View Full Version : How to respond to a racist tirad ?
I was discussing the Philando Castile shooting with a friend, who has been in multiple shootings in 2 countries but was never a cop.
Me I have been a cop in 2 countries full time, plus hold a commission in a 3rd from when I was training their elite units.
I have problems with the actions of the officer, which need not be detailed for this thread.
My friend went off on me calling me a liberal, "N" lover, and a bunch of other vile names. He also said the cop should have shot all 3 people in the vehicle.
I will not put how I responded here at this point in time.
But I would love to know how you would respond to this?
If I had been unwise enough to start the conversation in the first place, I would have promptly disengaged and walked away. Nothing good or productive would come from furthering the discussion at that point.
ramairthree
06-23-17, 10:39
Just say,
"Dude,
You are way more emotionally invested in this than me. We were not there."
And go back to your friendship before the argument.
SomeOtherGuy
06-23-17, 10:44
I was discussing the Philando Castile shooting with a friend, who has been in multiple shootings in 2 countries but was never a cop.
***
My friend went off on me calling me a liberal, "N" lover, and a bunch of other vile names. He also said the cop should have shot all 3 people in the vehicle.
I literally never call friends insulting names in a serious manner. People may vary, but that to me would put a hold on the friendship at the least.
I have worked with other soldiers who have that mentality, how you respond is all based on the situation, me personally I couldn't be friends with someone like that, that much hate is toxic, in my case, I keep professional relationships going but end or prevent friendships from developing.
Just say,
"Dude,
You are way more emotionally invested in this than me. We were not there."
And go back to your friendship before the argument.
If he's a real friend then this ^.
Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
I was discussing the Philando Castile shooting with a friend, who has been in multiple shootings in 2 countries but was never a cop.
Me I have been a cop in 2 countries full time, plus hold a commission in a 3rd from when I was training their elite units.
I have problems with the actions of the officer, which need not be detailed for this thread.
My friend went off on me calling me a liberal, "N" lover, and a bunch of other vile names. He also said the cop should have shot all 3 people in the vehicle.
I will not put how I responded here at this point in time.
But I would love to know how you would respond to this?
I'd have a difficult time calling him or viewing him as a friend at that point. I also wouldn't have a problem with saying "I am a N lover in fact, but it does not change the fact patterns of this event" or something like that. With friends like that....
WHy would you want to be friends with someone who uses that language and advocates shooting innocent people (like the 4 year old in the back seat). The company we keep says a lot about us. A good friend of mine was in a similar situation when a racist joke was told. He responded "what have I ever put out there that makes you think that I would find that funny". I thought that was a good way of taking ownership of the conversation.
What he said is not something a "friend" would say, and not the behavior or language of someone I would wish to be friends with.
Having addressed that part, if I were engaged in such a conversation with an acquaintance, I would calmly and methodically deconstruct their statements and make them understand the absurdity, ignorance and callousness of such stupidity. I like a good verbal wrestling match. Those statements show a clear sense of frustration and history in dealing with this sort of thing, and understanding those prior events and this person's take on those prior events would help me to understand where they are coming from and how to convince them how, where and why they are wrong to make such ridiculous statements. You clearly got an emotional over-reaction and touched a nerve. I'd want to know what that nerve is and come at it from a different way.
Sometimes I succeed. Most of the time I fail. Many times the person disengages when they sense my victory is near and their irrational arguments have been defeated. Even when I fail, I have often planted a seed that will later bear fruit. Even if they don't agree with me 100%, I can usually scratch the surface, or get some sensible points across. A favorite example is my repetition of the discussion between Bill O'reilly and Bob Costa. Bill paints him into a very uncomfortable corner and Bob squirms and squirms as he tries to avoid the question at around 3:45 and weasels his way around the question until about 6:30, when he successfully changes the subject.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CIp4nKDqsU
My friend went off on me calling me a liberal, "N" lover, and a bunch of other vile names. He also said the cop should have shot all 3 people in the vehicle.
I found the problem, ^^^right there.^^^
Mace
Whiskey_Bravo
06-23-17, 12:56
Not sure how this is even a thread. Sounds like someone I wouldn't consider a friend.
I wanted to gauge if my response was correct, so that is why I asked for input.
What I did was just deleted everything, after he blew up and started spouting rubbish. Deleted all the his messages cause this was going back and forth with verbal messages on whatsapp.
I mean it is no secret I am a Jew, so from using the N word to one day calling me a dirty Jew if he got pissed over something that didn't meet his approval. He has also got upset because I have not supported 100% of Trumps actions or tweets.
So this thread can now die, and thank you to everyone.
Sounds like you found a good litmus test for that guy. Failure means you can go out and make a new friend to replace that guy.
I've gotten into heated debates with friends. I and most of my friends have foul mouths galore so I'm not phased by vulgarity, but when we devolve into shooting children it's time for new friends.
titsonritz
06-23-17, 17:06
I have recently blown off / cut ties with a few friends (some going back as far as high school) and family members (nothing to do with Trump, politics, etc., but real BS) I can honestly say I have no regrets and should have done it years ago. I don't need nor want their bullshit, fuk 'em.
