View Full Version : My life was just turned upside down.......
devildogljb
07-19-17, 22:10
So Sunday afternoon while at work i received a call from my elderly father saying I had gotten mail at his house. Thinking it was for him (we have the same name) he opens it and calls me in a panic. To paraphrase the letter he has a granddaughter and i have a niece we knew nothing about and is currently in custody of the Child protective service. After my mom passed years ago myself and my father decided it was time to break ties with my younger brother due to the constant drug use (my family had tried for many years to help), the felony convictions and even a investigation into assisting in a bank robbery and the attempted break ins to our house he said he lived by drug dealers he owed money. The letter was looking for some one to take her into their home until they can figure out what to do. I have no idea who the mother is but i'm expecting shes a real winner also. I end up calling the next day on Monday with my girl friend of over 2 years that we just bought a 3000 square foot house and my father. Turns out she is almost 2 years old was being taken care of her mom's great grandparents then when they could no longer take care of her passed onto a "babysitter". The circumstance when child protective services stepped in, i am not allowed to know. But her mom's parents said they wanted nothing to do with her. So the director of the office there asked two things would i be willing to foster her and if later on down the road adopt her. With out a hesitation i said yes to both. So i just passed my FBI background check along with the girlfriend (no surprises there) and now waiting for a call from her case worker on Monday for the next steps. I do not have any kids, im not rich but like any one else in the U.S. trying to pay their bills. So needless to say I am scared out of my ever loving mind. My brother is currently on the run for felony warrant's so i dont predict him jumping into this any time soon. So i have a couple of questions if any one here has gone threw the foster care process. 1. How long does the process usually take. 2. I know i will have to open my home to a inspection. Obviously i am a firearm owner, but will this some how affect me from taking in my niece? I do keep all my firearms in a safe (you cant miss it in my "man cave") unless i am home and I am carrying. 3. If I adopt when do you start sitting down the dates when your "cleaning" your firearms :cool: Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Eurodriver
07-19-17, 22:17
What are you doing man????
Your life isn't upside down - it is going to be permanently ****ed.
Real life doesn't award "good people" points. You just end up involved in a bad way with Mr Felony warrants and deadbeat mother.
Good luck. Your firearm ownership won't affect anything as long as you don't have a Molon Labe flag outside and wear camo.
Can't help...never been through it. But I have to admire you for your open heart and your willingness to put aside selfish concern for your own life and reach out to a poor two-year old to try to give her a better life.
devildogljb
07-19-17, 22:31
Well it all comes down to hoping to make a difference i guess. This little girl sounds like shes had no real family since her birth and she is my family. Mr. Felony I dealt with for many years and can handle that situation if the need is required.
What are you doing man????
Your life isn't upside down - it is going to be permanently ****ed.
Real life doesn't award "good people" points. You just end up involved in a bad way with Mr Felony warrants and deadbeat mother.
Good luck. Your firearm ownership won't affect anything as long as you don't have a Molon Labe flag outside and wear camo.
I also can't help with your questions but I have the highest respect for your no-hesitation response! Too many kids in this world are paying for their idiot parents' mistakes.
It won't be the same as having your own child but I can tell you that a child will change your heart, forever.
devildogljb
07-19-17, 22:50
Thats what every one is telling me...
I also can't help with your questions but I have the highest respect for your no-hesitation response! Too many kids in this world are paying for their idiot parents' mistakes.
It won't be the same as having your own child but I can tell you that a child will change your heart, forever.
Thats what every one is telling me...
She will come with baggage, be patient. She will need love and attention but also boundaries. I would say give her time to adjust to you but I can already tell you will. Well done, sir. You're a hero in my book.
No experience here- but I believe you are absolutely doing the right thing and would do the same in your situation.
Screw all the other variables and negative aspects- a 2 year old child needs parents, love, nurturing and to be taken care of.
Euro's a good dude, but he's way off base here.
It's gonna change your life. In so many ways. But children change your life for the better. Nurturing and loving a child- seeing them develop and grow is such a reward.
I wish you, your family and the child all the best.
Patience and a kind understanding heart is what this child will need.
What are you doing man????
Your life isn't upside down - it is going to be permanently ****ed.
Real life doesn't award "good people" points. You just end up involved in a bad way with Mr Felony warrants and deadbeat mother.
Good luck. Your firearm ownership won't affect anything as long as you don't have a Molon Labe flag outside and wear camo.
I disagree. You have the opportunity to be a blessing in the life of this girl and change her destiny forever. Good on you for stepping up. Though not a kid of your own I can speak for having kids, they are the most frustrating, expensive, aggravating, and time sucking thing and one the most joyful things that can be in your life. Fully worth the effort. God Bless.
devildogljb
07-19-17, 23:11
So kind of like my colt ar :lol:
I disagree. You have the opportunity to be a blessing in the life of this girl and change her destiny forever. Good on you for stepping up. Though not a kid of your own I can speak for having kids, they are the most frustrating, expensive, aggravating, and time sucking thing and one the most joyful things that can be in your life. Fully worth the effort. God Bless.
FromMyColdDeadHand
07-19-17, 23:23
3. If I adopt when do you start sitting down the dates when your "cleaning" your firearms Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Not the way to go since if it my son that comes by to pick her up, he'll just end up talking guns with you all night. Guns aren't the right way to go. Open the door to the garage and show him a shovel and and a bag of lime and tell him that he won't be missed. ;)
God bless you. Sounds like an absolute crap storm with this little girl in the center. Don't forget to take care of yourself.
Two year olds are like smart hunting dogs. They will get away with as much shennanigans as you let them. Consistency in rules/discipline and lots of attention for positive behavior is about as simple as the complex problem can be put. Every kid is different and responds differently. She doesn't know that her life has been totally jacked, that is all she knows. Getting her into healthy routines as fast as you can, is all I can think of.
Good luck.
Child proof the house. It is a hoot. Like little chinese puzzles all over the place.
HighDesert
07-19-17, 23:25
No experience here- but I believe you are absolutely doing the right thing and would do the same in your situation.
Screw all the other variables and negative aspects- a 2 year old child needs parents, love, nurturing and to be taken care of.
Euro's a good dude, but he's way off base here.
It's gonna change your life. In so many ways. But children change your life for the better. Nurturing and loving a child- seeing them develop and grow is such a reward.
I wish you, your family and the child all the best.
Patience and a kind understanding heart is what this child will need.
Could not have said it better myself. Also want to emphasize the absolute importance of boundaries, rules and routine. A two year old will test you, and they really do crave order.
