View Full Version : How do you handle it when too much becomes too much?
I really haven't wanted to post this because obviously my issues are so minor compared to things like what happened with Chuck and his family, or many other issues that other members deal with. Not to mention the fact that I don't want to come off like I am whining. However I really feel I just need to put it out there and get advise whether it be "suck it up buttercup", "get help", or anything in between.
2013 was an unmitigated disaster of a year. Frankly it has left me an absolute mess physically, mentally, and financially.
While it started off well with me finally getting my real estate license after years of putting it off, it quickly took a turn for the worse. I posted on here about my car catching fire and almost taking the front of my house with it. The damage in the end was severe. The car was totaled and there was over Ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the house and property once all was done. This one top of the Tornado tearing through here in 2012 led my Insurance company to dropping my homeowners policy. I was able to get a new one but at well over twice what I was previously paying.
Not long after that my HVAC system decided to shit the bed. So through the hottest period of the summer and now in the coldest part of the winter, we have no AC or heat. On top of that it failed in a spectacular fashion. Leading to water damage to multiple rooms in the house with the ceiling that was just fixed a year ago from the tornado being damaged even worse than it was then. We are getting by on Space heaters and borrowed Window AC units. However they are inefficient and have shoved our electric bill way up.
During all this time we were squeaking by. My business was getting better and my wife was doing ok at work. Then what started as a minor pain where no guy wants pain, turned into a marble sized growth on the left side twin. It causes me pain every day that ranges from FML to wanting to suck start my gun. As you an imagine this kind of thing in that region doesn't play well with the nightlife you have with your wife. The plan was to get in there and do the best the could to remove them without causing damage. And of course just a couple weeks before I was going to have my surgery, my wife finds out that her job is gone. They let her know via text that her position was gone (Small company killed by obamacare and related governmental BS).
She has since found a new job but it pays around 60% less than her old one and does not offer medical benefits.
I actually broke down and checked out the pricing for insurance through the REALTOR exchange and come to find out that it would be almost 1/3 of our monthly income just for the most basic of coverage. So no help there.
We have done just about everything possible to cut down on expenses. I have even sold off about 85% of my firearms to help get through. And we are able to get by. But it doesn't help when it is such a fight every month and some of the things loom over you like these do. Especially health issues.
So yes. 2013 Fracking sucked.
To say that the depression I have fought off for years managed to sink its claws back into me would be an understatement.
I have always been good at dealing with issues in my life. Internalize them or handle them in whatever other manner I needed too. But in 2013 I found that too much can indeed be too much. And honestly I have no idea how to cope. I know that many of you have been through more shit than I have. I understand that my problems are minor compared to many of yours. To the family of AC who have lost so much. But to me they are the issues I have to deal with. And I hope that in putting this out there, that there may be a couple of you who have words of advise. I am open to about anything.
crisis is self defined what may be small or petty for some is major for others, yours aren't petty IMO. That said all you can do is embrace the suck. If you have a fireplace(and everyone where winter happens should) use it for heat, or get some of the new safer space heaters, you can live w/o AC and Central heat. Come summer buy box fans, you'll be fine, we don't have heat or AC here in FL, havnt for years. AFA the rest, it sucks but youd be amazed how much you can save by cutting out extras etc
I hear you on 2013. Try to tackle the problems one at a time. Definitely get your health issue checked out first.
Your health is the most important thing for you and your family. You may be able to get cash discounts for treatment in your situation.
I wish I could be more optimistic on the economy. I work for a large corporation and all signs point to slow or low growth at best. My job is not secure. My wife lost about 35% of her income due to the economy this year. We have insurance, but obamacare changes and treatment of her chronic health conditions have saddled us with medical debt in the tens of thousands of dollars. I have a special needs child who also needs expensive meds. We are trying to slowly dig out, but it is a rough process.
Keep your head up and work on the things you can control. Stay close with family and do things that you enjoy. Do not let those dark thoughts rule you. Keep your faith. I wish I had more to offer, but let's hope 2014 is a better year for you and others out there who have had rough times lately.
Belmont31R
01-02-14, 21:47
Just on the medical front call around and ask to see if people can do a payment plan to get you checked out. When I had gastro problems I did that and paid cash and it wasn't really that bad. My wife had a stage 2 cervical lesion and we paid cash for that. Luckily we have a lot of options living next to a big city but even if you have to drive you can usually find an option. And neither one of us have exactly good paying gigs. I am on the GI Bill and she was working as nurses aide.
Money issues do suck. We went through that this year but have come around to stable income. Just had a lot of stuff happen in the first 7-8 months of the year with various things. Life has turned around, and we had a good Christmas season. Not totally awesome but the kids had presents and we could afford some things.
Life does turn around but you have to work at it and don't give up. In 2012 we got kicked out of the house we were promised by my parents, were living in for 5 years, and I had to cut off communication with my entire family. Then my wife's step dad died and my wife's bipolar issues started getting in the way of her working. Then the issues mentioned in 2013. I've sold my car (350Z) and most of my guns. I am hoping 2014 is a good year. Sounds like it will be. My wife found some side work which will boost our income quite a bit this year and we're gonna hang in through me getting a degree.