I have recently blown off / cut ties with a few friends (some going back as far as high school) and family members (nothing to do with Trump, politics, etc., but real BS) I can honestly say I have no regrets and should have done it years ago. I don't need nor want their bullshit, fuk 'em.
This is something I've had to teach to my wife and my kids. My wife will admit that cutting ties from the dead weight in her life was relieving and she's glad I convinced her to do it. The kids are a work in progress. I refuse to be associated with anyone with questionable morals, addicts, alcoholics, and drama queens. I've got no time for that and has resulted in a circle of friends that are trustworthy and fulfilling to be around.
I also extend this to family. I will be attending my grandmother's memorial in July. It will likely be the last time I will visit with that side of the family for the rest of my life. They aren't necessarily bad people, they just can't have the decency to not bring politics into every conversation and attempting to shove their ideals down my throat. They are all borderline communists, anti-gun to the core, and completely unintelligent. I have spent my entire life trying to find common ground with these folks and I'm done. My grandmother was the only thing bonding us.
Can you save a drowning man? Yes. Can you educate a racist? Yes. I would explain to my friend that their "accusation" is utterly unacceptable, and that I'm willing for the sake of the friendship to address the issue and work with that person. However, the necessity of change would be non-negotiable.
I don't cut and run on the people in my life because they have a serious flaw or problem. I do cut people out of my life when they're informed of the issue and refuse to address it.
My friend went off on me calling me a liberal, "N" lover, and a bunch of other vile names. He also said the cop should have shot all 3 people in the vehicle.
Doesn't sound like a friend so much as an acquaintance and you don't have to talk to people just because you know them. I pretty much don't let anyone talk to me like that without getting a plate full of the same in return.
Ironic timing, I was in one of my favorite sushi spots the other day and the table behind me was going on about how jews are trying to run the county, control banks and law firms and similar stuff and not really using their inside voice. I turned around expecting to see a table full of rednecks (who usually have a preferred minority to voice their opinions about) and was a little caught off guard to see a table full of well dressed (upper middle class I'm guessing) black folks.
Wasn't sure if that was social progress I was witnessing or not. I'm coming to the realization that no matter how educated, how socially elevated or whatever there will still be a percentage of those people who are as retarded and racist as anyone from the worst trailer park or ghetto.
I was discussing the Philando Castile shooting with a friend, who has been in multiple shootings in 2 countries but was never a cop.
Me I have been a cop in 2 countries full time, plus hold a commission in a 3rd from when I was training their elite units.
I have problems with the actions of the officer, which need not be detailed for this thread.
My friend went off on me calling me a liberal, "N" lover, and a bunch of other vile names. He also said the cop should have shot all 3 people in the vehicle.
I will not put how I responded here at this point in time.
But I would love to know how you would respond to this?
I would no longer consider a person like that a friend. Too emotional, too racist, dude needs to chill the FVCK out.
The "n" lover is bad enough, shoot all 3 - that would be it for me.
edit:
...
I don't cut and run on the people in my life because they have a serious flaw or problem. I do cut people out of my life when they're informed of the issue and refuse to address it.
Solid advice. Based on OP though, doesn't sound like its the first time.
Steyr - I used to work with a lesbian who always complained about "rights", but was quite openly racist. Its mind-blowing, how stupid some people are.
Steyr - I used to work with a lesbian who always complained about "rights", but was quite openly racist. Its mind-blowing, how stupid some people are.
Still catches me off guard no matter how many times it happens.
RetroRevolver77
06-24-17, 01:08
The differences is the environment that forms perception.
Doesn't sound like a friend so much as an acquaintance and you don't have to talk to people just because you know them.
.
No he was a very good friend, which is why this was such a big deal, for me. I tried to get him to come around, but when he went off on this shooting like he did I was shocked. I wish he could learn that such ideas aren't acceptable to me and most people in the USA.
I hope and pray he can use this to learn to change his attitudes.
...Can you educate a racist? Yes...
With very few exceptions racism in this day and age isn't ignorance; it's a choice.
If you try to teach a pig to sing, you'll only waste your time and annoy the pig.
With very few exceptions racism in this day and age isn't ignorance; it's a choice.
If you try to teach a pig to sing, you'll only waste your time and annoy the pig.
Unfortunately, people learn behaviors and attitudes. It's hard to change what one was groomed to believe.
Much like the misuse of "racism" and "prejudice" as terms.
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RetroRevolver77
06-25-17, 13:08
No he was a very good friend, which is why this was such a big deal, for me. I tried to get him to come around, but when he went off on this shooting like he did I was shocked. I wish he could learn that such ideas aren't acceptable to me and most people in the USA.
I hope and pray he can use this to learn to change his attitudes.
Your friend perhaps is coming to the realization that our kindness, generosity and the Christian values of western civilization of helping our fellow man- is now being used by globalists to destroy us by opening a floodgate to third world parasites. Being Jewish yourself, from a small nation that builds walls to retain your sovereignty and ethnic identity- I don't doubt that by the same logic that there is much difference in this outlook.
