View Full Version : Oh how the knives come out when someone dies....
Wife is one of 7 kids. One of her older brothers died one year ago today. He was 63. My father-in-law is a WWII vet (65th Inf Div, Europe), will be 97 on Veteran's Day. He has/had a Walther P38, complete with holster and extra mag, that he personally took off of an SS Fallschirmjäger officer. His son that died (my BIL) lived in GA but went up to Ohio to do a lot of work around the in-law's house the last couple of years. My FIL gave him the P38 for his help. When he died he supposedly gave his son, really a step-son who he raised since a toddler, the P38. My other BIL asked him about the gun and the son said "I might donate it to a museum, maybe a pawn shop". Riiiiight. Other BIL told him to give him the gun unless he wanted his ass kicked and eventually, after some stalling, my BIL got the gun. He is going to give it back to FIL soon.
Wife had a family reunion 2 months ago and I had a chance to sit and talk to the "son". We didn't know this P38 business at the time. He seemed a nice enough guy, rather soft-spoken and polite (early 40's). He is into guns, and we talked about that. Never struck me that he would act like that to people who have accepted him as blood for decades. Just heard tonight that my MIL "got into it" with him at that family reunion but she didn't want to make a scene (I suspect it was about the gun).
Why do people get like that? Death ain't pretty and it sure does bring a good deal of chicanery from the living as a result. If I was honored to be given something like that (or come into it's possession) it would remain with me until I went horizontal for good. I know my FIL's history is another generation removed from this guy (and therefore not relevant to him) but jeez.
It’s ugly, I have seen it with friends and extended family. I’ve seen nasty property disputes, cleaning out bank accounts, cleaning out a house full of property without telling the other siblings. I don’t get it, there is nothing material in this life worth the strife and discord among family members, especially when it involves the death of one.
It’s ugly, I have seen it with friends and extended family. I’ve seen nasty property disputes, cleaning out bank accounts, cleaning out a house full of property without telling the other siblings. I don’t get it, there is nothing material in this life worth the strife and discord among family members, especially when it involves the death of one.
I am Exercising POA right now for my mother who lost her mind after Moderna.
She isn’t dead and it has already started. I won’t go into the details but I expect at least one lawsuit when she dies.
I’m spending her money solely for medical expenses and the facility care. I took on all of the bills for her home myself so she can afford to stay in the right facility.
People and family are petty assholes and I can’t stand them.
I wish to sweet baby Jesus in the cradle I didn’t have to do this POA crap, but I don’t trust anyone else would do it and not rob her blind.
I am Exercising POA right now for my mother who lost her mind after Moderna.
She isn’t dead and it has already started. I won’t go into the details but I expect at least one lawsuit when she dies.
I’m spending her money solely for medical expenses and the facility care. I took on all of the bills for her home myself so she can afford to stay in the right facility.
People and family are petty assholes and I can’t stand them.
I wish to sweet baby Jesus in the cradle I didn’t have to do this POA crap, but I don’t trust anyone else would do it and not rob her blind.
Dude, I’m sorry you’re going through that.
Same to you, Abnak.
FromMyColdDeadHand
07-20-22, 18:56
No issues.
My wife’s family is an inverted triangle- I don’t know what we are going to do with all the crap. On my side, not a long history of crap to hand out after the end. The lake house was the big fight in the 40s, and our ‘side’ lost. My grandfather did give his nice trap guns to my cousin’s husband. 1st husband…. He didn’t last as long as a case of clay pigeons….
Averageman
07-20-22, 19:24
Man I hate that.
My own family went after my Mother after my Grandparents died wanting to divide up everything.
My Mom GAVE my grandparents a fully furnished but used mobile home. She checked in on them daily and was never more than a phone call away.
The absolute kicker for me was when the dust cleared and she sold the house two of four came over with their hands out wanting their share of the money from the sale of the house.
You know my Mom stuck to her guns and said no, it was mine, I allowed them to live there for free and I'm not giving 1/5 of this to either of you.
It hurt her deeply, I don't think she ever expected that from her siblings. It's tough to see your 81 year old Mother cry.
Some people actually suck, sometimes you end up related to them.
I'm related to a few people who talk a good game, but if you ignore the words and look only at actions and outcomes, you figure out they are FOS and sometimes really bad people. When my father died, he actually had a notarized list from a lawyer concerning who gets what and some people still tried to pull some shit.
Also shitty people tend to get more shitty when times are bad. The only good thing is the warning signs and the opportunity to limit their involvement in your life.
Man I hate that.
My own family went after my Mother after my Grandparents died wanting to divide up everything.
My Mom GAVE my grandparents a fully furnished but used mobile home. She checked in on them daily and was never more than a phone call away.
The absolute kicker for me was when the dust cleared and she sold the house two of four came over with their hands out wanting their share of the money from the sale of the house.
You know my Mom stuck to her guns and said no, it was mine, I allowed them to live there for free and I'm not giving 1/5 of this to either of you.
