The ADDICTION of video games/gaming...advise needed.

[Straight Shooter]

So- for a long time, and for DOZENS & DOZENS of times, Ive seen the problems that video games & electronic devices have caused in personal relationships & with children. Id bet that most of the older members here despise seeing a young couple, or a table full of friends out for a night of "fun"..ALL of them with noses buried in a cell phone. I absolutely utterly loathe video games & have a minimal relationship with my own cell, its in the car or left at home mostly.
So..I need advice on something that just awhile ago reared its head again.
My niece and her husband came to me, separately, a few months back...on the verge of divorce. Married 10 years, 3 boys..4-12.
The husband was a pot smoker before they married ,very childish..had some pos lowered two door "car" with a "wing" on it he thought was the grandest thing ever, and just a 20 year old goofball, but a likeable enough dude otherwise. After being married for several years...he starts to sneak around smoking dope, then the video games. Would work...but came in and piled up under a blanket and wouldnt do shit else but play videos. For the last 3 or so years..thats ALL the boys want to now is lay around playing video games. So, the middle boy came over this afternoon & ALL that boy wants to talk about, or can talk about, are video games. Ive had enough of the shit. Now..to his parents credit..they each came to me for a couple of months, and the FIRST thing I told my niece..was He STOPS FOREVER the dope. That she would test him ever so often even..AND IMMEDIATELY remove every video game & player in the house. So, after several weeks apart- they came back, did what I suggested amongst other things..and for several months now they both say they are way better now.
But again...you cant even have a conversation with this boy what his nose aint stuck in phone poking on a ****in screen. Ill be over their house Christmas morning & really I might not go because thats all theye gonna want to talk about.
So..as the Uncle...do I have a right or moral obligation to speak to their parents about this? How should I address the boy? I dont have nor ever wanted kids, so I dont have"fatherly ways" or anything.
Am I wrong for expecting something different out of kids today? Really just looking for ideas & suggestions for these boys...Ive already been worried about them growing up soft as hell. How should I handle this?

[markm]

Am I wrong for expecting something different out of kids today?

Holy Fukk. There's so many pieces of this I'd like to address.

First. It's not just young idiots. I went to my folks house for Thanksgiving, and after the meal, every idiot in the house, including my folks and sister were buried in their God Damned phones. So damned annoying.

As far as younger people? It's a lost cause. They don't even know anything other than slavery to electronics.

[SteyrAUG]

So when I was 14 and let loose in a video arcade with $20 I could be playing video games for HOURS. Older people probably thought I had a problem. Thankfully I also did other stuff, like go outside.

When the internet started allowing online gaming, and more importantly fantasy quest crap like World of Warcraft, I watched it destroy families, I know more than a few people who got divorced because one of them simply could not "log out."

The root problem would seem to be addictive personality and extreme selfishness. People who just don't care what their behavior does to others or even the pain it might cause them personally in the end.

I have seen, with my own eyes, people destroy their own lives and families because of their obsession / addiction related to alcohol, drugs (mild to the wild), sports, infidelity, various forms of entertainment (online gaming to reality tv), religion, atheism, satanism (the LeVay variety which doesn't even believe god or satan exist), fashion and image, money and wealth, perceived standing in the community or among peers, pets (and I mean people who care more about their pocket rats than their own actual children), cars, houses, guns (yep I said it) and even freedom (extreme activists who are unable to relate to another human on any normal level because EVERYTHING comes back to "the government, the constitution, etc. proving that humans are capable of f'ing up everything with anything.)

The fact that people are currently using their phones to find ways to satisfy their addictive tendencies and selfish mindsets should surprise nobody.

BUT if you are a good parent, who has raised good kids, you have a better than fair chance that your kids will EVENTUALLY sort their shit out and be ok.

[OutofBatt3ry]

nm....

[TMS951]

Is the husband or the kids the pot smoker?

Who is playing the video games? I found this a bit hard to follow.

