View Full Version : Ex-wife/children moving to another state
Leonidas24
10-07-21, 18:06
I'm not normally one for airing out personal issues here, but am in need of some community support.
I've been fighting a custody battle with my ex-wife over my two children for the last 4 years, and haven't seen them at all since spring of 2018. The short story is that she (ex-wife) falsely accused me of abusing the children and pushed a divorce through on a default judgement because my attorney at the time failed to file a response without my knowledge. I spent 3 months in jail in 2018 before bonding out, going to trial in 2019, and being acquitted of all the charges. Since then I've seen every therapist they threw at me (with the advice of my current attorney, who's been excellent,) and as we were about to get to the point of me seeing the kids through therapeutic sessions with a counselor, my attorney dropped the bomb on me today that my ex is getting married in January, and wants to take the kids to live up near the Great Lakes with her soon-to-be new husband.
Mind you we are currently in a continuance to go to a custody hearing while we figure out re-uniting with the kids after 3+ years. My attorney says it's unlikely the judge will allow her to move them out of state while things remain unsettled, and that since I've been seen by their recommended psychologist, and their recommended therapist, and they've (the psychologist and therapist) both said I'm totally sane, am not a danger to the kids, there's no evidence supporting that I ever did what my ex accused me of, that I'll get some amount of visitation.
There's still hope I guess, but it's gut wrenching being this close after so many years of fighting. The money's been running out for a while, and luckily my attorney has been good enough to say he'll see it through to the end and let me make payments as I go. If anyone can chime in with some assuring words or experiences to help me out of this pit it'd be great.
just a scout
10-07-21, 19:08
I feel for you. I got divorced and ended up with joint custody. Ex was a cheating whore, but at least not a cunt about the kids. Keep on keeping on. I hope you’re at least talking to them to build the relationship. Goos luck.
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Not been through what you have, but have heard of Father's rights groups. No idea if you have any in Kansas, but from listening to an interview one of their higher ups face along with their advertising I think some may provide legal assistance.
Leonidas24
10-07-21, 19:45
I feel for you. I got divorced and ended up with joint custody. Ex was a cheating whore, but at least not a cunt about the kids. Keep on keeping on. I hope you’re at least talking to them to build the relationship. Goos luck.
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Unfortunately no. The default judgement that was pushed through in 2018 had no provision for contact, and every attempt to change that since has been stalled. I'm hopefully at the point of being able to change that but it's still uphill.
Not been through what you have, but have heard of Father's rights groups. No idea if you have any in Kansas, but from listening to an interview one of their higher ups face along with their advertising I think some may provide legal assistance.
My attorney's firm specializes in representing fathers and men in custody and divorce cases. It's been a breath of fresh air to feel like someone's actually in my corner fighting. First attorney I hired in 2018 did nothing of value, and actually refunded the retainer fee and everything I paid after.
What are the approx ages and do they believe they were abused?
Averageman
10-08-21, 06:46
You've been playing legal Catch-Up.
You need to go on the Offensive.
everready73
10-08-21, 08:48
Keep fighting. I couldn't imagine what you are going through and feel for you
I think it is a pretty big deal for a judge to let your ex take the kids away to another state
Diamondback
10-08-21, 09:13
Seems to me that her attempt to character-assassinate you would call her fitness as a parent into question... if she lied about that, what ELSE has she lied about? There's a question the court should find interesting.
IANAL, though, my opinion worth exactly what you paid for it. Maybe even less.
Averageman
10-08-21, 09:33
Seems to me that her attempt to character-assassinate you would call her fitness as a parent into question... if she lied about that, what ELSE has she lied about? There's a question the court should find interesting.
IANAL, though, my opinion worth exactly what you paid for it. Maybe even less.
During the fight for Custody, my Ex wanted me to sit down and get a psyc eval, my Attorney laughed at the request and pointed out all the "Nutty stuff" was coming from her side.
You really might want to turn the tables on her with that, I'm just saying she's breaking the law by not letting you see your kids after all.
I rarely do this, but I’d recommend asking over at Calguns. It’s a huge community with some excellent lawyers on the forum, as well as some folks who will have had similar experiences who can give a better idea of what might be good next steps.
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Leonidas24
10-08-21, 17:46
Seems to me that her attempt to character-assassinate you would call her fitness as a parent into question... if she lied about that, what ELSE has she lied about? There's a question the court should find interesting.
IANAL, though, my opinion worth exactly what you paid for it. Maybe even less.
Her mental health history isn't great. Two attempted suicides that I know of, history of cutting (up and down both arms and legs,) mental breakdowns, anxiety, etc. Unfortunately these were things I didn't discover or fully grasp until after we were married, and at first things were sporadic but became more frequent over time. Supposedly a lot of it was emotional abuse from her mother growing up, which looking back isn't unbelievable. Ex-MIL was/is an absolute control freak, and it wouldn't surprise me if it came to light a lot of this was from her influence. Ex-wife had a very difficult time being home alone after we were married, and even when I got off work at 9:00 pm, didn't get home until 9:30, it wasn't uncommon that she wouldn't come home with the kids from her parents' house until 10:00-10:30.
Regarding bringing that up in court, it's something I'll mention on Tuesday but honestly don't know what will come of it.
Steyr: both are under 10 yo. For the first year it was only my ex saying it happened, but now even the psychologist and therapist I've seen are under the impression that they've been coerced/conditioned into believing I did something horrible. They were 3 and 1 when she first started making accusations.