Some random advice - definitely have your wife join a local moms swip swap group online. We have literally saved thousands buying kids stuff (clothes, toys, furniture) that way for our 2 and 4 yr old and then reselling or trading when they grow out of it. It really is a great thing. We are in a very good place financially, but when it comes to kids stuff, it's almost irresponsible to not save money this way.
I'd also recommend finding a foster parent support group.
I would also get a court order against the biological father asap, shouldn't be hard with his legal issues, because I promise you if he thinks there is ANY was to leverage the angel to squeeze some $ from you, he will try it. Same with the mother. Get a lawyer and investigate this.
Kids are the absolute best thing in life - and you are lucking out skipping the whole newborn no sleep zombie mode phase :)
Good luck - you are very likely saving this child's life!
I disagree. You have the opportunity to be a blessing in the life of this girl and change her destiny forever. Good on you for stepping up. Though not a kid of your own I can speak for having kids, they are the most frustrating, expensive, aggravating, and time sucking thing and one the most joyful things that can be in your life. Fully worth the effort. God Bless.
+1
She's only two, you have plenty of time to pour into her life. She will need love and boundaries. You can grow into this and she will be forever grateful for your sacrifice and commitment. Dealing with your brother will be a separate issue.
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FromMyColdDeadHand
07-19-17, 23:45
Some random advice - definitely have your wife join a local moms swip swap group online.
Girlfriend, not wife, correct?
You are doing the right thing.
If you let her this little girl will enrich your life and you certainly will enrich hers.
My wife and I have done foster care and ultimately ended up adopting our two daughters after fostering them for about a year.
Best thing that ever happened to us.
ramairthree
07-20-17, 00:12
Euro may or may not be off base.
She may be a perfect little girl that will be a wonderful addition to his life and turn out great.
Or she may be a broken, used, screwed up, not right huge burden to you.
And in either of the two cases druggie mom and dad could show up and cause problems.
If my brother died in a car accident, and his son was losing mom to cancer,
I would not hesitate to adopt my nephew.
I am at that age where I am supposed to have a midlife crisis and get a new wife and start a new family while my college kids scoff at me anyway. A normal little two year old that had smart working parents he lost taken into the current family would be less of a jolt.
If my brother was a scum bag druggie felon and mom was some unknown junkie poisoning her body while pregnant and this was some kid I never met with a bunch of problems, I might wave off.
I don't know, it has not happened to me.
Before I had ever been under fire, I assumed I would perform in a certain way. When it happened, I did.
Then before I had ever exposed myself to fire to get to wounded buddy, I assumed I would perform in a certain way. When the time came, I did.
Then I wondered if I was already wounded, would I still expose myself to fire to get to a wounded buddy. I assume I would, but was never in that situation.
You may not be wounded, but are getting exposed to some fire.
Well it all comes down to hoping to make a difference i guess. This little girl sounds like shes had no real family since her birth and she is my family.
I hope your noble efforts are rewarded. I hope that you live the rest of your life content with the knowledge that you literally saved the life of this girl.
My thoughts:
It seems to me like you are acting on impulse or emotion here. Have you really thought this through? I don't wish to encourage you to take in this child in need, or discourage you either. I'm simply wondering what happens six months from now when things settle down and you realize your life is not longer your own. That slap from reality can be a heavy handed one, even in ideal circumstances when people plan this out and do it deliberately.
Do you like your life or any aspect of it? If you want things to stay as they are, then don't do this. If you don't like your life the way it is, and want to completely change it all around, then go for it. Understand that there will be changes that you can't fathom right now. Whether or not these changes are for the better is a matter of perception. Some love and some hate it. Its a mixed bag for most people.
Jumping in and being the hero is going to feel great at first, but how are you going to feel months or years from now? You might feel great and its the best thing you've ever done. It might give your life meaning and purpose that you never knew existed. Or it might suck real hard, and you'll resent what has happened to your once carefree life. If you are the kind of strong person who has the intestinal fortitude to soldier on though the rough stuff and offer an unusually high level of self-sacrifice for years on end, then by all means, rescue this little girl and give her a great life. If you are going to resent the life changes, lack of seep, loss of money, strain on your relationship with the GF, etc…, then don't get in the middle of this mess.
Think this through before you sign those papers. Talk to several people who have raised daughters. Try to gain more insight into what you are really signing up for. And your GF? Is she really on board with this? Does she really want to be an instant Mommy? How is she going to feel when you work late and she has to do the laundry so the kid has clean clothes for school, and the dishes, and get the kid ready for bed?
Just food for thought man. Things to consider.
Please keep us posted.
Could not have said it better myself. Also want to emphasize the absolute importance of boundaries, rules and routine. A two year old will test you, and they really do crave order.
Some random advice - definitely have your wife join a local moms swip swap group online. We have literally saved thousands buying kids stuff (clothes, toys, furniture) that way for our 2 and 4 yr old and then reselling or trading when they grow out of it. It really is a great thing. We are in a very good place financially, but when it comes to kids stuff, it's almost irresponsible to not save money this way.
I'd also recommend finding a foster parent support group.
I would also get a court order against the biological father asap, shouldn't be hard with his legal issues, because I promise you if he thinks there is ANY was to leverage the angel to squeeze some $ from you, he will try it. Same with the mother. Get a lawyer and investigate this.
Kids are the absolute best thing in life - and you are lucking out skipping the whole newborn no sleep zombie mode phase :)
Good luck - you are very likely saving this child's life!
HighDesert has good info. We're looking into fostering here with the help of our church. There are a lot of organizations trying to help these little ones. Glad you're trying as well. We always tell our girls that family are the ones who are supposed to be there when you need help.
Don't make your guns a big deal with the inspection. If they ask, say yes, and they're all locked in the safe. Move to the next question. Like the IRS, the less detail they have, the less they can worry. Heck, once I told my kids they could see the guns anything they wanted just by asking me, they stopped caring about them!
And in my experience, anyone who goes on and on about the Terrible Twos never met a three year old! A two year old can throw a tantrum, which you can mostly ignore (annoying, but whatever). A three year old has language skills and will argue until the Sun burns out. You'll be amazed when you suddenly realize you've been arguing with a child for 20 minutes, and now they won't take "Yes" for an answer!
Yeah, your life will be turned upside-down. And it's awesome. If you're doing it right, and in there all the time, it's a ****ing ton of work. But it's super fun too. Just go slow, keep your temper, and try to keep them on schedule. It'll be a blast!
