View Full Version : Acceptable behavior from girlfriend/wife
Hypothetical situation... you try to give your gf/wife advice on, say, car tires. She gets upset, doesn't want to hear it. She tells you she's not going to listen to you anyway, she's going to trust what the mechanic tells her, and says she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars.
How do you react?
never happen. all the women in my life run to me every time there is a car problem wife, sister in-law, mother in law, grand ma.... you get the picture. but if it did happen fudge em. no sweat off my expletive deleted. some people are just arrogant and will make there own decisions right or wrong. let her eat crow.
never happen. all the women in my life run to me every time there is a car problem wife, sister in-law, mother in law, grand ma.... you get the picture. but if it did happen fudge em. no sweat off my expletive deleted. some people are just arrogant and will make there own decisions right or wrong. let her eat crow.
I'm trying to explain to her that everyone has an agenda, and that's one reason not to trust them. That, aside from the fact that ever 'experts' argue all the time about the right or wrong way of doing things.
EzGoingKev
03-09-10, 14:50
Hypothetical situation... you try to give your gf/wife advice on, say, car tires. She gets upset, doesn't want to hear it. She tells you she's not going to listen to you anyway, she's going to trust what the mechanic tells her, and says she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars.
How do you react?
First of all, things like this are usually about more than just tires.
Second of all, who cares? They are just tires. Put em on, don't put em on, whatever. In the big scheme of things is it anything to lose sleep over?
Like I said though, things like this are usually about more than tires.
how do I react?
by quickly coming to the realization that we're not talking about tires or cars or what ever else she says we're talking about.
of course if I really don't know what I"m talking about I might just go enjoy a nice refreshing beverage and get on with my life.
if she's not married to me she would get the toll free number to the best wrecker company in the county.
lethal dose
03-09-10, 14:51
Do what any real man would do... smack her down. Just kidding. I'd tell her to get a second opinion from, say, her father. If it is that big of a deal and she refuses to listen, make sure she spends her own money, not yours.
SouthWolfGA
03-09-10, 14:52
First of all, things like this are usually about more than just tires.
Second of all, who cares? They are just tires. Put em on, don't put em on, whatever. In the big scheme of things is it anything to lose sleep over?
Like I said though, things like this are usually about more than tires.
I think he is on to something here. Just say your sorry for trying to help and go back to cleaning your rifle....or whatever you were doing.
Dragon Slayer
03-09-10, 14:56
If I am paying for it then she better listen to me (wife), If she is just my girlfriend and she is paying for it then fine she can do what ever she wants but I would start looking for another girlfriend.;)
Any woman that would rather take a strangers advise that is trying to sell her something instead of her husband or boy friend (unless he is a dumb ass) is not worth being with.:rolleyes:
I think he is on to something here. Just say your sorry for trying to help and go back to cleaning your rifle....or whatever you were doing.
Say your sorry?! Hell no, maybe you missed the part where the OP says "she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars."
I'd dump her and tell her to go date her mechanic. This shows that she has no respect for your opinion and that usually means she has no respect for you.
rickrock305
03-09-10, 15:03
Seems to me there are bigger issues at play here. How about the fact she trusts a stranger's opinion (a salesman at that) over yours? And then to tell you "you don't know shit" is just a complete lack of respect. I'd be in the market for a better woman if I was you.
Hypothetical situation... you try to give your gf/wife advice on, say, car tires. She gets upset, doesn't want to hear it. She tells you she's not going to listen to you anyway, she's going to trust what the mechanic tells her, and says she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars.
How do you react?
Before I separated with my son's mother there were countless, fruitless arguments just such as this among us. Not about cars, but about nearly everything else. To her I was always wrong about everything and still am to this day. Yet in reality, it was almost always in fact she who was wrong and simply could not see it nor admit it. Not then, not now, even though facts have proven otherwise over and over.
I can't give you a logical reply to use against someone who won't discern logic, it just never works. Trust me.
Put it to you this way, if this is a one time incident (car or whatever), try to rationalize with her and then let it go. If it becomes a pattern, vacate the relationship immediately. You will be miserable, guaranteed.
If I am paying for it then she better listen to me (wife), If she is just my girlfriend and she is paying for it then fine she can do what ever she wants but I would start looking for another girlfriend.;)
Any woman that would rather take a strangers advise that is trying to sell her something instead of her husband or boy friend (unless he is a dumb ass) is not worth being with.:rolleyes:
She looked into it after the fact. She asked a guy she works with who is in charge of the mechanic dept for their trucks. He agreed with me (see my thread about mounting tires). So she now agrees with me, but still doesn't trust my judgement because I've never changed my tie rods out or whatever else. I guess changing tie rods and oil count, but thermometers, spark plugs, and batteries don't.:rolleyes:
I'd dump her and tell her to go date her mechanic. This shows that she has no respect for your opinion and that usually means she has no respect for you.
And that brings up another issue... she actually DID date her mechanic friend. So she says she won't listen to me, she'll ask her ex. :mad: The say you're sorry guy was being sarcastic, I think ;)
And just to put things into perspective... she's a great woman. This is the ONLY issue we have. We get in a fight over something stupid every 3 months or so, and it's always about me giving my opinion on something - politics, religion, cars, etc. And our views aren't really different, she just doesn't want to hear me out.
rickrock305
03-09-10, 15:07
Bro...RUN! Do not walk, run away from that relationship.
Don Robison
03-09-10, 15:08
Seems to me there are bigger issues at play here. How about the fact she trusts a stranger's opinion (a salesman at that) over yours? And then to tell you "you don't know shit" is just a complete lack of respect. I'd be in the market for a better woman if I was you.
That's how I see it as well.
If she told me I don't know jack shit about cars, I'd tell her she doesn't know jack shit about hair and makeup apparently! :eek:
I try to wait the appropriate amount of time to laugh, which is usually after she's stormed out of the room because I pissed her off. :D
lethal dose
03-09-10, 15:11
Nothing wrong with getting along with an ex, but valuing his opinion over yours... eh. She should seek the opinion of a neutral party.
go read
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"
Seriously. It explains this exactly (not with tires but in general this phenomenon).
Short version: Don't try and tell her what to do. Ask her some questions about what she thinks she should do. Listen etc. Make appropriate noises like, "hmm", "yep", "uh-huh", etc so she knows you are listening. When she is done it may be appropriate and then you can give an option -- don't force it -- present it as an option for her to consider.
Women want to be listened to and men want to solve women's problems and these two things are not compatible without some work.
This:
First of all, things like this are usually about more than just tires.
+
If she is just my girlfriend and she is paying for it then fine she can do what ever she wants
equals win.
How do you react?
Depends on the mood I'm in. Right now, I'd tell her to go **** herself.
landrvrnut22
03-09-10, 15:18
If it was my gf, I would tell her that it is her car, and her money, and she can do as she pleases, but don't come crying to me when something goes wrong.
Now if it was my wife, I would tell her when she is the bread winner she can make the decisions on the cars, until then, I make the decisions.
