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View Full Version : Bizarre Film Reviews: Tank 432



Firefly
04-10-17, 23:43
Welp....this was on Netflix and since I'm not renewing I figured I'd have a last hurrah until I change my mind since now they have all the old Ghostbusters cartoons I watched and ate the cereal thereof.


WELL....I thought this would be something like The Beast or somesuch. Then there are these British dudes with G36s and SG 551s and I think maybe its like Strike Back with Zombies.

No. Although they do shoot at a weird boogeyman looking dude. So...aliens?

No. Then it turns out they are mercs and they are all British and hearing British people curse and cuss and say dirty words is like Shakespeare.

Anyways stuff goes wrong and they end up in some limey Falkland era tank(APC really) and they got these hysterical women. And this boogeyman dude outside and they try to figure out how to get the tank started and/or open the stuck hatch.


I hate to spoil but it is confusing and everyone is ultimately on acid. No gunfights, no one liners.

Literally a bunch of limeys in multicam high on acid cussing at each other. And not funny late night chevy van cussing. I mean sad, hepped up on DMT, thinking God is screwing with them personally cussing and screaming

The ending felt almost like an unfunny, desert dry Monty Python punchline.

I dunno if I recommend it or not. When dude hsd a SG 551 for a recon rifle and the blonde medic chick was all aloof I thought it was going to be some Strike Back stuff.

Nope. Limeys in a tank, high on Acid, and cussing at each other.

In short, we need more Strike Back.

So if you perversely get off on watching dudes high on acid act crazy then this might be worth your time. I wouldnt watch again but dont necessarily regret having seen it.

Dienekes
04-11-17, 00:00
Thought "The Beast" was good way back then. Bought "The White Tiger" a while back and thought it was weird.

If I ever get back to the UK I'd like to go to the tank museum at Covington, where they have a restored Tiger running.

Meanwhile the best we can do around here is an M3 (?) Stuart that comes to the annual MG shoot. The main gun is only a 37mm pea shooter--but my wife got a charge of of shooting it anyway.

And now I've got that damn Cinemax revving engine intro from Strike Back running through my mind...

SteyrAUG
04-11-17, 01:33
Dog Soldiers. Quit wasting time with the dumb stuff.

BoringGuy45
04-11-17, 09:14
Dog Soldiers. Quit wasting time with the dumb stuff.

AWESOME movie! Basically Aliens but with werewolves instead.

jmp45
04-11-17, 11:07
I gave up on Tank shortly into it. Probably one best zombie films I've seen in quite a while is 'Train To Busan' on netflix.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMqBPvLetvQ

Firefly
04-11-17, 12:37
I saw Dog Soldiers. One of the more scholarly films about werewolves.

I dont even think you could MST3K this. It wasn't Reefer Madness. It literally was like they gave a bunch of people acid and then they start cussing, getting paranoid, and trying to get God involved.

I think dude got his paintball buddies on acid and filmed it and said "bam, here's a movie"

SteyrAUG
04-11-17, 15:20
I gave up on Tank shortly into it. Probably one best zombie films I've seen in quite a while is 'Train To Busan' on netflix.

Last good one I saw was Dead Snow.

jmp45
04-11-17, 15:26
Last good one I saw was Dead Snow.

Yes, dead snow is awesome. Deathwatch is another, not up for stream anymore. WWI Trench horror film.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCyrhdW9e8M

jwfuhrman
04-11-17, 19:29
I literally just watched this today and I am in agreement. I have NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL I JUST WATCHED

Jellybean
04-11-17, 22:16
Thought "The Beast" was good way back then. Bought "The White Tiger" a while back and thought it was weird.
....

If that's the "white tiger" with the Russian tanker that gets roasted, somehow survives and can talk to tanks.... well, it was interesting I'll give it that.
I was honestly expecting a little more, but it had a couple unique and interesting moments even though it was just odd as hell.
Nowhere near screaming limeys on acid weird, but hey... how often do movie gems like that really come along? :laugh:

davidjinks
04-12-17, 20:31
I made it to the part where they made it to the tank. That was it.

Now, Train to Busan, that was a rough ending. Pretty damn good movie.


I gave up on Tank shortly into it. Probably one best zombie films I've seen in quite a while is 'Train To Busan' on netflix.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMqBPvLetvQ