regretted them a single second, and it feels good to able to imprint yourself onto two boys.
Their bio father is not in the picture and I wouldn't have gone for what I did with of he was. We have never gotten a dime in child support, and we just got the birth certs in my name.
From my perspective, a lot of the anti kid people just don't know what comes from it. I did what I did, and don't like other people's kids. You develop a unique bond that can't be imparted on other people. If you never have kids you'll never understand that, and of course everyone else's kids are yucky. My kids were young enough that I am their dad. I wouldn't play second fiddle with older kids who already had a dad.
So I can respect not having kids. A lot of it is the parents. I jumped from 0 to 100 in that regard. It's not easy and I can see why some would avoid it. But I get a kick money can't buy from going to the Lego Store and seeing them react to it or teaching them something and their eyes lighting up. Can't put a money value on that.
My point really is that if kids will make you miserable or detract from your life you're prob a miserable person to begin with. There's that rare bird that doesn't fit in with a family life and I get that. I had an uncle who never married or had kids. But kids can also make people grow up real fast and motivate people. It has for me, and I wouldn't change a thing.
My wife and kids went to visit her family for 2 weeks, and I was bored and miserable.
... I just dont want 3-4 that arent mine, and with alot of ladies these days there are multiple baby daddies involved.
My wife was in Costco yesterday with all of our kids and someone asked (as someone always does) "are they all yours?" Her standard reply was "yes, and they all have the same father."
Then can you put me in your will so I can have your Ducati & maybe some guns? :p
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You want my Ferrari too? I plan on everything being worn out. LOL
You want my Ferrari too? I plan on everything being worn out. LOL
Absolutely! I'm sure it'll still be better than the one I don't have. Thanks bud! :D
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I got married a little later in life and as a result, had children in my late 30's, early 40's. I love my son and daughter and really enjoy watching them grow up and discover new things. The impact on my hobbies/personal activities was significant, but being a good Dad is so important. The early years are tough, lots of high maintenance stuff and I will admit, some of it is just not my fortay(spelling). I try to do the best I can and hope that some day maybe they will enjoy some of my hobbies with me. My kids also have food allergies which adds to the challenge day to day. My son had a severe reaction to sesame (of all things) and we had to rush him to the hospital. That was rough. The last thing I want to see is one of my kids in pain.
Despite all of the challenges, I am glad I had kids. They are healthy (minus the allergies) and growing fast. I know the high maintenance stuff will be gone soon and then the real fun begins. I will also say this, having kids has really slowed me down, made me think more about my decisions and how the results impact my family. I have become more aware of being a better person as an example to my kids. I want them to do better in life than I have done so far and whatever I can do to make that happen is important to me.
Magic_Salad0892
07-14-13, 08:51
It's weird that so many of us on this board got the same personality type on the Briggs-Jun (I think) personality test that was posted a few months ago (INTP was most common even though it was one of the rarest personality types), we're mostly of a similar age group (25-35), have an interest in firearms, politically are similar, and we also chose not to have kids.
Strange.
QuietShootr
07-14-13, 08:56
My wife and I are in our mid thirties and we've talked about having kids in the next few years but decide against it. By then age is an issue along with other complications my wife may already have.
We've talked about adoption and being foster parents which I think would be rewarding but we're still not sure if that will be right for us.
Has anybody decided not to have kids and been happy with the choice or regretted it after you felt you were too old? Did you adopt or foster?
No, no kids, and 99% don't regret it. Sometimes I'm a little bothered that I won't have someone to pass my shit on to, but the way my luck runs I'd have some liberal asswipe of a kid who would go all "Sundown At Coffin Rock" on my ass anyway.
In all seriousness - I get that I'm contributing to the suicide of Western civilization by not having kids, but that slide is now irreversible, so the only thing my having a kid would serve is to make another person miserable for 60+ years.
QuietShootr
07-14-13, 09:03
It's weird that so many of us on this board got the same personality type on the Briggs-Jun (I think) personality test that was posted a few months ago (INTP was most common even though it was one of the rarest personality types), we're mostly of a similar age group (25-35), have an interest in firearms, politically are similar, and we also chose not to have kids.
Strange.
I'm an INTJ, but yeah.
Magic_Salad0892
07-14-13, 10:27
I'm an INTJ, but yeah.
I am an INTJ too actually.
jklaughrey
07-14-13, 10:45
Ditto. Been INTJ with above 80% in all categories most of my life, yet I'm married and have a family. Although the wife gets on me about how I always seem distant or somewhere else.
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.46caliber
07-14-13, 11:00
Ditto. Been INTJ with above 80% in all categories most of my life, yet I'm married and have a family. Although the wife gets on me about how I always seem distant or somewhere else.
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I hear you loud and clear. I have to remind her that just because I don't get visibly excited or upset it doesn't mean I don't care.
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No kids and no regrets. Parenting just wasn't for me.
My wife and I are in our mid thirties and we've talked about having kids in the next few years but decide against it. By then age is an issue along with other complications my wife may already have.
We've talked about adoption and being foster parents which I think would be rewarding but we're still not sure if that will be right for us.
Has anybody decided not to have kids and been happy with the choice or regretted it after you felt you were too old? Did you adopt or foster?
You either want kids, or you don't. You either accept that if your wife gets pregnant, you're having kids.... or not.
I'm just about 44 and I've never wanted kids. Never ever had a desire to procreate. I've been w/ my wife for over 20 years now total including before we got married. I think for my wife, I can't say I've ever heard her say she wanted kids. Our philosophy has always been, if it happens it happens. It's never happened. No regrets from my end, and I believe for my wife as well.
I will say this. If you have any desire for kids, have them, adopt them... whatever. If you're going to have kids, have them now. My mom was 17 when she had me, and while I'm very sure it was very hard for her when she was younger, I've always been glad that the age difference between us never stopped us from doing fun things together. Two of my best friends that I've known since grade school just started having their kids when we all hit 40 or so. When their kids are 15, they'll be 55. When their kids are 30, they'll be 70, and so on.
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