It’s addictive. I once played a computer game as a teen. It sucked a few months/weeks of my life. I really got into it. It was exciting. It was a first person shooter. And there was an interesting story line that changed on your actions. I finished the game and realized it had sucked me in. I was a senior in high school and decided to enjoy life and not buy another game.

I find a phone can be bad because you absentmindedly just open it and all of the sudden you’re looking m4c.net needlessly again or something. For this I tend to try to leave my phone in another room.

Lastly you pretty much hold the worlds recorded info in your hand on this little dandy colored screen. You read the about how to do just about anything. Watch a video on it. Watch any animal, how a car is made. All about guns, history, ect. The weather, what ever. Just type it in and results come up. That’s wild, and honestly for an inquisitive mind that sort of info is addictive.

[AKDoug]

Not your circus, not your monkeys. I appreciate that you care, but as an uncle to several people, I stay out of their business.

Generally, when I'm concerned about someone else's issues, I look inward to my own issues and just let things be. For instance, I don't like to play video games, but I waste an equal amount of time per day watching TV and here on M4C that the kids I'm pissed off at spend playing video games. I used to shoot archery competitively, and spend an ungodly amount of time practicing and competing, I would get pissed at my daughter for LARPing with her nerdy friends. Guess what? What's more dumb, a grown man launching pointy darts at a foam target or a grown ass woman running around and fake sword fighting? They are equally dumb to people that don't enjoy doing them.

I don't like what phones do to us. I do find that when I am with people I truly care about, I have no issue staying off my phone. Drag me into a situation where I don't want to socialize and I struggle to keep from checking my email, FB or M4C. I just spend two days with 5 other couples celebrating one of their 25th anniversaries. I hardly saw a phone all weekend because we wanted to be there. Hell, there were teenage kids there for part of it that weren't on their phones either because they were honestly enjoying themselves and we were including them in our games and conversations.

[AKDoug]

Just as an aside.. I know how much time I spend here on M4C.. Look at the amount of posts several of us have made in the last decade plus. Is that better or worse than playing video games?

[FromMyColdDeadHand]

While improving my typing skills, we don’t even get good hand-eye coordination out of it…

[Straight Shooter]

Is the husband or the kids the pot smoker?

Who is playing the video games? I found this a bit hard to follow.

It’s addictive. I once played a computer game as a teen. It sucked a few months/weeks of my life. I really got into it. It was exciting. It was a first person shooter. And there was an interesting story line that changed on your actions. I finished the game and realized it had sucked me in. I was a senior in high school and decided to enjoy life and not buy another game.

I find a phone can be bad because you absentmindedly just open it and all of the sudden you’re looking m4c.net needlessly again or something. For this I tend to try to leave my phone in another room.

Lastly you pretty much hold the worlds recorded info in your hand on this little dandy colored screen. You read the about how to do just about anything. Watch a video on it. Watch any animal, how a car is made. All about guns, history, ect. The weather, what ever. Just type it in and results come up. That’s wild, and honestly for an inquisitive mind that sort of info is addictive.

Apologies. The kid is 8..the husband is/was the pot smoker. Supposedly stopped now- I reamed his ass like a Parris Island D.I. over that shit.
Ive decided to just tell the boy that Uncle doesnt know nor care about that stuff, and lets talk about other stuff & just stay out of it.

[Straight Shooter]

Just as an aside.. I know how much time I spend here on M4C.. Look at the amount of posts several of us have made in the last decade plus. Is that better or worse than playing video games?

Does each post take 5-8 hours? ALL day on the weekend? Is your marriage/relationship in jeopardy over M4C? If you can answer YES to any of these..yes..its worse.

[SteyrAUG]

Just as an aside.. I know how much time I spend here on M4C.. Look at the amount of posts several of us have made in the last decade plus. Is that better or worse than playing video games?

So I'm in and out all day, usually while I'm waiting on some kind of reply by email or whatever has me sitting at my desk on "stand by." There was a time on TOS where I probably spent too much time, but it was enjoyable posting pics of guns, writing about guns and stuff like that.

Here, it's kind of just shooting the shit with the only users on the net who's answers to whatever hold any interest for me at all. We could all be wasting time on much worse pages.

