Any Other Single Dads Here?

[DRich]

Just curious if there are any other single dads on the forum. I'm a recent widower with 2yo twin boys. I was fortunate to be in a position where I could leave my job to stay at home with them after my wife passed. When the boys were born, we were both very adamant that strangers would not raise our children and I intend to stay at home until they start school in a few years. We just moved to a very small town in east Texas (because of the schools here) and we're pretty much settled into a good routine. It's the hardest job I've ever had, but it's a lot of fun...most of the time. I'm in my mid-30's and luckily, I'm still faster than them. I don't think that will last long, though! :)

Before my wife passed away, I attended several handgun/rifle classes per year and spent most afternoons at the range, but my priorities have changed quite a bit and the guns are spending more time in the safe now. My other hobbies have pretty much fallen by the wayside, as well...but I don't miss them too much yet. I'm sure the time will come when I want to restart those areas of my life, though.

I know my situation is a bit extreme, but I'd love to hear from other single dads out there and how you handled the family/life/hobby balances.

[Impact]

not single but having/raising childs is the best gift you can get. Looks like you are on good tracks !

[Erk1015]

Good on you, I'm not a single dad, but I do have a 3 yr old and a 2yr old. One thing we do is to take them to day care once a week for a few hours. It gives us some time to get things done and lets them play with other kids their age. At first they had a hard time when we took them, but now they barely say bye when I drop them off. Just an idea, I think it would give you some time without feeling guilty about it. Good luck man.

[DRich]

One thing we do is to take them to day care once a week for a few hours. It gives us some time to get things done and lets them play with other kids their age. At first they had a hard time when we took them, but now they barely say bye when I drop them off.

Thanks...the church we've been attending has a "mom's day out" program that I could use, but it will be a while before I leave them alone with someone else. They still keep asking me why mommy hasn't come home yet and if I'm going to go away, too...so I don't want to traumatize them any further right now. It's definitely a plan for the future, though.

[chadbag]

Sorry to hear of your loss. I don't know what I would do in your shoes.

You will need some time to yourself every once in a while. Do you have any family nearby? Yours or hers? That would eventually be a resource for you to use if it exists. Otherwise, I know a little how you feel as I do not leave my kids (16 month and 6 years) with others except family and we do not have your delicate situation.

Chad

[Erk1015]

Sorry to hear of your loss. I don't know what I would do in your shoes.

You will need some time to yourself every once in a while. Do you have any family nearby? Yours or hers? That would eventually be a resource for you to use if it exists. Otherwise, I know a little how you feel as I do not leave my kids (16 month and 6 years) with others except family and we do not have your delicate situation.

Chad

This is a really good point, my wife's family has been a huge help to us. The lady we take the kids to was my wife's babysitter when she was a kid so we have no problem with trusting her. I don't think there's a problem with other daycare places as long as they know that they work for you. That program at your church sounds good, our church requires a background check for everybody working with kids, just for liability reasons and to double check. Good luck man

[Detmongo]

D,
sorry for your loss. i was a single dad for about five years, yes your priorities do change some times over night. i had to raise my daughter while being a narco detective on a very active time. it took alittle while until we both got into a gove so to speak, and yes my shooting and other hobbies pretty much came to a halt. as long as you have someone that you trust with your kids you will be able to partake is some of your hobbies.

[Infidel1975]

I was a single Dad for about five years also but met a wonderful girl and got remarried.My oldest daughter who was seven at the time wanted to go live with her mother for awhile and I foolishly and painfully let her do so.Just the other day I got a phone call from her saying she wanted to change her name to her mothers husbands last name and let him legally adopt her.I asked her why she would want to do this(trying to hold back the tears)and she said because he has always been there for her since I gave her up:eek: I only agreed to let her go stay with her Mom because I felt like she needed to get to know her mother to. Needless to say I am very hurt right now and do not know what to do.My wife says this is just a teenage phase she is going through,but it still hurts me very bad.I have always visited her every other weekend and summers and always done everything I can to help her with anything she needs.I just don't understand!! Thanks for letting me vent.

[Safetyhit]

Very sorry to hear of your terrible loss. Sounds like she was a young woman who should have spent many fun years with her sons. My condolences.

For the past 3 years I have been a single father of a five year old. I have him 5 days per week, his mother has him just over 2 days. Our separation was extremely difficult and often very painful. While I often miss the time we had as a real family, I absolutely treasure the precious time he and I share today and make the very most of it. I now work from home most of the time which allows me the same luxury you appear to have, time with them.

If your boys are well behaved, your time with them should be all the hobby you really need at this difficult time. Find things to do together, there are countless fun possibilities. If they are not well behaved, then that can make the little things less enjoyable, and you may need a break from time to time enjoying your own pastime. My son is a blessing and just enjoys anything and everything we do without complaint, so I am very lucky there. I just don't take him shooting...yet.