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ditto high desert
I also throw in ONLY you truly know your girlfriend/spouse and your heart and know/realize this is a life long thing :) search your heart mate !!!!
if you feel its not there help the child get to a home as so many want children that are also good loving folks :)
and I am not questioning or anything :) just again life long :) but sure ya know that just dont know ya :) so please read that understanding that
the fact you are willing to do this is a major thumbs up ! and much admiration respect etc.
agree kids are the best thing to happen to ones life to make it whole IMHO as long as they wanted them :) hahahahahah as I say baby sitting kids is the best birth control ever !
best of luck and keep us posted !! again so much respect to jump in and save a child !!!!!!
My thoughts:
It seems to me like you are acting on impulse or emotion here. Have you really thought this through? I don't wish to encourage you to take in this child in need, or discourage you either. I'm simply wondering what happens six months from now when things settle down and you realize your life is not longer your own. That slap from reality can be a heavy handed one, even in ideal circumstances when people plan this out and do it deliberately.
Do you like your life or any aspect of it? If you want things to stay as they are, then don't do this. If you don't like your life the way it is, and want to completely change it all around, then go for it. Understand that there will be changes that you can't fathom right now. Whether or not these changes are for the better is a matter of perception. Some love and some hate it. Its a mixed bag for most people.
Jumping in and being the hero is going to feel great at first, but how are you going to feel months or years from now? You might feel great and its the best thing you've ever done. It might give your life meaning and purpose that you never knew existed. Or it might suck real hard, and you'll resent what has happened to your once carefree life. If you are the kind of strong person who has the intestinal fortitude to soldier on though the rough stuff and offer an unusually high level of self-sacrifice for years on end, then by all means, rescue this little girl and give her a great life. If you are going to resent the life changes, lack of seep, loss of money, strain on your relationship with the GF, etc…, then don't get in the middle of this mess.
Think this through before you sign those papers. Talk to several people who have raised daughters. Try to gain more insight into what you are really signing up for. And your GF? Is she really on board with this? Does she really want to be an instant Mommy? How is she going to feel when you work late and she has to do the laundry so the kid has clean clothes for school, and the dishes, and get the kid ready for bed?
Just food for thought man. Things to consider.
Please keep us posted.
All true, but a person has to live with what they do and don't do. Sometimes you know when it's time to step up and you know when it's time to bow out. Do either one incorrectly and you can earn a lifetime of regret. Do them correctly and you can sleep the peaceful sleep of those who did the right thing at the right time.
Nothing is easy, life is messy, but sometimes you can do what you view as the right thing, for no better reason than you recognize it as the right thing and if you get lucky you won't suffer more than you benefit.
I can see both sides of the argument for taking her in, but I truely think you're doing the right thing here. Like the others, I have a great deal of respect for what you're doing.
There is no telling what issues will come about later on. I have an older brother (half brother, technically) who's never met his father, and he grew up lost and full of mistakes. He turned to drugs early and after about 15 years is back on track for the most part, but it was a rough road and I'm honestly not sure how my parents managed staying sane through it. If my father hadn't stepped in and adopted my brother at the age of seven, he'd have certainly turned out worse. If you hadn't done what you did, she'd almost certainly be a mess waiting to happen. She may still be, honestly.. but she's going to stand a much better chance at life in your care. When you step back and look at the big picture and think about what this child would have certainly become under the other options, and what chance she now has with you, I think it becomes a no brainer.
I've got a little girl who's just shy of two (turns two in late August) and she's my world. I'm not sure how fast it will take for you to get attached to her, but once you do your life will have whole new meaning. (This is coming from someone who couldn't stand the thought of children or the thought of marriage, etc.. and now I wouldn't trade any of it for the world).
There are a lot of conversations about how our country has got to be so screwed up over the past few generations, and how the breakdown of the home and family plays a vital part in that. What you're doing is giving that back to someone who wouldn't have it other wise, and for that I thank you. I have a feeling this will be the hardest, most exhausting, most meaningful and most rewarding thing you could have ever done.
Good luck, you're gonna need it!
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IMHO you don't do good deeds to get a reward, you do them because that is what decent people do. You have an opportunity to give this little girl what she needs to be successful in life. Nothing is guaranteed, you could have tons of issues bcause of this decision, but it could also be the greatest thing you do in life. This world needs more selfless people like you and your girlfriend. Go bless you both.
glock21xxx
07-20-17, 05:27
My two cents, from the what it's worth department...
This is what we need more of. People willing to think and act on behalf of someone other than themselves. Perhaps this chaotic world full of selfish people would incrementally turn into a better place once again. One that was here not too long ago - I'm sure anyone reading this will remember.
Good for you on Taking action without hesitation. You have an opportunity to be a fresh start in this child's life, I admire and respect what you're doing.
All true, but a person has to live with what they do and don't do. Sometimes you know when it's time to step up and you know when it's time to bow out. Do either one incorrectly and you can earn a lifetime of regret. Do them correctly and you can sleep the peaceful sleep of those who did the right thing at the right time.
Nothing is easy, life is messy, but sometimes you can do what you view as the right thing, for no better reason than you recognize it as the right thing and if you get lucky you won't suffer more than you benefit.
Could not agree more.
First and foremost, extreme kudos to you.
When my wife and I were in the first coupme years of our relationship, her sister was an absolute effup. We wound up fostering her kids while unmarried whike she rehabilitated. Recidivism is a very real thing, and it went cycles on and off for a couple years.
I never once questioned that I would be commited to raising 3 boys, helluva lot less scary then 3 girls, but I was 21-22 during this time. I'm releived it never got to that point, but I knew that if that calling happened, we would in a heartbeat.
I grew up in a broken home, mostly caused by drug problems on my mother's accord. I never want a child to go through what I did. Thats why I wouldn't have thought twice.
Eitherway, absolute respect and kudos. You're doing a very admiral thing in my eyes. Keep the parents away. Engage the courts now and have a plan in place.
I don't have kids but been around plenty. For everyone saying a 2 year old from that situation is damaged goods I don't see how that can happen. Maybe a 10 or 15 year old but 2 year olds are still a blank slate. Does anyone remember their twos? I don't. Wouldn't even know if I was adopted! In a few years i don't think she'll remember much of anything from that time.
Devildogljb, good luck to man! Much respect!
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FromMyColdDeadHand
07-20-17, 08:10
I don't have kids but been around plenty. For everyone saying a 2 year old from that situation is damaged goods I don't see how that can happen. Maybe a 10 or 15 year old but 2 year olds are still a blank slate. Does anyone remember their twos? I don't. Wouldn't even know if I was adopted! In a few years i don't think she'll remember much of anything from that time.
Devildogljb, good luck to man! Much respect!
