View Full Version : So now that I'm single...
So now that I'm single it seems the whole world has opened up to me. I find that opportunities I couldn't even comprehend before have now been opened up to me.
For instance: Before, dinner used to consist of a protein, a salad, a carbohydrate side-dish (but not too big--think of the children (and the waistlines!)) and it all was required to be, "nutritionally balanced" (Whatever the hell that means). These days, a dinner consisting of a whole slab of pork ribs purchased on the side of the road and beer is not only the norm but also encouraged.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/beer.jpg
Salod? Shit, I can't even spell sallad anymore.
You know that commie-surplus rifle shipping crate that you purchased years ago? She said it was a waste of money because it wouldn't be used (geez, some people, I guess). Finally, it can be put to some real good use instead of collecting dust. After a little work and some iron pipe, it's now a coffee table. I have some big plans for this so look for some updates in the future.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/table.jpg
IKEA is for the birds. If you could buy something this cool at IKEA, it wouldn't be a store based in northern Europe.
The kitchen has improved greatly as well. You know that magnetic utility rack on the wall? Usually there is a knife or two (and pussy shit like kitchen knives and vegetable peelers and other unneeded shit). Recently, mine has gained 1000% more utility.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/kitchen.jpg
Still a chef's knife and a cleaver but I mean come on, I need a hammer and a bayonet in a kitchen practically every day but never had a good place to put them. It was always, 'go downstairs for the hammer, go to the safe for the bayonet.. blahblahblah'. Now I don't have to. "Eyesore" my ass. Finally, I can have some real Goddamn utility on the, "utility" rack. As soon as I can figure out how to attach condoms, a large breasted woman, and a Dillon progressive press you'll be the first to know.
Also, did you know that your sink was multi-purposed? Okay okay, it's already multi-purposed. You can use it to store your dirty dishes, wash your hands and said dishes but I've found that it also easily doubles as a urinal. Going to the second floor bathroom is a thing of the past.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/urinal.jpg
You can also use it as a bidet if you have a sprayer and a garbage disposal. The stuff you learn. I fully intend to try and make other domestic devices multi-purposed as well. I saw something on the food network (blech! back then) about cooking fish in the dishwasher. I suspect the dishwasher can do double-duty not only cooking fish but also cleaning my clothes. Word is that the dryer is really really good for taking cosmoline off of surplus rifles and magazines too....
The kitchen table. Oh yeah, it used to be covered with place mats and napkins and decorative salt & pepper shakers and something they call 'trivets'--no longer. These days, the contents of my kitchen table can't decide if they're better used in a gunshop or an Armenian brothel (and I like it that way).
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/kitchen-table.jpg
Need the cordless drill? You know where it is: The kitchen table. Weiger mag for a SAR-3? Same place. Kit-Kat? You guessed it. If your buddy needs zip-ties? Got it covered. A Gameboy Advanced and some 9mm? Off-brand SPAM & lube? No problem. Right there in the dining room. Everything, right there.
Time spent in the morning making the bed is also a thing of the past. I read on the internet somewhere that making the bed just allowed the bed-bugs and dust mites an ideal place to breed so I think I'm actually cleaner not making the bed in the morning. Plus, you can always have your best buddy sleep in the bed with you every night.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/bed.jpg
No more complaining about how either of you snore too much or drool all over the bedsheets. It's a perfect system. Plus there's no more loud complaints about your late-night masturbation habits.
Since there is 100% less bitching and moaning going on, you finally have time for the real questions in life. Like, if two LaRue dillo's **** will more LaRue gear come out as a baby?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/dillos.jpg
No dice so far but I have no idea what the gestation period is of optics mounts.
Redecorating has also been really fun. No more artistic black & white photos of Siberian Yak's or other shit all over the living room walls. Now, I get to put whatever I want over the walls.
[pornographic image deleted by moderator]
[yet another pornographic image deleted by moderator]
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/decorate.jpg
What man doesn't dream of having partial X-ray gun pics and DVDA & tripod images all over their walls? If you ask a guy and he says, 'no' he's probably either gay or a eunuch or both.