I have as high a post count as anyone and probably post more trivium than anyone else, but I still find time to train every other day which is more than most.

[SteyrAUG]

Does each post take 5-8 hours? ALL day on the weekend? Is your marriage/relationship in jeopardy over M4C? If you can answer YES to any of these..yes..its worse.

Yes...that's worse. But he was right about one thing, it ain't your problem to fix. More to the point I don't think you would be able to fix it even if you wanted to. That would be the responsibility of the parents and it doesn't sound like they are on it.

I understand you probably actually care about your niece and her kid, but there isn't much you will be able to do except become the bad guy who will get the blame for everything when the marriage goes to crap. You can try and be available to go do outdoor shit with their kid IF the kid decides he's interested, but anything you try and force on him will just be rejected.

Good luck. Hope the kid grows out of it, but he probably isn't gonna be able to see past his own "right now" wants and needs for a few years yet.

[Straight Shooter]

Yes...that's worse. But he was right about one thing, it ain't your problem to fix. More to the point I don't think you would be able to fix it even if you wanted to. That would be the responsibility of the parents and it doesn't sound like they are on it.

I understand you probably actually care about your niece and her kid, but there isn't much you will be able to do except become the bad guy who will get the blame for everything when the marriage goes to crap. You can try and be available to go do outdoor shit with their kid IF the kid decides he's interested, but anything you try and force on him will just be rejected.

Good luck. Hope the kid grows out of it, but he probably isn't gonna be able to see past his own "right now" wants and needs for a few years yet.

Your advice is about exactly what my gf said, and what Ive decided to do. Appreciate everyones opinions.

[BrigandTwoFour]

At this point, I obviously have the benefit of hindsight and the things I'm going to say now will sound good to me- but I realize my 16 year old self would have scoffed at it anyway.

I was one of those teenagers, though without the social media component (iPhones and Facebook weren't a thing, yet). Video games dominated my time and life from the late 90's and into college. I was one of the early ones involved in competitive online gaming (now called e-sports), and sunk ungodly amount of hours into Counterstrike, Battlefield, and others. It nearly caused me to lose my scholarships and fail out of college on more than one occasion. I eventually backed off of that, but kept up my gaming habit (just at a lower level) through about 2014.

Now, in hindsight, I can comfortably admit that the video games were filling a void for me. Perhaps it was mild depression, but I distinctly lacked "purpose" and drive. While I had friends in the real world, I had a lot more in common with the people I regularly gamed with online despite them living all over the country. Looking back, what I really needed was someone to offer a real alternative to fulfill those social needs and drive for accomplishment. In a way, I think this is the same thing that causes people to fall into addiction for just about anything. I'm probably lucky that I never went beyond video games into drugs or alcohol, and joining the military is probably part of that.

This probably didn't give you many answers. But if anything, the question that you could start working with the parents is: "What is missing from their lives that they're filling the hole with video game addiction?" My parents never asked that, and I'm sure teenage me would revolt against the question anyway. But still, I would have benefited from some boundaries about time per day (or week) allowed, and then opportunities to succeed in other places. Today, aside from my family and career, the extra energy that would otherwise have gone to video games now goes to creative pursuits and fitness. It works well, and it actually generates some money and pride.

[kerplode]

How should I handle this?

To be honest, none of this is your problem. You would be well advised to just stay out of it.

Your niece made her choices, and nothing you can do at this point is going to really help in any positive way. All you're going to accomplish is pissing people off and ruining whatever relationship you have left with them.

[everready73]

Apologies. The kid is 8..the husband is/was the pot smoker. Supposedly stopped now- I reamed his ass like a Parris Island D.I. over that shit.
Ive decided to just tell the boy that Uncle doesnt know nor care about that stuff, and lets talk about other stuff & just stay out of it.

Have you ever offered to take the kid shooting (if you think he is emotionally old enough), or other hobbies you have...camping trip, hiking, 4 wheeling, etc..