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I'm glad you have such a hard time imagining the issues that this girl may have faced. The chemically Induced ones are bad enough. That she has a warped understanding about how the real world works is probably very true. I agree that swift action now towards normality now should counter a lot of bad or missing parenting up until now.
The movie 'The Guardian' was cheesy, but Kostner has a good line towards the end. "I swim as hard as I can, for as long as I can, and the sea decides the rest..". Do what you can.
I'm glad you have such a hard time imagining the issues that this girl may have faced. The chemically Induced ones are bad enough. That she has a warped understanding about how the real world works is probably very true. I agree that swift action now towards normality now should counter a lot of bad or missing parenting up until now.
.
How can a TWO year old.....a toddler... have any understanding about the world. They still barely speak. It's not the same as a teenager
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This is a good thing. This little girl is your flesh and blood. Your brother and likely her mother are F ups. But your niece doesn't need to be. You have an amazing opportunity to raise her up to be a productive well adjusted person. I think this is a huge blessing.
But I have to admire you for your open heart and your willingness to put aside selfish concern for your own life and reach out to a poor two-year old to try to give her a better life.
^^^ THIS! ^^^
My fiance went through this 5-years ago with children of a nephew of her's. We took in 8-year old and 13-year old girls after the sudden death of their maternal Grandmother. Their biological Mother passed away during delivery of the younger daughter. The biological 'sperm donor' of the oldest is unfit as a member of the human race, never mind as a father or man. No one knows who the father of the youngest is.
We didn't pursue foster care per se, but guardianship, leading to eventual adoption. In our case, we wanted them to be with family and not thrown into the foster care world, where they do not have to be kept or placed together. When you think about, the ONLY person of family that the youngest has in her life is her older sister. Our situation involved 2 States, the sending State who really screwed the pooch (didn't process the correct legal paperwork, malfeasance abound - everywhere, and were grossly negligent, to the point of placing the girls in a temporary situation (before we got court/appointed custody from our State), to where the girls were sadly abused and neglected. Someone or two from the child care servces from that sending State should be in jail! I never went into this looking for a recognition for stepping up and taking them in (only ones in the greater family to do so ...) but equally ... I never expected to get kicked in the nuts either. That negligent State probably cost me many, many $1,000+s in wasted legal actions due to their negligence. It is not the $$ that concerns me ... just rather wish that I could have spent it for my girls' benefit instead.
We got that all worked out and in the intervening years they both have grown and matured and seem to have recovered from their unfortunate past. At the advanced age of my fiance and I (then late 40s) the LAST thing on our radar was for us to be 'parents', as my lady had already help raise the 3 kids of her older sister who passed away from cancer at a too early age. So my fiance had "been there ... done that."
Biggest message we send and intone to the girls are that they are now safe, secure, well cared for and LOVED. Some nights my fiance and I would fall asleep next to each other and wonder "What the heck happened to our lives?" And then there are days, like me working on our boat with the the 12-year old (youngest is growing up ... fast!) and she was my tool helper. She has become quite mechanically minded and not only knows a regular from a Phillips screwdriver, she knows the acronym of 'righty tighty - lefty loosey', plus the difference between a pop rivet and a solid rivet. This past Spring I 'gave' her a 12' aluminum boat and told her 'it's your's'. She sanded and painted it (w/ help of course) and even used the lneumatic rivet tool to fix a few leaky rivets.
Point is ... as well as experiencing 'hard' days ... you will equally experience love in your heart that would otherwise NEVER likely feel.
We make sure the girls got the proper counseling, for their adjustment to their new life, as well as to erase the past. We know it can't be erased, but we have found out that by talking about the 'hard topics', it gets it out on the table, where it can be discussed, dissected, or be angry or cry about - but to more so "acknowledge it and come to terms with it", so it doesn't ruin their future.
Of the 2 of them, it has been hardest on the oldest, as she already has a 'Father', even though I understate it when saying he's unfit as a human. She knows however, that that is just 'who he is' and that it is NOT her doing or her fault. I continually remind her that it is his loss, although she too has suffered due to his inactions, absence and other ... you get the gist; similar somewhat to the Father of the child you're taking in.
On a good note, both of our girls are doing well in school, all As & Bs, and we are very ACTIVE in their education, schooling and social lives. Family is key, as is socialization. The oldest is off to college this Fall ... so I like to think that as a family ... we all did well and their lifes are proceeding on as a good a path as possible.
To your concern of firearms, I'm in a liberal State and passed the caregiver/gusrdianship assessment with an A+ rating. Over time we also got both the girls into my fish & game club and while both started with archery, both have an incredible knack or talent for shooting (especially the oldest, a pure natural) and the youngest will join a formal junior's shooting team this Fall. So don't let your passion for your 'toys' dissuade you ...
Did I look at it like my life turned upside-down? Nope ... it just took off in another direction. There is a sailing analogy I think about often ... "We can't change the wind, but we can surely adjust our sails." Keep this in mind ... and if I may opine, YOU are changing the world, even if the world of one little girl. I commend you for it, I thank you for it, and reach out to me as needed.
Thank you and good luck! My best, cheers!
ramairthree
07-20-17, 10:30
How can a TWO year old.....a toddler... have any understanding about the world. They still barely speak. It's not the same as a teenager
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Mix one fetus with 9 months of various drugs and alcohol in the womb.
Some are born with obvious syndromes.
Some are born with stuff that becomes obvious as they get older.
Some have more... subtle issues.
Some seem to not have problems.
Some experience some nutritional and emotional developmental deficits during those first few years.
I commend you on your decision to take on this burden. You are bettering your family, our country and our people by doing it.
I just had a son 13 months ago. Never before have my wife and I worked so hard, or loved so much. He is an amazing little who is developmentally advanced for his age and has a personality that melts hearts. He has every traditional advantage that matters in our society. He still provides a challenge.
I think you are an amazing person for what you are doing. I do though think you should take the negative things people have said into consideration. Maybe not as a means of changing your mind, but to fully understand what lies ahead for the next 16 years.
-Not married concerns me, its not her 'flesh and blood either'. Had you guys planned on getting married? Having kids? Are you prepared to go this alone if it provides to much for her and your relationship.
-Are prepared for what could be a troubled and underdeveloped little girl? The drugs are bad, but so is the idea she likely was neglected socially and emotionally. The beginning is when the foundation is set for these things. That said I also thin 2 is young enough you will able to do a good amount of course correcting.
-Your brother and the baby moms are of less concern to me. I think if they come around they will be easy to dispose of legally.
Sorry to be a downer at all. But thank you for the awesome thing you are doing for this girl.
