The Worst "That's Not Mine" Story I've Heard

[Doc Safari]

https://www.foxnews.com/us/louisiana-woman-meth-vagina-not-hers


A Louisiana woman allegedly caught with meth hidden inside her vagina said she didn't know where the drugs came from, police said.

Ashley Beth Rolland, 23, was accused on July 31 of stealing $5,000 from the apartment of a man she'd been staying with for about a week, according to documents published by the Ouachita Parish Sheriff's Office.


The man told the West Monroe Police Department that while he was showering, Rolland swiped his cash and left. Rolland allegedly confessed to police she did take the man's money and left his apartment.

The documents said a female correctional officer later searched Rolland and, inside of Rolland's vagina, discovered $6,233 along with "a clear plastic bag" of roughly one gram of meth — which Rolland denied was hers.

Rolland was arrested and charged with theft and narcotics possession, online records from the sheriff's office state. As of Tuesday, she remained behind bars in lieu of $8,000 bond.

My take: Obviously if the meth was really hers she would have keistered it, right?

[Vandal]

That sort of thing is common to anyone who has worked in law enforcement for more than a year. When I was younger I never thought I'd have to ask someone "Is that all of the (insert drug here) in your butt?". Yet, I have done it more than a few times. I've even asked females what they have stuffed in their bras and other places.

I remember one article about a female who had a small pistol stuffed somewhere, umm, intimate. If the butt is the prison pocket, the vagina is certainly the prison purse. Doper chicks are f-in nasty.

[Doc Safari]

That sort of thing is common to anyone who has worked in law enforcement for more than a year. When I was younger I never thought I'd have to ask someone "Is that all of the (insert drug here) in your butt?". Yet, I have done it more than a few times. I've even asked females what they have stuffed in their bras and other places.

I remember one article about a female who had a small pistol stuffed somewhere, umm, intimate. If the butt is the prison pocket, the vagina is certainly the prison purse. Doper chicks are f-in nasty.

I was trying to remember the worst thing an inmate had tried to keister when I worked corrections. I haven't been there in nearly 20 years so I mostly remember the routine stuff.

[Firefly]

“Ossifuh, these are my pants but these are NOT my drawers!”

That happened.

[Firefly]

That sort of thing is common to anyone who has worked in law enforcement for more than a year. When I was younger I never thought I'd have to ask someone "Is that all of the (insert drug here) in your butt?". Yet, I have done it more than a few times. I've even asked females what they have stuffed in their bras and other places.

I remember one article about a female who had a small pistol stuffed somewhere, umm, intimate. If the butt is the prison pocket, the vagina is certainly the prison purse. Doper chicks are f-in nasty.

On Christmas day in the year of our lord 2006 a young black female in the ghetto gave birth to a baggy of stepped on crack rock. And the three wiseguys beheld the miracle birth and lo, upon us was born Cheezy Crackrock. The messiah of the dopefiends. And it was good. She was taken then from the shanty shack and delivered to a hospital and then to a jail cell. And it was good.

Ramen

[gaijin]

It’s possible she has had so many foreign objects in her oriface she was unaware the cash/baggie and dope were there.

[titsonritz]

It's Trump's fault.

[jsbhike]

It’s possible she has had so many foreign objects in her oriface she was unaware the cash/baggie and dope were there.

There is that and a few other possibilities, so her story is significantly more plausible than the whoppers vomited up by the 4D chess tellers of tales.