View Full Version : Cancer Question
Ten years ago my father beat Kidney Cancer. The worst part for him was recovering from the surgeries.
Today, he dropped a bombshell on me. His cancer is back! He was told it has metastasized, and is now in his lungs. I take him in next week for further tests. They do not know if it has spread to his bones (yet?). I do not know any further specifics.
He is 60 years old. My question is what is to be expected? Besides the bad news, he does not feel ill. He lives alone. Between me and my brother, we will need to help him.
I know that there is a lot of experience here, personal and professional, including many doctors. Thanks for any info.
Have the doctors used the term "stage" in reference to your father's cancer? I recommend that you and your father have a good sit down with his physician, who is the best qualified to comment on his specific diagnosis and treatment prognosis.
Have the doctors used the term "stage" in reference to your father's cancer? I recommend that you and your father have a good sit down with his physician, who is the best qualified to comment on his specific diagnosis and treatment prognosis.
Unfortunately, my father is a very private person. He called me a few years ago to come pick him up from the hospital. He had suffered a heart attack and drove himself there! He is too stubborn to ask for help. I know this is very serious from they way he told me and him asking for help. He never does this. I may learn more next week. This would be the first time I have ever been involved in his health care. Usually it is, "oh, by the way......".
Every cancer is as unique as the person afflicted with it. No one is going to be able to give you the information that you need better than his physician. I recommend that you go with him to his next appointment. If your father won't discuss it with you directly maybe the two of you hearing it from his physician at the same time will work. Be patient with you father. This is a scary time for him. No one wants to face their mortality, no one wants to hear what his physician is going to tell him. Do what you can to be there for him. He may not express it, but he will appreciate it. Good luck.
I'm sorry this has happened. This not good, and your father is going to need a lot of help over the next year. The 5-year survival rate for Stage IV kidney cancer is usually about 5% overall, but the actual number can vary according to variables you didn't mention. It's very important that you and your brother go with him to his doctor appointments from now on. You have to understand exactly what's going on, and how you'll be able to help him. Unfortunately there's nothing private about advanced cancer - he really isn't going to have that option anymore.
Good luck. I hope the three of you can come to grips, individually and as a family.
OK, I just took a deep breath. I'm not looking for sympathy, which is why I and I think most folks don’t like to talk about their cancer (I think that anyway). Talking about the bitch helps.
The stages question is a good one.
I have a chronic form of leukemia. I was diagnosed with Hairy Cell Leukemia (HCL) in March of 07. I went through a bunch of treatment for the things that got me into the doctor (other illness that got me due to my blood being crap rather than having enough white blood cells to fight infections etc) then the actual leukemia. HCL is supposed to be a manageable form of leukemia and I should be able to live a pretty normal life
I got involved with Team In Training (TNT) in 2008, they wanted me to share my story with hundreds of people. This was hard, but I can honestly say it helped. I ended up training to ride a road bike in a 100 mile event. Of course it was difficult due to my bone marrow no longer kicking out a normal amount of healthy blood cells to carry oxygen etc.
I was working on my 3rd century with TNT last summer and learned I was relapsing, I was hoping to get 5 plus years before I needed treatment again. I was able to complete the Century while I was anemic. I also road my bike over a mountain pass while training for the event, it was 11,100’ above sea level. I’m 48 years old.
My point? There is no way in hell I should have been able to do the things I did if you looked at my blood counts. I have come to believe in the power of positive thought, prayer, mojo whatever you what to call it. I had the support of a lot of people, tons of encouragement. I kept expecting the rides to hurt, my lungs burn along with my muscles because they were starved of oxygen. It never happened, I didn’t break any speed records but I did pretty darn respectable.
In the Corps we used to say you need to stay motivated. Keeping a positive outlook makes a huge difference. You know how we get concerned about troop moral overseas. Your Dad needs to get away from negative people and stay motivated.
Your Dad sounds like one of those quiet types that doesn’t like to be screwed with, who won’t walk away from a fight. Get him involved in something, it’ll help if it’s with a group that works on cancer, raises money etc. It’s hard to “fight” against something like cancer, there’s no one to hit/shoot. But every time I finished a difficult climb on my bike (we have lots of climbs in the front range of Colorado) or kept up with the faster, younger guys it was a win. It was like flipp’in off my HCL. It felt good.
Get you Dad out and involved.
pilotguyo540
02-03-11, 09:24
God bless to you and your family Oscar319 and Low Drag. I wish you guys the best.
Smuckatelli
02-03-11, 09:24
The first thing that you have to do is convince your father that you and your brother NEED to help him, if he doesn't allow you two to help, convince him that your lives will go to shit if you don't help him.
He needs to be more open and you guys need more intel on where the kidney cancer has metastasized.
There will be ways that you and your brother can help him but he has got to want to be helped. This is going to be a fiscal burden no matter how good his health insurance is. With your brother, attack the financial problems now, come up with a plan to start saving and possible take a loan out if needed. You dad will be concerned about the finances, if you can put this fear to rest, it may help in the 'mental' aspects of treatment.
Throughout my son's 3 year leukemia treatment (he is 9 now) he was constantly worried about having enough money for treatment. He was treated at Walter Reed, we have Tri-care yet the lad was worried about the money situation.
Rmplstlskn
02-03-11, 09:57
My wife is a Radiation Therapist, when you know more details, I can ask her for her no-BS opinion from her experiences, but once it comes back and spreads, it is rarely good news...
