View Full Version : Why Can't Some People Comprehend That I Don't Want To Gossip...?!?
To me it's a habit of some people almost as bad as substance addiction. In many cases it's something I detest.
There are many, many things I don't want to know about other people. If it happens to be potentially hurtful information you haven't shared a "juicy tidbit" with me, you've given me a burden that I must carry in silence forever and even worse, it's a burden that results in a more negative view of somebody I probably care about. If a person tells me something like that about another person I care about, they just made my life worse.
Unless the information is critical to my personal safety and well being and that of people I care about, I honestly don't want to know. If I'm being lied to about something and I need to know I can't trust a person that is one thing, but beyond that I'm not interested in their personal faults, failures, infidelities or other troubles...especially in matters they would rather keep private and personal.
And the worst part of the whole thing, at some point those people gave somebody their trust and depended upon them the STFU about the entire matter. Even more bizarre is they don't seem to understand that if they can't be trusted to keep those matters private then I know for certain I can never trust them or depend upon them about anything.
This is one of the main reasons my circle of friends is a pretty short list. But sadly there are people who are peripheral in my life, usually because they are somehow associated with that small circle and I have to endure some level of interaction with them as a result.
Earlier this week I actually stunned one of these people when I stopped them mid sentence and said "I don't want to know...why would I even want to know something like that about somebody else."
Can somebody explain this particular perversion to me. What benefit is there from betraying the trust of somebody who "thinks" you are a friend and putting their business out there literally to everyone you have any kind of contact with? Do they really think they are showing you your worth because they are trusting you with these secrets? Do they think I see them as more valuable because they are confiding in me things that are really none of my business? Even worse when it comes from somebody who really, really, really should know better and be above this kind of crap.
Really wish I could remove a few more people from my life without causing undue hardship to those I care about.
I know I have a real friend when it becomes necessary to share information about a mutual friend in order to try and help them and we discover we have both known for quite some time but never mentioned it to anyone else.
FromMyColdDeadHand
07-29-17, 00:54
So, uhm, spill the beans....
I file this sort of thing under "None of my business." I've stopped people mid-sentence too.
There are all kinds of people in the world. I frequently observe the humans living around me and wonder what in the hell they are thinking and why they do the things they do.
So, uhm, spill the beans....
A bunch of nitwits who think they are gonna score points somehow by betraying the trust others have placed in them have been especially annoying this last week. Sadly before I could shut them up I learned some personal and private things about people I like and now I feel bad for them. I can't even try and help them because it would be embarrassing to them for me to know about any of it.
And that is all you are going to get from me. I need to stop getting obligated to social events.
Part of me wants to put some completely fabricated information into the pipeline about myself so I have an inside joke when these same people talk about me behind my back. All it would take is for me to say "Now I'm trusting you not to tell anyone this..." to about 3 people.
I'm just torn between rare disease, teenage mistress on the side or dead meth heads buried behind my garage.
Moose-Knuckle
07-29-17, 05:17
There are all kinds of people in the world. I frequently observe the humans living around me and wonder what in the hell they are thinking and why they do the things they do.
There I times I contemplate if one day I'll be beamed up and rematerialize before those that marooned me here and on that day they will be laughing aloud as they congratulate me on passing the test and surviving the ignoramuses.
It makes them feel important. They are better than everyone else and the low-lives give them this information.
It's a depressing, unhealthy way to live, but many do it.
Styer, I vote rare disease from your mistress fwiw.
I have a younger sister who's life blood is the collection and dissemination of gossip. When I say younger, I mean mid 50's and has been doing it for over 40 years.
My daughter gave me a bumper sticker that about covers it: "Great minds talk about ideas; average minds talk about events; small minds talk about other people."
Gossip is just flat evil.
It makes them feel important. They are better than everyone else and the low-lives give them this information.
It's a depressing, unhealthy way to live, but many do it.
This... Makes them feel important.
Personally, I grew with the rule that nothing was, or ever will be, repeated aloud to anyone else without permission. In my current field you have to do the same. Heck, I have a couple that I work with mid-divorce and neither want to give me up as their advisor. I've told them both the same thing, I'll never repeat a word of anything told to me without instruction to do so. Honestly, when someone does that, I simply feel that they were raised wrong. [No offense directed to your parents BBossman, just a personal opinion.]
ChrisCross
07-29-17, 10:28
It makes them feel important. They are better than everyone else and the low-lives give them this information.
It's a depressing, unhealthy way to live, but many do it.
Styer, I vote rare disease from your mistress fwiw.
Why not go big - Rare disease from your mistress buried in you back yard.
I think with some folks it makes them feel "in the know", maybe because they have no other desirable 'worth' to others, be it real or self-perceived.
I'll be 57 by years end and I've come to realize that, for the most part, I just don't give a schitt...basically, about other peoples crap.
I've also stopped folks before they've gotten too far in a 'story' with the basic statement of "nothing personal but I really don't care..."
I know I'm an introvert but I don't think I've crossed the line to anti-social. I have a small circle of 'friends'. We may only see each other a couple
of times a year, even though we are geographically quite close, but communicate regularly either via text or email. I have no doubts that if the bell rings, they'll be there for me.
I've spent several months in a 3rd world country doing some security stuff...I've seen a little schitt.
I have a little over a decade of LEO experience...I've seen a little schitt.
My Dad is a former Command Sergeant Major in the Army (RIP) and a decorated 2-tour Vietnam Veteran...I've heard about a TON of schitt.