You guys just need to find a path some way that will turn things around. Get your medical issue taken care of and get that off your back. One step at a time and the problems will go away on their own. Find any way to get the extra stress out that doesn't need to be there out. Family and friends causing stress? Then you don't need them. If you have expensive shit sitting around get rid of it and put it towards stuff that reduces stress. If you're spending money on booze or vices cut back on that. Find FREE things to do. We always get so caught up in spending money to do anything we had a blast at the state capitol and it only cost the gas money to get there and back. Way better than spending $60 for the the 4 of us to see a movie with drinks and extra shit.
2013 was an unmitigated disaster of a year.
Right there with you. Worse in some areas, not as bad in others.
To say that the economy has destroyed my business that I spent a decade building up from nothing into something that was thriving would be an understatement.
I've cut corners everywhere I can, this is why you haven't seen many "cool new toy" posts from me. I don't have health insurance, can't afford health insurance and now will be fined for not having health insurance. So all Obamacare did for me was reach into my wallet. I won't qualify for any assistance because I own my own home. Doesn't matter that my home is barely worth what I still owe on it and that it needs a shitload of work that I can't afford to do. Seems every month something new takes a shit and dies.
I've got some health issues, mostly middle age related and I'm not dealing with anything severe so I won't go into except for the fact that it costs me money. Ironically if I had health insurance it wouldn't be any cheaper. My doctor gives me a private pay rate and I have a private prescription plan that I pay for. In fact, with Obamacare my out of pocket medical costs would actually go up even if it was free compared to what I'm paying now.
I don't want to be the guy with multiple gun safes complaining about how tough things are so I'll stop there. I'm still better off than many, it's just that life is sticking it to me pretty good.
Trying to focus on the small things I can do that are still good. Just sitting down with my wife and watching a good movie on a weekend. Going out for that pizza once a week (cheaper than cooking at home). Got back into an inexpensive collection, way cheaper than any guns.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Vintage-Nunchaku/523048834442599?skip_nax_wizard=true
I'm also trying to get back into a regular training routine. If I'm not making money I might as well spend that time getting healthy.
Easier said than done, but one thing at a time, important stuff first. Some stuff just isn't gonna get done and it's beyond my ability to do anything about it so I deal with it the best I can.
I'm hoping things get better rather than worse. If I can get the housing market to recover that would help a lot. But at least I'm not a grown up living at home with my parents who are paying my student loan while I look for a job.
Really we have little choice but to just handle it because not doing so is so much worse.
I go to church, and pray.
You will be in my thoughts.
1) Seek up. I know this is dependent upon your religious stance, but its the first thing I do. I will do it for you if your not a believer.
2) Reach out. There are folks out there would love nothing more than to bless you, with whatever they can.
3) Alter perspective. This sounds trite, apathetic, and easier said than done...but it works for me (at times.) My wife wants to smack me when I apply it but its true, things could be much, much worse. Thats not to say AT ALL that you are not completely entitled to distress, strife, down-and-out, etc.. its just to say sometimes its easy to see the light when you consider what others have gone through and overcome.
4) Get closer with your wife. Money can cause a rift of the likes of an affair, prepare for it and dont let it. Know that the strife (Screwtape) is trying to pull you to apart; redirect it and spend more time together, reinforcing each other, strenghening your love/bond.
5) Laugh in the face of it all. Not a psycho laugh...just a British SAS jovial-type laugh because you know you can see the long road.
I want to send you and your wife on a date- PM inbound.
I have always been good at dealing with issues in my life. Internalize them or handle them in whatever other manner I needed too. But in 2013 I found that too much can indeed be too much. And honestly I have no idea how to cope. I know that many of you have been through more shit than I have. I understand that my problems are minor compared to many of yours. To the family of AC who have lost so much. But to me they are the issues I have to deal with. And I hope that in putting this out there, that there may be a couple of you who have words of advise. I am open to about anything.
I've learned the hard way that internalization just is a not a good idea for most folks. You need to talk to folks that'll listen. Double bouns points if those who can listen can offer moral support and or encouragement. I'm still struggling from earlier in '13 but the one thing I have is my wife to talk to and be there for me and vice versa.
I don't think many had too good of a year. I think the BS is catching up to people no matter how careful they have been
Remember, as long as the sun come up and you are above ground, it's a good day. And the sun IS gonna come up tomorrow, so you are already 50% there. Get your med issues fixed first as it's probably holding you back from fixing the others. Best wishes.
The other day I got to looking through some of my Dad's records. Born in 1911, he was a high school dropout during the Depression and enlisted during WWII, serving in the Army in the ETO. He was unemployed from 1931-33--and he was no slacker. He enlisted in the prewar Army in 1938, got very lucky, and went into the Border Patrol in 1940. He took very good care of his family and lived to the ripe old age of 94 and stayed sharp as a tack. I'm biased, but he was a helluva good man.
He didn't talk your ear off, but he was a wise man. Some of the things I remember him saying were:
"This, too shall pass."
" I never expected to do as well as I have."
