View Full Version : What Would You Do?
I had an incident this morning that has me at a loss, as to what I should have done.
I was at the self checkout at my grocery store, the gentleman in front of me was almost done bagging his groceries. I looked at what he had left to bag and nothing was even close to the protein bars I was buying so I started scanning.
He responded with the following" Hey Mother-ucker, you better hope we don't get our stuff mixed up."
I replied " Sir since your stuff is groceries and I am only buying these bars, I don't think we will have a problem."
He replied " You being a smart ass Ni--er".
He is black and I am not.
My response was " I don't care what you call yourself, your friends and your family. But you will not call that ever again"
He then started swearing and telling me how he is going to kick my ass.
I was armed and also had a sap in my pocket, I would have hurt him bad if it got physical.
But I got to say he really pissed me off by calling me the "N" word.
I have two questions should I be pissed off and how should I have handled it?
I really hope we can have a serious discussion and not get this locked in the next little bit.
Eurodriver
11-01-17, 09:36
I used to be one to overreact to situations like that. It isn't worth it. As soon as he said "You being a smart ass" I would have pulled out my phone and immediately started recording. Make it obvious.
Probably done about the same thing. Maybe left this.........." I don't care what you call yourself, your friends and your family. But you will not call that ever again"..... comment out. De-escalation, especially when armed, is a smart idea. Be pissed off if you want, I probably would be too, but keep calm. If the worst happened you did everything to not escalate the situation. Walk away, let him curse and yeal....it's just words
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Dist. Expert 26
11-01-17, 09:42
I've found that if you show a willingness to actually fight most people will back off. Lots of guys like to talk tough but have no real intention of backing it up. I had a similar incident at a movie theater a while back. When it was over the guy wouldn't even look at me.
Doc Safari
11-01-17, 09:50
I used to be one to overreact to situations like that. It isn't worth it. As soon as he said "You being a smart ass" I would have pulled out my phone and immediately started recording. Make it obvious.
Good answer. I honked at a guy with out-of-state plates one time and the SOB got behind me, started following me and tailgating me. I proceeded to make turns and he continued following me. Once he realized I was headed to the police station he suddenly lost his nerve and drove on.
SomeOtherGuy
11-01-17, 09:57
I would be pissed off, but I also wouldn't react much. Kind of like road rage - infuriating at the time, but not worth any future hassle, much less the chance of things going bad and you getting killed, seriously hurt or sent to prison.
Maybe some of this is because the magically bad "N word" has been a bludgeon against white people for decades now, that seeing it used against you (I assume you're white or lighter skinned, though I don't know you) is particularly frustrating. Which might be why a black racist would use it against you.
I've found that if you show a willingness to actually fight most people will back off. Lots of guys like to talk tough but have no real intention of backing it up. I had a similar incident at a movie theater a while back. When it was over the guy wouldn't even look at me.
I don't think this is smart for adults with careers, families and weapons. Also, while Yoni's comments here suggest to me that he's extremely capable in many things, for all I know he may be 5'6" and 120lbs and not that intimidating. Not everyone who has martial skills looks like they do, and many who look the part actually don't have the skills.
Some people are scumbags. If you can't avoid them, or it's your job to deal with them, that sucks. But when you can simply walk away, or be silent and not deal with it more, that's the better choice.
skywalkrNCSU
11-01-17, 10:08
Deescalate and walk away. Nothing to be gained by getting in a fight with some piece of trash but a whole lot to lose.
Dist. Expert 26
11-01-17, 10:14
I don't think this is smart for adults with careers, families and weapons. Also, while Yoni's comments here suggest to me that he's extremely capable in many things, for all I know he may be 5'6" and 120lbs and not that intimidating. Not everyone who has martial skills looks like they do, and many who look the part actually don't have the skills.
Admittedly, it's probably not the best course of action for the reasons you listed. But the question was what I would do, and that's how I tend to respond to such individuals. IMO if you back down you open the door for a worse outcome by presenting a soft target.
Ignored him totally and completely.
No one liners. No lecture. None of that.
Total, absolute don't care.
Averageman
11-01-17, 10:26
Smile and stare, take your gear and move on.
If he was real he wouldn't have said a sideways word, he would have taken a swing.
Ignored him totally and completely.
No one liners. No lecture. None of that.
Total, absolute don't care.
This would be my response. Well maybe I'd give him a simple your a waste of my time laugh and then ignore him.
Deescalate and walk away. Nothing to be gained by getting in a fight with some piece of trash but a whole lot to lose.
