View Full Version : Real Life Craster's Keep
KalashniKEV
06-20-16, 13:39
Has anybody seen this story yet?
Amish guy runs over his 1 year old son with a forklift, killing him, gets all depressed, questions the faith, can't pay his bills and the big Amish Corporation LLC is going to repo his business... where he makes manure spreaders.
Teams up with an old Jewish guy who is being blackballed by the Amish for being a Jew, who also manages to convince Amish guy that he is the messiah, he is immoral, he can read minds, and that Amish guy should get an air conditioner and use power tools.
This causes Amish guy to lose his Amish Fire Insurance and he Amish Bank Loan.
Jewish guy helps Amish guy back on his feet and receives in payment one 14 year old girl... who he makes instapregnant.
They just raided the old dudes house and pulled out 12 girls- all under 18.
https://tribwpmt.files.wordpress.com/2016/06/stoltzfus.jpg?quality=85&strip=all&w=300&strip=all
If the neighbors never called the cops, who knows how long it would have gone on (since the guy was immortal and all).
http://heavy.com/news/2016/06/daniel-savilla-stoltzfus-arrested-lee-kaplan-12-girls-amish-bucks-county-pennsylvania-child-sexual-assault/
"We kept finding more children […] It’s just a crazy situation.”
Nutjobs...The lot of them... :(
Yep. That not far from me. Maybe 15 min drive. Bunch of weirdos! I thought this type of nut jobs were in Florida! ;)
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See....people have long romanticized the concept of a Sex Farm for Hookers but the reality is just.....just....ew.
A much beloved foible of comic relief of a guy in bib overalls with a bunch of kinky girls running around and fishnets and lace ends up resembling that one episode of X Files with the inbred hillbillies.
tl;dr
EWWW GUH-ROOOOOOSSSS
he said in his best Libby from Sabrina the Teenage Witch voice
Eurodriver
06-20-16, 14:40
Yep. That not far from me. Maybe 15 min drive. Bunch of weirdos! I thought this type of nut jobs were in Florida! ;)
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I'm sure all of their parents, aunts, uncles, etc are down here.
How many relatives do you have in FL, Arik?
I'm sure all of their parents, aunts, uncles, etc are down here.
How many relatives do you have in FL, Arik?
None but I had a great uncle who had a vacation condo in Holandale Fl
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KalashniKEV
06-20-16, 14:52
See....people have long romanticized the concept of a Sex Farm for Hookers but the reality is just.....just....ew.
It all depends on what your goals are, I guess.
I could see doing it Charlie Manson (sans-murder)/ Aliki Farms style with a bunch of cool granola chicks who know how to turn random plants and animals into food, but for this guy, apparently the goal was little girls- so he succeeded 12x and had the adults serving them up... until the neighbors picked up the phone.
https://grist.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/portlandia-farm_616x435.jpg
I was thinking more kitschy 80s Hee Haw with a skinny guy in overalls tending to a stable of different kindsa girls like the dumb blondes, the brainy, snarky brunette, the horndog redheads (twins I imagine), one short haired tomboyis, yet sensitive chick, and at least one goth girl.
With that synthesizer 80s porno music and like at least one "Benny Hill" sounding credits track.
But now this news has cast a grim shadow over my little fantasy.
Outlander Systems
06-20-16, 17:17
X-Files:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_(The_X-Files)
Why was an Amish guy using a forklift? Isn't that forbidden?
Outlander Systems
06-20-16, 17:27
Probably a Moderate (Menonite) Amish
Why was an Amish guy using a forklift? Isn't that forbidden?
KalashniKEV
06-20-16, 17:51
Why was an Amish guy using a forklift? Isn't that forbidden?
I think they're allowed to use tools to make their little electric heaters and stuff.
That's another weird part of the story- he lost his loan and insurance because they saw the air conditioner hanging out of his window.
FromMyColdDeadHand
06-20-16, 18:09
I think they're allowed to use tools to make their little electric heaters and stuff.
That's another weird part of the story- he lost his loan and insurance because they saw the air conditioner hanging out of his window.
How'd they know what it was? ;)
I was at a building materials tradeshow and some Amish people went by and a guy I know goes "F***ing Amish". Not the usual adjective I've heard before. My buddy was pissed because he said the Amish get to skirt things like safety and child labor laws and underbid people while being general PITAs to deal with.
Thought it was kind of funny.
True Detective
Season one...
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How'd they know what it was? ;)
I was at a building materials tradeshow and some Amish people went by and a guy I know goes "F***ing Amish". Not the usual adjective I've heard before. My buddy was pissed because he said the Amish get to skirt things like safety and child labor laws and underbid people while being general PITAs to deal with.
Thought it was kind of funny.
But pretty much true.
I had a great uncle who had a vacation condo in Holandale Fl
If I had nickel for every time I heard that....
I always wanted to make it with an Amish chick. An Asian Amish chick.
I think they're allowed to use tools to make their little electric heaters and stuff.
That's another weird part of the story- he lost his loan and insurance because they saw the air conditioner hanging out of his window.
I don't even know where to start. Remember the Amish school shooting where they all refused to try and defend themselves because it was God's will?
Here is a guy who once believed air conditioners were somehow against God, but then later decided it would be no big deal to sell his 14 year old daughter. Gotta wonder how he reconciled that in his mind.
KalashniKEV
06-21-16, 08:13
Here is a guy who once believed air conditioners were somehow against God, but then later decided it would be no big deal to sell his 14 year old daughter. Gotta wonder how he reconciled that in his mind.
I don't think it's too much of a stretch- ISIS and the Hasidim would be right there with him.
To call these people medievalists would be too generous... they are basically pre-historians.
I don't even know where to start. Remember the Amish school shooting where they all refused to try and defend themselves because it was God's will?
Here is a guy who once believed air conditioners were somehow against God, but then later decided it would be no big deal to sell his 14 year old daughter. Gotta wonder how he reconciled that in his mind.
I'll take inbreeding for $400 Alex...
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