Diamondback
10-08-21, 17:48
Maybe ask the court to require SHE have a psych eval, after all you had it all at her demand and came out clean.
sidewaysil80
10-08-21, 21:47
What do they want? Do they want to move? Any communication with them?
Steyr: both are under 10 yo. For the first year it was only my ex saying it happened, but now even the psychologist and therapist I've seen are under the impression that they've been coerced/conditioned into believing I did something horrible. They were 3 and 1 when she first started making accusations.
Afraid of that. You obviously have an uphill battle in front of you.
If they were teenagers and able to call BS on made up charges I'd have had some useful advice. Good luck man. Hopefully she gets caught up in fabricating for the court at some point and they take it to her.
Leonidas24
10-09-21, 09:28
What do they want? Do they want to move? Any communication with them?
No comms since 2018.
I feel for you brother and hope things make a turn for the better. When I left my ex and divorced her, she manipulated the kids against me and I haven't seen them in a decade. I have 5 grandchildren now that I've never met.
Remember recently when our resident Boomer cucks/simps were talking trash to the single young men on this board for not wanting to get married?
OP did nothing wrong, and behold what manner of abuse has been heaped on him, as well as on some of the other brothers who’ve replied. These are not isolated cases, at all. It’s quite an education.
@OP my heart goes out to you, and I will pray for you. I wish there was more I could do. Please PM if you need to talk, I can call, text, whatever you want, anytime.
Your ex-wife's blatant abuse of the legal system sickens me. I see more and more of this lately. I hope the liar gets punished for her actions, and I hope things work out better for you in the future.
A friend has gone through some of what you describe…also over years. You lawyer is #1, the evidence you can provide is #2. The benefit to unbelievably long separations-divorces-lies is that sometimes the time allows the truly injured party to come up with evidence they never could have had when the bombs first started dropping.
If you were acquitted of a crime for which you spent jail time, based on her witness, I cannot believe a decent lawyer will not be able to help you. Not with the relationship with your kids, but with the chance to make one. At least in conversations with your lawyer, offense is your friend. But listen to your lawyer, if he/she has given you good guidance so far.
Averageman
10-12-21, 09:46
Your ex-wife's blatant abuse of the legal system sickens me. I see more and more of this lately. I hope the liar gets punished for her actions, and I hope things work out better for you in the future.
Occasionally I would date a divorced Woman. If you catch them fresh out the Court House you'll learn some funny things.
These Chicks are fun for a roll in the hay, but toxic for the most part.
Sometimes you'll hear them brag about F'ing there Ex for a House, Child Support, even Alimony and half your 401 K.
Diamondback
10-12-21, 10:08
Occasionally I would date a divorced Woman. If you catch them fresh out the Court House you'll learn some funny things.
These Chicks are fun for a roll in the hay, but toxic for the most part.
Sometimes you'll hear them brag about F'ing there Ex for a House, Child Support, even Alimony and half your 401 K.
I had about a quarter of one of my Business classes like that, former trophy-wives more concerned about soaking their exes with tuition bills than actual performance in class. It was hell when four of 'em got stuck into my team of 8 for the group-project assignment...
Leonidas24
10-13-21, 23:32
Remember recently when our resident Boomer cucks/simps were talking trash to the single young men on this board for not wanting to get married?
OP did nothing wrong, and behold what manner of abuse has been heaped on him, as well as on some of the other brothers who’ve replied. These are not isolated cases, at all. It’s quite an education.
@OP my heart goes out to you, and I will pray for you. I wish there was more I could do. Please PM if you need to talk, I can call, text, whatever you want, anytime.
I really appreciate the bold part. There's been a solid group of prayer warriors on my side since day one and every one of them is a blessing.
Short update: Kids' therapist has agreed to a reunion but I don't know when and if it'll be continual. Attorney and I were supposed to meet with the judge and opposing counsel yesterday for a review but opposing counsel never showed. Review has been rescheduled for next Tuesday. Thanks to everyone who's had a word of encouragement or story to share. I know that I'm not the only one in this kind of situation.
Diamondback
10-13-21, 23:35
That almost implies that Opposing Counsel knows they're open to a raking broadside and thought by not showing up they denied you the opportunity to lay into 'em.
I had about a quarter of one of my Business classes like that, former trophy-wives more concerned about soaking their exes with tuition bills than actual performance in class. It was hell when four of 'em got stuck into my team of 8 for the group-project assignment...
I couldn't even pretend to like people like that much less form any kind of actual social relationship with them. Will sound crazy but I definitely couldn't sleep with them, I don't care what they looked like. I learned early on that I don't want any soulless, vicious piece of shit females anywhere near me or my life. It's like guys who brag about ripping off some old timer in a FU gun deal, just because they like guns doesn't mean we have anything in common.
Diamondback
10-14-21, 00:00
I couldn't even pretend to like people like that much less form any kind of actual social relationship with them. Will sound crazy but I definitely couldn't sleep with them, I don't care what they looked like. I learned early on that I don't want any soulless, vicious piece of shit females anywhere near me or my life. It's like guys who brag about ripping off some old timer in a FU gun deal, just because they like guns doesn't mean we have anything in common.
It ended up that the three other kids and I did all the work and the Old Hens bitched about us "cutting them out" when they turned the one hour we had available with all our conflicting schedules for strategy and planning into a Hen Party jawjacking about their divorces, alimony, their next moves to screw over the exes... the prof saw things our way though, and even awarded me extra credit and a shout-out in front of the class for stepping into the Team Lead role in a time of crisis to have the "deliverable" ready on deadline.
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