JW777's Redneck Christmas moment

[John_Wayne777]

So it's the holidays and families are gathered together to celebrate...which usually guarantees some interesting events.

So, and I swear to God I am not making this up, here's mine.

Eating Christmas dinner today the phone rings. I'm with the family and it's the neighbor's number on the caller ID. Turns out to be a Sheriff's deputy from the local department asking us to bring some weapons and come next door to deal with a potentially rabid skunk.

So I grab a Ruger MK-II and my father grabs a bow. The deputy...and, again, I am not making this up...wants us to shoot the skunk with the bow my dad has in his truck. The skunk is currently curled up underneath the 1992 Ford Van owned by my neighbor. It's moving and breathing, but it's growling and it's not afraid of people. The deputy obviously doesn't want to grease the little bastard with his Glock 22, so he thinks a bow might be better. I mention the Ruger MK-II, but the deputy is (understandably) reluctant to use a firearm of any sort to off the little bastard. He asked the neighbor what he had laying around that they could use on the little bastard, and the neihghbor remembered that I kill things and eat them...so perhaps I had a way to dispatch the little beastie.

So I'm studying the situation to try and figure out the best way to end the little bastard when I see my father take a knee and draw the bow.

I barely have time to think "He's not gonna..."

KERTHUNK

He did. He shot the bow and hit the running board on the van.

Sight to arrow relationship wasn't factored in. There are arrow bits all over the place because it basically exploded.

"DUDE! Wait, let me find a better angle on this!" I proceed to try and find another angle to sh....

KERTHUNK

Hit the running board AGAIN...this time only grazing it, and the arrow went under the van.

"DUDE, I said WAIT so we could think this through!"

Knocks and fires a third arrow. "I hit it that time!"

...and he also hit the running board again.

I get down and look under the van and the skunk is not moving anymore, but the underside of the van looks like the aftermath of the Little Bighorn. There are bits of arrow all over the place and broadheads stuck in various bits of the van's undercarriage. Oh, and it's 33 degrees out and raining to beat the band.

Awesome.

The neighbor is actually quite cool about the whole thing. He thinks we had no choice. I, of course, know that we DID have a choice...that I could have fired one shot from the MK-II (the skunk was less than 4 yards away) into the little bastard's skull and ended the whole ****ing problem with no damage to any property...IF the deputy had let me do it. Now I understand why the deputy was apprehensive about use of a firearm, but I can literally shoot at a bullet hole and hit it at 7 yards. I also worked out an angle that provided an adequate backstop that would have contained the round in the extremely unlikely event I would have missed...from the prone position...on a stationary target...at 4 yards.

Hell, I could have duct-taped a knife to the handle of a shovel and fixed the problem with a lot less risk of damage. Right now there's still a broadhead missing (Two of the three arrows were snapped into a bunch of pieces) and I think it's stuck somewhere in the undercarriage of my neighbor's van. When the rain stops I get to crawl up under there and try to find the damn thing.

Oh, and when skunks die from an arrow shot whatever sphincter muscle they have that holds in their stink juice relaxes. The smell is so bad I can taste it. Yet another reason why a nice clean bullet to the cranium would have been preferable.

It was like something out of a Blue Collar comedy tour joke. On the plus side, I finally found a potential use for the Taurus Judge loaded with birdshot.

[jcase64]

Classic!

[Nathan_Bell]

Glad you gave the run-up to the story. That way I had put my drink down and none was spilled

[Heavy Metal]

http://images.starcraftmazter.net/4chan/for_forums/cool_story_bro.jpg

[5pins]

While the Ruger would have been preferable. You would not have as good of a story to tell.

[Buckaroo]

Thanks for a great Christmas Laugh!!!!! I can picture this happening!

I once had a neighbor's wife call me and ask me to come kill a skunk in her yard (he had been tearing up the neighborhood yards looking for grubs). I did what she requested and killed the skunk. Later that evening her husband called to say thanks for the dead skunk in his yard. I told him that his wife had requested that I kill the skunk not that I would remove it too! Greg had to admit that I had indeed honored his wife's request. :D

Buckaroo

[John_Wayne777]

Horrible MSPaint of the event:

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y16/jwayne_777/skunkincident.jpg

[theblackknight]

Slingshot or frozen paintballs and a marker would also work.

