Bizarre Film Reviews: Commando Ninja

[Firefly]

Much in the vein of Kung Fury drops one of the best films ever made.

If you like cussing, politically incorrect humor, girls in bikinis, breasteses, VHS Cannon Group B movies, guns of the 80s, and Ninjas. You need to see this film.

It also shines a light on the often overlooked use of velociraptors by the North Vietnamese army.

If this film doesnt win an Oscar then it is proof positive it is rigged.

Now showing at a Youtube near you.

I give it Five Stars.

[mack7.62]

OK that was f'ng awesome. They ripped off so many movies I lost count.

[Coal Dragger]

Started watching, looks so full of win.

This will make spending Christmas away from home more tolerable. Thanks.

[ramairthree]

Holy Shit. I had not heard of this.

I watched the trailer. Then I watched it with my son. It was all that is right in the universe with each piece of Commando, Amercian Ninja, Rambo, The Terminator, Predator, Highlander, and the Road Warrior as needed. With A nod to 80s and early 90s stand up arcade quarter eaters and 3rd/4th gen home consoles of the side and vertical scrolling era.

It was all that was right with the world. Bikinis and bare tits for no reason. Plot holes galore. Dubbed voices and audio not in perfect synch. Classic for the era gun porn. Spotty non CGI special effects. Policitally incorrect humor. Production values of a crack dealer moonlighting as a pimp. And a training montage starting in a bamboo POW cage!

I wanted to hop up and go beat up some commies just like I was seventeen again and had finished watching Rocky IV after a couple of genesees and a bottle of Boone’s Farm. I wanted to take each girl I dated to see it like I did three or four times the summer Predator came out. I was in a hurry to see it again as bad as when I was babysitting my six year old brother, told my mother I was taking him to one of the new kid friendly movies, and saw Terminator for the second time. Tears ran down my face wishing Rowdy Roddy Piper could sit down with us and watch this followed by some of his classics.

The sheer elegance, brilliance, genius, and accomplishment of this film gives me new hope for Amercia. The one, two punch of this and the Karate Kid revisit have me in the gym trying to squeeze into some old clothes and get in shape for the 80s part two. My high top black rebooks, z cavarrichi pants, and OP shirt only await for me to grab a TPI IROC, and pick up some big haired, neon colored, smoking 80s chicks to sidekick my ass as I take back America while dual wielding uzis and cracking one liners.

[flenna]

Holy Shit. I had not heard of this.

I watched the trailer. Then I watched it with my son. It was all that is right in the universe with each piece of Commando, Amercian Ninja, Rambo, The Terminator, Predator, Highlander, and the Road Warrior as needed. With A nod to 80s and early 90s stand up arcade quarter eaters and 3rd/4th gen home consoles of the side and vertical scrolling era.

It was all that was right with the world. Bikinis and bare tits for no reason. Plot holes galore. Dubbed voices and audio not in perfect synch. Classic for the era gun porn. Spotty non CGI special effects. Policitally incorrect humor. Production values of a crack dealer moonlighting as a pimp. And a training montage starting in a bamboo POW cage!

I wanted to hop up and go beat up some commies just like I was seventeen again and had finished watching Rocky IV after a couple of genesees and a bottle of Boone’s Farm. I wanted to take each girl I dated to see it like I did three or four times the summer Predator came out. I was in a hurry to see it again as bad as when I was babysitting my six year old brother, told my mother I was taking him to one of the new kid friendly movies, and saw Terminator for the second time. Tears ran down my face wishing Rowdy Roddy Piper could sit down with us and watch this followed by some of his classics.

The sheer elegance, brilliance, genius, and accomplishment of this film gives me new hope for Amercia. The one, two punch of this and the Karate Kid revisit have me in the gym trying to squeeze into some old clothes and get in shape for the 80s part two. My high top black rebooks, z cavarrichi pants, and OP shirt only await for me to grab a TPI IROC, and pick up some big haired, neon colored, smoking 80s chicks to sidekick my ass as I take back America while dual wielding uzis and cracking one liners.

Wow, you should do movie reviews for a living.

[mack7.62]

Holy Shit. I had not heard of this.