"The joke's on me; I never expected to live so long." (Upon me calling him up one April 1st and wishing him a "Happy April Fool's Day".)
I'll ask him to pray for you; he knew what tough times were like...
I too had a few hellish years when my stress meter was well and truly pegged out. I still have a dogeared copy of Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" that let me put things into perspective and survive one more day. Marcus saved my butt.
I skimmed but didn't see cancer in your OP...
- Get in the gym
- Pray daily and be thankful
- Lead a healthy lifestyle
- Look forwards not backwards
- Help others who want to help themselves.
- go to the range often
1.) Make a list of things to do and accomplish them every day. Even little things. Take a dump, check. Fix the dripping faucet, check. Wash the car, check. Small accomplishments make you feel better and keep you motivated.
2.) Go to the gym. If you can't afford the gym, run or do push ups or punch a bag.
3.) Don't keep things in. Talk to someone. It helps more than you think. Get it out and get a different perspective on how to solve your problems.
4.) A quality kerosene heater is cheap warm comfortable heat! I lived in an old farm house and one big heater placed just near the stairway heated the whole 4 bedroom house, minus only a couple rooms, and 5 gallons of kero lasted about 48 hours of really comphy heat.
I really haven't wanted to post this because obviously my issues are so minor compared to things like what happened with Chuck and his family, or many other issues that other members deal with. Not to mention the fact that I don't want to come off like I am whining. However I really feel I just need to put it out there and get advise whether it be "suck it up buttercup", "get help", or anything in between.
2013 was an unmitigated disaster of a year. Frankly it has left me an absolute mess physically, mentally, and financially.
While it started off well with me finally getting my real estate license after years of putting it off, it quickly took a turn for the worse. I posted on here about my car catching fire and almost taking the front of my house with it. The damage in the end was severe. The car was totaled and there was over Ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the house and property once all was done. This one top of the Tornado tearing through here in 2012 led my Insurance company to dropping my homeowners policy. I was able to get a new one but at well over twice what I was previously paying.
Not long after that my HVAC system decided to shit the bed. So through the hottest period of the summer and now in the coldest part of the winter, we have no AC or heat. On top of that it failed in a spectacular fashion. Leading to water damage to multiple rooms in the house with the ceiling that was just fixed a year ago from the tornado being damaged even worse than it was then. We are getting by on Space heaters and borrowed Window AC units. However they are inefficient and have shoved our electric bill way up.
During all this time we were squeaking by. My business was getting better and my wife was doing ok at work. Then what started as a minor pain where no guy wants pain, turned into a marble sized growth on the left side twin. It causes me pain every day that ranges from FML to wanting to suck start my gun. As you an imagine this kind of thing in that region doesn't play well with the nightlife you have with your wife. The plan was to get in there and do the best the could to remove them without causing damage. And of course just a couple weeks before I was going to have my surgery, my wife finds out that her job is gone. They let her know via text that her position was gone (Small company killed by obamacare and related governmental BS).
She has since found a new job but it pays around 60% less than her old one and does not offer medical benefits.
I actually broke down and checked out the pricing for insurance through the REALTOR exchange and come to find out that it would be almost 1/3 of our monthly income just for the most basic of coverage. So no help there.
We have done just about everything possible to cut down on expenses. I have even sold off about 85% of my firearms to help get through. And we are able to get by. But it doesn't help when it is such a fight every month and some of the things loom over you like these do. Especially health issues.
So yes. 2013 Fracking sucked.
To say that the depression I have fought off for years managed to sink its claws back into me would be an understatement.
I have always been good at dealing with issues in my life. Internalize them or handle them in whatever other manner I needed too. But in 2013 I found that too much can indeed be too much. And honestly I have no idea how to cope. I know that many of you have been through more shit than I have. I understand that my problems are minor compared to many of yours. To the family of AC who have lost so much. But to me they are the issues I have to deal with. And I hope that in putting this out there, that there may be a couple of you who have words of advise. I am open to about anything.
Life can be a real mother f-er at times to be sure. Some times getting by is all you get for a while. As you know, many don't even have that. I often think no matter how bad I have it, someone has it worse. That does not negate what you/we deal with, it just helps with perspective. 97, I got divorced, someone I considered a friend screwed me out 6 months of work, and what would have been a large some of money, and my mother died 10 days before 9/11. That was a very bad year for me. When you're going through such things, you feel like you're the only one dealing with it.
I suppose our character is not defined by what we experience as much as how we deal with it during, and afterward. Some times that's being strong enough to reach out vs internalize it/tough it out. Can you see therapist? They can be helpful if your open to it. Can you find free things to do to help you and the wife keep perspective? It's amazing how much free stuff is out there if you look. May have nothing to do with personal interests, like an art opening, a museum tour, a lecture, walking club, etc. But being broke and sitting at home just really adds to the suck in my experience and becomes a cycle hard to break so just doing some free activities to not feel broke and isolated is important in my experience.
Health wise, you didn't specify what the growth is, so hard to comment. Get it done, heal up, move on best you can. Soon as you're cleared, get regular exercise, no matter what. Besides the obvious health benefits, there's not a more powerful anti depressant known to man.