[SeriousStudent]

BWHAHAHahahahahaha!!!!

I was just waiting to read where he shot the arrow through the skunk, and pinned it to the inner sidewall of the tire. Tire deflates, skunk pollutes the atmosphere, and van settles down on skunk.

Now try and change the tire on that bad boy. ;)

Dayum, I witness some funny shit as a paramedic and an infantry grunt, but that one's definitely on the list.

All you needed was someone saying "Here, hold my beer" before they tried to wrestle the bow from your dad and shoot it themselves......

If I ever meet you at a training class, I'll tell you the one about the guy that shot his own leg, trying to kill what he swore was a rattlesnake under his house. No Darwin Award, but an honorable mention.

[John_Wayne777]

Slingshot or frozen paintballs and a marker would also work.

JW777 is now shopping for one of those high-powered .22 caliber air guns.

[theblackknight]

Sweet drawing. Atleast you flanked his position!

[John_Wayne777]

Sweet drawing. Atleast you flanked his position!

I should also note that the backstop for the bowshots was my Charger.

If there were arrows sticking out of my Charger I would not have been as nice about it as my neighbor. I would be on the news.

[silentsod]

That is one of the funniest things I have read in a while.

Hope the smell is at least partly washed away in the rain, and thanks for making this Christmas merrier! :D

[nutnless220]

.......

[Alpha Sierra]

Skunks are of the devil.

I terminate every one I see with extreme prejudice.

[MarshallDodge]

Great story, my sides are aching.

I can relate-
Back when I lived in Illinois, I was out in my garage working on my car. It was a moderately cool fall night and I hear some rustling near the end of my driveway. I walk to the end of my driveway and figure out that it is skunks that are going in and out of the culvert pipe in my neighbors driveway across the street.

I went in and called the neighbor, just in case he wanted to do something about it. His dogs were getting sprayed by them 3-4 times a year. A few minutes later he walks out with his home built M16 with a home built suppressor. Nothing is registered and is completely illegal to own in Illinois.

I walked over and told him that there are better choices. He said that he was just going to stand above the culvert and wait till they popped their heads out. He had some firecrackers and lit them at one end of the culvert while I attempted to shoot them with a lightly loaded 45 as they came out the other end running through the ditch. Those things move at a pretty good clip when they are scared and I think they all got away.

Today I would have grabbed the 12 gauge but back I thought I was hot stuff with a handgun. :rolleyes:

[theblackknight]

JW777 is now shopping for one of those high-powered .22 caliber air guns.

Ive got a pump Daisy thats got a rifled barrel. Crows that swoop on the little ones and those tactical possums that dig in the trash have learned not to by thier dead friends.

[CarlosDJackal]

Horrible MSPaint of the event:

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y16/jwayne_777/skunkincident.jpg

That looks like a perfectly planned L-shaped ambush!!

[Thomas M-4]

Sounds like your father wasn't gonna let you get a chance to take it out before he could;) I fully expected you to say one of the arrows hit the tire:D

[QuickStrike]

Sounds like a very smerry Christmas! :D

[PRGGodfather]

F-in-A, bubba -- I'm still grinning after reading this one!

Merry Christmas, brother! ROFLMAO

[FromMyColdDeadHand]

It wasn't until I went away to college that I realized that most families don't leave Santa cookies and a beer for his snack.

[Joe R.]

Thanks JW. Since I got to spend Christmas Eve, and Christmas night at work this was just the grin inducing story I needed!

PS: You might want to keep Dad away from the bow from now on...

[SWATcop556]

Merry F**king Christmas!! :D

[John_Wayne777]

Thanks JW. Since I got to spend Christmas Eve, and Christmas night at work this was just the grin inducing story I needed!

PS: You might want to keep Dad away from the bow from now on...

His quote to me: "That was a hard shot!"

I don't disagree. I don't think many bowhunters regularly practice for a close range shot underneath a van. I suck with a bow so I certainly wouldn't have done any better using that weapon.

I just would have preferred a little more patience so we could actually dispatch the animal without looking like characters right out of Hee-Haw. :rolleyes:

[Avenger29]

I went in and called the neighbor, just in case he wanted to do something about it. His dogs were getting sprayed by them 3-4 times a year. A few minutes later he walks out with his home built M16 with a home built suppressor. Nothing is registered and is completely illegal to own in Illinois.