My thoughts:
It seems to me like you are acting on impulse or emotion here. Have you really thought this through? I don't wish to encourage you to take in this child in need, or discourage you either. I'm simply wondering what happens six months from now when things settle down and you realize your life is not longer your own. That slap from reality can be a heavy handed one, even in ideal circumstances when people plan this out and do it deliberately.
Do you like your life or any aspect of it? If you want things to stay as they are, then don't do this. If you don't like your life the way it is, and want to completely change it all around, then go for it. Understand that there will be changes that you can't fathom right now. Whether or not these changes are for the better is a matter of perception. Some love and some hate it. Its a mixed bag for most people.
Jumping in and being the hero is going to feel great at first, but how are you going to feel months or years from now? You might feel great and its the best thing you've ever done. It might give your life meaning and purpose that you never knew existed. Or it might suck real hard, and you'll resent what has happened to your once carefree life. If you are the kind of strong person who has the intestinal fortitude to soldier on though the rough stuff and offer an unusually high level of self-sacrifice for years on end, then by all means, rescue this little girl and give her a great life. If you are going to resent the life changes, lack of seep, loss of money, strain on your relationship with the GF, etc…, then don't get in the middle of this mess.
Think this through before you sign those papers. Talk to several people who have raised daughters. Try to gain more insight into what you are really signing up for. And your GF? Is she really on board with this? Does she really want to be an instant Mommy? How is she going to feel when you work late and she has to do the laundry so the kid has clean clothes for school, and the dishes, and get the kid ready for bed?
Just food for thought man. Things to consider.
Please keep us posted.
This is some good honest advice. My wife and I decide long before we got married that kids just weren't something we wanted. It pissed off my parents, but we knew it was the right choice for us. We can't make the call for you, but this should not be a decision taken lightly. If you have always planned on having kids and this just accelerates the process, maybe it will be a great thing. If kids were not in the cards, this may not work out too well.
I believe that what you are doing is a good thing. To help this little girl in her time of need is noble, but how will it effect your life and your relationships? Is this something your GF wants?
What are you doing man????
Your life isn't upside down - it is going to be permanently ****ed.
Real life doesn't award "good people" points. You just end up involved in a bad way with Mr Felony warrants and deadbeat mother.
Good luck. Your firearm ownership won't affect anything as long as you don't have a Molon Labe flag outside and wear camo.
You'd turn your own niece away, a 2 year old girl who has no hope but him? Yes, his life is gonna be tough for some time, and may end up being very rewarding too, but only time will tell. I have no kids and never really wanted any but I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror knowing she was sitting in some foster home due to having a chit bag for parents and she was my niece.
Mix one fetus with 9 months of various drugs and alcohol in the womb.
Some are born with obvious syndromes.
Some are born with stuff that becomes obvious as they get older.
Some have more... subtle issues.
Some seem to not have problems.
Some experience some nutritional and emotional developmental deficits during those first few years.
Here is the story on my daughters, I'm pretty much in my lane on this.
During first pregnancy mom drank alcohol, dad was around but in process of going to jail; during second pregnancy dad was in prison. My oldest daughter is biracial, my youngest is white. They are one year and seven days apart.
The youngest had health issues and failed to thrive. Mom was in the system and the girls' pediatrician admitted the youngest baby to the hospital. Mom removed her from the hospital. The pediatrician went to the social workers who went to the police. A social worker and juvenile detective got on mom's trail and tracked her to Denver. IDK how they did it but they found that mom was stripping and living in a sleazy motel. Denver PD went to check welfare and found the two girls alone in the motel room while mom was at work on the pole. They were 1 yr 2 months and 2 months old at the time.
The girls were removed from mother's care and within two days were back in Kansas in emergency placement. We took them in as foster parents a week later. The oldest did not like men, but bonded with me immediately, except during her night terrors.
First job fatten up the little one. Second job get oldest past the night terrors she experienced on a regular basis. During these episodes she would not let any man near her, she would run from me screaming, eyes wide open, seemingly not seeing. We felt she had been abused but the doctor said she hadn't been sexually abused. These terrors were difficult for me because a month after we got the girls my wife left for the summer to attend advanced training. My neighbor's wife helped me calm her down on these occasions. By the end of the summer, when my wife returned, these night terrors had pretty much passed.
Meanwhile youngest daughter was developing slowly, it seemed she'd never learn to roll over or crawl, then it seemed she'd never walk. We were doing 'patterning' exercises with her and when she did finally walk it was with a weird crossover gait plus toe walking. We figured she was autistic and moved on with that for a couple years. She was also ADHD to the max. Finally we exhausted local resources and took her to the KU Med Center for evaluation - she was not autistic. We took her to a pediatric neurologist and an MRI revealed she had a slight case of cerebral palsy. Physical therapy, continuing at home, got her off her toes and removed the crossover gait.
But she was still ADHD. We didn't want to med her, eventually we did, for about 6 months, then dropped her back off and decided to kill her energy with exercise, soccer - despite her CP and other issues she was and still is a fast runner, every day after work we'd go for walks, bike rides, play four square, etc. That helped, but when she was 7 and followed her sister into the pool and joined the local YMCA swim team things evened out. Nothing like an hour, then two hours of swimming to mellow a kid out and give them focus.
The girls are now 17 and 18. The oldest is going to college on scholarship to swim and play stringed bass. We are currently having issues with new found freedom with her because she has lived her life school, bass, swimming year-round. She was 18 when she graduated and moved out on her own a month later. Quite frankly, we held her too close and she needed room. The youngest is on the same track, except she sings and swims. Going to start letting her go a little earlier.
The girls have brothers that are 19 and 25 years older. I'm here to tell you girls are waaay more worrisome to dad's than boys.
Here is a picture of the girls:
46546
Best thing that ever happened to me.
How could you not help a child?
Here is a picture of the girls:
46546
Best thing that ever happened to me.
How could you not help a child?
So much win. Thanx for sharing.
That little girl, in need of protection, is your family; PERIOD. We have two small kids and it will forever change your life. Wouldn't give them up for anything despite little kids being a handful.
She's young and that age is known for resilience. She will have issues to work through, but that can be handled; especially since she is so young.
Take that girl, never look back, and make her YOUR daughter.
All the inconveniences that come with children melt away when you get that smile that is just full of love. When those smiles start coming, you'll forever be wrapped around her finger!
Start the discipline ASAP. You'll have a nice window of opportunity to re-mold her. Kids want/need structure, rules, and enforcement. Re-mold may mean discipline, habits, attitude, manners, etc.
Going from loving them to death and then wanting to kill them is a natural part of parenting; get used to it. Kids are gonna' kid. The boundaries you set and enforce will generally help you from wanting to kill them too much.:D
However, all that is overshadowed by the joy, love, satisfaction, and delight kids can bring: As long as you do your part.