I watched the trailer. Then I watched it with my son. It was all that is right in the universe with each piece of Commando, Amercian Ninja, Rambo, The Terminator, Predator, Highlander, and the Road Warrior as needed. With A nod to 80s and early 90s stand up arcade quarter eaters and 3rd/4th gen home consoles of the side and vertical scrolling era.

You left out Aliens and Jurassic Park at the beginning and Tank Girl and Smokey and the Bandit at the end. This is a cinematic masterpiece, two of my favorite quotes "I don't like your new pajamas" and "democrats must have taken over".

[ramairthree]

You left out Aliens and Jurassic Park at the beginning and Tank Girl and Smokey and the Bandit at the end. This is a cinematic masterpiece, two of my favorite quotes "I don't like your new pajamas" and "democrats must have taken over".

Oh yeah. Plenty more references. Ranging from hints, subtle, in your face, and nose rubbed in it. There is even a fast times brief homage.

[Firefly]

I can add nothing to what RA3 said, as he said it all. This is the film 8 year old me would have killed to have seen: A stream of conscious, NES game of a film with machine guns.
It too has me re-evaluating why I am a grown ass, middle aged man and DON'T own an M60. I know they suck, even shot one a few times. The Original and the E4. But I made a promise to myself as a 3rd grader that one day I was to have a Vietnam War M60 and that the Russians, Cobra Commander, Colombian Drug Dealers and the Inner City gangs were going to be sorry.

Where did I go astray?!

[ramairthree]

Firefly,
PM me your drop box address.

Tell me Scotch, Ireland, Bourbon, Tennessee, or Rum. A brown colored bottle of liquid of that dsingle word will arrive there for telling me about this film.

I agree about the M60.
I spent almost three years in Ranger Bn in the 80s as a 60 gunner, and almost 4 years in the NG as a weapons squad leader before going back on active duty in the early 90s. I should own an M60 and am ashamed I do not.

As a fairly new Captain stuck as a staff officer in an SF Bn in the late 90s, I showed up some an armorer and some 18Bs by find8ng a cracked extractor in a malfunctioning M60 after breaking it down completely to the surprise of the BC, CSM, Company SGM, etc. watching. They were not expecting me to break down the bolt and feed tray cover like a champ instead of the planned fail/good natured hazing.

My soul mate is probably a 30 year old bikini clad tawny kittain look alike dancing on the hood of a mid 80S super car smoking a blunt with a collection of B movie VHS tapes, who I have failed to find and spend my mid life crisis with because I do not own an M60.

[SteyrAUG]

I admit I had my doubts. But it delivered.

How many noticed the sports almanac 1950-2000 on the dash of the Trans Am at the end, which was from Back to the Future Part II.

[The_War_Wagon]

I've passed it along to the guys at Rifftrax for development. If it's bad acting and bad action, I figure their running commentary would be the best way to view it. :jester:

[WillBrink]

Much in the vein of Kung Fury drops one of the best films ever made.

If you like cussing, politically incorrect humor, girls in bikinis, breasteses, VHS Cannon Group B movies, guns of the 80s, and Ninjas. You need to see this film.

It also shines a light on the often overlooked use of velociraptors by the North Vietnamese army.

If this film doesnt win an Oscar then it is proof positive it is rigged.

Now showing at a Youtube near you.

I give it Five Stars.

No link bro?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfBTOZu2jik

[donlapalma]

I need a Commando Ninja movie poster in my life right away. Even a t-shirt would be just fine.

[ramairthree]

Yep. Saw the Almanac. One of the more subtle nods.

This really needs a multi page discussion by physicists explaining the timeline and engineers explaining the tech per period.
Like it was some serious event and undertaking or world saving importance.

And I’ll take a shirt as well.

I want a Kung Fury, Commando Ninja team up taking place in the current Karate Kid universe. With the Expendables showing up to lend a hand. And every has been that never quite made it/stayed the course thrown in ass well. And a dueling pommel horse fu atop two moving vechicles scene.

[kwelz]

Reminds me of Officer Downe or Kung Fury. A+ for sure.

[Firefly]

This film isn’t a parody. It’s a love letter. That’s what I hate about porn “parodies”. It’s just some chick budget cosplaying and screwing.

Nobody understands that we as viewers have needs. We don’t want irony. We don’t want mockery.

We want to see unashamed displays of masculinity and political incorrectness.