Speaking of redecorating, you know that 6' tall painting of Saddam Hussein you painstakingly smuggled out of Iraq back during OIF 1 only to live in your basement for five years? He finally gets hung (haha) on the wall.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/saddam.jpg
Not only do you get to post dry-fire training targets all over your house as, "decoration"
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/dryfire.jpg
You also get to setup your own live-fire range in the basement for your unsuppressed .22lr
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/indoor.jpg
As you can see, it's completely safe because I'm wearing both hearing and eye protection.
So while I miss the regular sex, I completely do not miss the bitching and moaning and periods and everything else. Like Robin Williams said in that stupid movie we had to watch in high school literature class, Carpe Diem. As soon as it gets below freezing I'm going to try and make a full ice hockey rink in my basement. Who wants to come play?
SWATcop556
11-29-09, 02:11
Congrats on the "liberation."
I was lucky enough my wife tolerates my bad habits and guns but I know she would draw the line at pissing in the sink. :cool:
I too am in the midst of becoming single after 13 yrs. Wish my sink was closer to the ground!;)
INSPIRATIONAL:p
Next turn the whole house into an Airsoft Shoothouse:D
That was my laugh for the day!!!!! Thanks for that Dave!!! LOL!!!! :D
ThirdWatcher
11-29-09, 08:21
INSPIRATIONAL:p
Next turn the whole house into an Airsoft Shoothouse:D
Why airsoft? Bulletholes can be patched.:D
Believe me, I'm with you on this one (for the past three years).
SeriousStudent
11-29-09, 08:58
Chortle.
But if I do visit, I'll bring my own paper plates and disposable cups....
Came home on R&R from Iraq last year and found myself in the middle of a divorce that only recently went final. Lost a chunk of money in the deal, and my 3 year old now lives 800 odd miles away in Missouri. Losing the wife wasn't too tough to swallow - sometimes you're just not right for a person, and sometimes a person just isn't right for you, but when there are kids involved, it's a bitch. Monthly trips to STL to see the kid while dealing with a difficult ex makes it all the more frustrating. Good on you for picking yourself up and trudging on. That's really all you can do at the end of the day.
VooDoo6Actual
11-29-09, 09:28
OUTSTANDING !
RogerinTPA
11-29-09, 10:29
Most excellent! Sometimes, this kind of "transformation", is good for the soul.:cool:
Reminds me of a line from an old "Three Stooges" episode: "So, are you married or happy?" :D
Bolt_Overide
11-29-09, 10:44
my grandfather put it best, if it wasnt for pussy, there would be a no bag limit bounty on women.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/indoor.jpg
As you can see, it's completely safe because I'm wearing both hearing and eye protection.
So, if those are bottles of wine instead of whiskey, am I correct in assuming they are targets? :D
That was creative & funny! I don't have the wife problems, she doesn't bitch about anything, but I have a few buddies who are in the same boat. Sure seems like you have a lot more time on your hands.
Those late night masturbation habits do become a bit of a problem after a while...
Good for you man, if it makes you happy it worth the headache!
You know that commie-surplus rifle shipping crate that you purchased years ago? She said it was a waste of money because it wouldn't be used (geez, some people, I guess). Finally, it can be put to some real good use instead of collecting dust. After a little work and some iron pipe, it's now a coffee table. I have some big plans for this so look for some updates in the future.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/table.jpg
IKEA is for the birds. If you could buy something this cool at IKEA, it wouldn't be a store based in northern Europe.
CINCHOUSE is reading over my shoulder. I commented on that for the family room. Request denied. Cool, but denied.
JBecker 72
11-29-09, 12:25
But if I do visit, I'll bring my own paper plates and disposable cups....
haha, I was thinking the same thing. ^
Im down for the basement hockey :)
...and my 3 year old now lives 800 odd miles away in Missouri.
How did this happen? There are laws to prevent such a thing.
