View Full Version : Another bro gone before his day
At the museum, a fine gent by the name of Bill was the go to go guy for various projects, build it, fix it , what ever, he did it. Handy man was Bill. We'd shoot the shit for a while talking life, and stuff. I was not his close bud, but we always had some good talks. I don't know if he was a vet or not as we never discussed it. The tactical beard, tats, etc suggested he was a vet of some type, but I could be wrong. On another job he'd gotten injured, broke stuff and could not work for some months. Wife decides that the time to take his kid and sue for full custody and so forth.
He was known to like his drink.
At the annual muster I saw in him in his wheel chair sitting on his own, so I stopped by and had a long chat. I could see things were not right, and I did my best to reach out to him. Gave him my card, told him anytime wanted to meet up, talk about chit, etc, drop me a line and I meant it.
A few days before X mass, put a gun in his mouth, and gone. Had a lot of people die on me, and that's no BS. Not taking this one any better or worse than the others, but dude had plenty ahead of him, yet obviously could not see it. ****.
Just venting all, but I wish he'd called me. I'd have smacked him about the head with a no bullshitter as i had some yeas on him that things, no matter how dark they look now, can and do improve and if you check out like that your pain may end, but those you cared about, it just begins....Would not be the first, and I hope will not be the last dude I reach out to to help them get through another day. NO BS, any of you idiots ever have such thoughts, you PM me, and I'll be there. Been through a some stuff myself, so aint one mother f-ing thing you could say that would surprise me.
In memoriam, gonna drink something strong, play some tunes, and hope he has wind behind his sails on his journey to Valhalla.
RIP Bill.
Will: Sorry for you having to go through this. Death, unfortunately, for the past 1.5 years has been part of our families lives. Doesn’t get any easier.
Had to inform my wife her father had passed away completely unexpectedly very recently. Just two days after a check-up. One of the hardest things I’ve had to do. He was genuinely a great person. Army Captain in VN, way up in Suntrust, and beloved by anyone that knew him. People were vying to speak at his service and many stout men broke down and cried while speaking. Heartbreaking.
Devestating to my wife and it will be a long road to healing. Considered my father-in-law a true friend, mentor, and someone to aspire to emulate. Many tears in the house recently.
Truly hope you find peace.
Will: Sorry for you having to go through this. Death, unfortunately, for the past 1.5 years has been part of our families lives. Doesn’t get any easier.
Had to inform my wife her father had passed away completely unexpectedly very recently. Just two days after a check-up. One of the hardest things I’ve had to do. He was genuinely a great person. Army Captain in VN, way up in Suntrust, and beloved by anyone that knew him. People were vying to speak at his service and many stout men broke down and cried while speaking. Heartbreaking.
Devestating to my wife and it will be a long road to healing. Considered my father-in-law a true friend, mentor, and someone to aspire to emulate. Many tears in the house recently.
Truly hope you find peace.
No sir, I hope you find peace. I hope Bill finds peace. When/if people go out doing what the loved to and or, lived a full life, I morn and celebrate their passing, cry, and try to move on. Sounds like your father in law was such a man and worthy celebration of a life fully lived.
Sorry to hear of your loss Will. It was good of you to try and reach-out to Bill.
I lost a good friend a few years ago. Last time that I saw him he was fine, then he woke up one day and decided to take his life. No one saw it coming.
It's just a reminder to appreciate your family and friends. And to make time when others we care about need help.
Condolences. This is a tricky, tricky subject with no definitive "right" answers.
I lost a few because they just seen enough and wanted the movie to stop and didnt want to be a Zoloft Zombie.
One guy knew his days were numbered and gave away all his stuff, put a trashbag over his head and a helmet, wrote "Sorry, EMS" on a piece of paper and taped it to his pajamas and at his favorite gun.
But I also know people with a lot of odds against them healthwise who keep going on sheer will. Like they should be dead, but refuse to accept it.
I was clued in on a film by a sky pilot I trust to seek out a Kurosawa film called "Madadayo". Roughly translated it means "Not Yet". An old salaryman is "supposed" to die and move aside but...."not yet". It helped me.
Whatever a person chooses, we cant force our morality on them. All we can do is extend our arms.
No matter who we think we are, ultimately, we are just a tiny piece in someone else's puzzle.
So....listen, be an ear, a shoulder, or a friend; even if for a while.
I talked a few people down in my time, and I would say "Please, just give it one more day. A lot can happen. One more day."
