View Full Version : My Wife Has Cancer
Belmont31R
09-22-18, 03:03
Just posting this as a heads up for others. Breast cancer is not a middle aged or older women’s disease. Lots of women younger than 40 (when mammograms become standard) get diagnosed. Self exams are crucial. My wife’s situation is a little complicated because she has dense tissue and fibrosis which makes detection harder. In her mid 20’s she had a biopsy and scans which were all negative.
Fast forward to this year and she was having an IUD replaced. The OBGYN did a breast exam and asked about the history. She still wanted my wife to get checked out. We missed the first appointment and almost missed the rescheduled appointment, too.
After the mammogram results were read they did a sonogram screen the same day and things didn’t look good. Can’t make a diagnosis yet but my wife cried in the car on the way home. A couple days later they did a biopsy of multiple areas. We were scheduled for a consult on a Friday, several days after the biopsy, but the office called and the consult was pushed back to the following Monday.
We went in together and were told the biopsy came back cancerous.
She was diagnosed as a stage 2b invasive breast cancer at 31 years old. The radiologist said they only get someone her age with breast cancer 1-2 times a year. Everyone handles things differently and I’m not the type to break down and start crying. I just did what I could to comfort her and listen to what we were being told. Immediately after we left we went a few offices down to the surgeon. We got a plan of sorts from him with a couple of options and discussed oncologists.
We decided on chemo first then she will have a double mastectomy afterwards.
As of now she has completed the first round of chemo which is doxorubicin or red devil as it’s known. That chemo comes in big syringes the oncology nurses have to push by hand, and is bright red in color hence the red devil moniker. The devil part comes from the harsh side effects. My wife had 5 different anti-nausea meds prescribed and none of them did anything more than take a little bit of the edge off. For 3-4 days after each infusion it was trying to get her to take sips of water and whatever food she could tolerate which was like 1-3 bites every few hours.
Yesterday she started the second round of chemo which is Taxol. The side effects are way less harsh but come with a different set of side effects. Neuropathy is the main one. I looked up nerve health supplements and got her a B complex and alpha lipoic acid. The nurses also mentioned bringing a frozen water bottle to handle during the infusion which seems to help prevent neuropathy in the hands. She has to do Taxol every week for 12 weeks. Then will come the double mastectomy and possibly radiation. Her chemo schedule and further plan of action is on the aggressive side due to her age (handling the treatment better than an older patient) and it’s early enough stage wise they can nuke it to prevent spread past her breast.
We are optimistic but I have another story to share. A good friend of mine just lost his SIL yesterday morning to cancer. She, like my wife, had breast cancer in her early 30’s but opted out of chemo. She did get a double mastectomy but at some point cancer cells must have escaped, and what is now several years later she started feeling underarm pain and got scanned around the same time my wife was diagnosed. Cancer had spread but she wanted to do alternative treatments like an infrared bed and juices. I really really feel bad for those personally affected by her passing but the odds are if she had done chemo with the original breast cancer it wouldn’t have spread and when she was re-diagnosed this summer it’s highly likely starting chemo even at that point would have at the very least extended her life by many years if not put her into remission. Now 3 kids lost their mom and an extended family is in shambles having lost a loved one.
I just wanted to share these stories and urge everyone to be reminded to do self exams including the guys. Don’t let odd stuff go. Early detection and treatment makes ALL the difference. My wife has joined a few support groups and there are women in their 20’s and 30’s dying from this shit because they delay seeing anyone until it’s obvious something is wrong and they are stage 3/4. I also honestly got pissed off reading websites talking about how chemo is a scam and doctors just put people through it because they get kickbacks. Monumentally stupid. My wife’s Lump areas started shrinking by feel almost immediately and as of now the breast in question feels more normal than it has in a long time. At the end of treatments, regardless of what the scans show, she’ll get them both taken just to eliminate the chance of it coming back from that vector. There’s genetic testing to see if it’s gene related but we did the blood testing and then insurance denied it :-/
Will be praying for you and your wife.
My wife lost her mother to breast cancer a little over 5 years ago, her father passed while she was in high school. She now is scanned more often because of it. Also a coworker just had mastectomy in her mid 40s. It's scary stuff for sure. I know I'm bad about not getting checked out but I turn 40 this year and have tried to be more intentional about scheduling routine checkups. Even picked up a dermatologist for the first time ever. The statistics on people getting skin cancer is scary as well.