It hurt her deeply, I don't think she ever expected that from her siblings. It's tough to see your 81 year old Mother cry.
Wow that's crazy that they even thought they were entitled to that.
Yup, seen this too. My mother has 2 brothers, one successful, (ophthalmologist, never married, no kids) the other a nare-do-well alcoholic thief. Trust was set up by my grandparents, older brother as the exec. Serious money not being divided out appropriately and then the lawsuits started. Lots of money spent, true colors shown etc…. Older brother gets kicked off the trust and monies paid out under agreement. The whole situation was just awful and probably put my mother in her grave 20 years early. Never be surprised when it comes to money and families.
OutofBatt3ry
07-20-22, 21:42
nevermind
Averageman
07-20-22, 22:09
The only thing that's worse is that this crap has started in my own family about my Mom's stuff.
Seven kids and already some of my Sister's have put their names on "Things" in the house. One even talked her out of her piano and moved it to her house.
At one point I had given my Mom a handgun a rifle and some ammo. I like to go shooting with her when I go home. She told after she passes I better come get my guns before someone did.
I told her I wasn't really worried about them and took her out to dinner.
I'm not sure how some of these people are even related to me.
The only thing that's worse is that this crap has started in my own family about my Mom's stuff.
Seven kids and already some of my Sister's have put their names on "Things" in the house. One even talked her out of her piano and moved it to her house.
At one point I had given my Mom a handgun a rifle and some ammo. I like to go shooting with her when I go home. She told after she passes I better come get my guns before someone did.
I told her I wasn't really worried about them and took her out to dinner.
I'm not sure how some of these people are even related to me.
I actually had one person who tried to lay claim to one of my Dads guns until I produced my FFL bound book and the invoice from the purchase before I gave it to him. They actually tried to claim "they" bought it for my Dad, well that's not what my paperwork shows. Funny part is if they acted like a decent person and said "Hey I went hunting with your dad and I'd like to have this one if I can to remember him by" I might have actually given it to them.
My Dad went on some "last hunts" with lots of buddies who kept some crossbows, hunting knives and other gear and while I kind of wanted one of those crossbows, I just let it go. It was their happy memory with my Dad and I don't really hunt anyway.
Op, I feel you.
My grandma died a few years back - a couple of Aunts went totally batshit over the thing.
Gran never really checked out mentally, but in a final moment of sanity named my dad POA. OH, the gnashing of teeth there was over that....all of them so mad it wasn't them. If I went into it, I could fill a page here, but suffice it to say, their insanity likely hastened Gran's passing, most likely contributed to the heart attack of a secondary elderly party, and generally showed everyone what utter asses they really were. Which was no surprise to me- they are well-urbanised trendy-leftys after all, and we are the uncouth country bumpkins... :laugh:
Once Gran was down for the count, the free for all really kicked in, like.... they stole coolers, man. Like, crappy 20+ year old coolers that we used to take to the beach with Gran and family as kids. One of the aunts made off with a uhaul trailer full of "anything not nailed down". Nothing in there of real worth, but by god THEY had to have it all, because they were the specialest and most caring child through all this trauma and so they deserved it.... :rolleyes:
Had a small Cold War over a TV and rickety old-ass bicycle that another family member laid claim to before they did....boy did they try everything underhanded to steal a freaking TV....
Then, my parents wanted to buy Gran's house - they were looking for a place by the beach, and it was the right price. Gran actually wanted to GIVE it to them, but my dad is not that kinda guy... So they offered to buy it from her.
Holy hell were the other relatives LIVID - you see, they wanted their cut, and were pushing to sell it off as soon as Gran hit dirt. Finally a deal was worked to buy them out. As POA, my dad had to oversee all that, and the other relatives- his own siblings- were on his ass constantly, and even trying to circumvent him with the lawyers and such. Eventually, when it dragged on a TINY bit longer than expected, one of them pretty much accused him of trying to cheat them out of their cut...
Needless to say...they all went their separate ways after that. More's the pity IMO, they sucked anyway, but felt sorry for my Dad, considering the way they treated him through the whole process.
It’s ugly, I have seen it with friends and extended family. I’ve seen nasty property disputes, cleaning out bank accounts, cleaning out a house full of property without telling the other siblings. I don’t get it, there is nothing material in this life worth the strife and discord among family members, especially when it involves the death of one.
"...for the LOVE of money is the root of all evil" -1Timothy 6:10
Funny this thread pops up. Mom. Dad, brother, my son, and me were all involved in a construction business together, everybody but my useless sister. It was dad and me at the beginning, I was VP and in charge of field operations. We made Dad a bunch of money, he used part of it to support my useless sister and her useless kid.
After I took my union pension in 2013 the business started going downhill since Dad wouldn't get out of the way, I tried to go and help him but we had words and I told him not to bother me anymore so we didn't speak for the last 4 years of his life. My son went to work for another contractor. They had to close the business. He died a couple of years ago.
Sister and her useless kid still living off my aged mother.