PM me if you like. Perhaps I can help you.
:D :D
Dave, what an absolutely legendary post. That is high comedy my friend! Larry the Git 'er Done dude has nothing on you. Seriously, thanks for the good laughs :D
Outstanding! I want to come play:D
I had the same problem in my first wife .Bitch moved to Chicago From Alabama with My 2 daughters.who have been brainwashed into hating dad now ,I have not spoken to them in 5 years.so bust your ass to see your Kid.
I really like the Table /crate .I errr :rolleyes: well I was sitting at my couch with My 870 propped up after my daily Gun love and it fell over and hit our Glass coffee table :eek: it shattered . Now I just need the crate
You sir have" adapt, improvise and overcome "
MMM now I want some ribs:D
that post made my day. I live in a hosue by myself and while i have a long-time gf, she doesnt live here yet so i can decorate as i see fit. The key will be leaving it that way when there is a permanent roomate. Your post gave me some good interior decorating ideas tho...
:)
SeriousStudent
11-29-09, 13:40
CINCHOUSE is reading over my shoulder. I commented on that for the family room. Request denied. Cool, but denied.
And you did point out that he was using coasters??
So I guess the cable spool end tables are out of the question, huh? ;)
Sigh - how are you supposed to build a decent man-cave these days........
One of my favorite jokes for many years went like this:
"Why is divorce so expensive?"
Because it's worth it. ;)
gtmtnbiker98
11-29-09, 14:16
To the OP, that's some funny shit.
Awesome, the "Coffee table" is the best
I love the coffee table & the Saddam painting! Be sure you get enought ventilation in your shooting gallery. Do you have a step stool permanently sitting in front of the sink?:p So, the basement stuff moves up to the living/dining room & the outdoors moves into the basement? I used to go shooting with a guy who had been divorced for a number of years. His dining room table was his rifle cleaning station. Seems like a rifle was leaning against the wall of every room.
Dave,
Many years ago I realized that being single ain't the worse thing that can happen. It sounds like you're good-to-go ... congrats!
My own state of never-been-married seems to cause many members of my extended family some sort of distress (Mom's side particularly. Those people are, like, Shi'ite Catholics or some crap...). Probably doesn't help that those conversations go something like this, when they occur:
"Jim, haven't you ever even thought about getting married?"
Canned Response #1: "Sure, I've thought about it. However, I've also thought about shooting the dumb, non-driving invertebrates I encounter driving next to me as I motor along the freeway, and you don't see me falling into that obvious blunder, either, now do you?"
Canned Response #2: "No, because that word rhymes with 'prison.'"
Canned Response #3: "No, because I've met your kids."
Canned Response #4: "Ask me why." "Why?" "Because f**k you, THAT'S why."
I like living a life in which beer is an appetizer, the floor is just another shelf, and the world is my urinal.
Soooooooo jealous of the Saddam picture....
Canned Response #2: "No, because that word rhymes with 'prison.'"
Canned Response #3: "No, because I've met your kids."
Canned Response #4: "Ask me why." "Why?" "Because f**k you, THAT'S why."
I like living a life in which beer is an appetizer, the floor is just another shelf, and the world is my urinal....
BRILLIANT! ;)
geminidglocker
11-29-09, 17:39
Awesome. I'm single too and my house is a total man cave. Gun posters, a Glock banner, my workbench in my living room. I get girlfriends from time to time but I absolutely enjoy being master of my domain. I was married once, I won't make that mistake twice, unless I can get one of those "Go buy a new gun honey." wives like some of you lucky bastards have.
Hey Dave,
Yes, thank you for the hilarious post. Between the posting and some of the responses I was cracking-up. A good laugh.
Good Luck with being single, it is not that bad. There are plenty of women around, you just have to know where to look (supermarket, shopping mall, night clubs, car wash, Hooters, IF all else fails: Strip Club).;)
I broke-up with a long-term girlfriend recently and couldn't be happier myself. I am having a lot more fun and don't miss the constant nagging and bitching. Its ironic that many men I know have been the most miserable when they were married.