I completely understand. A man can only take so much...

[Volucris]

What was the skunk doing exactly that was a reason for it to die?

Poor thing was probably trying to stay dry. I know it was miserable outside here in KC today. Barn cats, opossums, a mouse, and every living creature within a half mile was huddled together outside my sliding glass door this morning with wind blowing snow drifts on them.

[blade_68]

I needed to read that one here at work too.
:p:D

[dwhitehorne]

Thank you for that story. I got a good laugh. David

[cobra90gt]

Love the MS Paint pic... :D

[SeriousStudent]

What was the skunk doing exactly that was a reason for it to die?

Poor thing was probably trying to stay dry. I know it was miserable outside here in KC today. Barn cats, opossums, a mouse, and every living creature within a half mile was huddled together outside my sliding glass door this morning with wind blowing snow drifts on them.

Skunks are nocturnal, and normally flee in the presence of people. In the original post, JW stated that the skunk was acting in an agressive manner, and not trying to flee. It was also likely not displaying it's normal degree of mobility.

These are the classic signs of rabies. Skunks are one of the largest vectors for rabies infection, if not the largest. It's quite easy for them to bite a child or pet that comes to close.

Rabies is fatal, so the merciful thing to do is to put the animal down, before it infects something you care about.

I grew up on a ranch, and have seen first hand what rabies will do to an animal. They were correct to put the animal down.

[Robb Jensen]

Great story JW777.....reminds me of 'Hold my beer and watch this!"

This is where a suppressed .22 like my Ruger 22/45 and Ruger MKIII 22/45 with my AAC Pilot would have been great.

[Volucris]

Ah, I forgot about rabies. Pest elimination guy that shopped at my old work told me about the percentages of them that tested positive for disease.

[John_Wayne777]

Ah, I forgot about rabies. Pest elimination guy that shopped at my old work told me about the percentages of them that tested positive for disease.

Generally when you see a largely nocturnal animal in the middle of the day and it's behaving strangely...like alternately taking no notice of people and being aggressive towards them...it's a good sign that the animal is sick. In this case everyone on scene was concerned that this skunk could be rabid. Given the number of people and animals around killing it quickly was the right call.

...it was just sort of complicated because of the location. The deputy didn't want to fire his weapon for obvious reasons. He didn't want to sanction me firing my weapon for obvious reasons. Animal Control apparently wasn't easy to roll out on Christmas Day, so it was basically up to us to figure out something to do on the spot.


Great story JW777.....reminds me of 'Hold my beer and watch this!"

This is where a suppressed .22 like my Ruger 22/45 and Ruger MKIII 22/45 with my AAC Pilot would have been great.

Yup. It's not the first occasion when I've wanted a suppressor for a good .22 handgun. Rather than deal with the onerous NFA regs I think I may just buy a .22 caliber pellet rifle. It's about as lethal as a .22LR, but because it is a "pellet gun" it isn't likely to be treated like a serious threat by the sheeple or by most LE officers.

[Safetyhit]

Ah, I forgot about rabies. Pest elimination guy that shopped at my old work told me about the percentages of them that tested positive for disease.


It appears as though you enjoy testing the waters here.

[Volucris]

Make a hat from it.

It appears as though you enjoy testing the waters here.

No idea what you're talking about.

[Safetyhit]

No idea what you're talking about.


Why do I find that difficult to believe?



The diagram is very telling John. Almost like we were there. :D

[John_Wayne777]

Make a hat from it.


Tempting though the potential comedy of having a skunk-skin hat to wear to the next Vickers class so all the mods and staffers can laugh their ass off may be....I think I'll skip it due to the possible infectious nature of the beast. :P

The animal itself is in a trashbag awaiting a trip to the dump. I dug a hole several inches deep and buried the bloody dirt in the hole, covering it back over with gravel and dirt. Then we took a blowtorch to the shovel until any area with blood on it was orange hot.

I'm not a medical expert, but blood-borne pathogens are nothing to screw around with.

[Safetyhit]

Then we took a blowtorch to the shovel until any area with blood on it was orange hot.

Funniest part yet.



I'm not a medical expert...


Are you absolutely certain of this?