Beyond that, I have been working on cars all my life, and know them inside and out.
go read
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"
Seriously. It explains this exactly (not with tires but in general this phenomenon).
Short version: Don't try and tell her what to do. Ask her some questions about what she thinks she should do. Listen etc. Make appropriate noises like, "hmm", "yep", "uh-huh", etc so she knows you are listening. When she is done it may be appropriate and then you can give an option -- don't force it -- present it as an option for her to consider.
Women want to be listened to and men want to solve women's problems and these two things are not compatible without some work.
Yeah, that's really bizarre to an engineer. I'm about facts... she's all about the way I say it. :( I'm not blessed with the 'saying it the right way' gift.
When I was growing up, my brother and I could say the exact same thing to our mom. My words would start a fight, his words would magically calm her and get her to listen. The problem is, I always thought he was such a pussy the way he talked to her. I don't want to feel like I'm always on thin ice or dealing with a rabid dog whenever I talk to a woman. I don't feel like a woman has a right to make you feel like that. And my woman doesn't, for most all things. Even when she's PMSing and wants to get mad at me for something, she doesn't because she knows it's just hormones and shouldn't be mad.
I think it has been pretty well covered, but it also seems to me like the fight is not about tires.
Having said that, I would let her make that mistake and come back saying she is sorry to you, making sure she knows you were right in the first place. LOL
Then you say "Damn strait bitch! Now make me a sammich!"
Like someone said before, I am the one who all my family/friends go to for car questions, so this would not happen. But it has happend with my GF when we first started going out with other subjects. She quickley learned that I am always right, and now listens like a good girl ;-)
If it was my gf, I would tell her that it is her car, and her money, and she can do as she pleases, but don't come crying to me when something goes wrong.
Now if it was my wife, I would tell her when she is the bread winner she can make the decisions on the cars, until then, I make the decisions.
Beyond that, I have been working on cars all my life, and know them inside and out.
I'd say a little of thisˆ, mixed with a little of thatˇ (especially since she values her ex's opinion more than yours).
Depends on the mood I'm in. Right now, I'd tell her to go **** herself.
"The one who cares the least controls the relationship."
Somewhere between "How you doin'?" and "But I know about tires!" you jumped to the wrong end of that equation.
well first off this would never happen with my wife :)
if it happened with a girl friend I would dump her ! so now you know why my wife would never say that :)
if a girl friend did something that was strange to me ? believe a stranger over me etc.. she would then have become a X and I move on
SouthWolfGA
03-09-10, 15:48
And that brings up another issue... she actually DID date her mechanic friend. So she says she won't listen to me, she'll ask her ex. :mad: The say you're sorry guy was being sarcastic, I think ;)
And just to put things into perspective... she's a great woman. This is the ONLY issue we have. We get in a fight over something stupid every 3 months or so, and it's always about me giving my opinion on something - politics, religion, cars, etc. And our views aren't really different, she just doesn't want to hear me out.
I was being a little silly but a little serious and even more so if this only an occasional occurance. It could be something you did or she could just be in a snappy mood in general.
when my wife acts out like that and I'm standing there with the "Where the hell did that come from" look, that is usually how I respond. I apologize to her that she is in an ill mood, and that I was just trying to offer my opinion, take it or leave it. This calm, non-combative response forces her to look at what an ass she is being and she usually comes around. However this is not going to work on all personalities or in all situations.
I think it has been pretty well covered, but it also seems to me like the fight is not about tires.
Having said that, I would let her make that mistake and come back saying she is sorry to you, making sure she knows you were right in the first place. LOL
Then you say "Damn strait bitch! Now make me a sammich!"
Like someone said before, I am the one who all my family/friends go to for car questions, so this would not happen. But it has happend with my GF when we first started going out with other subjects. She quickley learned that I am always right, and now listens like a good girl ;-)
Yeah, I used to be the guy most of my friends went to. I dropped them and took on new friends who had constructive hobbies, so I'm not the most knowledgeable one anymore. I'm more of a jack of all trades, I know a bit about everything (my doctor girlfriend was impressed with my knowledge of medicine).
Hopefully this will end up the way yours did, where she comes around and realizes I'm right.
"The one who cares the least controls the relationship."
Somewhere between "How you doin'?" and "But I know about tires!" you jumped to the wrong end of that equation.
I tell her we love each other equally, though she's convinced she loves me more.
JBecker 72
03-09-10, 15:55
Seems kinda odd she wants to listen to her ex more than you on the matter.
And when you say "mechanic" are you talking about an ASE certified tech, or a tire and lube monkey at NTB?
Say your sorry?! Hell no, maybe you missed the part where the OP says "she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars."
I'd dump her and tell her to go date her mechanic. This shows that she has no respect for your opinion and that usually means she has no respect for you.
Hoss hit the nail on the head!!!
It's about respect, and the way she told you that 'you don't know 'jack", she must think you'll be around forever. She likely thinks her excrement doesn't have a foul aroma and I'd guess she's very conceited as well!
The english language is HUGE, if she couldn't select better words to not hurt your feelings she...1. is dumber than a box of rocks. or 2. thinks that being polite to you is wasted energy. If you've been dealing with this 'attitude' for awhile it may be time to take a really long walk!
Been there, done that, got divorced!
Then again , if she looks anything like Jamie Lee Curtis skip everything I said, and bang away!!!
SouthWolfGA
03-09-10, 16:01
Hoss hit the nail on the head!!!
It's about respect, and the way she told you that 'you don't know 'jack", she must think you'll be around forever. She likely thinks her excrement doesn't have a foul aroma and I'd guess she's very conceited as well!
The english language is HUGE, if she couldn't select better words to not hurt your feelings she...1. is dumber than a box of rocks. or 2. thinks that being polite to you is wasted energy. If you've been dealing with this 'attitude' for awhile it may be time to take a really long walk!
Been there, done that, got divorced!
Then again , if she looks anything like Jamie Lee Curtis skip everything I said, and bang away!!!
For sure, if it is an ongoing and frequent behavior, bail out while you are still young!!
On a side note, Jamie Lee Curtis?!?! I mean she's ok, but not worht that. Now Megan Fox!!!!!!
geminidglocker
03-09-10, 16:03
Ahhhh... Threads like this remind me of why I'm now single and am having the time of my life.:D
For sure, if it is an ongoing and frequent behavior, bail out while you are still young!!
On a side note, Jamie Lee Curtis?!?! I mean she's ok, but not worht that. Now Megan Fox!!!!!!
Megan Fox is smokin but that thumb thing is weird, and yes I still would in half a heart beat.
Hypothetical situation... you try to give your gf/wife advice on, say, car tires. She gets upset, doesn't want to hear it. She tells you she's not going to listen to you anyway, she's going to trust what the mechanic tells her, and says she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars.
How do you react?
Do you know "jack shit" about cars?
And no, driving one, changing the oil, tires, brakes or battery doesn't mean you do. :D
C4
FromMyColdDeadHand
03-09-10, 16:18
Buy her tires? Heck, buy her a Toyota car.