I see a world of difference between Americans that happen to be black and opening up the flood gates to third world types from the Middle East or Africa.
I and the USA owe the 3rd world nothing, other than being the best we can be as an example for them to try and follow.
Your friend perhaps is coming to the realization that our kindness, generosity and the Christian values of western civilization of helping our fellow man- is now being used by globalists to destroy us by opening a floodgate to third world parasites. Being Jewish yourself, from a small nation that builds walls to retain your sovereignty and ethnic identity- I don't doubt that by the same logic that there is much difference in this outlook.
Luke 6:29
sorry only Luke I know is cool hand luke;)
RetroRevolver77
06-25-17, 15:38
I see a world of difference between Americans that happen to be black and opening up the flood gates to third world types from the Middle East or Africa.
I and the USA owe the 3rd world nothing, other than being the best we can be as an example for them to try and follow.
There are many people born here, not all share our values nor realize the blessings and opportunities by being a citizen of the greatest nation on Earth.
7n6
Luke 6:29
I looked up this verse:
Luke 6:29New International Version (NIV)
29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.
What does this mean to you and how does it relate to this thread?
I looked up this verse:
Luke 6:29New International Version (NIV)
29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.
What does this mean to you and how does it relate to this thread?
Here is complete thought - Luke: 6-27-31
27“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
I refer to Matthew for the nuanced example: (Mt 5:38-42)
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[a] 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
Key difference - 'on the right cheek' - for a right handed person to slap me on the right cheek, he would have to backhand me - in ancient times an insult or challenge. Essentially, it means don't escalate a challenge or insult to violence. Some folks believe it means don't fight back, not true, it just means fight only when necessary.
In case you don't believe that, here is Luke 22: 35-38
Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?” “Nothing,” they answered. 36He said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one. 37It is written: ‘And he was numbered with the transgressors’ and I tell you that this must be fulfilled in me. Yes, what is written about me is reaching its fulfillment.” 38The disciples said, “See, Lord, here are two swords.” “That’s enough!” he replied.
Sorry for the thread drift, today is Sunday, though.
No he was a very good friend, which is why this was such a big deal, for me. I tried to get him to come around, but when he went off on this shooting like he did I was shocked. I wish he could learn that such ideas aren't acceptable to me and most people in the USA.
I hope and pray he can use this to learn to change his attitudes.
I don't even know you in real life, but if I met you in person I'd never call you anything like that. I can understand giving a person who hasn't figured it out a little leeway to get it together, especially if they are essentially a good person, but for starters I'd explain that regardless of political views, it's unacceptable for him to speak to you like that.
I have had more civil discourse with people who were anti white racists (BP crowd) who I didn't even like as a person, but they were speaking like a reasonable person so I did the same even if I felt almost everything they believed was 100% effed up.
I looked up this verse:
Luke 6:29New International Version (NIV)
29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.
What does this mean to you and how does it relate to this thread?
It relates to the post I quoted which cited the "Christian values of western civilization."
We--as a society--do a pretty shitty job of adhering to these values. We talk the talk, but we don't walk the walk.
As to the cited "sell your cloak to buy a sword," Jesus wasn't literally telling his followers to take up arms to defend him (it would have been both pointless and contrary to prophecy). Rather, he was telling his disciples that with his impending arrest they would become fugitives, and the primary threat they would face would be men rather than the elements.
It relates to the post I quoted which cited the "Christian values of western civilization."
We--as a society--do a pretty shitty job of adhering to these values. We talk the talk, but we don't walk the walk.
As to the cited "sell your cloak to buy a sword," Jesus wasn't literally telling his followers to take up arms to defend him (it would have been both pointless and contrary to prophecy). Rather, he was telling his disciples that with his impending arrest they would become fugitives, and the primary threat they would face would be men rather than the elements.
Thank you. That is the first time anyone has taken the time to explain that in a way that makes any sense at all. Everyone else just parrot's the quote as if they are offering some truly profound information.
It relates to the post I quoted which cited the "Christian values of western civilization."
We--as a society--do a pretty shitty job of adhering to these values. We talk the talk, but we don't walk the walk.
As to the cited "sell your cloak to buy a sword," Jesus wasn't literally telling his followers to take up arms to defend him (it would have been both pointless and contrary to prophecy). Rather, he was telling his disciples that with his impending arrest they would become fugitives, and the primary threat they would face would be men rather than the elements.
Agreed. That is clearly what he meant. Sorry, I didn't make my meaning more clear. I guess I didn't consider that other folks weren't aware of this - Luke 22, when Judas betrayed Jesus:
49 When Jesus’ followers saw what was going to happen, they said, “Lord, should we strike with our swords?” 50 And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear. 51 But Jesus answered, “No more of this!” And he touched the man’s ear and healed him.
Which makes it imminently clear that Jesus wasn't literally telling his followers to take up arms to defend him (it would have been both pointless and contrary to prophecy).
However, as I tried to state, contextually 'sell your cloak and buy one' and 'two swords is enough' does make it clear that use of force in self-defense is appropriate.
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