Talking with my brother about emptying the groundhog trap at our old shop which is in the estate since I just got covid and he started telling me how he was sick of our sister lazying up all the money from our inheritance.
My folks had a child in high school, 15 years before I came along, they put him up for adoption. Other than that, I’m an only child. Mom is trying to do a will and POA. She told me that she was going to put in there that I was POA and that I was to give the first kid and his two kids whatever I thought was right. We talked and I told her she needed to put it in the trust/well what they were going to get, that it’s her money and up to her, not me. And that if she wanted to donate the whole kitten caboodle to charity that was fine by me. I’m so glad I’m not going to have to fight others over scraps.
I saw my dads family go full on stupid over his folks estate, and it was a disaster. 30 years later I still won’t have anything to do with his sister, or one of her crackhead daughters. The youngest daughter, my first cousin we talk a little on Facebook and are going to get together at some point, but if it never happens I couldn’t care less.
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I am Exercising POA right now for my mother who lost her mind after Moderna.
She isn’t dead and it has already started. I won’t go into the details but I expect at least one lawsuit when she dies.
I’m spending her money solely for medical expenses and the facility care. I took on all of the bills for her home myself so she can afford to stay in the right facility.
People and family are petty assholes and I can’t stand them.
I wish to sweet baby Jesus in the cradle I didn’t have to do this POA crap, but I don’t trust anyone else would do it and not rob her blind.Same thing happened with my grandma. My uncles and aunts (dad excluded) were like vultures. Go to the house and steal everything that wasn't nailed down while "visiting" grandma who wasn't all there anymore. I really don't look forward to my parents passing. I fear it will get ugly.
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Coal Dragger
07-21-22, 18:19
My dad passed away in 2020 but so far no one has been shitty. Just two kids: myself and my brother. Mom is still alive and well. Currently selling her house to move in with me, 6 acres and a large house was just too much hassle for her to maintain herself.
Fortunately both myself and my brother have good jobs, and good income. So there’s no impetus thus far to squabble over stuff. We divided up my dad’s guns based on value and intended use, brother took all the guns with no sentimental value and sold them. I took all the family heirloom guns to pass on to the grandkids when the time comes. I have way more guns than he does, and sure as hell had no use for the ones he claimed.
My mom is interested in investing in a family vacation home with her land sale proceeds, and maybe generating rental income with it. All to be put in a trust if that is possible. So hopefully when she passes everything will be set up to pass on with no bitching and squabbling. My brother and I get along very well, and both of us agree that building generational wealth is a worthy goal. I am cautiously optimistic it won’t turn into a total shit show.
ThirdWatcher
07-21-22, 18:42
Reminds me of my pothead little sister who tried to shake my Dad down on several occasions. When I cut off all contact with her for the last time, she posted on FB about what an @$$hole I am. Thieves are funny like that...
When I was still on the job, I responded to an call in an “over 55” neighborhood and the elderly gentleman had a sign post at his front door, “Friends Welcome, Family By Appointment Only”. We both got a good laugh out of that one.
Without going on for pages, yeah been there. A few times. Funny how no one squabbles about picking up the expenses and paying bills though ain't it?
I'm amazed deaths in the family don't become mass casualty events more regularly.
After Iraqgunz passed away, his wife told me dudes were hitting her up to get their paws on his guns/ammo, etc. WTF???
She didn't let any vultures pick her off though.
My brother & I lost our parents to a drunk driver some years back. They had worked all their lives and did quite well for themselves starting and building a successful business that they later sold and reinvested. They didn't have a will and knew my brother and I enough to know we would figure things out if anything happened. I had worked my way through college and was able to earn some scholarships for flight school, my brother did similar but worked his way up to becoming a trauma surgeon. I was pretty much debt free but he had well into six figures worth of medical school. After the accident we sat down and looked at what would be best for both of us, he knew I loved the family ranch and I knew he needed the cash. So I took the ranch of several sections, the house, equipment, hanger, aircraft, vehicles, etc. He took the cash and was able to pay off his school debt, their house, and set aside enough for both their kids schooling through college. We also spilt a few things between us. It would have been more but inheritance tax was horrific... shameful.
Either way we've always gotten along fine as a family and out parents knew we would work together. No bickering or "you got more than I did", we just did what felt right and was the smartest. We both would give it all up to have our parents back, but life isn't always pretty.
Averageman
07-22-22, 19:10
My Mom will soon be 82, I've asked her several times to come live with me in Texas.
Mom loves Texas and seems willing or wanting to leave SE Arizona, but just won't make the move.
I'm retired and would love her company, but like the rock of Gibraltar, she ain't going anywhere.
I don't know her financial situation, but I give her money now and again. I do know she's got a lot of property and antiques.
Her selling out and moving in with me would prevent what I see coming when she passes.
I'm just going to move forward with my life and hope for the best. I really don't want to see the fight that's going to happen.
When I was still on the job, I responded to an call in an “over 55” neighborhood and the elderly gentleman had a sign post at his front door, “Friends Welcome, Family By Appointment Only”.
That is just so cool! :lol:
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