"Enjoy your Prius!"
SW-Shooter
03-09-10, 16:21
If it's a GF - There are some serious issues in this relationship, trust being the major one. Bail out and tell her why.
If it's your wife - See above.
pilotguyo540
03-09-10, 16:24
Say your sorry?! Hell no, maybe you missed the part where the OP says "she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars."
I'd dump her and tell her to go date her mechanic. This shows that she has no respect for your opinion and that usually means she has no respect for you.
+1. I learned this the hard way. It is absolutely a respect issue. If she is a gf then dump her while you can. If you are married, get counceling now before shit gets out of hand. This problem won't fix itself.
How do you react?
Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't have a woman in my life like that. How would I react now??? If it was a recent girlfriend, walk away from the relationship because that seems like an indication of broader issues, if it was a wife or children were involved I would spend some serious time discussing expectations, and communication, maybe even with a third party.
I spent enough time of my life in sh@t relationships, that I will never ever allow myself to return to one. This sounds like you and your woman don't share a mutual respect for one another.
Good luck man, this is tough shit. Like I tell my friends, I would rather get in a fist fight then deal with relationship problems.
I won't say anything more after this post, but it does not sound like it is a "respect" issue. It sounds like a "communications" issue. Men and women communicate differently and if men try and force women to communicate their way or vice versa we have this exact problem.
Men are straight forward and give fixes or solutions to problems that women present. Women are not looking for solutions, they just want to hear themselves talk through the problem and need a listening ear that they can talk (at) to work it through. They may need some help making the decision but if a man tries to solve the problem by providing his opinion in a straightforward solution providing manner the woman rejects it. He needs to skillfully help the woman understand why his opinion is better so that she can recognize and choose that solution herself.
I won't say anything more after this post, but it does not sound like it is a "respect" issue. It sounds like a "communications" issue. Men and women communicate differently and if men try and force women to communicate their way or vice versa we have this exact problem.
Maybe this is spot on, but I suspect you are generalizing. And having this poor fellow develop a sense of guilt because he can't handle the possibly unfair and unwarranted behavior does him no favors if this is indeed the case.
Still can't tell if it applies to her or not, but I will tell you that unless you know the certain type of narcissistic, defiant personality first hand you can't relate to their manipulations enough to understand. I always thought good communication worked on pretty much anyone but a mental patient. I was wrong.
Hypothetical situation... you try to give your gf/wife advice on, say, car tires. She gets upset, doesn't want to hear it. She tells you she's not going to listen to you anyway, she's going to trust what the mechanic tells her, and says she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars.
How do you react?
Depends. Am I in any way paying for the repairs?
Maybe this is spot on, but I suspect you are generalizing. And having this poor fellow develop a sense of guilt because he can't handle the possibly unfair and unwarranted behavior does him no favors if this is indeed the case.
Still can't tell if it applies to her or not, but I will tell you that unless you know the certain type of narcissistic, defiant personality first hand you can't relate to their manipulations enough to understand. I always thought good communication worked on pretty much anyone but a mental patient. I was wrong.
He's spot on. She isn't narcissistic at all. She's actually the most selfless person I've dated. It's a communication issue we have to work through. Like I said before, we've had arguments over politics and religion, but our views aren't really that different in those areas. She's just stubborn and likes to make up her own mind.
If all else fails I have a Ford Explorer equipped with some Firestone Rollovers I'll sell her cheap:eek:.
She isn't narcissistic at all. She's actually the most selfless person I've dated.
Then let this one incident go and move on. Sounds like you are a lucky man.
how do I react?
by quickly coming to the realization that we're not talking about tires or cars or what ever else she says we're talking about.
Bingo. There is something more afoot. However if I ran into this I'd tell her "good luck, make sure OUR bank account doesn't get raped, and if it does, it's her ass.
She's doing the mechanic.
Dump her now.
j/k...I don't sweat small stuff like that with my wife. plus it's the perfect opportunity for a future "I told you so," which will get you better cred than her listening to you in the first place.
This has to be a gf and not a wife. Because if this is the way your wife would treat you, you have some serious issues besides this one.
I've had a similar experience with an ex-gf.
My near exact words to her after she told me someone else knew more about the subject.
"Well then. I guess you've made your decision before you ask me for my opinion. Let me know how it turns out for you then."
It's not that you are wrong, it's just that you always think you're right!
And because you always think you are right, you are not worth listening to because you can't always be right! That wouldn't be fair!
It's not about facts, it's about emotion.
That about sums it up.
Seriously, my wife generally doesn't argue with me about stuff like this because I'm an engineer, I've worked most of my career in the car and truck industry, and I work with a lot of guys that really know vehicle service.
But that's not to say we don't argue about other stuff after being together going on 19 years.
After some more time, you will be wrong just because it's your opinion, and she's tired of hearing your opinions. Get used to it or do something to change it.
Being a woman, she is therefore a pawn of Satan.
Scenario One: She ends up liking her tire situation once the deed is done, all's well. You suck it up and keep your trap shut if in the interests of domestic bliss and die of the resultant ulcers from the stress.
Scenario Two: The tires suck so bad that they cause her car to explode. Take a page from a woman's book: if she survives the overpressure and the fiery inferno, forevermore remind her at every opportunity that you were right.
Scenario Three: Stay safe, stay single!
Belmont31R
03-09-10, 21:50
Being the man of the house vehicle maintenance is my job. My wife takes care of most of the inside stuff. She does my underwear, and I make sure her Jeep has the oil changed, good brakes, lights work, etc.
I guess its just the way I was raised but I couldn't put up with a woman that pulled that shit. Growing up women took care of the inside chores, and men took care of everything outside. Help out when you can....
VooDoo6Actual
03-09-10, 21:58
The Horror....
go read
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"
Seriously. It explains this exactly (not with tires but in general this phenomenon).
Short version: Don't try and tell her what to do. Ask her some questions about what she thinks she should do. Listen etc. Make appropriate noises like, "hmm", "yep", "uh-huh", etc so she knows you are listening. When she is done it may be appropriate and then you can give an option -- don't force it -- present it as an option for her to consider.
Women want to be listened to and men want to solve women's problems and these two things are not compatible without some work.
Screw these stupid games. I gave up mincing words with women a long time ago. If she isn't intelligent enough to have a good handle on where her lane is, I want nothing to do with her.
It's one thing if she has her own reasons and articulates them - "I like that one, I care more about the warranty than the road noise" or "I want the blue one", but I'm gathering that's not what we're talking about here.
If you know for a fact that it is a subject that she not only knows nothing about, but doesn't even have any remotely plausible reason to think she knows anything about it, and she still doesn't give a damn about what you think - then she obviously doesn't think very highly of you or your competence.
Now, true, you might actually be an assclown, but then you (and she) have bigger problems.
I occasionally argue politics, etc. with my girl as well, but when it comes down to it she has the subjects she knows a lot about, and I have mine. Where we overlap, we discuss it like rational adults, without the power-trippy word game bullshit. I'd not have it any other way.
http://www.strindbergandhelium.com/absinthe.html
A picture is worth a thousand words, a moving picture . . . a few more.