Would have hopefully done this. When someone is as angry and irrational as the man sounded I don't think anything good can come from even a mild verbal engagement. I would just turn and walk away. Now if he laid hands on me, well that's different.
I've been in several similar situations. Just brush it off, smile, maintain eye contact/situational awareness and tell them to have a nice day and let them walk away.
Always descalate when you can. Be prepared for when you can't.
FromMyColdDeadHand
11-01-17, 10:50
Probably done about the same thing. Maybe left this.........." I don't care what you call yourself, your friends and your family. But you will not call that ever again"..... comment out. De-escalation, especially when armed, is a smart idea. Be pissed off if you want, I probably would be too, but keep calm. If the worst happened you did everything to not escalate the situation. Walk away, let him curse and yeal....it's just words
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I guess ‘Takes one to know one’ wouldn’t be an appropriate rejoinder....
Strangers talking to me in a harsh tone? I usually just give them that quizzical “da, hell” look and in an octave range around that of Wharf’s say “Pardon, me”. Most people realize they are being an ass. Further interactions get a “If I wanted shit out of you, I’d squeeze your head.” (Shout out to Grandpa, R.I.P.). I’m deferential to crazy and stupid to make it go away.
That and auto-cashiers. The last thing I want to do it talk to employees or patrons at a food store.
I tell my son that you win every fight you avoid or walk away from.
I am white, but highly tanned. Size I am 5'11" and weight 225 with a lot of that being in my upper body, with 30 years behind me of chasing crooks and terrorist.
All that to say if it had got to a fight, I wasn't afraid of him rather what the system might do to me.
I have to say the shock of being called the N word was pretty big.
I probably would've said "F**k you" and let it go from there. If he wanted to rock, well then we'll rock. If not, then everyone walks away. Not a badass by any means but a REAL short tolerance of assholes.
Having said that, I wouldn't have approached the machine until it was totally vacated. I've used the self-checkout things many times and always wait until the thing is unoccupied.
I'd be more confused than anything being called the N word, but these types of things are so random and catch us off guard, there's always that feeling we could have/should have handled it some other way in retrospect. End the day "mission" achieved (nothing above verbal nonsense) and you were clearly dealing with an unstable guy. I can't say I'd do any "better" or worse in that situation other than I doubt I would say anything about being called N word and such as I just don't care really. I'd likely have just ignored that one. Been called far worse by far better people... Stuff like that sucks because it turns what is a typical day into a "WTF just happened?" day you think about the rest of the day, even when you know it's wasted brain power.
I am white, but highly tanned. Size I am 5'11" and weight 225 with a lot of that being in my upper body, with 30 years behind me of chasing crooks and terrorist.
All that to say if it had got to a fight, I wasn't afraid of him rather what the system might do to me.
I have to say the shock of being called the N word was pretty big.
Welcome to the US of A :cool:
I have been called every name in the book and that usually was followed by being spit on. I would then in a low voice in Arabic inform the person that Mohamed had sex with pigs or dogs at which point in time they would attack me. So in front of the cameras it looked like I was being attacked.
But this today really shorted out my brain.
I'd be more confused than anything being called the N word... Been called far worse by far better people...
Ignore, ignore, ignore. You are above this level of stupid.
However, Situational Awareness condition yellow, no need to let someone get the drop on you while they are feeling ignored.
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Moose-Knuckle
11-01-17, 12:57
I used to be one to overreact to situations like that. It isn't worth it. As soon as he said "You being a smart ass" I would have pulled out my phone and immediately started recording. Make it obvious.
I'd love to see how you would have reacted if the guy in Yoni's story wasn't Black and called a non-White person the n-word.
Evel Baldgui
11-01-17, 13:02
Keep at arms length, smile at the bloke, and be ready to put a knife in his face if the situation escalated.
Doc Safari
11-01-17, 13:06
These threads are great exercises. They get you thinking.
Would love to see more "what would you do" threads.
I would have let him finish bagging and leave before I started scanning my stuff, thereby avoiding the whole incident. I ain't in that big of a hurry that I need to rush somebody out of the way.
Barring that, though, I would have ignored him. Arguing with low-life shitheads is never productive, especially when they have noting to lose and everything to gain.
Eurodriver's suggestion to take video is a good one as well.
I don't get to excited about what people say to me, been called pretty much everything one can be called, in multiple languages to, even a n*gg*r....and I'm white as hell!