Those people dont want to die, they just want their life to end. They want a new life.
But some people, some people may well have their reasons that time cannot rightly cure.
So, all we can do is our best. Amd sometimes, it simply isnt enough. It will hurt, and it will be sad. But it wasn't our choice. It was theirs.
And that's all I've got to say on the topic.
But if anyone ever feels trapped or alone....
Just give it one more day. All I ask
militarymoron
01-08-18, 23:04
Sorry to hear that, Will. That sucks. The last two years have been a killer (literally). 9 people I knew or worked with died (including my dad).
It just makes me appreciate waking up every morning all the more.
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee." John Donne
RetroRevolver77
01-09-18, 01:22
Life isn't easy, it serves less of a purpose once a woman leaves.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWnUItw1ElU
7n6
Christmas seems to be a time many commit suicide.
It sucks, and its hard tk tell how far down the pit some people are until its too late.
Condolences to you, Will.
The goosebumps were prominent reading through most of these posts.
As someone who had the "invincibility" fade the last few years, it's a concept I am only but learning.
I've always promised myself to get help before it's too late. To never be afraid of getting help, before it gets too late.
Thankfully anytime there had been issues or hardships, a quick chat with a counselor has helped wonderfully; most importantly just having someone there to litmus your feelings and emotions.
Thankfully, it's been limited to only a handful of events after some pretty traumatic shite.
Now I am on a Cash loop, thanks 7n6.
That sucks. The people who want to do it, will do it. It's always devastating when people can't see the forest for the trees, whose problems are so insurmountable that the problems are all they see.
Sorry to hear that, Will. That sucks. The last two years have been a killer (literally). 9 people I knew or worked with died (including my dad).
It just makes me appreciate waking up every morning all the more.
It is a blessing to wake every morning and see the Sun shine.
Please accept my condolences.
I have lost freinds and quite a few family members (cousins, nephews) to suicide. Each one has been such a waste, heartbreaking.
Andy
Averageman
01-10-18, 20:37
I have a close friend that works in an ER, I got this person whom I trust to confide in me some stories about Veterans that come through the door.
There are a lot of guys out there mixing VA administered medications with LARGE amounts of alcohol, BAC levels that would kill someone who hadn't built up amazing tolerances. These aren't weak individuals, they are multiple tour veterans with jobs and families, been there done that guys.
It's just sad,very sad to see people you respect die because the can't push the bottle away.
Firefly, that was friggin' poetic man.
I don't know how old you are and don't need to. If I learned you were 90, I'd say you possessed a certain wisdom beyond your years.
Will, my sincere condolences to you.
Firefly, that was friggin' poetic man.
I don't know how old you are and don't need to. If I learned you were 90, I'd say you possessed a certain wisdom beyond your years.
Will, my sincere condolences to you.
Much appreciated sentiments all around.
Condolences. This is a tricky, tricky subject with no definitive "right" answers.
I lost a few because they just seen enough and wanted the movie to stop and didnt want to be a Zoloft Zombie.
One guy knew his days were numbered and gave away all his stuff, put a trashbag over his head and a helmet, wrote "Sorry, EMS" on a piece of paper and taped it to his pajamas and at his favorite gun.
I have no issues with that. If you're days are numbered, due to some incurable disease, etc, and you decide you're done, then go out as he did and don't leave a mess for those who have to find you. But, doing so as a young(ish) person, with kids, with people you're gonna really mess up for the rest of their time on this planet, is another matter to me. What I have seen is the aftermath of what it does to those still alive. They never get over it. Some do commit suicide for that reason, as much as a "f*% U all" and "I'll show you people" move, etc, and that sucks too. Obviously, motivations vary as humans vary.
I'd say for a majority, like my pal in the OP, they do it because at that moment in time, the pain seems too great to ever get passed, the future nothing but doom, an inability to realize there are people who give a damn, and that many will be directly harmed by their act.
Those people can be saved if someone gets to them in time.
I had a buddy not long ago walking that edge, we were close in college, had not talked to him in a decade or so, call out of the blue. He was in a bad way. I asked him if he wanted to intentionally destroy the life of his kid, his wife, his parents, etc because that's exactly what he'd be doing. His hadn't thought about it that way, and it totally changed his POV and he realized no matter the pain at that moment, he owed it to them to seek counseling, take it a day at a time, and survive.
He's doing well today.
Condolences and take comfort that you reached out, more than most people would have done.