I bet you could get him excited about something else and off the couch. Just have to find something that clicks

My son is only 6 and is just getting into video games a little bit. He has a tablet that doesn't get used much and a Nintendo Switch he may play for an hour or so a week. He would much rather be outside playing with the neighborhood kids. If it ever becomes an issues it will be dealt with quickly

[markm]

To be honest, none of this is your problem. You would be well advised to just stay out of it.

Your niece made her choices, and nothing you can do at this point is going to really help in any positive way. All you're going to accomplish is pissing people off and ruining whatever relationship you have left with them.

This. You can only hope there's a spark of motivation to advance past the Pot head/Video game phase and actually be productive.

[SteyrAUG]

Now, in hindsight, I can comfortably admit that the video games were filling a void for me.

I think that's true of most things. Thankfully I was a full on martial arts junkie. And then I discovered girls.

[Straight Shooter]

Have you ever offered to take the kid shooting (if you think he is emotionally old enough), or other hobbies you have...camping trip, hiking, 4 wheeling, etc..

I bet you could get him excited about something else and off the couch. Just have to find something that clicks

My son is only 6 and is just getting into video games a little bit. He has a tablet that doesn't get used much and a Nintendo Switch he may play for an hour or so a week. He would much rather be outside playing with the neighborhood kids. If it ever becomes an issues it will be dealt with quickly

Id give ANYTHING to take them boys shooting..not happening, not yet, anyway. Mama would shit, even tho all her life she knows about me and guns, has seen the cabinet full of trophies I have from shooting, knows that I KNOW what Im talking about, her being an ER nurse dont help.
Second- you bring up a valid issue..are they emotionally old enough. Hell I dont know. You got me thinking about that. I MAY talk to their mama in private on Christmas about taking them one at a time when the weather warms up.
They are GOOD, SWEET kids who just arent growing up like I did, and their dad is a likable goofball, pot smoking aside...and Im DEFINITELY talking to him this weekend to see if he is still over that shit.
Markm- I DO hope that. He has a GOOD paying job, mama does too, and I believe with all my heart theyve improved their marriage this year.
Steyr...Id like to get them into shooting BEFORE the girls get them..thats a hard one to overcome!
Thank yall again for comments. Im gonna talk this Christmas with mama & daddy and Ill let yall know whats said.

[LowSpeed_HighDrag]

I take it you don’t have kids?

Who are you to tell anyone else how to raise theirs?

You are lucky they still come around with your Parris Island DI routine.

[SteyrAUG]

I take it you don’t have kids?

Who are you to tell anyone else how to raise theirs?

You are lucky they still come around with your Parris Island DI routine.

That might be a bit much. Seems he actually gives a damn about those kids, that beats out 50% of actual parents I've seen.



Steyr...Id like to get them into shooting BEFORE the girls get them..thats a hard one to overcome!


I continued to shoot even after I discovered girls, it just forced me to prioritize my time. Somehow video games kept coming in last. I also would caution you to see shooting as some magic "cure all." Find out what this kid wants to do besides video games, get him interested in other things, but they have to be things he would want to do. If he's not interested in guns, don't even bring it up.

[Straight Shooter]

I take it you don’t have kids?

Who are you to tell anyone else how to raise theirs?

You are lucky they still come around with your Parris Island DI routine.

Dude- READ to whom I said that to...their DAD, in private, in MY home, after both HE & my niece came to ME, ASKING my advice & opinion.
What is your problem? You must be a dope smoking gamer.

[themonk]

Not your issue. Video games are not the issue, laziness is the issue. Phones are not the issue, having other hobbies and activities along with self-discipline is the issue. Guns are not the issue, the people pulling the trigger are the issue. It's all the same shit just a different version for this generation.

If you want to be an awesome uncle teach them about other things like shooting, hunting, fishing, cars, woodworking, puzzles, skydiving, scuba diving, or whatever you are into. And then on the side (gently or they will blow you off so fast it will make your head spin) teach them how to be men because it doesn't look like they are getting it at home. And if you don't want to that is cool just dont expect much.

[Slater]

To the best of my recollection, the last video game I played was Centipede. In an arcade. In 1985.