I carry often. Just knowing that I could defend myself if I had to and the other person has no idea is a kind of a silent joke to me. As long as the other person isn't a physical threat to my fam or me, they can say what they want. Although sometimes I have a hard time not laughing at $h!t bags. I'm working on that though.
You did good.
NYH1.
I had an incident this morning that has me at a loss, as to what I should have done.
I was at the self checkout at my grocery store, the gentleman in front of me was almost done bagging his groceries. I looked at what he had left to bag and nothing was even close to the protein bars I was buying so I started scanning.
He responded with the following" Hey Mother-ucker, you better hope we don't get our stuff mixed up."
I replied " Sir since your stuff is groceries and I am only buying these bars, I don't think we will have a problem."
He replied " You being a smart ass Ni--er".
He is black and I am not.
My response was " I don't care what you call yourself, your friends and your family. But you will not call that ever again"
He then started swearing and telling me how he is going to kick my ass.
I was armed and also had a sap in my pocket, I would have hurt him bad if it got physical.
But I got to say he really pissed me off by calling me the "N" word.
I have two questions should I be pissed off and how should I have handled it?
I really hope we can have a serious discussion and not get this locked in the next little bit.
I would have responded to the first comment with "HEEYYYY!!!!! You Got Your Chocolate In My Peanut Butter" and would have continued to repeat it louder and louder with any response from him regardless of what he actually said.
If he persisted I would become accusatory and confrontational about how he got his chocolate in my peanut butter.
I am white, but highly tanned. Size I am 5'11" and weight 225 with a lot of that being in my upper body, with 30 years behind me of chasing crooks and terrorist.
All that to say if it had got to a fight, I wasn't afraid of him rather what the system might do to me.
I have to say the shock of being called the N word was pretty big.
I always have fun with it. I'd have told that Gook MF'er that I'd never get our stuff mixed up because all of his groceries have AIDS. Then I'd have gone on a 10 minute rant about how gooks are always persecuting Albanians such as myself. Then call him "Albanian Hater" until he leaves.
I believe that you don't lose any face by apologizing if apology is warranted in the other person's mind.
I'd think looking him neutrally in the eyes, stepping back, setting yourself and calmly saying 'Hey, let me apologize for upsetting you, I'll wait for you to get done' would take care of things.
People are ego driven, he was driven to say what he said to you, that response should satisfy him and send him the message you aren't willing to be messed with.
That has generally worked for me to defuse things, unless folks are drunk or drugged.
There's a lot of crazy out there.
Coal Dragger
11-01-17, 16:53
Ignored him totally and completely.
No one liners. No lecture. None of that.
Total, absolute don't care.
Probably the best route.
Sadly it is illegal to physically correct people for being rude and stupid. Sounds like the fellow Yoni encountered is in serious need of a severe ass whipping.
5.56 Bonded SP
11-01-17, 17:43
First
No armchair quarterbacking on my behalf is warranted in my opinion. Every individual, and every situation is different. I wasn't there, I do not know if the individual demonstrated behavior that signified a potential violent or vile situation, I can not say what was right or wrong without being there or knowing the entirety of the situation.
Now I will state some opinions of my own.
What state you live in also plays a huge part, personally I refuse to live in any state that does not support some type of stand your ground castle doctrine, because I refuse to let myself or my family be victim to criminal behavior. There is a difference between standing ones ground, and escalating a situation; when you are carrying a weapon it is very important to be aware of the difference. I don't think everything is painted black and white; life and human behaviors are much more of a grey scale.
If you are not a civilian, I think it is important to remember to behave as if you are on duty even if you are not. As well we live in a society where criminals are painted as victims by the media, and law abiding citizens are painted as the bad guys. Patriotic American citizens are painted as fascists by people who hate our country. Our actions must be clear, concise, and everything we do has to be articulated as justifiable; because everything we do is just one click away from going viral. If you let one derogatory remark slip because of an emotion, a few simple words could end your entire career.
All of our constitutional rights go both ways, but if you are employed by any government agency in some ways you have less rights than a civilian. Always try to remember the bigger picture, and separate your actions from your emotions. Stand your ground, do what is right, but understand it is important to pick your battles.
Don't let some scumbag get you down, you probably did the right thing, and you probably have a much better life than that scumbag.
Voodoochild
11-01-17, 17:59
Son of a mother duck if you all don't knock it off I am going to turn off the internet. Is it really impossible for adults tonact like adults these days?
SeriousStudent
11-01-17, 19:30
...... if you all don't knock it off I am going to turn off the internet. ........
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