We went thru this with my wifes cousin. He missed out on his SEAL days due to injury, made BUDS but then was injured with an infection that darn near killed him. He had an issue with depression after that. He tried to deal with it and was working on his master dive cert and found out that because he was trying to treat his depression he could not get back into the navy. It hit him hard and we had no idea taking his own life was coming. Felt horrible that his dad found him.
I always have looked up to my father in law and his brothers they have always been the dad types that I wish I had growing up. The way they dealt with his death was a show of strength that I hope I will not have to try to muster.
Will if everyone cared as much as you we’d all live in a much better place. After all you did for me I can only imagine how you tried to help him, therefore it’s extremely unlikely you should feel any form of regret whatsoever.
As far as the loss, we both know what that feels like and it takes time to adjust mentally if you gave enough of a sh*t to begin with. I am sorry that it happened that way. By now we all know life can be both beautifuly perfect and unthinkably cruel, so you just try to work your way down the road as best you can.
Will if everyone cared as much as you we’d all live in a much better place. After all you did for me I can only imagine how you tried to help him, therefore it’s extremely unlikely you should feel any form of regret whatsoever.
As far as the loss, we both know what that feels like and it takes time to adjust mentally if you gave enough of a sh*t to begin with. I am sorry that it happened that way. By now we all know life can be both beautifuly perfect and unthinkably cruel, so you just try to work your way down the road as best you can.
Thanx. There's no regret on my end per se. Win some you lose some, I know I did what I could within the boundaries of our limited friendship. If we'd been close, I'd be pissed at him for having not confided in me. A few closer friends have, and it all worked out for the best. My friends no they can discuss anything with me and there's not a damn thing they can tell me I have not heard, done, or thought about doing myself. If I liked people more, would have made a good therapist ;)
You're a good guy Will.
Next time I make it down there, beer is on me.
Condolences and take comfort that you reached out, more than most people would have done.
We went thru this with my wifes cousin. He missed out on his SEAL days due to injury, made BUDS but then was injured with an infection that darn near killed him. He had an issue with depression after that. He tried to deal with it and was working on his master dive cert and found out that because he was trying to treat his depression he could not get back into the navy. It hit him hard and we had no idea taking his own life was coming. Felt horrible that his dad found him.
I always have looked up to my father in law and his brothers they have always been the dad types that I wish I had growing up. The way they dealt with his death was a show of strength that I hope I will not have to try to muster.
Wow, this made think of a good friend from college I haven't thought about in a long time. He got a commission in the Marine Corps and was in flight school, got injured and dropped out. Got back in later and then failed out. He took his own life shortly thereafter. Me and several other buddies were floored, never saw it coming as he was always the happiest guy around, making people laugh, always joking. We were upset that he never reached out to any of us, never called anyone.
You're a good guy Will.
Next time I make it down there, beers and shot are on me.
Much appreciated and small type fixed for ya ;)
Wow, this made think of a good friend from college I haven't thought about in a long time. He got a commission in the Marine Corps and was in flight school, got injured and dropped out. Got back in later and then failed out. He took his own life shortly thereafter. Me and several other buddies were floored, never saw it coming as he was always the happiest guy around, making people laugh, always joking. We were upset that he never reached out to any of us, never called anyone.
Don't take this personally as it's a general observation vs directed at you. I have not been the least bit surprised when learning of people that opted out. People tend to see what they want to see in other people. Others said "she was such a happy person, I never saw it coming" when I couldn't figure out how they missed it. It's in their eyes. No matter what they say or do, their eyes give them away. Other hints and tells are usually there if you're aware and looking for them. The guy in the OP was also known as a happy go lucky type, yada yada. People put on a front, some better than others. If someone you know experiences something you know would be damn stressful to anyone, ignore how they behave, and simply say something like "sure, but how are you really feeling about that shit? If it were me, I know it would really knock the crap out of me" Feeling alone, like you're the only one experiencing such a thing, is the common theme there. Everyone around looks happy, but they feel terrible and without hope and figure no one gives a shit what happens to them.
Say something like "you look like you're doing ok with with it, but you know you can give me a call to shoot the shit any time right?"
My friend I briefly mentioned prior let me know years later that he was considering opting out a few times he called me out of the blue, but remembered my offers. I suspected strongly was considering that as an option. He's a very well known sports writer for various publications, we were college pals in the 80s.
Open ended, empathetic, but firm, vs soft fuzzy BS is what, in my experience, they need.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.