I can't cover my own experiences here, but tough times don't last, tough people do, or at least they go down fighting when they don't!
I turned to the Lord for help, when life seemed to come crashing down on me.
I don't have much to offer, just that 2013 was a pretty bad year for many, in many different ways. Your trials over the past year have been by no means trivial, but are not insurmountable. I will echo what others have said, get to a doctor and get that lump taken care of, sickness will only make all other problems that much worse, by adding on to the stress and financial strain. Just know that you have a wife that loves you and is by your side, together, you can tackle anything life throws at you.
For myself, 2013 saw the end of a pretty good relationship, a deployment to Afghanistan, a few minor illnesses and injuries, and some pretty stressful moments. However, thankfully I found that this past year was the first year in almost 4 years where I did ok financially and was able to recover mostly from the losses from the past few years. I got to see my little sister marry someone who I respect and think is a great guy for her, and I was able to see some family members who I haven't seen in years, all just before leaving for the 'Stan.
Just know that there is nothing wrong in seeking help, from simple advice here to actual professional help, no shame or anything wrong with it. Ultimately it is about being there for your family, who I'm sure is there for you. Be healthy, be happy, be strong, 2014 will be a better year my friend.
I just want to thank everyone for the kind words and words of advise both in the thread and through PMs. Funny enough I had a few people ask me if I would be offended at them saying they will pray for me since they know my stance on religion. I tell them that I take the sentiment for the meaning behind it. Just because I don't believe doesn't mean I am offended at another person sending me well wishes in whatever way they do.
I have been doing my best to live healthier. Much better diet and I attempt to go to the gym. But the latter is especially difficult. Imagine a knife in one of your testicle. And any time they bounce, or get moved, or are constricted too much that knife gets turned. Yeah that is about that it is like. Maybe I need to just man up. But even my pain tolerance has its limits. I am also lucky that my doctor has been willing to see me at random periods to keep an eye on it without paying full price for an office visit. She wants to make sure that the growth doesn't get any larger than it currently is.
You all are right however that such things do ebb and flow. And I won't lie. Just getting the issues out in writing actually helps me to some extent.
I just want to thank everyone for the kind words and words of advise both in the thread and through PMs. Funny enough I had a few people ask me if I would be offended at them saying they will pray for me since they know my stance on religion. I tell them that I take the sentiment for the meaning behind it. Just because I don't believe doesn't mean I am offended at another person sending me well wishes in whatever way they do.
I have been doing my best to live healthier. Much better diet and I attempt to go to the gym. But the latter is especially difficult. Imagine a knife in one of your testicle. And any time they bounce, or get moved, or are constricted too much that knife gets turned. Yeah that is about that it is like. Maybe I need to just man up. But even my pain tolerance has its limits. I am also lucky that my doctor has been willing to see me at random periods to keep an eye on it without paying full price for an office visit. She wants to make sure that the growth doesn't get any larger than it currently is.
You all are right however that such things do ebb and flow. And I won't lie. Just getting the issues out in writing actually helps me to some extent.
When is the (benign?) growth going to get removed? Chronic pain is a real mood killer!
Voodoo_Man
01-04-14, 08:57
1.) Make a list of things to do and accomplish them every day. Even little things. Take a dump, check. Fix the dripping faucet, check. Wash the car, check. Small accomplishments make you feel better and keep you motivated.
2.) Go to the gym. If you can't afford the gym, run or do push ups or punch a bag.
3.) Don't keep things in. Talk to someone. It helps more than you think. Get it out and get a different perspective on how to solve your problems.
4.) A quality kerosene heater is cheap warm comfortable heat! I lived in an old farm house and one big heater placed just near the stairway heated the whole 4 bedroom house, minus only a couple rooms, and 5 gallons of kero lasted about 48 hours of really comphy heat.
+1 for all this stuff.
I would also suggest picking one task, one issue, one primary problem that you need to solve and attacking it first. You can do it whatever order you feel it requires, some things have to go before others, but pick one and do it until it is done.
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
Good luck.
montanadave
01-04-14, 10:53
When is the (benign?) growth going to get removed? Chronic pain is a real mood killer!
This. Make whatever arrangements are necessary to get your health squared away. It's going to be hard to get a handle on many of the other issues if you're walking around feeling like you have a nut about to pop.
A lot of good suggestions here. But first things first. Prioritize. And your health needs to be right up there near the top of the list.
When is the (benign?) growth going to get removed? Chronic pain is a real mood killer!
Whenever I have insurance and/or cash to get it done. We are assuming it is benign since I am still kicking. LOL. :jester:
Kevin,
My word this is true. I'm reading your OP, roughly two hours ago, and get to the part where the HVAC unit went and you had water damage in several rooms. The exact moment I finish reading that sentence my son, our dogs and I hear something we've never heard in here before. Almost sounded like high winds blowing through something in the house.
I get up immediately and run around the house looking for the source. Downstairs where we were, then upstairs. Nothing. Come back downstairs and it's louder than before, leaving little doubt that something bad has happened, something I can't find anywhere.