I guess that's my personal litmus test...if you have no experience with schitt, keep your petty-arsed crap to yourself.
BrigandTwoFour
07-29-17, 11:05
My guesses:
1. They have nothing else interesting in their lives worth talking about, so in order to provide "value" to their relationships, they try to be the one who "knows things."
2. A lot of folks bond over sharing personal information, because it is perceived to build trust. People who gossip don't have anything interesting about themselves to share, so they make it about others.
3. Knowing "dirt" on others makes them feel powerful.
4. They are trying to form alliances based on mutual dislike, even if only in the moment, of someone outside of the circle.
Why do you think Facebook/Twitter exists..........?
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My daughter gave me a bumper sticker that about covers it: "Great minds talk about ideas; average minds talk about events; small minds talk about other people."
Gossip is just flat evil.
Where is the like button?
I once thought that this was exclusive to woman, but it isn't entirely. I also thought that it was exclusive to small towns, but it isn't.
I'm just torn between rare disease, teenage mistress on the side or dead meth heads buried behind my garage.
Dead hooker in the trunk just too cliché for you?
If you've read the book Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, Harari postulates that the development of a language that enables us to gossip is what allowed us to live in larger groups. His idea is that we couldn't know everyone in the larger groups that well, so gossip enabled us to share info which allowed you to either trust or mistrust an individual.
In the context of today's world, I think it is largely because folks have lost the ability to hold conversations on current events, or have even-handed discourse about the issues that affect society as a whole.
Additionally, if you look at it from the point of view of what we have in common with many of the folks we come into contact with, it is either our jobs and the people who inhabit those jobs, or our mutual acquaintances.
JMO
I use facebook for biz mainly just post my work
others like to post freaking every drama in their life what they had for every meal and snack and where they are what they are doing
I kinda think folks fall to one side or the other and by seeing so many posts of things I could care less about the majority is spill the beans type :)
ramairthree
07-29-17, 17:44
Yeah,
Getting the skinny on some dude in Florida that did Internet gay porn to fund a huge full auto collection is not something I want to hear.
I would just as soon not know.
But other thrive on that kind of stuff.
others like to post freaking every drama in their life what they had for every meal and snack and where they are what they are doing
No kidding, all over the place, facebook, forums, twitter, instagram, etc.
On another forum I frequented when we were racing, one of the guys logged in to post 'Devin's been in a wreck, don't know if he's injured, gotta go.'
I thought 'really TH, you did that before you beat feet to the scene?'
More and more people are drama queens.
If you've read the book Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, Harari postulates that the development of a language that enables us to gossip is what allowed us to live in larger groups. His idea is that we couldn't know everyone in the larger groups that well, so gossip enabled us to share info which allowed you to either trust or mistrust an individual.
In the context of today's world, I think it is largely because folks have lost the ability to hold conversations on current events, or have even-handed discourse about the issues that affect society as a whole.
Additionally, if you look at it from the point of view of what we have in common with many of the folks we come into contact with, it is either our jobs and the people who inhabit those jobs, or our mutual acquaintances.
JMO
I actually started that book based upon you mentioning it in a previous post. And while I can agree to some extent with the theory I think it only applied to large groups and not entire civilizations. If we were "in the hills" someplace then it would apply, but in a major city where I live it doesn't have the same "keep things in check" result.
From my perspective it has the opposite result, rather than create a judgement of trust or mistrust about the person being talked about, it makes me mistrust the person that is talking about everyone else.
But honestly even small town talk puts me off, the official word is frequently full of errors and seems to be done mostly for the entertainment of malicious or pathetic people.
Dead hooker in the trunk just too cliché for you?
I like to believe that 1. I'll never pay for it, 2. If I ever do pay for it it will be an upscale escort and not a hooker and 3. If I ever felt the need to kill an upscale escort I'd be more intelligent than to fill my personal vehicle full of DNA.
But I honestly can't imagine why I'd kill somebody like that when the world is full of too many meth heads.
Yeah,
Getting the skinny on some dude in Florida that did Internet gay porn to fund a huge full auto collection is not something I want to hear.
I would just as soon not know.
But other thrive on that kind of stuff.
First problem I see with that is gay porn really doesn't pay that much at all. You gotta really want to do gay porn to be in gay porn. There are lots of gay people who want to be in gay porn and it isn't for the money.
Even straight porn doesn't pay enough to fund a respectable NFA collection.
donlapalma
07-30-17, 02:30
First problem I see with that is gay porn really doesn't pay that much at all. You gotta really want to do gay porn to be in gay porn. There are lots of gay people who want to be in gay porn and it isn't for the money.
Even straight porn doesn't pay enough to fund a respectable NFA collection.Annnnndd why do you know so much about gay porn and the industry pay practices?? Haha
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Moose-Knuckle
07-30-17, 05:30
Even straight porn doesn't pay enough to fund a respectable NFA collection.
Truth.
I use this as an example every time I converse with feminists about income inequality and the gender barrier.
Annnnndd why do you know so much about gay porn and the industry pay practices?? Haha
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:lol:
I like to believe that 1. I'll never pay for it, 2. If I ever do pay for it it will be an upscale escort and not a hooker and 3. If I ever felt the need to kill an upscale escort I'd be more intelligent than to fill my personal vehicle full of DNA.
But I honestly can't imagine why I'd kill somebody like that when the world is full of too many meth heads.
No one said it had to be your dead hooker… ;)
The possibilities are endless!
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