In fairness, there are some great ladies out there but like anything else it probably just takes time to find one of them. The happiest married couples I can think of are on their second marriage (I guess you have a better idea what you want after the 1st).
The fact that your sense of humor is still in tack is always a good sign. Keep your chin-up and like a couple of guys mentioned do whatever you can to stay in your child's life.
Take it easy and enjoy those Ribs!:D
SkiDevil
Canned Response #1: "Sure, I've thought about it. However, I've also thought about shooting the dumb, non-driving invertebrates I encounter driving next to me as I motor along the freeway, and you don't see me falling into that obvious blunder, either, now do you?"
Canned Response #2: "No, because that word rhymes with 'prison.'"
Canned Response #3: "No, because I've met your kids."
Canned Response #4: "Ask me why." "Why?" "Because f**k you, THAT'S why."
Canned Response #5: "Because I like ALL of my shit...If you only like HALF your shit get married!"
Shuts most people up :D
carshooter
11-29-09, 19:31
When you told me she was moving out, I think I told you it wasn't all bad...........
Funny post, and congratulations on the fantastic attitude in keeping a sense of humor through what otherwise might be a troubling time.
That is some funny shite.
I like your kitchen table, gas mask, 22 pistol, glocks, VF and so on. :D
This right here should definitely be your match.com picture.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/urinal.jpg
So, if those are bottles of wine instead of whiskey, am I correct in assuming they are targets? :D
Oh it's wine. Most all of it Montepulciano Always a ton of it around the house.
Good Luck with being single, it is not that bad. There are plenty of women around
As one of my friends told me, "More than half the world. 3.5 Billion. Vagina is one of the most renewable resources around" :D
350_eight08
12-02-09, 10:46
Oh it's wine. Most all of it Montepulciano Always a ton of it around the house.
As one of my friends told me, "More than half the world. 3.5 Billion. Vagina is one of the most renewable resources around" :D
Something a good buddy of mine sent me... my contribution since your post started my day right!
"The best engine in the world is the vagina.
It can be started with one finger.
It is self-lubricating.
It takes any size piston.
And it changes its own oil every four weeks.
It is only a pity that the management system is so ****ing temperamental."
:D
You were married and you had regular sex?
Tipy
SWATcop556
12-04-09, 00:09
You were married and you had regular sex?
Tipy
The one thing posted that made me want to call BULLSHIT too!!!!! :D:D:D
Belmont31R
12-04-09, 03:01
The one thing posted that made me want to call BULLSHIT too!!!!! :D:D:D
Hasn't slowed down for us, my wife likes guns, and doesn't ask questions about what I buy.....:D
enjoy your new bachlor status- it will probably last about 4 years tops. As they say: "One's too many & several's not enough". The trick is finding the right one. I've been married 30 years. It's not easy, but it's worth it.;)
The_War_Wagon
08-07-11, 14:58
If you lived anywhere near Pittsburgh, I'd be HAPPY to come drink a beer in your basement, and WATCH the hockey matches! :D
In quiet moments... when Charlie Sheen thinks about "WINNING"... he's imagining he's YOU! :cool:
GermanSynergy
08-07-11, 14:58
More or less single since March 2008, and don't regret it.
My ex fiancee broke it off on my 30th birthday, while I was in Iraq. It sucked, but I got serious about alot of things I had been putting off, like saving for retirement, finishing my degree and getting serious about other things.
In retrospect, marrying her would have been a disaster, and I don't talk to her anymore.
Today I have no shortage of female friends to take to the range, have dinner with or see a movie with though. ;)
It looks exactly like my house lol. EXACTLY. (a couple years ago)
My girlfriend now puts up with pretty much everything in your pics lol
Hasn't slowed down for us, my wife likes guns, and doesn't ask questions about what I buy.....:D
How often do you have to blow her up?;):D
VooDoo6Actual
08-07-11, 15:40
Sorry for the Necro resurrection.