Finally, as I home in on the source, it occurs to me that there is a water line that supplies an outside spigot running in a crawl space storage area near my front door, a storage area that I have numerous collectables stored in. I was just in there two days ago to shut off the water valve because single digit temperatures were approaching.
I open the small access door and see that the same water line I had closed off is broken and water is pouring out all over everything, just before the shut off valve I had closed off. For no discernable reason the soldering gave out and the two sections separated, allowing water to flow freely. I run to the utility room and close the main water valve, however by now the small room is flooded and water is flowing into the adjacent room. Carpet in that room is soaked as well as my collectibles in their boxes.
After I closed the water off I used every towel in the house to soak up what I can. Then I took every item of of the boxes to dry, the extent of their damage yet unknown. No running water in the house until I resolder the pipe, never had anything like it happen before. Beyond thankful we were home at the time or utter disaster would have swiftly resulted.
Not to make your story about me because I guess in a way we're lucky, but the timing of the incident was beyond uncanny and certainly makes me feel your pain a bit more.
Good luck with everything and do your best to stay positive. We're here to do what we can.
Kevin,
My word this is true. I'm reading your OP, roughly two hours ago, and get to the part where the HVAC unit went and you had water damage in several rooms. The exact moment I finish reading that sentence my son, our dogs and I hear something we've never heard in here before. Almost sounded like high winds blowing through something in the house.
I get up immediately and run around the house looking for the source. Downstairs where we were, then upstairs. Nothing. Come back downstairs and it's louder than before, leaving little doubt that something bad has happened, something I can't find anywhere.
Finally, as I home in on the source, it occurs to me that there is a water line that supplies an outside spigot running in a crawl space storage area near my front door, a storage area that I have numerous collectables stored in. I was just in there two days ago to shut off the water valve because single digit temperatures were approaching.
I open the small access door and see that the same water line I had closed off is broken and water is pouring out all over everything, just before the shut off valve I had closed off. For no discernable reason the soldering gave out and the two sections separated, allowing water to flow freely. I run to the utility room and close the main water valve, however by now the small room is flooded and water is flowing into the adjacent room. Carpet in that room is soaked as well as my collectibles in their boxes.
After I closed the water off I used every towel in the house to soak up what I can. Then I took every item of of the boxes to dry, the extent of their damage yet unknown. No running water in the house until I resolder the pipe, never had anything like it happen before. Beyond thankful we were home at the time or utter disaster would have swiftly resulted.
Not to make your story about me because I guess in a way we're lucky, but the timing of the incident was beyond uncanny and certainly makes me feel your pain a bit more.
Good luck with everything and do your best to stay positive. We're here to do what we can.
Damn brother. I am sorry to hear that. Goodluck getting it fixed. If you were a fellow Hoosier I would loan you my tools. LOL.
Thanks buddy. I just can't believe the f**king thing went either after or as a direct result of preventative maintenance. Anyway at least I know how to solder and believe I have what's needed to do it.
As far as the growth, assuming it's benign because you're still alive may not be the best conclusion to form. You have got to get that properly diagnosed ASAP.
Whenever I have insurance and/or cash to get it done. We are assuming it is benign since I am still kicking. LOL. :jester:
I apologize for my faulty memory… Are you a veteran? I know many here are and I can't always keep track. If you are, the VA has some really good resources for many of the issues you're currently experiencing. Everything from getting the twins checked out to counseling and assistance for helping with the HVAC issues.
And if you're not a vet, there are programs that you've paid into, via your tax dollars, that you should take advantage of. Medical, counseling and things of that nature are available to people in need who don't have the resources to pay for them themselves. You have to ask for help and do not let pride stand in your way. There is a reason there are assistance programs and it's to help people in times of need, utilize them, maybe not for yourself, but do it for your family if nothing else.
I'll echo the sentiment of others about getting regular exercise. The first few times may be difficult, and you may not see any positive results, but make a commitment to yourself to exercise at least 3 days a week and I would almost guarantee by week 3 you'll be in the groove and be looking forward to it from there on out. Starting is the hardest part, but every journey starts with the first step.
You are no good to your family if you're dead. Go see a doctor ASAP!
You don't want to lose a nut if you can help it. I feel your pain. A few years ago I woke early to feel one of mine aching and swelling. I tried to put off going to the doc for a few hours but finally told my wife to take me to the ER.
You don't know my wife obviously but #1) me asking her to drive is suicide #2) once we were on the road I'm telling her to hurry the **** up and she was already driving 20 or 30 over the speed limit. I have a pretty high tolerance for physical pain and tears were coming to my eyes and I was about to hyperventilate right when we got to the ER.
The on call urologist said naturally there's a tissue that normally grows around your nuts as a boy that prevents the nuts from spinning. I lacked this tissue so Testicular Torsion resulted. My nut spun around a couple of times cutting off the blood flow and swelled to over twice normal size. He said I could have lost it if I hadn't gotten there when I did. He tacked both of them in place so it hopefully won't happen again.
I (and hopefully you :) ) can laugh about it now but it wasn't funny then. I also have had a growth since I was 21 or so but it isn't painful and isn't a problem doctors have told me.