Eurodriver
07-20-17, 12:43
You'd turn your own niece away, a 2 year old girl who has no hope but him? Yes, his life is gonna be tough for some time, and may end up being very rewarding too, but only time will tell. I have no kids and never really wanted any but I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror knowing she was sitting in some foster home due to having a chit bag for parents and she was my niece.
Coming from a family of drug users (and dealers), strippers, felons, and alcoholics (basically all of the worst parts of "Florida Man" with one surname) I would absolutely turn away my own niece...or sister...or father...or child.
I have seen first hand what allowing someone else's problem into your home creates. What happens to OP when this girl's felonious pops shows up in 6 months or 6 years or 16 years looking for a handout? It will happen.
I don't need that in my life; I don't have that in my life. I could easily let my sister move in with me now that her party lifestyle has caught up with her and she's on the streets. Not my monkey not my circus - we both grew up in the same house, had the same friends, went to the same schools and are the same age (we're actually twins). I got a DD214, a Masters, and a CPA license. She got a bartending license. Her choices in life don't pay me no nevermind. If she gets knocked up by some hoodlum and they can't care for this kid I'm supposed to take it in? Hell to the naw naw, nawwww.
I get that this 2 year old did nothing wrong, but OP isn't morally or legally obligated to care for her either. Mad props to the OP for being a good man and taking care of her, but there is no way in hell I would ever involve myself with people like that after spending a lifetime getting away from them. I've grown up having an uncle come to the house trying to sell my dad's jacket to my mom or waking up with slashed tires because you wouldn't share the perc's you were prescribed for wisdom teeth removal with cousins.
Pass on them and their kin.
I get that this 2 year old did nothing wrong, but OP isn't morally or legally obligated to care for her either.
I couldn't hold a 2 year old responsible for the deeds of their chit bag parents, and apparently, neither can he. We'll have to agree to disagree here.
OP, you are a really good guy.
Coming from a family of drug users (and dealers), strippers, felons, and alcoholics (basically all of the worst parts of "Florida Man" with one surname) I would absolutely turn away my own niece...or sister...or father...or child.
I have seen first hand what allowing someone else's problem into your home creates. What happens to OP when this girl's felonious pops shows up in 6 months or 6 years or 16 years looking for a handout? It will happen.
I don't need that in my life; I don't have that in my life. I could easily let my sister move in with me now that her party lifestyle has caught up with her and she's on the streets. Not my monkey not my circus - we both grew up in the same house, had the same friends, went to the same schools and are the same age (we're actually twins). I got a DD214, a Masters, and a CPA license. She got a bartending license. Her choices in life don't pay me no nevermind. If she gets knocked up by some hoodlum and they can't care for this kid I'm supposed to take it in? Hell to the naw naw, nawwww.
I get that this 2 year old did nothing wrong, but OP isn't morally or legally obligated to care for her either. Mad props to the OP for being a good man and taking care of her, but there is no way in hell I would ever involve myself with people like that after spending a lifetime getting away from them. I've grown up having an uncle come to the house trying to sell my dad's jacket to my mom or waking up with slashed tires because you wouldn't share the perc's you were prescribed for wisdom teeth removal with cousins.
Pass on them and their kin.
You know not everyone has lived a life of sugar plums and candy canes. Most do rise above it, most with some degree of help along the way, whether they realize it or not. A lot of folks have life experiences that they have weathered and go out of their way to help others avoid those situations, or if the other is caught up in the situation they help them to escape.
I certainly hope that forty years from now you are not sitting alone talking to yourself about your DD214, your Masters, and your CPA. Unfortunately that is the way many self-centered people end up, they look around one day and there they are, all alone, with no one to care about them, because they cared about no one else.
Don't be that guy. Please.
hotrodder636
07-20-17, 15:44
All I can say is do what you truly feel is right in your heart AND your mind--don't make a quick emotional decision. Make sure you WANT this, as it would be no good for you, your girlfriend (maybe wife) and little girl if you decide you really don't want this.
Good luck man!
Like others have offered ... yes your life will change, but I bet it is the exception that results in such a drastic and cynnical picture that Eurodriver paints.
As previously posted, I too faced a similar situation when my fiance and I chose to take in 2 girls, who otherwise would have been tossed into the pit of a mis-managed State's foster care program. (Not that that can't work, as a few here reported ..)
But in the end, each of us must be our own counsel and live with ourselves. It's not a decision for everyone, but these 2 quotes ring true in my mind.
circa 1770 - And I'm paraphrasing ... "Evil only exists in this world because of good men who do nothing ..."
Well dammit ... I'm a good man - as is the OP - and that's why I stepped up. As has he ...
circa 2017 - "... never had kids and never really wanted any but I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror knowing she was sitting in some foster home due to having a chit bag for parents and she was my niece.
Hear, hear - well said!
I'll do a lot in this life. And just maybe some day I won't be able to do something that perhaps I had wanted to do, because of my girls. Well that's Ok too. But I sure couldn't stand aside and do NOTHING ... At the end of my days, when all I can do is sit in my favorite easy chair and fondle my favorite custom-made flintlock and dream of days gone by ... at least I'll know that I tried to do my best and make a positive impact on this world and those around me.
Coming from a family of drug users (and dealers), strippers, felons, and alcoholics (basically all of the worst parts of "Florida Man" with one surname) I would absolutely turn away my own niece...or sister...or father...or child.
I have seen first hand what allowing someone else's problem into your home creates. What happens to OP when this girl's felonious pops shows up in 6 months or 6 years or 16 years looking for a handout? It will happen.
I don't need that in my life; I don't have that in my life. I could easily let my sister move in with me now that her party lifestyle has caught up with her and she's on the streets. Not my monkey not my circus - we both grew up in the same house, had the same friends, went to the same schools and are the same age (we're actually twins). I got a DD214, a Masters, and a CPA license. She got a bartending license. Her choices in life don't pay me no nevermind. If she gets knocked up by some hoodlum and they can't care for this kid I'm supposed to take it in? Hell to the naw naw, nawwww.
I get that this 2 year old did nothing wrong, but OP isn't morally or legally obligated to care for her either. Mad props to the OP for being a good man and taking care of her, but there is no way in hell I would ever involve myself with people like that after spending a lifetime getting away from them. I've grown up having an uncle come to the house trying to sell my dad's jacket to my mom or waking up with slashed tires because you wouldn't share the perc's you were prescribed for wisdom teeth removal with cousins.
Pass on them and their kin.