Sum of topic in a pleasant cartoon.
I forgot to mention that the last time my wife needed tires, I suggested she check the customer reviews and ratings on The Tire Rack's website. She looked up her car, read the relevant reviews and selected a set of tires that she is happy with and have worked well.
HOWEVER, there was a problem. She has a Subaru Forester XT turbo which is quite a bit faster than a regular Forester, and requires tires with a higher speed rating. Based on the reviews for the regular (slower) Forester she selected a T-rated tire, when she should have selected an H-rated tire.
All the time she said she was going to get Yokohama Avid's to replace the stock Yokohama Geolanders. I thought she was getting Avid H4's, similar to the Avid V4's I had recently put on my Subaru WRX. When I saw she had bought Avid TRZ's I called the tire shop and asked why in hell they put T-rated tires on a car that need H-rated tires. The manager didn't have a good answer but said they would exchange them for another tire due to the error.
In the end, we figured she'd never over-speed the T-rating and left it alone. The tires have been fine, she's happy with them, especially the snow and rain performance, and they've gotten plenty of miles of life.
So in the end, I have to keep a close eye on things. Same thing with checking oil. She said she was checking it regularly until I found it 2 quarts low a couple hundred miles before an oil change was due. Turns out she hadn't been checking it recently. Seems to be burning a 1/2 quart every 1000 miles, which isn't that bad for a turbo motor running 11+ lbs of boost with over 100,000 miles on it, but still cause for some concern.
she's trying to test you...see who's really wearing the pants!!!:p
Then let this one incident go and move on. Sounds like you are a lucky man.
Sorry Good Buddy but this is a friggin crimson RED FLAG!:eek: She has been emotionally abused somewhere in her past and looks at any advice from her "significant other" as abuse and a form of misogynistic oppression. It will only get worse. :(Run! IMHO:p
Screw these stupid games. I gave up mincing words with women a long time ago. If she isn't intelligent enough to have a good handle on where her lane is, I want nothing to do with her.
<snip>
I occasionally argue politics, etc. with my girl as well, but when it comes down to it she has the subjects she knows a lot about, and I have mine. Where we overlap, we discuss it like rational adults, without the power-trippy word game bullshit. I'd not have it any other way.
Not to pick on you. But it is not "word games." It is that men's and women's brains are wired differently and we "speak" different "languages."
Knowledge is power and if you work to understand the difference between how men and women think and communicate, you can use it to your advantage.
Playing the "dumb American in foreign country bit" equivalent only leads to a mess. ("dumb American in foreign country bit" is the American speaking English in a foreign country and when the native looks at him without understanding the American says it again, in English, only louder... Doing the equivalent in this sort of situation works just about as well)
There does come a time when some people do play word games, but that is not what I was talking about and that is not the idea I got from the OP was going on.
A good American woman is like an original AR-10, they've both been out of production since the early 1960's.
I'm a BLACK AND WHITE guy and my wife (#2) is very color or gray. Some times I eat crow, and some times she does. But it is evermore evident to me on the communication part. You need equal love for things to work well. If only one loves and the other is just along for the ride, then there will be trouble. I would say it depends on how you two have reacted (responded) since this first took place. Is it still heated, or have you come to an agreement yet? If not, then I might take another look at my relationship with her.
I once worked with some one and we were in a meeting one morning, and HE said "I think I can piss a woman off in five minutes", to which a FEMALE co-worker replied, "Oh Paul, don't under estimate your self". We men can piss women off real easy with our "Reactions" instead of "Responses".
The first axiom of women:
All women are ****ed in the head.
The second axiom of women:
If in doubt, see the first axiom.
Accepting this universal truth and going along for the ride will do wonders for your peace of mind. Stop trying to understand and analyze. It's futile. Not one man to whom I have presented these two axioms has ever disagreed with them.
Our grandfathers had it easier. They accepted the fact that women are unpredictable emotionally driven creatures that defy reason. They knew that as MEN, they had to do what was needed to keep the peace at home so that they could go out in the word and do MEN's business. They were artful at making their wives feel they were in control while still making all the meaningful decisions themselves. My Grandfather, God rest his soul, tried to explain this to me almost 20 years ago when I was in college and had been with my girlfriend (now wife of 16+ years) for less than a year. Only now do I truly understand what he was trying to tell me.
We are victims of our times. We have been taught to believe that women are equal to us and that assertions about their emotionality are sexist and derogatory. We actually expect them to live up to the equality they desire (and demand in many cases), but the deck is always stacked against us. This is my problem - like the poster who doesn't want to play games, the way I see it if you want equality then be equally responsible and accountable for your actions and decisions. But it doesn't really work like that, and I have trouble just accepting that it never will. Women want the benefits of equality but many if not most want to maintain the privileges they have become accustomed to.
/rant off.
St.Michael
03-09-10, 23:32
He's spot on. She isn't narcissistic at all. She's actually the most selfless person I've dated. It's a communication issue we have to work through. Like I said before, we've had arguments over politics and religion, but our views aren't really that different in those areas. She's just stubborn and likes to make up her own mind.
You sound like your making excuses. No offense to you or her as I don't know either of you, but man telling you that you don't know jack. Meh, dump her.
It's not that you are wrong, it's just that you always think you're right!
And because you always think you are right, you are not worth listening to because you can't always be right! That wouldn't be fair!
I
Men are straight forward and give fixes or solutions to problems that women present. Women are not looking for solutions, they just want to hear themselves talk through the problem and need a listening ear that they can talk (at) to work it through. They may need some help making the decision but if a man tries to solve the problem by providing his opinion in a straightforward solution providing manner the woman rejects it. He needs to skillfully help the woman understand why his opinion is better so that she can recognize and choose that solution herself.
both these are the most accurate statements i have ever read about woman. the thing is you have to decide for yourself if your going to play this stupid game. im dealing with a similiar issue with my wife. she wants to get prego. i told her she wasnt healthy enough for pregnancy right now but if she worked on it then we could have a healthy baby and we wont risk any serious health complications for her. i also provided studies and medical advice.
she heard " i think your fat and disgusting and i would never have kids with you." the womans mind is ****ed up. were still not speaking 4 days latter. im about to tell her i wont have kids with her till she grows up. normally shes pretty good but i am definitely the brains in this crew and its not because im smarter its because i use logic and think things threw. she uses emotion. i hear this all the time under her breath " youre always right" and man does she hate it when im right. and i dont rub it in her face. when she is right and im wrong i take all her mashing it in my face and...................... dude stop taking my advice i have a ****ed up relationship.
Sorry Good Buddy but this is a friggin crimson RED FLAG!:eek: She has been emotionally abused somewhere in her past and looks at any advice from her "significant other" as abuse and a form of misogynistic oppression. It will only get worse. :(Run! IMHO:p
I said much the same in my initial posts on the first page. Always good to read the whole thread before commenting my friend. :)
Hypothetical situation... you try to give your gf/wife advice on, say, car tires. She gets upset, doesn't want to hear it. She tells you she's not going to listen to you anyway, she's going to trust what the mechanic tells her, and says she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars.