Your pain is what would concern me. I don't think any of us are trying to intentionally scare you worse than you already are but do whatever you can to have it seen about ASAP.
Edit:
And what Irish said ^^^^^^ x100
Kwelz,
I am very sorry to hear of your troubles. Stay positive and get your medical problem addressed as soon as possible. Regarding the house and no heat, consider checking-out the HERO program it may be able to provide some assistance to you.
Link: https://www.heroprogram.com/Homeowners
I've got nothing to complain about compared to some of you poor guys. Keep your head up. Life can't suck forever. God bless.
get your health in line for sure and places will do payment plans !
things can be tough the thing that gets me through are two things I look at what some folks went through in the depression and in WWII and things came out the other side ! imagine if you were a Jew in Germany !
the other thing was living abroad including Central America to realize what tough really is !
humbled me in so many ways
some of the places where giant storms have hit and complete places wiped out etc..
does not make your problems less but at least I try to say OK life is not to bad
chin up there is the other side
exkc135driver
01-05-14, 02:42
Whenever I have insurance and/or cash to get it done. We are assuming it is benign since I am still kicking. LOL. :jester:
I know it's easy for me to say this and not so easy for you to do it, but the sooner you get your medical issue diagnosed, if it's a minor problem the sooner it's fixed, but far more importantly, if it's a major problem, the more time you have to deal with it before things get really bad. Many serious disease processes become relatively minor if diagnosed early enough.
Good luck!
I agree that the medical issue is probably the biggest priority. It is the cause of a lot of the other issues, especially the ones just between my wife and I.
Sundevil thank you for the link. I checked on it and sadly our area is not eligible for the program.
For those who asked, I am not a veteran. My attempts to join way back in the day were rebuffed due to childhood epilepsy.
Irish you have a point on the programs that are available. I just hate the idea of taking advantage of any government program. Even looking at the healthcare exchange made me cringe. But I wonder if at this point I may just need to bite the bullet.
Things are not terrible of course. One nice thing is that my wife and I paid off most of our debt while we had solid income. That is actually one of the reasons our reserves are low. Of all the (quite substantial) debt that her and I had 18 months ago, we are down to around 1500-2000. Neither of us have car payments at the moment thankfully (Although her car is about to go we just found out). And our only large debt is the house, which I just refinanced under HARP and thankfully lowered the payment a bit.
No the problem right now is just the day to day struggles. Electric, water/sewer, House payment, Gas (We both drive 20+ miles to work and I have a lot of dash time for my job). So it is those things we are really worried about.
Now I know that there are people out there with far larger problems. And others with far easier problems. Hell, with all the problems I have I have still been trying to help with Chucks family. Because compared to them, my problems are minor and laughable.
Once again. Thank you all for both the support and sharing your own experiences.
Safetyhit: Any update on your water issues?
Short answer: pray. We've been struggling in one way or another since 2008 when the market crashed a couple weeks after I took a new job and we put our house on the market. Took a year to finally sell the house (at a significant loss), just when it seemed we were making progress, we lost our new house and a lot of our possessions to a tornado in May of 2011. Just about dug back out from that mess now.
My point is, life will always bring it's share of problems. Frankly, I don't know how I would make it through any of them without my faith. Every time things get overwhelming, I am reminded that it is not necessary to bear the burden alone. It is at these times when I have told God that I can't deal with things anymore and give it all to Him, that's when something happens to improve the situation. I'm not trying to tell you that all is sunshine and roses, sometimes the way out of a situation is still hard, but the burden is certainly lighter if I don't try to control everything.
My prayer for you is that you find peace throughout your difficulties.
Kev I have it under control, thank-you. The first attempt to repair failed because there are small leaks in the joint but with a bucket under it I was able to use the water long enough to make dinner, do dishes and shower. Some of the boxed items are toast and some carpet is wet, but I pulled it up where needed and expect to be able to reinstall today. Going to redo the pipes and get it right this time.
On a side note one of us stated that if he wins the rifle he is going to put it right back up for raffle so that the second round of funds can go to you. Thought it worth knowing.
OP,
I feel your pain, I know more people, my family included, that just keep getting it worse and worse it seems. My own breaking point came when I thought I was finally getting it all together after an ugly divorce, kids moving with my ex hundreds of miles away and cost of living far outpacing the shrinking portion of my salary that I actually bring home.
I had come to grips with my new world and started DIY'ing basement at home my girlfriend owns when it flooded during intense rainstorm the week before Hurricane Irene hit New York. Sewer pipes unable to handle the ever growing demands of Staten Island and the rain and path of least resistance was right up through the toilet in our basement.
It ruined countless items that aren't replaceable, photo albums she had since childhood, video tapes and other collectibles that I'd been creating and amassing since I was in high school, furniture, appliances, drywall, flooring, basically everything that was in the basement that wasn't two feet off the ground. It had never flooded in the 12+ years that we were aware of the house.