Very sorry to hear this.
My mil has fought this wickedness twice and is in good health at 85. Her first diagnosis was later in life, maybe 60.
I will be praying for strength and courage for you and your wife.
May the Lord keep you and bless you as you walk through this valley.
Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk
I am sorry to hear this. My mom and sister have both survived breast cancer. It is a long hard road, I am not going to soft sell it, but there is light at the end. I wish you and your wife all the best through this struggle.
Andy
ThirdWatcher
09-22-18, 06:52
If there was one thing I could rid the universe of, it would be cancer. I’ve lost my father and several friends to cancer. Four of my State Patrol Academy classmates have died (out of 36), all to cancer. One didn’t even make it to retirement. Prayers sent.
Adrenaline_6
09-22-18, 07:20
So sorry to hear. Prayers out to you and your wife to pull through physically and mentally. I can't imagine having to deal with those circumstances.
If there could be a list of things that were off limits for cancer and disease, the tatas should be on it!
Best wishes to you and your wife. It will be a long road ahead but getting to the end of it is the goal, stay focused on that.
Oh, and F**K CANCER!!!
***I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in December of 2016 at age 51. Had surgery in February of 2017. So far (fingers crossed) my PSA has been coming back "undetectable". Know what sucks about this? This draw blood and wait for the results with high pucker factor each time will go on for YEARS. It is a cloud hanging over me. I don't dwell on it but it's always there, lurking in the background.
Grand58742
09-22-18, 08:05
Thoughts and prayers for your wife and whole family.
As a patient, the cancer diagnosis itself is a hard thing to fit in your mind, but in many ways the hardest thing to deal with is the effect that your diagnosis, the treatment, and the prognosis has on family, friends, and the people that care about you and rely on you. Seeing the pain and fear in those folks brings feelings of guilt and a whole different level of pain that exceeds the pain and fear that you have for yourself.
Best of wishes for your wife. I’ve known many people with that diagnosis, hundreds over the years, who have been that exact route. It’s hard, but it does end. The nausea subsides, the hair grows back and life does go on. Abnak’s observations about the fears of subsequent exams is a real thing, but you do eventually learn to live with that fear too. It’s a bitch, but all you can do it move forward, one day after the next.
By the way...the OBGYN that started the ball rolling on your wife’s diagnosis is a hero. May have saved her life.
bamashooter
09-22-18, 09:05
So very sorry to hear this. But it's good to see that ya'll are attacking this in an aggressive manner. That's the only way to do it from what I've seen in life. Good luck to ya'll and prayers sent.
militarymoron
09-22-18, 09:32
My thoughts are with you and your family - please keep us updated.
I'm not a praying man, but I'll keep you and your wife in my thoughts. My wife lost two aunts and two uncles to cancer. My boss's wife was also very young when she had breast cancer, maybe mid 30's. It doesn't discriminate. Stay strong and support her in any way she needs. I'm hopeing for a full recovery.
Belmont31R
09-22-18, 10:56
Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers.
Yup we are taking things a day or a week at a time. Besides the initial shock of the diagnosis my wife has been a real trooper with everything. She had me cut her hair off with my clippers instead of waiting for it to start coming out in chunks in the bed or shower. It’ll grow back and she’s been cool with wearing hats/wraps.
The cancer coming back is a concern and she’s already planning on being as vigilant as possible. I worry and even though we aren’t there yet I can imagine waiting on scan results will be difficult.
Thanks again.
RetroRevolver77
09-22-18, 11:01
delete
Prayers sent for you and your wife.
Sending you and your wife positive thoughts and strength. My mom beat breast cancer in her late 60's. Did a number on her psychologically and she hasn't really been the same since. The support groups are a great idea. Sounds like your wife has a great attitude which I think is key.
Both my parents had cancer in the early '90's. My dad had colon and my mom had lung and intestinal. They're both 72 and are fine and well today.
My grandma pasted away from breast cancer in '96. She didn't go to the Dr. until it was to late, my grandpa was sick so she was dealing with him.
My wife's best friend had breast cancer in 2015. All has been well since.
A good friends dad had lung cancer in the early 2000's (after his second heart attack :() and is good to go.
I tell these stories to let you know there's definitely hope. You guys do the right things and your wife will be fine my friend! ;)
NYH1.
Thoughts and prayers for your wife and your family. I have three gals that I lift up in prayer on a regular basis.
One is/was a coworker that got diagnosed in her early thirties also, she did the chemo and masectomy thing, this was 30 years ago, several years before I met her, she'll retire next year. Another is my former bosses wife, she was diagnosed almost 20 years ago, in her forties. And finally, my cousin, who was late thirties. My cousing had a double masectomy and since she hadn't been endowed well to begin with, went full out Pam Anderson for a while, she laughed about it. She had a bad scan a couple months ago and is back at the chemo. She'll make it. The one thing these women all have in common is that in their own ways they are tougher than nails and have nothing but a positive attitude.
Good luck to your wife, be strong for her.
Very sorry man. My thoughts are with you both.
Cancer is an indiscriminate and evil bitch.
Sending prayers for a favorable resolution, in addition to good thoughts your way.
Sorry to hear this dude. But from what I know of you, and how you describe her, she';; hopefully pull through this. Cancer sucks, as we all know. Something I fear hearing about all the time.
My dad was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer that has spread to the bones. He'll be 83 next month. They have a plan of action, and think he'll do OK with it for a few years. Still in shock about it (me). At least he has lived a good life and is still living a good life. Your wife is much too young for this (not that any age is appropriate).
Thoughts and prayers coming your (both of you and your family's) way.
Sorry to hear this. You and your wife are in our prayers. My wife is an 8year bc survivor, she got literal chills reading about the red devil. She remembers it well and wrote a poem about it. All the time through her chemo and radiation she was an incredibly optimistic person, even when one of the chemo treatments put her in anaphiloctic shock. She never wore a wig, she rock her baldness and talked to anyone she could about what she was going through. Her incredible faith in God enabled her to help others while she was going through her treatment.
If your wife wants to talk with someone who went through what she is going through, pm me and we can exchange info.
Sorry to hear this.
My mother was diagnosed with this at 64 (last year). They caught it early, stage 0. They cut it out, treated it with radiation and chemo.
Recovery is still going and it's been a difficult road but she's making it.
Be her rock and support. She's going to need it.
Belmont31R
09-23-18, 19:49
Sorry to hear this. You and your wife are in our prayers. My wife is an 8year bc survivor, she got literal chills reading about the red devil. She remembers it well and wrote a poem about it. All the time through her chemo and radiation she was an incredibly optimistic person, even when one of the chemo treatments put her in anaphiloctic shock. She never wore a wig, she rock her baldness and talked to anyone she could about what she was going through. Her incredible faith in God enabled her to help others while she was going through her treatment.
If your wife wants to talk with someone who went through what she is going through, pm me and we can exchange info.
The color of that stuff is really unforgettable and the nurses have to gown up in ppe which was unsettling at first. Definetly a survivors club of sorts just from that alone. I’ll never forget the color draining out of her complexion even before the infusion was done. On her last treatment of AC I gave her a kiss when we got home and I immediately had the worst chemical taste in my mouth which lasted for a while. Just from a quick kiss. She said the stuff was like swimming in windex.
Sorry to hear, best of luck.
PB
Doc Safari
10-12-18, 16:52
Just saw this one. Praying for you and yours.
Prayers for you and yours. Those self-exams are very important for sure, and I admit I am not consistent with them. Thank you for sharing. I hope it encourages husbands to have conversations with their wives about the importance of doing the self-exams.
Belmont31R
10-12-18, 21:22
Thanks again!
She started Taxol 4 weeks ago and had an appointment with the oncologist last Friday. Yesterday afternoon the office called and said they were switching her to Taxotere due to neuropathy concerns. She’s had a mild numbness in her left fingertips.
We looked into Taxotere and it has 3-6% permanent hair loss rates in a couple studies and a UK study had 15% in their study group never regrow hair. She freaked out and basically told them she wasn’t switching and we’d monitor the neuropathy. Oncologist said ok to that this morning so she did round 4/12 of Taxol today while holding a cold pack in each hand. The cold restricts blood flow so the chemo doesn’t get as much ‘access’ to the nerves in her fingers during infusions.
We are a bit upset these doctors just switch stuff up and don’t discuss side effects short and long term with patients. She’s on some support groups and it’s a common theme. Lots of people have been put on Taxotere and the permanent hair loss possibility is rarely brought up. There’s also a risk of that chemo type causing thin/stringy hair if it does come back, missing eyebrows/eyelashes, etc. The company that produces Taxotere also got in trouble with the FDA for claiming it was more effective than other chemo types which is not true. I’m glad she chose to say ‘No!’ to that stuff.
The whole thing sucks, it hits very close to home. I hope she tolerates her treatment best they can. Its kinda hard to discuss side effects because they ALL have so fkn many that it SUCKS. Good thing is survivor rates are at an all time high and cosmetic surgery is amazing. All the best brother.
PB
Belmont31R
02-10-19, 17:45
Update. Surgery is this Wed with a modified radical mastectomy L side and normal mastectomy R side. Should be reconstruction at the same time with the surgeon and plastic surgeon. They’ll do lymph dissection immediately on L side.
Getting nervous but support is flowing in from family and friends as well as the church we are renting our house from.
Just hope they get everything and we can move on from here.
It will be interesing how this plays out. http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=AwrJ7J35vGBcQ1oAhQZXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTByNXQ0NThjBGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwM1BHZ0aWQDBHNlYwNzcg--/RV=2/RE=1549872505/RO=10/RU=http%3a%2f%2fwww.reporter.co.ke%2f2018%2f03%2f17%2fnew-israeli-cancer-vaccine-may-cure-90-of-all-cancer-types-in-one-shoot%2f/RK=2/RS=Dx7bmKPOQUnBnuCjfTiPh4_cRug-
Inkslinger
02-10-19, 18:17
Update. Surgery is this Wed with a modified radical mastectomy L side and normal mastectomy R side. Should be reconstruction at the same time with the surgeon and plastic surgeon. They’ll do lymph dissection immediately on L side.
Getting nervous but support is flowing in from family and friends as well as the church we are renting our house from.
Just hope they get everything and we can move on from here.
My heart goes out to you and your wife. Keep your chin up and think positive.
I am sorry to admit that your wife had slipped from my prayer list, I'll resume thinking and talking about her. My wife and I offer our best wishes.
Toe the line Belmont, she will need you. I’m afraid my prayers won’t reach far, but sent none the less.
I hate hearing stories like this but I am hopeful for her full recovery.
I have worked in the GYN cancer screening industry for the last 11 years...primarily cervical cancer. You often hear statistics of how common a certain cancer is and think, “well that is kind rare. I hope I don’t get unlucky.” The reality is if you combine all the types of cancer a human can get, you basically have a 50% chance of getting some type of cancer in your life. Very scary stuff! Do not allow things to go. If something looks or feels odd, get it checked out. If you are of age, get screened.
I started pissing blood Christmas Day 2013 and it lasted a week. They did every test they could and found nothing. Then in the summer of 2017 it happened again, but only some clots. I set up an appointment for an MRI and urine cytology. MRI came back negative so I figured it was nothing again. Even rescheduled my follow up. Then my doctor calls and said the cytology came back abnormal. Turns out I had a small low grade tumor in my bladder. It was easily removed...thank God, but I must be screened for the rest of my life. This taught me a huge lesson and I take every chance I can to warn people about complacency.
I trust your wife’s cancer was found early and the treatments will be a success. This thread is relevant to everyone reading it...not just the women in your life!
PS: If you smoke...stop immediately!! I smoked for about 8 years through college and after. Quit in 2000 cold turkey. Every urologist I spoke to feels the smoking was the most likely culprit . Smoking is linked to numerous cancers outside of lung cancer and is more closely associated with bladder cancer.
Straight Shooter
02-11-19, 00:11
Update. Surgery is this Wed with a modified radical mastectomy L side and normal mastectomy R side. Should be reconstruction at the same time with the surgeon and plastic surgeon. They’ll do lymph dissection immediately on L side.
Getting nervous but support is flowing in from family and friends as well as the church we are renting our house from.
Just hope they get everything and we can move on from here.
HARD prayers for your misses & YOU brother. In Jesus' GREAT NAME let it be so!!
Belmont31R
02-16-19, 19:13
Surgery was a success. They were able to do the full reconstruction as well.
I was REALLY nervous the night before, got 2 hours of sleep, and woke up soaked in sweat. I think she was less nervous than me lol
It’ll be next week until we find out how the lymph node dissection results come back. Hoping they are negative.
I did have to rush her to the ER this morning. Not sure of the cause but she woke me up at 6am crying and throwing up with a massive headache. She thought something was really wrong like a clot traveling around. They gave her meds and did a CT scan. Luckily the CT scan was clear. I think I may have set a near record time getting her to the ER ;-)
Thanks again for the well wishes and prayers.
Surgery was a success. They were able to do the full reconstruction as well.
I was REALLY nervous the night before, got 2 hours of sleep, and woke up soaked in sweat. I think she was less nervous than me lol
It’ll be next week until we find out how the lymph node dissection results come back. Hoping they are negative.
I did have to rush her to the ER this morning. Not sure of the cause but she woke me up at 6am crying and throwing up with a massive headache. She thought something was really wrong like a clot traveling around. They gave her meds and did a CT scan. Luckily the CT scan was clear. I think I may have set a near record time getting her to the ER ;-)
Thanks again for the well wishes and prayers.
It was a week from the time I had my prostate removed to the day I got a call from the surgeon with the pathology report. That was probably the longest week of my life, so I understand.
Best of wishes to you and your wife. Something tells me she'll be GTG. Then life awaits you both again! Live it and enjoy!
Surgery was a success. They were able to do the full reconstruction as well.
I was REALLY nervous the night before, got 2 hours of sleep, and woke up soaked in sweat. I think she was less nervous than me lol
It’ll be next week until we find out how the lymph node dissection results come back. Hoping they are negative.
I did have to rush her to the ER this morning. Not sure of the cause but she woke me up at 6am crying and throwing up with a massive headache. She thought something was really wrong like a clot traveling around. They gave her meds and did a CT scan. Luckily the CT scan was clear. I think I may have set a near record time getting her to the ER ;-)
Thanks again for the well wishes and prayers.
Shit man - I cant relate, but wishing the best for you guys.
Respect and prayers going out to you both.
militarymoron
02-16-19, 21:58
Surgery was a success. They were able to do the full reconstruction as well.
That's great to hear! Keeping you guys in my thoughts for continued good news.
good to hear its on the up
bummer about the scare ? hope that was a one time post op thing
prayers and thoughts for sure and thanks for the update !
I just read this thread for the first time. I don't know how I missed it.
On January of 2018, my fiancee' was diagnosed with colon cancer.
On January 19th, she had surgery and had about a foot of colon removed. Three weeks later, the doctor reported that 4 of the 20 lymph nodes were affected so she had to start chemo. They gave her a new form of chemo in pill form. I'm not sure the exact name but it was something like oxlyplatin. I platinum based chemo. She got very sick and was admitted to the hospital 5 times in two weeks. They had to take her off that medicine and her 3 month chemo regimen had to be changed to standard type of infusions and they installed a port and extended it to 6 months. She got infusions every other week and had to have a medicine pump for two days after infusions. She lost a lot of weight for an already skinny girl. She lost a lot of hair but did not go completely bald. She had her last infusion in August of 2018.
The reason I gave you the whole story is that this experience was very hard on the human body and takes a toll. My fiancee' kept her head straight and went to the gym every day no matter how sick she felt. She has been off chemo for 6 months now and her hair is still not back the way it used to be but it's getting there. We postponed our wedding until she has all her hair back.
One of the negative results of this even though she is now cancer free it her neuropathy. She has numbness in all her fingers and toes and feet. The doctor prescribed her Gabapentin. BEWARE! This medicine is given out like candy to cancer patients with neuropathy. It is Neurontin and it has made my fiancee' have behavioral issues and after about 4 weeks of not knowing why she was acting the way she was, we weened her off of the Gabapenten and she returned to normal.
So Belmont, please, please, please keep an eye on your wife if she gets this med and in the mean time, good luck and I will keep you and your wife in my thoughts!
FlyingHunter
02-17-19, 08:19
Prayers and best wishes for your wife and family.
To make a patient wait 3 weeks for the pathology report is incomprehensible to me. That pathology report is back to the surgeon in a matter of days, even sentinel node biopsies where a lot of extra slices and immuno-histochemical testing is done. Around here, it would be extremely unusual if I didn't have the complete path report, including lymph nodes, within 48 hours.
Prayers sent up, Belmont. Lord have mercy.
Please keep us posted, pal. Very sorry to learn this news but will continue in prayer.
Belmont31R
06-29-19, 00:35
Sorry guys I’ve gotten a couple messages for an update. You’ll understand why.
Surgery was a success but it’s not at an all in and out procedure. We had to track the surgical drains and omg those things were a PITA. Luckily a charity group from a church donated a ‘holder’ so the drains just didn’t hang loose.
After a few weeks the drains got removed and we started meeting with the radiology oncologist. He flat out told her ‘I’m going to burn the shit out of you but it’s going to double your chances (of NOT getting another cancer) from around 50% to 95%.’
So I took her 5x a week for 6 weeks and burned she was. The following week after her last radiation treatment I had to rush her to the ER as her radiation wounds were infected and she had a massive headache. They did their headache cocktail and started an IV antibiotic. She got released the same day but with a prescription ABX and I wasn’t happy with the radiation clinic. I took her back there the week prior to have a nurse look at her burns and do a swab. She was in a lot of discomfort and the wound was wet/sticky and smelled. Not normal. The day I took her to the ER the radiation clinic called and left a VM saying we should come in as the swab was Staph pos.
Anyways she just started 5 years of hormone treatment since her cancer is an estrogen machine. It’s not really hormone treatment but a blocker...which effectively puts her in early menopause...which means emotional instability. Joking aside she’s been ok besides a couple days of crying. A lot to look back on too because this whole thing has been like a ride where you step in then just go. No real time to sit back and think.
LMT Shooter
06-29-19, 00:55
I'm sorry that you're wife has been having these difficulties, but she's blessed to have you at her side through all this. Keep your chin up.
Belmont31R
06-29-19, 01:23
I just read this thread for the first time. I don't know how I missed it.
On January of 2018, my fiancee' was diagnosed with colon cancer.
On January 19th, she had surgery and had about a foot of colon removed. Three weeks later, the doctor reported that 4 of the 20 lymph nodes were affected so she had to start chemo. They gave her a new form of chemo in pill form. I'm not sure the exact name but it was something like oxlyplatin. I platinum based chemo. She got very sick and was admitted to the hospital 5 times in two weeks. They had to take her off that medicine and her 3 month chemo regimen had to be changed to standard type of infusions and they installed a port and extended it to 6 months. She got infusions every other week and had to have a medicine pump for two days after infusions. She lost a lot of weight for an already skinny girl. She lost a lot of hair but did not go completely bald. She had her last infusion in August of 2018.
The reason I gave you the whole story is that this experience was very hard on the human body and takes a toll. My fiancee' kept her head straight and went to the gym every day no matter how sick she felt. She has been off chemo for 6 months now and her hair is still not back the way it used to be but it's getting there. We postponed our wedding until she has all her hair back.
One of the negative results of this even though she is now cancer free it her neuropathy. She has numbness in all her fingers and toes and feet. The doctor prescribed her Gabapentin. BEWARE! This medicine is given out like candy to cancer patients with neuropathy. It is Neurontin and it has made my fiancee' have behavioral issues and after about 4 weeks of not knowing why she was acting the way she was, we weened her off of the Gabapenten and she returned to normal.
So Belmont, please, please, please keep an eye on your wife if she gets this med and in the mean time, good luck and I will keep you and your wife in my thoughts!
Taxol or taxotere?
My wife had the arm infusion device too but only during the AC ‘red devil’ treatment.
Feel for you about the diagnosis. There’s not much you can do besides be supportive and give that person the support they need. That’s not an easy task. We’ve had days of her thinking about dying and ‘that day’ when she would feel pain somewhere and get diagnosed with a secondary cancer. It’s a constant effort to remind her of what the doctors have told her and she had to delete her FB page because her feed was a constant barrage of cancer ads.
Also, not sure about you, but my opinion of our family has gone to about as low as it can go. It’s been all us. We are at 75+ appointments now and I’ve taken her to all but one which was just an oncology checkup. Didn’t get help from any relatives or her friends.
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