How do you react?
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
nothing you told her twice!
Drive that car into the living room and tell her to shove it up her ass!
So, I stumbled across this sub forum, when I was meaning to go into AR General Discussion.
I came to a simple conclusion awhile ago, listening to the radio, I'm a christian and it was christian radio.
(Here we go right?)
A lot of what you guys said is spot on.
But I was listening to a Pastor talk about healthy relationships, he said guys need something different than women, in a relationship.
That's Respect. Men appreciate love, and we love others and what not show affection, sure, right?
But that's not what it's all about for us, it sounds like sometimes she disrespects you, I think I'd bring it up and talk to her about it, if it's an on going issue.
Women want love and acceptance more than anything which corresponds with most things said here already.
I realized that the absolute truth.
A woman really needs to stand behind their man, and tell him his value to show affection, and of course love him.
It also was in that sermon about, that it wasn't right for a woman to discredit her husband behind his back and poor mouth him to her peers.
I think that's really why there's a lot of domestic violence in houses where guys are unemployed, because they're already depressed because (at least the good guys) can't find work, and the women lose respect for them, and the guys usually lose respect for themselves.
It sounds like she's doing both of those.
Now I'm Christian, but I'm not some holy roller.
But I found a lot of truth in that.
I think e-guns post are good, and true, women do like to talk about their problems, and men do like to try to solve them, not just hear about the struggle involved with them. Absolutely spot on assessment.
But I think it's a different issue, and really, a much bigger issue.
But she's A) not respecting your opinion (you're not above being wrong, no one is always right, but I don't think that's the real issue here) it's one thing to disagree, but it's another thing to tell you you don't know jack
B) She's going to her ex-boyfriend and using his word against yours.
I'd sit down and talk to her about communications, what a good relationship looks like, etc. and what is and isn't appropriate about what she did.
Respect is a big thing in a relationship, if you don't respect your significant other, you can't really love them.
I realize those are ideal relationships, but those are also what I think it should look like.
It sounds like mamby pamby get in touch with your feelings crap, but, I think that's the truth.
YMMV, I'd say what you're seeing is when your relationship has pressure applied maybe things to come.
I'd nip this in the butt and have a real long talk.
Also, I'm fine with a woman having a good relationship with her ex's, that's great and all, but I have no patience for that when she's mad at you, calling her ex's to talk about you and all of your perceived deficiencies crap.
YMMV.
Bro...RUN! Do not walk, run away from that relationship.[/QUOT
[QUOTE]
This , as fast as possible.
LockenLoad
03-10-10, 09:13
Depends. Am I in any way paying for the repairs?
Is money the only issue here he obviously likes the girl, she could get hurt having crappy tires. That said move on stop wasting your time, tell her to date the Mechanic, she will get real good deals on her car work, Oh and before she leaves ask for the velvet bag back she keeps your balls in.
Sorry Good Buddy but this is a friggin crimson RED FLAG!:eek: She has been emotionally abused somewhere in her past and looks at any advice from her "significant other" as abuse and a form of misogynistic oppression. It will only get worse. :(Run! IMHO:p
Hmm... that's an interesting take also.
BTW:
You're right. We've already talked it over and talked about why she gets upset when I give advice. It's something we can bring up in pre-marriage counseling with the pastor.
DeputyMend
03-10-10, 09:44
In my book, needing pre marriage counseling is a great indicator that you shouldn’t get married. Unless you’re trying to just get the first one out of the way right quick. :)
Hmm... that's an interesting take also.
If you re-read my initial post I said essentially exactly the same thing as he, but then you made it sound as though it was an isolated incident. You may be confusing yourself at this point.
Just go with your gut. I have stayed too long with women just because I was stupid and they were smokin hot. My son's mother was the epitome of this type, but I never realized how demented she could be rationally until he was born and we all lived together. Still, there were warning signs that looking back I did surely ignore. This is not the best way, look for the beautiful soul.
You have gotten all the practical advice here you need. Now you know what to watch out for at the very least. Trust me, it can become a nightmare no one anywhere can help you with.
That would be a great way to get me to start destroying things of value.
In my book, needing pre marriage counseling is a great indicator that you shouldn’t get married. Unless you’re trying to just get the first one out of the way right quick. :)
Really?
What do you base this on? Premarital counseling should help couples discover more about themselves and each other and help them to establish a better base for their relationship. It should also help them to lay the groundwork for dealing with problems at an early stage rather than after they are experiencing significant conflict and pain.
I have always required premarital counseling and every single couple has been thankful for having a structured setting to discover and discuss potential areas of conflict as well as build upon the strengths of their relationship.
Buckaroo
Hmm... that's an interesting take also.
BTW:
You're right. We've already talked it over and talked about why she gets upset when I give advice. It's something we can bring up in pre-marriage counseling with the pastor.
Just let me add here that premarital counseling should help you to know if you should proceed with the marriage, not just be something you do before you get married. IOW it is never too late to walk if the relationship is not going to be healthy and rewarding for both parties.
Buckaroo
Really?
What do you base this on? Premarital counseling should help couples discover more about themselves and each other and help them to establish a better base for their relationship. It should also help them to lay the groundwork for dealing with problems at an early stage rather than after they are experiencing significant conflict and pain.
I have always required premarital counseling and every single couple has been thankful for having a structured setting to discover and discuss potential areas of conflict as well as build upon the strengths of their relationship.
Buckaroo
Agree. It is always a good idea.
Men and women are totally different in most areas an have a lot of different expectations (in regards to marriage). So it is a good idea to sit down with someone and discuss these types of things.
C4
In my book, needing pre marriage counseling is a great indicator that you shouldn’t get married. Unless you’re trying to just get the first one out of the way right quick. :)
My pastor doesn't marry unless you do his counseling. A lot of churches are doing mandatory counseling before marriage now. We've been dating a year and have had 3 fights.
Just let me add here that premarital counseling should help you to know if you should proceed with the marriage, not just be something you do before you get married. IOW it is never too late to walk if the relationship is not going to be healthy and rewarding for both parties.
Buckaroo
Yeah that's what it's for. The pastor will tell us if he recommends we don't get married.
Girlfriend: Delve into the deeper communications issues but ultimately let her buy whatever she wants as long as its not my money.
Wife: 2 options, both are expensive
Option 1: Let her get the tires. Wait 1 week, send her for a day at the spa for massage and pampering and then while shes gone take off and return/sell at a loss the crappy tires and get the good tires put on.
Option 2: Let her get the tires. Wait 1 week, sneak out at night and put nails in 2 of the tires and go get the good tires put on.
Note--this is all dependent on you really knowing what you're talking about when it comes to tires. Not saying you don't but just like with guns; with cars(tires) there are a lot of self proclaimed internet experts who really don't know jack shit:D
My pastor doesn't marry unless you do his counseling. A lot of churches are doing mandatory counseling before marriage now. We've been dating a year and have had 3 fights.