[RHINOWSO]

****ing RETURN key is your friend OP...

[LowSpeed_HighDrag]

Dude- READ to whom I said that to...their DAD, in private, in MY home, after both HE & my niece came to ME, ASKING my advice & opinion.
What is your problem? You must be a dope smoking gamer.

I’m sorry, your post is so poorly written it was hard to make out. I’ll stick with my original comment, you seem awful to be around and you should be thankful people choose to do so. Be kind to them.

[Straight Shooter]

I’m sorry, your post is so poorly written it was hard to make out. I’ll stick with my original comment, you seem awful to be around and you should be thankful people choose to do so. Be kind to them.

Eh, piss up a rope. If it was "poorly written" you shouldnt have responded ass.

[Straight Shooter]

****ing RETURN key is your friend OP...

Im sorry, I so not understand, please explain?

[themonk]

Im sorry, I so not understand, please explain?

As in, formulate your original post better by using the return key to segregate paragraphs.

[Straight Shooter]

As in, formulate your original post better by using the return key to segregate paragraphs.

Aaah, gotcha.
Somebody still woulda bitched.

[Jellybean]

I’m sorry, your post is so poorly written it was hard to make out. I’ll stick with my original comment, you seem awful to be around and you should be thankful people choose to do so. Be kind to them.

I didn't get that from any of his posts at all.
Also, some people really do need a kick in the ass. F*** all this leftist "be kind to everyone" bullshit. That's great, but "a true friend stabs you in the front". Forget the goobermint, people can't even stand up to their own friends and family anymore because they are obsessed with enforcing the "pax niceness". And then you wonder why people fall to pieces or freak out at the slightest word...
I simply maintain the middle ground that it takes careful timing and specificity to make the ass-kicking work correctly.
If you've tried being "nice", sometimes you need to to get hard. And if it doesn't work after that, then don't press it further; at some point in the future either your niceness or no-BS talk will kick in and they'll come back to YOU to tell you all about what they've totally figured out for themselves, at which point working together with them in a spirit of lite-mentor-ish cooperation will probably help. OR...you'll have effectively removed yourself from a sinking ship that WILL drag you down with it (and then it will be blamed on you). Sometimes you just gotta let dumb people do their dumb shit, even if it hurts to watch.

As far as OP's family issues...
If they BOTH came to you separately, that means they both trust you separately. That's good. Try not to lose that.
As far as the kids/games issues... that's their parents fault for being lazy parents, and not setting up some sort of time-frame tradeoff, or enforcing a "go outside for X hours before you can play" thing. It's really not that hard to set up or enforce, especially at their young age, but it will NEVER work if the kids don't believe you'll follow up, and if either/both parents are doing what they say is wrong, well.... you know how it goes... "DAD said I could....MOM said I could", and it's over. haha
As far as you and the kids... how much do you actually know about them? Their likes, dislikes, interests? Aside from vidya games, are they interested in anything else? Do they have any TV shows or youtube channels they like? Comics? Sci-fi or fantasy stuff? Do they have bicycles yet? Sometimes getting them into other things doesn't start with the other things YOU know, it starts with connecting with them on a level THEY know.
Start getting knowledgeable with your meme/trend game. I know you hate the internet, but these days, the ability to hit that current culture-button with a dank meme or video of a trending trend can be the difference between being "the old guy that makes us do weird stuff" and the "the cool uncle who also has cool toys".
If you can connect with them on their level of "fun", you can start working in "other fun stuff that isn't vidya games/internet". If their parents won't do it, then it is up to YOU to teach/show them that they can have fun with their games, but that there's also 'something more' to life than a screen. Life balance and all that.
And who knows... if the kids are having enough fun doing other things, maybe it will pull their parents away from their crap too, when they realize they are missing out on all the fun stuff they could be doing with their kids. Or they won't, guess you'll find out who they really are as people one way or another.

[SteyrAUG]

"the cool uncle who also has cool toys".


My uncles kids were gonna turn out fine no matter what (and they did), but my cousin did have video of himself running a MP5, M4 and AK-47 by the time he was in high school.