Over 30 hours later I had basically got all the sewage and ruined items out of the basement, my driveway which is over 75 feet long, was full of all the items that were now garbage. It looked like a house had been ripped apart by a tornado and then dumped into our driveway. Spent days disinfecting, cleaning, bleaching, cleaning, disinfecting... a week later, the hurricane hits and despite the costly "check valve" we paid to have installed during the week...it happens again!! So repeat the above, minus throwing everything out all of our belongings as they were already destroyed the week prior. Just felt like someone was out to get me!
Like all things, it passed and we're slowly clawing our way back to live the best we can for family and for ourselves.
Okay, the wrap up is that I firmly believe that God or fate or whatever you think controls your universe, will never throw more at you than you can handle. I admire you for seeking some advice and putting yourself out there.
Get your health issue straightened out, do whatever you have to do do keep your relationship with your wife strong (something I wish I would have figured out before my divorce) and always look ahead to doing whatever you have to in order to make things better.
Best of luck to you.
I agree that the medical issue is probably the biggest priority. It is the cause of a lot of the other issues, especially the ones just between my wife and I.
Irish you have a point on the programs that are available. I just hate the idea of taking advantage of any government program. Even looking at the healthcare exchange made me cringe. But I wonder if at this point I may just need to bite the bullet.
Now I know that there are people out there with far larger problems… Because compared to them, my problems are minor and laughable.
I'm gonna be direct, but I'm not trying to be an asshole, so please don't misinterpret. :) Your medical problems should be your first priority, period. I'm pretty libertarian in my political philosophy but the simple fact of the matter is that there are programs available to you right now and if you don't take advantage of them you're being ****ing stupid. Do not let pride stand in your way of being able to be healthy.
If you do not correct this problem and pull the knife out of your balls than you may very well have those larger problems, your family may be facing Chuck's families' reality, seriously. Testicular cancer or whatever is going wrong with the boys is abso****inglutely serious and shouldn't be taken lightly.
Last time, currently you are a liability to your family and the longer you wait the more expenses will be, you will have a longer recovery time or if you wait long enough they may just give you an ETA of death arriving on your doorstep. You are no good to your family if you are dead.
Chin up, chest out and get into a doc and resolve this issue now. Then, you can move forward without the pain and stress of not knowing what's going on with you physically and address the other issues you're experiencing. Best of luck to you!
ditto again you can't buy health back ? you can buy a new AC or a car etc.. health is a major thing that needs to always be taken care of no matter what :)
FlyingHunter
01-05-14, 20:38
We will keep you and your family in our prayers.
I agree with most of the other thread contributors - get your health squared away asap. Priority One!
Set small, attainable goals and savor the "small victories".
Best wishes to you and your family.
This thread just goes to show the incredible level of self control and responsibility of the gun owners of this forum. We have guns, magazines and ammunition that would make most media types foam at the mouth. But when life really sticks the screws to us, we assess and soldier on best we can.
By contrast the average idiot out there will try and kill a teacher for getting kicked out of a school program or try and kill a bunch of kids because "mommy" was gonna move him out of his nice house or whatever the hell motivates some loser to kill somebody else.
I understand why so many want to ban guns, that is because they know they can't be trusted with butter knives and if any part of their world becomes upset they are willing to become violent and unreasonable people with little or no provocation.
By contrast many of us here have actual machine guns and when life is really testing us we mostly just worry about Chucks family and how they are getting along and hoping we can help even in a small way.
SeriousStudent
01-06-14, 19:14
This thread just goes to show the incredible level of self control and responsibility of the gun owners of this forum. We have guns, magazines and ammunition that would make most media types foam at the mouth. But when life really sticks the screws to us, we assess and soldier on best we can.
By contrast the average idiot out there will try and kill a teacher for getting kicked out of a school program or try and kill a bunch of kids because "mommy" was gonna move him out of his nice house or whatever the hell motivates some loser to kill somebody else.
I understand why so many want to ban guns, that is because they know they can't be trusted with butter knives and if any part of their world becomes upset they are willing to become violent and unreasonable people with little or no provocation.
By contrast many of us here have actual machine guns and when life is really testing us we mostly just worry about Chucks family and how they are getting along and hoping we can help even in a small way.
Oh, so very this.
This thread just goes to show the incredible level of self control and responsibility of the gun owners of this forum. We have guns, magazines and ammunition that would make most media types foam at the mouth. But when life really sticks the screws to us, we assess and soldier on best we can.
By contrast the average idiot out there will try and kill a teacher for getting kicked out of a school program or try and kill a bunch of kids because "mommy" was gonna move him out of his nice house or whatever the hell motivates some loser to kill somebody else.
I understand why so many want to ban guns, that is because they know they can't be trusted with butter knives and if any part of their world becomes upset they are willing to become violent and unreasonable people with little or no provocation.
By contrast many of us here have actual machine guns and when life is really testing us we mostly just worry about Chucks family and how they are getting along and hoping we can help even in a small way.
Truer words have not been spoken.
I have found the support and advice given here to be a great help. Even people I historically butt heads with have given words of support or advice.
Since they shut down our offices today I spent a good part of the day doing research into a few things that people have advised. Nothing solid yet but I feel like I at lest have a direction to move in now.
