Not in all of recorded history...

[Buck]

Goto===> www.google.com

In the search box type===> French military victories

Press the===> I'm Feeling Lucky Button...



B

http://www.arthurshall.com/images/custom_images/french_military_victories.gif

[Lee Indy]

sweet. my wife thought i was making fun of her. she says your not very nice...... :eek:

[lethal dose]

HahahaHAHA...

[TOrrock]

You guys are totally discounting Napoleon........

[Lee Indy]

did you click on the link.....priceless.


hahhahahahha



***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. Though you may critisize this oversimplified French history all you wish, blaming or threatening the Web designer is not nice.

We are still accepting submissions from history researchers.
Last update: May 4, 2005.

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

[Gutshot John]

You guys are totally discounting Napoleon........

How does Google miss that? :confused:

[VooDoo6Actual]

For Sale:

French Assault Rifle
Great condition
Never fired
Dropped only once

[TOrrock]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v613/Tim_Orrock/Funny%20stuff/GermanTriumphMarch.jpg

[lethal dose]

Haha. Wow. This is my new "go to" thread.

[Business_Casual]

Why are there so many trees on the champ de elysee?

So the German Army can march in the shade.

M_P

[Buck]

You guys are totally discounting Napoleon........


How does Google miss that? :confused:

- The Napoleonic Wars = Lost. Temporary victories due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

[chadbag]

You guys are totally discounting Napoleon........

I seem to remember a place called Waterloo...

[The_War_Wagon]

The French have better things to do than fight...;)

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc305/The_War_Wagon/ribbit.jpg

[BrianS]

A bunch of facts regarding the Revolutionary/Napoleonic Wars are incorrect or halftruths (Corsica is part of France, France won the Wars of the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th Coalitions, etc.), but the main thing is the victory of French knights at Tours. Without the defeat of the Muslims by French knights at Tours Europe would have been subjected to slavery under Islam and Western Civilization as we know it would not have survived.

Now back to mindless French bashing. Here is my contribution:

http://www.matrixgames.com/forums/upfiles/1311/FF993B1B69864FA9B5B144F95C15586C.jpg

[jsmithy]

Templar's poster = Awesome

[metallic]

How many gears does a French tank have? Four reverse and one forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

[Safetyhit]

For Sale:

French Assault Rifle
Great condition
Never fired
Dropped only once



You mean the French guy even dropped it while he was running away?

[R Moran]

Lee Indy,
I've seen that before, and could never find it, I gotta save it.

When everyone was looking for more "proof" before we invaded Iraq, David Letterman, of all people, said, words to the effect of...

"The last time the French demanded more proof, it came marching into Paris under the German flag"


Bob