Feel free to PM me if you like. I have first hand insight on a great many things that may be of some assistance to you on a number of levels. Anytime.

[M4Fundi]

Praying for you and your family

[crusader4x]

Might be a divorced dad soon. It wouldn't be by my choice but she's has not been willing to work on our marriage. It all SUCKS but I'm trying to do the right thing and she holds all the cards whether our marriage will be worked on or not... :(

[Safetyhit]

Might be a divorced dad soon. It wouldn't be by my choice but she's has not been willing to work on our marriage. It all SUCKS but I'm trying to do the right thing and she holds all the cards whether our marriage will be worked on or not... :(


Been there, done that. :mad::(

It is a terrible situation, especially when you are the honestly one who is really trying to hold things together, not just dicking around yourself and then complaining about crap that's half your fault. But I suppose our friend the OP has seen worse. Either way, we are alone with our children and must adapt to a new life.

If it ends, just be strong and always do what is best for the children. Always. The cheating/disinterested spouse will often reap what they sow, especially if they are that bad.

[dutch308]

D, I have been a single Dad since July of 2000 and I know how hard it can be, but it has also been the most fun. My children were 5 and 2 when my wife left and it was a tough time for me but with the kids to take care of and enjoy we all made it thru pretty well. Yes your "ME" time is cut alittle short but dont forget to try because you need to take some time for yourself from time to time. Being a Patrolman we had to get into our little routine but has all been worth it. I am blessed with two great kids and include them in as many activities as a family as I can. Good Luck to you and yours.

[M4arc]

I swear dude, I don't know how you do it. Our two kids wear my wife and I out. God bless you.

[Tactical_Machete]

Sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through.
Although I am not a single father,I do have a 2 year old daughter and at times I feel like I could not have enough hands or eyes.
Pretty soon your boys will be going to the range with you and you'll be back to playing with your toys.
Enjoy the time from here to then, your guns will be waiting for you.

[odiesplace]

I'm raising a 17yr old, a 15 yr old and two 14 yr olds also have a 19 yr old thats working and living on her own(kinda) I've had custody of my kids for 9 years this month. I am very sorry for your loss I wish the best for you and your family... Being a single dad will be the most rewarding and frustrating job you will ever have... Its tough at times,but if I can do it, anybody can do it. I would be more than glad to talk with you if you ever need support
Take care
God bless
Mike

[DRich]

Thanks to everyone for their encouragement and advice and for the PM's that several of you sent. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

Even though it's hard, everyday brings plenty of laughs around here. There are plenty of tears, as well...but most days, the good times seem to outweigh the bad. It's also nice that the boys have each other. Twins have a strange and special bond and it's amazing to watch them support one another. Of course, this also means they are very good at conspiring with each other when it comes to mischief. :)

Thanks again.

[crossgun]

The bond you will share with your children will be priceless. I have raised my daughter 12, and son 11 for the last 11 years. Had some help along the way but what I most cherish from the diaper bag days are the things that I don’t believe I would have been as involved in had I done it with a partner or the way it was meant to be. Thinks like bath time, dressing the kids and just being with them all day to see them really develop. Most dads don’t get to partake in those daily duties if you will and never get to appreciate what they didn’t know they really missed out on.

Trust me, it will get easier and as they become more mobile. You have some wonderful times ahead of you. What I found was that my interest have somewhat changed as a result of that of my children. For example I have a greater interest in baseball seeing my son plays ball. You will find great joy in search of the perfect ball glove or bat almost as if you were building your first full house 1911 or in search of that most perfect optic. At time when I am sitting at games or school concerts for my daughter knowing my friends are of shooting a really cool match I realize I don’t miss those things like I thought I would in the beginning. Something about being with your kids when their doing something that is more satisfying that I can explain. I have missed some really cool shoots and trainings but can honestly say never missed a pitch, tackle or note. One day they will move on and it’s that which I know today that I will miss the most.

The things you once enjoyed will come back again and the neat thing about it this time is that the kids will be joining in as well. They for the most part are an extension of you and your thoughts and ideas. Watching them grow to have not only their own ideas but yours as well is in creditable. It will help you to see things about yourself you never knew. Some you will like and some things you will not. My son is showing interest in hunting and shooting now. It just doesn’t get any better.

As mentioned make time for yourself. It will be beneficially to all of you.

Good Luck and God Bless.

[Safetyhit]

One day they will move on and it’s that which I know today that I will miss the most.


Boy can I relate to this statement, in fact I dread these magical days coming to an end. A good day with my son makes all the evil in the world disappear for a while.

Wish I could slow time down and keep him at 5 just a little longer...:(