The pictures & whole tone, are hilarious to this day.
some great comments and truths Gents.
Thanks for sharing your TRUTH !
Recently single. I can say the grass IS greener on the other side :D
Magic_Salad0892
08-07-11, 16:17
Seems me and Belmont got lucky. If my place looked like that I'd lose my deposit.
LowSpeed_HighDrag
08-08-11, 00:02
Dave, as always, that was amazing.
Im blessed. As a young married man, I pee in the sink, have a house full of gun parts, and do whatever I wanna do whenever I damn well please with only minimal groaning from the wife. And yes, I do pee in the bathroom sink when the toilet is taken...
Hey guys, don't get too back-slappy just yet. Let's not forget how he rolls nowadays... (https://www.m4carbine.net/showthread.php?t=82253) :D:D
Vagina is one of the most renewable resources around" :D
Yes it is. You can't wear it out. I've tried.
They should make tires out of it.
Awesome Dave. Your on the right track. Wish you the best of luck.
QuietShootr
08-08-11, 11:11
The one thing posted that made me want to call BULLSHIT too!!!!! :D:D:D
Sure they did, just not with each other.
<rimshot>
QuietShootr
08-08-11, 12:07
So now that I'm single it seems the whole world has opened up to me. I find that opportunities I couldn't even comprehend before have now been opened up to me.
For instance: Before, dinner used to consist of a protein, a salad, a carbohydrate side-dish (but not too big--think of the children (and the waistlines!)) and it all was required to be, "nutritionally balanced" (Whatever the hell that means). These days, a dinner consisting of a whole slab of pork ribs purchased on the side of the road and beer is not only the norm but also encouraged.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/beer.jpg
Salod? Shit, I can't even spell sallad anymore.
You know that commie-surplus rifle shipping crate that you purchased years ago? She said it was a waste of money because it wouldn't be used (geez, some people, I guess). Finally, it can be put to some real good use instead of collecting dust. After a little work and some iron pipe, it's now a coffee table. I have some big plans for this so look for some updates in the future.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/table.jpg
IKEA is for the birds. If you could buy something this cool at IKEA, it wouldn't be a store based in northern Europe.
The kitchen has improved greatly as well. You know that magnetic utility rack on the wall? Usually there is a knife or two (and pussy shit like kitchen knives and vegetable peelers and other unneeded shit). Recently, mine has gained 1000% more utility.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/kitchen.jpg
Still a chef's knife and a cleaver but I mean come on, I need a hammer and a bayonet in a kitchen practically every day but never had a good place to put them. It was always, 'go downstairs for the hammer, go to the safe for the bayonet.. blahblahblah'. Now I don't have to. "Eyesore" my ass. Finally, I can have some real Goddamn utility on the, "utility" rack. As soon as I can figure out how to attach condoms, a large breasted woman, and a Dillon progressive press you'll be the first to know.
Also, did you know that your sink was multi-purposed? Okay okay, it's already multi-purposed. You can use it to store your dirty dishes, wash your hands and said dishes but I've found that it also easily doubles as a urinal. Going to the second floor bathroom is a thing of the past.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/urinal.jpg
You can also use it as a bidet if you have a sprayer and a garbage disposal. The stuff you learn. I fully intend to try and make other domestic devices multi-purposed as well. I saw something on the food network (blech! back then) about cooking fish in the dishwasher. I suspect the dishwasher can do double-duty not only cooking fish but also cleaning my clothes. Word is that the dryer is really really good for taking cosmoline off of surplus rifles and magazines too....
The kitchen table. Oh yeah, it used to be covered with place mats and napkins and decorative salt & pepper shakers and something they call 'trivets'--no longer. These days, the contents of my kitchen table can't decide if they're better used in a gunshop or an Armenian brothel (and I like it that way).