Invictus
William Ernest Henley
1849–1903
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Stuff happens and usually life isn't always easy. Hvac went out that $ucks but and I am sounding like my dad on this one "if you didn't have HVAC it wouldn't go out" . Take one thing at the time ,and do pray. I am 60 years old and if I look back I would have gelded myself when I was 11 years old and probably would have owned half of the United states by now. Over all life sucks but the little good things is what makes it worthwhile.
TurretGunner
01-10-14, 09:06
I will try to be blunt and not too much of a cold asshole.
1. Start being pro-active.... Sitting on your laurels and waiting for things to come to you, are what have put you in this possition. If you want to change that, you need to change your attitude first. There are programs out there to help people in your situation. There are Doc's who do Pro Bono work. Hell, Have you called all the docs in your area asking if you can do a payment plan or secure some kind off asset for the procedure? You are no use to your family sick or dead. You are the only one who can take this bull buy the balls (sorry no pun) and fix this shit. The longer you wait, the worse your options and probabilties are.
2. While you are not either working, researching, calling or meeting with medical personal.... you and your wife need to sit down and do a budget. EVERYTHING needs to be budgeted. Think of this as a six sigma problem. You are to eliminate waste, saving money and reducing any expenses you can. Cable TV? GONE... Hell sell your TV while your at it. ATV's or other toys, GONE... Keep a few guns/ammo for protection or family herilooms. You will be astonished at how much money you waste every month of stupid and unnneded shit. Learn to cook. USA has the CHEAPEST food in the entire world compared to per capita income. Buy bags of grains and make soups and other shit. Take Lunches. Try and find side work... DO SOMETHING.
3. Sitting around praying won't help you. The only person that can help you is you. You need to decide if you and your family are worth it. If the awsner is yes, then nut up and take control. No one is going hand you everything and you better be pro-active and willing to take it.
Wealth is not about how much you make, its about how much you keep. If you have Debt..... IGNORE IT, especialy unsecured....... Credit cards and the like...... ignore them untill your medical issues are taken care of. Playing on M4 carbine will not solve your issues. Start thinking outside of the box. There is so much money to be made plain hussling and doing niche jobs.....you just need to think and be creative.
Lasty, be thankfull for what you have and where you live. Immagine your same scenario only you live in Uganda or Columbia. There is no place in the world that affords you the oppertunities you have here. Take advantage of them.
Turretgunner I don't think anything you have said is being an an asshole. In fact I have already done most of the things you stated. We have a budget. We have cut all extra expenses and I am down to just a few firearms. What I did have trouble doing but am trying to change is reaching out and asking for help.
I thought I would post to give those who have posted a bit of an update.
With the help of a couple much needed kicks in the ass I started searching for the solution instead of focusing so much on the problem.
I found out that a line of credit I had taken out years ago to do some insulation work was still active and will pay for most of the HVAC work. A family member also agreed to help pay for it till things get straitened out with me just paying them back when that happens. It was still seeming a bit out of reach till fate decided to give me a break. When the guy was here taking a look at the old unit and figuring out the cost he slipped and came through the ceiling. The owner of the company was here within half an hour. And the first words out of his mouth were sorry and asking what it would take to make things right. So not only did he pay for the damages but he asked to see the other quotes I had gotten and said he would do the work for 500 less than the cheapest. Which was 900 less than the original quote they had given me.
So as of a few weeks ago we have Heat again. Needless to say the wife and I are pretty happy about that. On top of that, because of the situation and level or
And the best part is that because of the type of unit I had installed I got an $1800 credit with my Electric company!
More importantly than all of that though I put feelers out about the medical issue I mentioned earlier. Turns out there is a clinic in the county that has options for people in my situation. And if they refer me to a specialist then that will be covered as well. I am always hesitant to take advantage of any public assisted programs like this place on general principle but health does come first. And I do pay more than enough Taxes! So here is to hoping that soon I will be able to get the surgery as well
SeriousStudent
02-24-14, 20:05
Glad to read that the sun is shining a little brighter for you and your family.
Keep working on your goals, they get closer with each step.
Glad to read that the sun is shining a little brighter for you and your family.
Keep working on your goals, they get closer with each step.
I don't know about the sun but I can indeed tell you it is warmer :D
SeriousStudent
02-24-14, 20:10
I used to live in southern Indiana, and was fond of furnaces myself.
Glad to hear that things are turning around. Attitude plays a role.
1.) Make a list of things to do and accomplish them every day. Even little things. Take a dump, check. Fix the dripping faucet, check. Wash the car, check. Small accomplishments make you feel better and keep you motivated.
This is what helped me get turned around quicker. When I accomplished even little tasks, I gave myself an atta boy. Then it just became normal again to get things done. No atta boy needed.
I am always hesitant to take advantage of any public assisted programs like this place on general principle but health does come first. And I do pay more than enough Taxes! So here is to hoping that soon I will be able to get the surgery as well
Don't think twice about it. They are taxing us anyway. I'd rather see somebody who actually tries it on their own get the benefit than somebody who just sits at home and never even attempts to fend for themselves.
In fact if it only went to those truly "in need" who are doing their best I'd not have so many objections to public assistance programs.
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