Yeah that's what it's for. The pastor will tell us if he recommends we don't get married.
Just my two cents, religious premarital counseling is great, however I would also suggest pursuing premarital counciling from a non clerical, professional marriage and family counselor as the same time as well
DeputyMend
03-10-10, 13:46
I wasn’t thinking of religious counseling designed to set a foundation for a healthy marriage, I was thinking more along the lines of the type of counseling you get to figure out what is wrong with your relationship.
And I still believe that if you fight so much you need counseling before you are even married, you ought not get married. I can see the value of religious counseling like has been described.
Smuckatelli
03-10-10, 14:19
To the OP
If this is a fight worth fighting....than go for it.
If this is THE fight worth fighting, you should probably reasses what your priorities are with a relationship.
Counseling is good, AS LONG AS BOTH PARTIES can be honest with THEMSELVES and OTHERS. If just one party cannot have an open mind, then it will fail. (Personal experience) My current wife and I went once, and it turned out to be her "ALL ABOUT ME", every time I opened my mouth to answer the counselors question, she interrupted and answered for me. The counselor just gave me a look of "You Poor Bastard". I was getting ready to run, and then I got her to look at what was happening, and she then saw the reality. ALL THIS ASIDE, WE ARE STILL ON SHAKY GROUND, AND IF I GET A STEADY JOB, I NEVER KNOW IF I WILL STICK AROUND.
But the point I want to make is, it takes TWO OPEN MINDS for counseling to work. Two open minds that want to change, and see their own faults, not the other persons faults. My wife can sometimes show me my faults, and I try to see them, sometimes I feel like a real a$$ hole, and really work on change. It is for my better to work on my changes for me, and no one else. I can only control my own actions.
Counseling is NOT A GUARANTY, but can be a good tool.
Hypothetical situation... you try to give your gf/wife advice on, say, car tires. She gets upset, doesn't want to hear it. She tells you she's not going to listen to you anyway, she's going to trust what the mechanic tells her, and says she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars.
How do you react?
Is this a new and unique situation or does this sort of thing come up over and over?
I ask because I know there is a large cross section of men with varying skills and experiance with automobiles ranging from the guy that pays for an oil change or to get a headlight changed because he has no clue how....all the way to the guy that blows his race car engine on Friday and has it out and on a stand being put back together by 3AM saturday morning. Yep, there is all levels of skill levels.
Maybe her dad was a hard core car guy and she learned some amount of his skill set just by being around him... and maybe she can see through some amount of man-fog and can tell that she knows more (or enough) about the mechanical side of cars to have a semi-inteligant conversation with a mechanic/tire salesman.
Anybody that knows me would pretty much take what I say about cars/trucks as 100% fact because those that know me know I build my own chassis, my own race engines, my own transmissions... everything from ground up. I feel that taking my car to a shop for work is a down grade in quality from the service I can provide. My wife would never argue what I suggested for her truck.
But, like I said, there may be something that she knows that we are not seeing. Or maybe she does this to you on every subject that comes up and she just generally has no interest in your opinions. Should this be the case, I would cancel the counselor and start looking for fresh new women to date. If she has no interest in what you think/feel/desire at the young stage of dating... she will hate your friggen guts after just a short time married.
You mentioned 3 fights in a year. I've been married for 18 years (This coming June 4th) and I can honestly say that my wife and I have maybe one decent argument every 3-5 years, and even those leave a mark emotionally. I really try hard to hold my wife up and pay her equal respect as I expect back. I do not assert my commands at here, I ask and suggest and you know what, many times we get into a spiral of not wanting to accept the other giving in... It's like asking where to eat dinner....I make a suggestion and she will also.... then after we insist on not going to the place that we suggest... we force the 3 children to pick a place so that niether one of us has to win/loose. I just did this over the phone.... My kids got pulled in and it looks like Texas Road House is thier choice :]
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you... but I get the feeling that your spinning your tires on this woman. Call her damaged goods? Something is off there.
Is this a new and unique situation or does this sort of thing come up over and over?
I ask because I know there is a large cross section of men with varying skills and experiance with automobiles ranging from the guy that pays for an oil change or to get a headlight changed because he has no clue how....all the way to the guy that blows his race car engine on Friday and has it out and on a stand being put back together by 3AM saturday morning. Yep, there is all levels of skill levels.
Maybe her dad was a hard core car guy and she learned some amount of his skill set just by being around him... and maybe she can see through some amount of man-fog and can tell that she knows more (or enough) about the mechanical side of cars to have a semi-inteligant conversation with a mechanic/tire salesman.
Anybody that knows me would pretty much take what I say about cars/trucks as 100% fact because those that know me know I build my own chassis, my own race engines, my own transmissions... everything from ground up. I feel that taking my car to a shop for work is a down grade in quality from the service I can provide. My wife would never argue what I suggested for her truck.
But, like I said, there may be something that she knows that we are not seeing. Or maybe she does this to you on every subject that comes up and she just generally has no interest in your opinions. Should this be the case, I would cancel the counselor and start looking for fresh new women to date. If she has no interest in what you think/feel/desire at the young stage of dating... she will hate your friggen guts after just a short time married.
You mentioned 3 fights in a year. I've been married for 18 years (This coming June 4th) and I can honestly say that my wife and I have maybe one decent argument every 3-5 years, and even those leave a mark emotionally. I really try hard to hold my wife up and pay her equal respect as I expect back. I do not assert my commands at here, I ask and suggest and you know what, many times we get into a spiral of not wanting to accept the other giving in... It's like asking where to eat dinner....I make a suggestion and she will also.... then after we insist on not going to the place that we suggest... we force the 3 children to pick a place so that niether one of us has to win/loose. I just did this over the phone.... My kids got pulled in and it looks like Texas Road House is thier choice :]
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you... but I get the feeling that your spinning your tires on this woman. Call her damaged goods? Something is off there.
Her dad changed oil, tie-rods, shocks, that kind of stuff. I change my own batteries, spark plugs, headlights, and I've done a thermostat in an old car, plus I'm generally mechanically inclined. She's just never seen me do any of this, so assumes I don't know anything about vehicle mechanics.
These are our previous fights:
1) I started talking religion, telling her what I believed, and showing her that my beliefs were based on passages you can look up in the bible. She told me she doesn't feel that way and didn't want to talk about it. I pushed the issue because I need to know I'm compatible with the person I'm dating.
Root cause of the fight: she has atheist friends and didn't want to have to think that they might not be in heaven when she gets there.
2) We had just finished watching "Boy in the Striped Pajamas." When it finished, I wrapped my arms around her and said, "that is why I own a gun." (movie is about Nazi's killing Jews). She preceded to tell me that her 2" pocket knife from China was her self defense. I preceded to tell her she was stupid. It went on to where she told me that if a 200lb guy attacked her she'd fend it off with her pocket knife. She's about 110lbs.