We wanna see cops on the edge, black and angry police chiefs who cuss, swole former green berets pulled back for one last mission, bitter middle aged vigilantes, truckers outrunning the state patrol, and barely legal nubile women naked for no reason and a couple of borderline 30 yo chicks who are charmingly sarcastic and a bit lewd. Preferably with boyish names and wearing tight jeans.

And muscle cars, and making it personal.

And one liners. And at least one dude getting tossed off a roof. “Here’s one Law you can’t break....gravity!” And rock music. And fonts that look like a Molly Hatchet album.

Screw 2018, screw young people, screw it all. I’m sick of it. All these faggy kids and their bullshit need for whatever.

This weekend I am lugging out my VCR, blasting my hair metal, and am gonna go shoot my HK91 while wearing aviators. Then I am gonna do some other stuff.

Part of me wants to save for a Jeep but part of of me thinks I need a 73 Mach One or an IROC in my life. With a blaupunkt tape deck. All these gay ass rounded cars with their fruity gas mileage.

In fact, screw my Glock. From now on I am CCWing a 1006 and hammerless snub.

[jpmuscle]

This film isn’t a parody. It’s a love letter. That’s what I hate about porn “parodies”. It’s just some chick budget cosplaying and screwing.

Nobody understands that we as viewers have needs. We don’t want irony. We don’t want mockery.

We want to see unashamed displays of masculinity and political incorrectness.

We wanna see cops on the edge, black and angry police chiefs who cuss, swole former green berets pulled back for one last mission, bitter middle aged vigilantes, truckers outrunning the state patrol, and barely legal nubile women naked for no reason and a couple of borderline 30 yo chicks who are charmingly sarcastic and a bit lewd. Preferably with boyish names and wearing tight jeans.

And muscle cars, and making it personal.

And one liners. And at least one dude getting tossed off a roof. “Here’s one Law you can’t break....gravity!” And rock music. And fonts that look like a Molly Hatchet album.

Screw 2018, screw young people, screw it all. I’m sick of it. All these faggy kids and their bullshit need for whatever.

This weekend I am lugging out my VCR, blasting my hair metal, and am gonna go shoot my HK91 while wearing aviators. Then I am gonna do some other stuff.

Part of me wants to save for a Jeep but part of of me thinks I need a 73 Mach One or an IROC in my life. With a blaupunkt tape deck. All these gay ass rounded cars with their fruity gas mileage.

In fact, screw my Glock. From now on I am CCWing a 1006 and hammerless snub.

I love you so much


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mack7.62]

This film isn’t a parody. It’s a love letter. That’s what I hate about porn “parodies”. It’s just some chick budget cosplaying and screwing.

Nobody understands that we as viewers have needs. We don’t want irony. We don’t want mockery.

We want to see unashamed displays of masculinity and political incorrectness.

We wanna see cops on the edge, black and angry police chiefs who cuss, swole former green berets pulled back for one last mission, bitter middle aged vigilantes, truckers outrunning the state patrol, and barely legal nubile women naked for no reason and a couple of borderline 30 yo chicks who are charmingly sarcastic and a bit lewd. Preferably with boyish names and wearing tight jeans.

And muscle cars, and making it personal.

And one liners. And at least one dude getting tossed off a roof. “Here’s one Law you can’t break....gravity!” And rock music. And fonts that look like a Molly Hatchet album.

Screw 2018, screw young people, screw it all. I’m sick of it. All these faggy kids and their bullshit need for whatever.

This weekend I am lugging out my VCR, blasting my hair metal, and am gonna go shoot my HK91 while wearing aviators. Then I am gonna do some other stuff.

Part of me wants to save for a Jeep but part of of me thinks I need a 73 Mach One or an IROC in my life. With a blaupunkt tape deck. All these gay ass rounded cars with their fruity gas mileage.

In fact, screw my Glock. From now on I am CCWing a 1006 and hammerless snub.

Yeah but still no M60. Bummer.:(

[Business_Casual]

In fact, screw my Glock. From now on I am CCWing a 1006 and hammerless snub.

LOL

That’s the ticket!

[RioGrandeGreen]

I saw it sober, now I'm gonna watch it drunk!

[BoringGuy45]

Watched it last night. Friggin hilarious!

[mack7.62]

I saw it sober, now I'm gonna watch it drunk!

Ur gonna poke ur eye out!!!!