Lot of truth in there, but way I see it is "it's family", at least until it isn't. And then at least I know I tried. It definitely ain't for everyone.
Coal Dragger
07-20-17, 17:40
Coming from a family of drug users (and dealers), strippers, felons, and alcoholics (basically all of the worst parts of "Florida Man" with one surname) I would absolutely turn away my own niece...or sister...or father...or child.
I have seen first hand what allowing someone else's problem into your home creates. What happens to OP when this girl's felonious pops shows up in 6 months or 6 years or 16 years looking for a handout? It will happen.
I don't need that in my life; I don't have that in my life. I could easily let my sister move in with me now that her party lifestyle has caught up with her and she's on the streets. Not my monkey not my circus - we both grew up in the same house, had the same friends, went to the same schools and are the same age (we're actually twins). I got a DD214, a Masters, and a CPA license. She got a bartending license. Her choices in life don't pay me no nevermind. If she gets knocked up by some hoodlum and they can't care for this kid I'm supposed to take it in? Hell to the naw naw, nawwww.
I get that this 2 year old did nothing wrong, but OP isn't morally or legally obligated to care for her either. Mad props to the OP for being a good man and taking care of her, but there is no way in hell I would ever involve myself with people like that after spending a lifetime getting away from them. I've grown up having an uncle come to the house trying to sell my dad's jacket to my mom or waking up with slashed tires because you wouldn't share the perc's you were prescribed for wisdom teeth removal with cousins.
Pass on them and their kin.
Well to be perfectly blunt that is an incredibly selfish, cynical, and unproductive mindset. Not only unproductive, but counter productive. The "not my problem, not going to let it be my problem." outlook in this instance likely dooms a small child to a shit life, and repeat of the cycle that they were born into. Not everyone is in a position to help others, even their immediate family, so it is understandable when those people can't lend a hand. In the OP's case he feels he is in a position to take on that unexpected problem.
Sounds like you would be too in the same circumstances. Like you said you have a DD214, masters, and a CPA. So you're gainfully employed and have your poop in a group. Good for you, you made it out of the cycle of shit you were born into. I doubt very seriously that you're ever going back even with exposure to your shitty relatives. If your idiot sister got knocked up, and you were the only one in your family who could take care of the child I'd like to think you'd rise to that test and make sure that poor kid doesn't have to go through what you did growing up. In a lot of cases it takes someone with some spine, and some standards to step up and make sure that vicious cycle ends. If you wouldn't even do it for a little kid who was related to you, who do you think will?
Yeah you're right about the baby momma and dirt bag dad becoming a future issue. So the OP and his dad need to get their shit squared away, and set up some legal protections. Get some restraining orders, get full legal custody. That way when the scum bags show up to do what they do, it's pretty simple to call the police and have them removed and possibly arrested.
The OP isn't going to have an easy time, even if we assume that this 2 year old is healthy and relatively normal, but he's doing the right thing. Again if he or people like him won't step in and break the cycle for kids like that, who will?
OP - It's going to be a long tough road, but I applaud your commitment to helping this child have a better life. Every child that is removed from the cycle of drugs/abuse/poverty raises up society as a whole and makes the entire world just a little bit better.
Yeah you're right about the baby momma and dirt bag dad becoming a future issue. So the OP and his dad need to get their shit squared away, and set up some legal protections. Get some restraining orders, get full legal custody. That way when the scum bags show up to do what they do, it's pretty simple to call the police and have them removed and possibly arrested.
This is a great point. If you do this, please make it a full adoption as soon as you're able. It would be heartbreaking to put a bunch of love and work into the child only to have her bio father show up and petition for custody. Protect her and protect yourself! It would also be in her best interest to not allow contact with the bio parents...I know from experience that having the bio parents drift in and out of the child's life can cause lasting emotional damage to the kid.
I wish you luck on your journey and thank you for stepping up and doing the right thing!
Eurodriver
07-20-17, 20:36
You know not everyone has lived a life of sugar plums and candy canes. Most do rise above it, most with some degree of help along the way, whether they realize it or not. A lot of folks have life experiences that they have weathered and go out of their way to help others avoid those situations, or if the other is caught up in the situation they help them to escape.
I certainly hope that forty years from now you are not sitting alone talking to yourself about your DD214, your Masters, and your CPA. Unfortunately that is the way many self-centered people end up, they look around one day and there they are, all alone, with no one to care about them, because they cared about no one else.
Don't be that guy. Please.
Haha. Good to hear from you man. Hope you are doing well.
Haha. Good to hear from you man. Hope you are doing well.
I was being sincere. Have you heard from Willie lately? He seems to have dropped off the site.
Eurodriver
07-21-17, 05:49
I was being sincere. Have you heard from Willie lately? He seems to have dropped off the site.
Crazy that you bring up Willie. Him and I met for dinner just this week while I was in Texas for work. It was very nice.
I can't speak as to why, but he mentioned he no longer visits the site.
OP, congratulations on your new baby girl! I wish you the best. Just know that you'll likely be the best thing to happen to this little girl. I commend you for taking her in. The world needs more people like you.
Crazy that you bring up Willie. Him and I met for dinner just this week while I was in Texas for work. It was very nice.
I can't speak as to why, but he mentioned he no longer visits the site.
Thanks, that is nice to hear. I was worried about his health.
Devildog,
Not much I can add to reinforce the choice you and your girlfriend are making.
My aunt and uncle let me move in with them when I was 15 yrs old. They were 25 at the time and had a 5 yr old son. I can only imagine the discussion they must have had before letting me move into their home. I worked my way through college, am now 58 yrs old, have 2 grown daughters, and have told and continue to tell my aunt and uncle that I can't imagine how I would have turned out if not for them. When our daughters were in high school, I'm not sure how many different kids lived with us for a few days/weeks at a time. We even allowed a college age girl to live with us for a year. She became friends with one of our daughters when they were volunteers at an orphanage in Honduras. Several of our friends thought we were crazy. But, she is part of our family now. I can't imagine the long term impact that my aunt and uncle made with their decision so long ago.