Root cause of the fight: she thinks I'm a bit paranoid politically (I say I'm just aware), and thinks I spend too much time and money on guns (true right now as I'm still paying off some credit).
3) See OP
Root cause: She doesn't like my "tone of voice" when I give her advice. This came up with the religious issue also. I've also heard this every time I got into a fight with my mom growing up, so there must be truth to it somewhere :\. She felt like I was scolding or talking down at her.
The end.
QuietShootr
03-10-10, 15:43
In my book, needing pre marriage counseling is a great indicator that you shouldn’t get married. Unless you’re trying to just get the first one out of the way right quick. :)
Winner winner chicken dinner. Of course, you won't listen to this advice...nobody does.
The end.
You might just have answered your own dilema right there, yourself.
Sounds like you both are not compatable, and neither one of you is right. You both have SOME growing up to do, which hopefully will bring some communicating skills for each of you. You need to realize, YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF, NOT OTHERS.
RogerinTPA
03-10-10, 17:12
She's doing the mechanic.
Dump her now.
j/k...I don't sweat small stuff like that with my wife. plus it's the perfect opportunity for a future "I told you so," which will get you better cred than her listening to you in the first place.
Agreed, I bet she's getting nailed by her ex mechanic.....AND she's a control freak. Switch bank accounts and TRADE UP.
arizonaranchman
03-10-10, 18:40
Seems to me there are bigger issues at play here. How about the fact she trusts a stranger's opinion (a salesman at that) over yours? And then to tell you "you don't know shit" is just a complete lack of respect. I'd be in the market for a better woman if I was you.
+1 on this one...
mnagant762
03-10-10, 18:56
Whenever I tried giving my ex-wife advise about anything she said I was trying to control her and run her life, so I traded her in on a newer model who can't cook for shit but she buys me guns.:D
St.Michael
03-10-10, 19:10
I had a gf who told me she wanted to hold my other hand cause she hated the bracelet I had on. That attitude just seems like the same type this girl has. Either she is right or the other guy is, but it will never be you. But then again if shes EURO model material. maybe you can keep her and just tune her out. :)
Pathfinder Ops
03-10-10, 19:29
A- **** her.
B- When she is broke and needs new tires because the shit she bought wore out tell her **** off.
C- Send her ass packing NOW. Cuz if she think you're an ass and a fool now, once she marries you and you have finally had enough of her shit and then send her packing she's gonna have half your shit and laugh all the way to the bank.
D- Next time she tells you your opinion is useless tell her to **** off because a relationship is built on the respect for your partners opinion. It doesn't mean they are always right but at least you have to be respectful and use tact while moving forward despite your partners opinion.
**** her she doesn't need you anyway. She already knows everything and is obviously functioning independently.
Being the man of the house vehicle maintenance is my job. My wife takes care of most of the inside stuff. She does my underwear, and I make sure her Jeep has the oil changed, good brakes, lights work, etc.
I guess its just the way I was raised but I couldn't put up with a woman that pulled that shit. Growing up women took care of the inside chores, and men took care of everything outside. Help out when you can....
+1 here...i say this ALL the time to everyone...my wife won't touch the outside stuff unless i ask...and i don't **** with the laundry, it's her job!!! i can do my laundry, but i wash the cars, change the oil, decide what tires go on the trucks, etc...she knows not to get into my realm and in turn, i don't choose which type of downy fabric softener to buy...
when my wife starts bitching about what i "don't" do in the winter, ie cutting the grass, washing the cars, i tell her "look at other guys around you and see how much they do versus what i do"...she doesn't run the vac, never has taken the trash out, washed/waxed any friggin car, and the list goes on...
i'd tell her, don't let the door hit you on the ass and move on...i have ex-gf's tell me that they WISH they had've stayed with me over their husbands now...i tell my wife, goddang it, i would never want to be with their dumbasses...my wife can get to be a thorn at times, but she's the best thing that ever happened to me...
I had a gf who told me she wanted to hold my other hand cause she hated the bracelet I had on. That attitude just seems like the same type this girl has. Either she is right or the other guy is, but it will never be you. But then again if shes EURO model material. maybe you can keep her and just tune her out. :)
Not even close...
PdxMotoxer
03-10-10, 20:30
sorry i didn't take time to read each and every page and post in this topic.
(so sorry if this has been said ad covered)
First sign your "relationship" isn't going very well and not looking
to soon just heal itself.
-Your asking relationship advice on a gun/weapon interwebs forum. :eek:
:::seriously, you can't sweat the small stuff because when something
major does go down it's how the both of you handle it that will decide
how you two work together as a "couple". ::::::
I wasn’t thinking of religious counseling designed to set a foundation for a healthy marriage, I was thinking more along the lines of the type of counseling you get to figure out what is wrong with your relationship.
And I still believe that if you fight so much you need counseling before you are even married, you ought not get married. I can see the value of religious counseling like has been described.
I see pre maritial counseling from both secular and religious providers to be an invaluable tool in aiding many couples as they travel along the path towards their nuptials. The counselors will be able to help the couples discuss issues that they may not other wise, issues that could potentially be deal breakers, but which many times are avoided for one reason or the other (finances, children, discipline, etc..)
Alpha Sierra
03-10-10, 20:44
Bro...RUN! Do not walk, run away from that relationship.
+1
http://digitaldaily.allthingsd.com/files/2008/09/eject_sign.jpg
AnimalMother556
03-10-10, 20:51
I've been with my gf for over a year and a half. Admittedly that isn't a particularly long time, but long enough to get an idea of how a person reacts to varying situations. That said, I don't take that shit from her and she don't take that shit from me. We never really argue and the few times we have it ends in the both of us apologizing for being assholes and usually laughing about it later on down the road. Pick your battles, dude, or prepare to fight a lot more of them.
The more I hear, the more it sounds like she doesn't respect you, or your beliefs/feelings on things.
I had a girl I've been close friends with for almost 10 years, we live a good distance away from one another (Multiple states) so I don't even entertain the idea of something like a long distance relationship.
She made some crack at me a few weeks ago, and the sun came out, the clouds parted and I realized.
She doesn't respect me for who I am. She wants me to be somebody else, and both of those things are selfish. I realized I'd save myself the head ache, and never date her, or give it another chance.
Also, your religion and political beliefs are WHO YOU ARE.
She doesn't have to agree with them all, and you probably won't find a woman who will, but it doesn't even sound like she respectfully disagrees.
This all boils down to sounding like a one way relationship, that she wants you to change to whatever she wants, and she wants you to bend to her will.
She also uses her ex's word against yours.
No thank you, I'd tell her grow up, and it was nice while it lasted. Could she change? Yeah. Will she change? I'd say with 95% certainty, No. Maybe for awhile, but long term, no.
Hypothetical situation... you try to give your gf/wife advice on, say, car tires. She gets upset, doesn't want to hear it. She tells you she's not going to listen to you anyway, she's going to trust what the mechanic tells her, and says she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars.
How do you react?