[Robb Jensen]

Tempting though the potential comedy of having a skunk-skin hat to wear to the next Vickers class so all the mods and staffers can laugh their ass off may be....I think I'll skip it due to the possible infectious nature of the beast. :P

The animal itself is in a trashbag awaiting a trip to the dump. I dug a hole several inches deep and buried the bloody dirt in the hole, covering it back over with gravel and dirt. Then we took a blowtorch to the shovel until any area with blood on it was orange hot.

I'm not a medical expert, but blood-borne pathogens are nothing to screw around with.

Chlorine Bleach and Hydrogen Peroxide would be good for cleaning it too.

[SeriousStudent]

Chlorine Bleach and Hydrogen Peroxide would be good for cleaning it too.

+1 for Robb's suggestion.

The large animal vet that used to come out to our place always recommended washing any affected area with bleach, and then putting it in direct sunlight for a day. He said that was the cheapest and easiest fix. He said he'd never had a problem with transmission using that method. He did that with cages, instruments, etc.

But the blowtorch sounds great. Then you can stand in the driveway and yell "BURN IT WITH FIRE!" and amuse the neighbors. ;)

I'm very glad no one was injured, and you all had a safe Christmas.

[John_Wayne777]

Hey...it's the only tool my neighbor owned. I wasn't going to stop him from using it. :D

[30 cal slut]

*sniff*

*sniff*

[ToddG]

Wait. You call your father dude?

[Robb Jensen]

Wait. You call your father dude?

Kids these days! ;)

[d90king]

Sounds like a Get R Done moment.:D It sounds like Foxworthy will have new material for his next Christmas special.:cool:

[30 cal slut]

JW777 is now shopping for one of those high-powered .22 caliber air guns.

well, fwiw, i've taken skunk, woodchucks, and small yotes with a beeman r9 (.177).

[HeavyDuty]

Sounds like a good excuse to buy one of those crossbow uppers for your AR!

[John_Wayne777]

Wait. You call your father dude?

Anyone I notice who is about to do something I consider to be less than wise usually gets the "Dude..." thing. As in "Dude...no." "Dude...WTF?" "Dude...STOP!" Etc.

I once called my grandmother "dude". She's about to step onto an escalator..."Dude..NO, wait for us."

She does it anyway. She proceeds to fall. I manage to snag her by her coat and yank backwards like I was trying to start a lawnmower, causing her to fall into me so I could catch her. "DUDE...I said wait!"

The "dude" thing goes back a long way on my mother's side of the family, believe it or not. My great-uncle J.W. (no, not that JW) has been calling people "Dude" since he was a teenager...in the 1930's...so we all grew up being called "Dude" ever since I can remember.

Sean Penn had nothing to do with it.

Unfortunately I didn't have the luxury of attending some of the finer finishing schools so in a moment of stressful disbelief I was unable to muster:

"I say, pater, firing that missile into the adjacent resident's conveyance strikes me as ill-advised." before asking the neighbor if he had any Grey Pupon.


Sounds like a Get R Done moment.:D It sounds like Foxworthy will have new material for his next Christmas special.:cool:

It's really kind of hard to top somebody's nipple being bitten off by a beaver.

[Robb Jensen]

http://thereifixedit.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/129055467891530686.jpg

Dude! I can fix it!

Check this site out, some really funny stuff. www.thereifixedit.com

[RogerinTPA]

JW777 is now shopping for one of those high-powered .22 caliber air guns.

This is the first thing that popped into my mind. A high power pellet rifle or pistol. Excellent story!

[TOrrock]

I get down and look under the van and the skunk is not moving anymore, but the underside of the van looks like the aftermath of the Little Bighorn. There are bits of arrow all over the place and broadheads stuck in various bits of the van's undercarriage. Oh, and it's 33 degrees out and raining to beat the band.

Awesome.








http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v613/Tim_Orrock/Funny%20stuff/icon_lol.gifhttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v613/Tim_Orrock/Funny%20stuff/icon_lol.gifhttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v613/Tim_Orrock/Funny%20stuff/icon_lol.gif


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v613/Tim_Orrock/Funny%20stuff/allright.gif

[Business_Casual]

I think your shovel would have been heat-treated at the factory to ensure long service and sharpness. Heating it to orange hot probably rendered the warranty null and void.

What? Yes I do watch "How It's Made," why do you ask?

M_P