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/kitchen-table.jpg
Need the cordless drill? You know where it is: The kitchen table. Weiger mag for a SAR-3? Same place. Kit-Kat? You guessed it. If your buddy needs zip-ties? Got it covered. A Gameboy Advanced and some 9mm? Off-brand SPAM & lube? No problem. Right there in the dining room. Everything, right there.
Time spent in the morning making the bed is also a thing of the past. I read on the internet somewhere that making the bed just allowed the bed-bugs and dust mites an ideal place to breed so I think I'm actually cleaner not making the bed in the morning. Plus, you can always have your best buddy sleep in the bed with you every night.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/bed.jpg
No more complaining about how either of you snore too much or drool all over the bedsheets. It's a perfect system. Plus there's no more loud complaints about your late-night masturbation habits.
Since there is 100% less bitching and moaning going on, you finally have time for the real questions in life. Like, if two LaRue dillo's **** will more LaRue gear come out as a baby?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/dillos.jpg
No dice so far but I have no idea what the gestation period is of optics mounts.
Redecorating has also been really fun. No more artistic black & white photos of Siberian Yak's or other shit all over the living room walls. Now, I get to put whatever I want over the walls.
[pornographic image deleted by moderator]
[yet another pornographic image deleted by moderator]
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/decorate.jpg
What man doesn't dream of having partial X-ray gun pics and DVDA & tripod images all over their walls? If you ask a guy and he says, 'no' he's probably either gay or a eunuch or both.
Speaking of redecorating, you know that 6' tall painting of Saddam Hussein you painstakingly smuggled out of Iraq back during OIF 1 only to live in your basement for five years? He finally gets hung (haha) on the wall.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/saddam.jpg
Not only do you get to post dry-fire training targets all over your house as, "decoration"
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/dryfire.jpg
You also get to setup your own live-fire range in the basement for your unsuppressed .22lr
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/DavePAL84/projects/indoor.jpg
As you can see, it's completely safe because I'm wearing both hearing and eye protection.
So while I miss the regular sex, I completely do not miss the bitching and moaning and periods and everything else. Like Robin Williams said in that stupid movie we had to watch in high school literature class, Carpe Diem. As soon as it gets below freezing I'm going to try and make a full ice hockey rink in my basement. Who wants to come play?
I am QuietShootr, and I approve this message.
Suwannee Tim
08-08-11, 20:26
I once had a buddy who had a Bridgeport and a Leblond Regal in his living room. That's machine tools ya'll. He got married and the machine shop had to go.:(
pilotguyo540
08-08-11, 20:47
Thanks for the necropost! I have absolutely no idea how I missed this when it was new. I guess God decided I wasn't ready yet. :D I feel very inspired now (read: vindicated). Now if I could spend more than 4 nights at home a month...
Suwannee Tim
08-09-11, 03:46
My wife puts up with most of my nonsense, even participating in some of it. Every now and then I con her into going to the range with me. She whiles away the time by picking up my brass.:D
I do not pee in the kitchen sink. I do pee outside. I love to pee outside. I'll stand in the rain to pee outside. My wife does not understand.:confused:
arizonaranchman
08-09-11, 09:41
Dave M,
I love your post! I agree completely, they're just not worth the hassles and BS anymore. As I rapidly approach 50 i am now realizing they're less and less useful and about the only thing they are good for is less and less important anyways - to the point that the trouble that accompanies them outweighs the benefit. I have a son and he's grown up and doing well and I'm quite proud of him.
Peace and quiet, reading, motorcycles, M4C, my toys and taking month-long road trips on my Harley are now what I dream of most - ALONE thank you.
PS: This is an old post but it should be a Sticky!
thopkins22
12-16-11, 17:58
So I can't be the only one that still wonders what ever came of your plans regarding the rifle crate? What IS the gestation period of optic mounts?
So many questions are left in my mind years after this awesome post.
So I can't be the only one that still wonders what ever came of your plans regarding the rifle crate? What IS the gestation period of optic mounts?
So many questions are left in my mind years after this awesome post.
You are not the only one curious as to the final state of the rifle crate coffee table.
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