Depends on whether or not it is my wife or girlfriend. If it was my girlfriend I would drop her like a hot rock and go find a quality person who can take advice in an area I know something about (assuming I knew about cars, which I don't lol).
If it was my wife, hopefully I would have already found out about her attitude on such issues prior to being married to her, because divorce sucks/is expensive from what I have heard.
I can't say whether or not to dump her as I dont know your situation but that sounds awfully shitty to act to someone thats just trying to give a little advice, (unless they are the "it shoots tumbling bullets kind"). I just know that Ive seen a few women like that and when they marry and have a kid, they end up divorcing and the kid gets the shaft, the guy gets to pay child support etc etc etc.... It never ceases to amaze me how steady the pattern is too, women that have a chronic "your wrong Im right" syndrome dont listen to anyone or any thing like facts or cold hard proof. Eventually they enter a relationship and it will get worse and worse until they separate from their partner (married or not). Just my two cents man. I dont know your girl, but on the other hand it sounds like a text book case of mistrust. Running to ex's for answers isnt a good sign either:eek:
Outlander Systems
03-11-10, 09:29
If you're concerned enough to air this out on a public forum, I'd say deep down, you're frustrated.
Move on, dude. Sounds like she doesn't respect you.
How would I react? I'd skate.
Once you're comfortable with yourself, and don't "need" to be with someone, the right one has a way of popping up.
In the meantime, try Testemax™
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyWBmTq3JJw
-Your asking relationship advice on a gun/weapon interwebs forum. :eek:
Normally this would be a bad idea for certain, but here it actually can work effectively. This is a unique house. He has gotten some bad advice, but also a substantial amount of good which should be of some assistance.
FromMyColdDeadHand
03-11-10, 18:37
Ask her for a threesome (the good kind) and if she says no, dump her. If she does, dump her afterwards.
Had a buddy who used that strategy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't- but you always get rid of the problem, plus she is so hacked either way, there is no going back. Pull a Cortez and burn the ships.
I heard Dr. Laura give the same advice, I think.
;)
Normally this would be a bad idea for certain, but here it actually can work effectively. This is a unique house. He has gotten some bad advice, but also a substantial amount of good which should be of some assistance.
Yeah, not like it's arfcom here.
Her dad changed oil, tie-rods, shocks, that kind of stuff. I change my own batteries, spark plugs, headlights, and I've done a thermostat in an old car, plus I'm generally mechanically inclined. She's just never seen me do any of this, so assumes I don't know anything about vehicle mechanics.
These are our previous fights:
1) I started talking religion, telling her what I believed, and showing her that my beliefs were based on passages you can look up in the bible. She told me she doesn't feel that way and didn't want to talk about it. I pushed the issue because I need to know I'm compatible with the person I'm dating.
Root cause of the fight: she has atheist friends and didn't want to have to think that they might not be in heaven when she gets there.
2) We had just finished watching "Boy in the Striped Pajamas." When it finished, I wrapped my arms around her and said, "that is why I own a gun." (movie is about Nazi's killing Jews). She preceded to tell me that her 2" pocket knife from China was her self defense. I preceded to tell her she was stupid. It went on to where she told me that if a 200lb guy attacked her she'd fend it off with her pocket knife. She's about 110lbs.
Root cause of the fight: she thinks I'm a bit paranoid politically (I say I'm just aware), and thinks I spend too much time and money on guns (true right now as I'm still paying off some credit).
3) See OP
Root cause: She doesn't like my "tone of voice" when I give her advice. This came up with the religious issue also. I've also heard this every time I got into a fight with my mom growing up, so there must be truth to it somewhere :\. She felt like I was scolding or talking down at her.
The end.
Is this the sort of person you want to be around?
Have a look at the old boy scout and girl scout law, ask yourself if this person really embodies any of those time honored individual qualities.
Ideology can often times mean very little, but loyalty, support and love can mean the world. I think it's an old testament commandment to not pick a weak person as a spouse.
Devil Dog 999
03-12-10, 03:00
Not even close...
If she doesn't cut it on the Hot vs. Crazy scale...... it is not worth it. You are young, cut bait. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Bobert0989
03-12-10, 03:47
I'm not blessed with the 'saying it the right way' gift.
Welcome to manhood1 I've never been in a position to say something the right way... well, that I recall taking place in any type of argument or confrontation with a spouse/lover.
Don't worry, it's a natural process, and it does pass...
Hypothetical situation... you try to give your gf/wife advice on, say, car tires. She gets upset, doesn't want to hear it. She tells you she's not going to listen to you anyway, she's going to trust what the mechanic tells her, and says she doesn't think you know jack shit about cars.
How do you react?
She sounds eerily like my dad... If she's your girlfriend, deep 6 her. It WON'T get any better. If it's your wife... :confused:
...
How do you react?
how do I react?
by quickly coming to the realization that we're not talking about tires or cars or what ever else ...
^^ THIS for starters.
Do you know "jack shit" about cars?
And no, driving one, changing the oil, tires, brakes or battery doesn't mean you do. :D
C4
So, I might have missed it but... Do you know more about cars than her mechanic friend or her father? Her "You dont know jack shit about cars" comment notwithstanding, (I'm guessing came out after tempers flared) is it possible you are threatened by her seeking advice she views as more qualified?
...These are our previous fights:
1) I started talking religion, telling her what I believed, and showing her that my beliefs were based on passages you can look up in the bible. She told me she doesn't feel that way and didn't want to talk about it. I pushed the issue because I need to know I'm compatible with the person I'm dating.
Root cause of the fight: she has atheist friends and didn't want to have to think that they might not be in heaven when she gets there.
Religion... Well, even priests of the same faith argue about it.
2) We had just finished watching "Boy in the Striped Pajamas." When it finished, I wrapped my arms around her and said, "that is why I own a gun." (movie is about Nazi's killing Jews). She preceded to tell me that her 2" pocket knife from China was her self defense. I preceded to tell her she was stupid. It went on to where she told me that if a 200lb guy attacked her she'd fend it off with her pocket knife. She's about 110lbs.
Root cause of the fight: she thinks I'm a bit paranoid politically (I say I'm just aware), and thinks I spend too much time and money on guns (true right now as I'm still paying off some credit).
Right, you told her she was stupid and think the following argument was about gun ownership or self defense...
3) See OP
Root cause: She doesn't like my "tone of voice" when I give her advice. This came up with the religious issue also. I've also heard this every time I got into a fight with my mom growing up, so there must be truth to it somewhere :\. She felt like I was scolding or talking down at her.
The end.
At some point you will come to the realization that she can't be the root cause of all of your arguments.
QuietShootr
03-13-10, 19:59
Ask her for a threesome (the good kind) and if she says no, dump her. If she does, dump her afterwards.
Had a buddy who used that strategy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't- but you always get rid of the problem, plus she is so hacked either way, there is no going back. Pull a Cortez and burn the ships.
I heard Dr. Laura give the same advice, I think.
;)
LMAO!! Classic.
Wow, this one's still going?
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