As for raising your 2 yr old, read "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson. It really helped us with our younger daughter. I pray that you and your girlfriend will give her your heart. It will keep her from stealing it.;)
I can only imagine the wonderful changes this choice will make long term. God bless you and good luck.
just a scout
07-22-17, 07:40
So Sunday afternoon while at work i received a call from my elderly father saying I had gotten mail at his house. Thinking it was for him (we have the same name) he opens it and calls me in a panic. To paraphrase the letter he has a granddaughter and i have a niece we knew nothing about and is currently in custody of the Child protective service. After my mom passed years ago myself and my father decided it was time to break ties with my younger brother due to the constant drug use (my family had tried for many years to help), the felony convictions and even a investigation into assisting in a bank robbery and the attempted break ins to our house he said he lived by drug dealers he owed money. The letter was looking for some one to take her into their home until they can figure out what to do. I have no idea who the mother is but i'm expecting shes a real winner also. I end up calling the next day on Monday with my girl friend of over 2 years that we just bought a 3000 square foot house and my father. Turns out she is almost 2 years old was being taken care of her mom's great grandparents then when they could no longer take care of her passed onto a "babysitter". The circumstance when child protective services stepped in, i am not allowed to know. But her mom's parents said they wanted nothing to do with her. So the director of the office there asked two things would i be willing to foster her and if later on down the road adopt her. With out a hesitation i said yes to both. So i just passed my FBI background check along with the girlfriend (no surprises there) and now waiting for a call from her case worker on Monday for the next steps. I do not have any kids, im not rich but like any one else in the U.S. trying to pay their bills. So needless to say I am scared out of my ever loving mind. My brother is currently on the run for felony warrant's so i dont predict him jumping into this any time soon. So i have a couple of questions if any one here has gone threw the foster care process. 1. How long does the process usually take. 2. I know i will have to open my home to a inspection. Obviously i am a firearm owner, but will this some how affect me from taking in my niece? I do keep all my firearms in a safe (you cant miss it in my "man cave") unless i am home and I am carrying. 3. If I adopt when do you start sitting down the dates when your "cleaning" your firearms :cool: Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
First off, screw anyone talking shit. Second, good for you. That's the right and honorable thing to do. If more people stood up and did the right thing instead of the easy thing, we wouldn't be in as much of a shit state as were in right now.
God bless you and keep doing the right thing. Honor, morals and duty aren't just words on a wall and you show that by taking her in. Now you can raise her right and not be a drag on society that she would've become otherwise. Ripples in a pond.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
Life experience has taught me that bond is more important than blood. I'm grateful I came to that conclusion before my sons were born because I realized that while my sons were mine by birth, I had to earn the right to be their father, just as my father earned the right to be mine
thebarracuda
07-22-17, 13:04
Im watching my two year old daughter run around the house right now. Breaks my heart what happens to children.
Good on you for trying to save this child. You may be her only chance. Life is weird....
Dist. Expert 26
07-22-17, 16:58
My son just turned two last month, and imagining him in a such a situation tears me up. Like Euro, I never cared much for kids before, and I had a similar cynical outlook. But after learning to appreciate how amazing kids are, and how innocent at the same time, I can say without a doubt that I would take in any child in my family that needed help.
My wife and I have talked about fostering/adopting, but the financial burden that would entail is just too much for us to reasonably afford. Good on OP for stepping up to the plate.
On the note of the biological parents, do whatever you need to (legal or otherwise) to ensure that she never knows that they even exist. My wife's biological father was in and out of her life for years, and as a result she has some major scars that will never truly heal.
My son just turned two last month, and imagining him in a such a situation tears me up.
I'm sure I felt the same way when my kids were that age, but my granddaughter is just three and that thought tears me up even more acutely now. I don't know what it is about grandchildren, but it's a completely different experience and the emotions are even closer to the surface. I get that some people aren't able to look outside their own lives, and that NOT having kids (or grandchildren) makes the concepts expressed by the OP even more incomprehensible to them. But if you've been there and ever had a two-year old touch your heart, and if you have a shred of human compassion, you just can't let that shit go.
Dist. Expert 26
07-22-17, 19:36
I'm sure I felt the same way when my kids were that age, but my granddaughter is just three and that thought tears me up even more acutely now. I don't know what it is about grandchildren, but it's a completely different experience and the emotions are even closer to the surface. I get that some people aren't able to look outside their own lives, and that NOT having kids (or grandchildren) makes the concepts expressed by the OP even more incomprehensible to them. But if you've been there and ever had a two-year old touch your heart, and if you have a shred of human compassion, you just can't let that shit go.
Exactly. Hearing about bad shit happening to kids never sat well with me, but now I could do unspeakable things to child abusers and never lose a minute of sleep.
Maybe Euro will get lucky one day and have a kid of his own running around. I'm certain his perspective would change.
Exactly. Hearing about bad shit happening to kids never sat well with me, but now I could do unspeakable things to child abusers and never lose a minute of sleep.
Yes. Generally, I'm a pretty reasonable guy and not prone to violence. But I have a couple of hot buttons that I pray never get pushed.
Adopt her, Lover her, give her a home, become a family. You may end up saving her life.
Life is about choices - the actions we take and the actions we choose not to take. This little girl is your flesh and blood. I salute you for being willing to stand with her and save her from the path she was on. I work in the sordid world of abuse and this little girl was on a fast track to abuse, drugs, prison, pregnancy, and an early death... You have in all likelihood saved her life. You have also broken a chain of abuse that would reach down through generations of that part of your family. Good for you! I would really struggle to have a 2 year old dropped on me with no notice - but I would struggle with turning my back on her too.
I am a father of a fantastic 6 month old. We tried for years, spent an obscene amount of money, and eventually got our son. We are still overwhelmed, learning as we go, and sleep deprived. That was with 3 years of preparation. Most things that dramatically change your life happen a little at a time: you meet a girl, you date, you sleep together, you live together, you get married... and then life is different - but its gradual. A child is like train track switches. One day you are you, and selfish, and figuring out how to get a Sig 550 into your house without the wife knowing, and then next you are at Costco buying diapers and baby formula. IT happens all of a sudden.
Find a support group for dads. Get some good books - "raising happiness" leaps to mind. Understand that your relationship with your girlfriend is likely going to change. If its serious, awesome, but if it is not, consider carefully that bringing another "temporary" adult into this childs life is the last thing she needs.
If you have good health insurance, or if she is on state aid, make sure you get her checked for drug induced deficits. They can be overcome but they need to be identified.
Take care of yourself in the process. Raise a strong, opinionated, fierce little girl. We are short of those...
Finally, thank you for stepping up to this responsibility. People like you are what makes this country a great place. Every week I try and identify someone who impresses me and makes me try and be a better person. You are my Monday role model.
It's a huge decision, life changing. One that will impact you, and a very special young girl, for the rest of your lives.
Think long and hard about the road ahead and do what's in your heart.
Moose-Knuckle
07-27-17, 06:13
Did'nt see it mentioned but didn't read the entire thread either.
OP, given your brother's proclivities have you verified via a DNA test that the girl in CPA custody is in fact your niece?
If she was my blood that's a huge thing. For me at least.
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