Rmpl
Oscar I recently got similar news with my mother. You need to convince your father he needs your help, if nothing else in the event he's no capable of making the decisions due to his illness he needs some one who has medical power of attorney to make sure he's not neglected.
Cancer is a strange creature and varies greatly on the person, my father lasted little over 8 months, while my mother has lasted nearly 13 years now, well over her prognosis and I plan to have her around another 10 or so years after this fight.
The best thing is to not let your father become negative about the treatments and quit, once you do you're pretty much the walking dead.
The difference between my father and my mother are after a few radiation treatments my father pretty much called it quits, of course he felt great for a week or so after not being poisoned. But shortly after that the cancer had spread through out and he couldn't walk or use the bathroom on his own. By the time he died he weighted in at probably around 65-70lbs and went blind. Hindsight, the nausea from the radiation was probably the lesser evil.
PRGGodfather
02-03-11, 11:46
God bless you all. It's a tough road, but if you know what's coming and plan for it, it IS possible to disrupt even cancer's OODA Loop.
We wish you only the best.
Very sorry to hear of your father's situation, my prayers for you and your family.
I have never faced cancer in my family so take these suggestion with a grain of salt. My experience comes from a dozen years serving as a pastor and walking with others through difficult times.
I would suggest that you talk with your father about the fact that you need his help at this time. You and your brother need him to help you to walk through this valley and if he leaves you alone to do so it will be all the more difficult and stressful for you.
Unfortunately, his privacy and desire to not burden you and others end up putting you in a very difficult situation where you can only sit and wait rather than actively fight this with him. His inaction will bear out to be rather selfish in the end if he goes alone on this.
This could create some of your greatest memories of your father and his strength and be a bonding time like none other.
Ask him for permission to fight this along side of him as you would in a battle to defend your family. He would not face a violent threat alone if you were there beside him, he would want you armed and shooting as well. Put it in man terms and maybe he will open up.
Buckaroo
I'm sorry this has happened. This not good, and your father is going to need a lot of help over the next year. The 5-year survival rate for Stage IV kidney cancer is usually about 5% overall, but the actual number can vary according to variables you didn't mention. It's very important that you and your brother go with him to his doctor appointments from now on. You have to understand exactly what's going on, and how you'll be able to help him. Unfortunately there's nothing private about advanced cancer - he really isn't going to have that option anymore.
Good luck. I hope the three of you can come to grips, individually and as a family.
I am fairly certain that this is Stage IV. I will learn more in the following weeks.
Cancer is no stranger to our family. It seems to be indiscriminate about who it picks. I lost an uncle to Leukemia, another has his Colon Cancer in remission. My fater-in-law is in remission from Stage IV squamus cell cancer for 10 years. He actually has his own charity (Huntsman 140 (http://www.huntsmancancerfoundation.org/Page.aspx?pid=579)) for the Huntsman Cancer Institute. Funny thing is, all these guys never drank, smoked and are/where relatively healthy folks.
Now my Dad...He has smoked since he was 16, and continues to do so. No sympathy there. And he expects none. My dad could still kick my ass. The prospect of this hulk of a man deteriorating is frightening. If fighting is an option, he/we will fight.
Smuck- bless your family and your son. I hope the Leukemia stays away. I hate to see sick kids. I nearly lost my daughter and lived in a pediatric hospital for a month (thank God it was not cancer). There is no sadder place on earth.
Low Drag- keep fighting the fight Brother! We are all with you man.
mr_smiles- keep smiling and and best wishes to your mother!
I appreciate all the input and well wishes.
I am fairly certain that this is Stage IV. I will learn more in the following weeks.
Cancer is no stranger to our family. It seems to be indiscriminate about who it picks. I lost an uncle to Leukemia, another has his Colon Cancer in remission. My fater-in-law is in remission from Stage IV squamus cell cancer for 10 years. He actually has his own charity (Huntsman 140 (http://www.huntsmancancerfoundation.org/Page.aspx?pid=579)) for the Huntsman Cancer Institute. Funny thing is, all these guys never drank, smoked and are/where relatively healthy folks.
Now my Dad...He has smoked since he was 16, and continues to do so. No sympathy there. And he expects none. My dad could still kick my ass. The prospect of this hulk of a man deteriorating is frightening. If fighting is an option, he/we will fight.
Smuck- bless your family and your son. I hope the Leukemia stays away. I hate to see sick kids. I nearly lost my daughter and lived in a pediatric hospital for a month (thank God it was not cancer). There is no sadder place on earth.
Low Drag- keep fighting the fight Brother! We are all with you man.
mr_smiles- keep smiling and and best wishes to your mother!
I appreciate all the input and well wishes.
One thing you may want to try with your father. If he fights and keeps a good attitude he can motivate other people that are in a bad way. I know I have, it's to darn easy for people to go negative, just one person giving their illness the bird can help a lot of other folks, including the medical professionals you'll work with.
All the rest of you dealing with the crap, keep your chin up and push back every chance you get. All the best to you and your father Oscar.
Smuckatelli
02-03-11, 21:31
One thing you may want to try with your father. If he fights and keeps a good attitude he can motivate other people that are in a bad way. I know I have, it's to darn easy for people to go negative, just one person giving their illness the bird can help a lot of other folks, including the medical professionals you'll work with.
All the rest of you dealing with the crap, keep your chin up and push back every chance you get. All the best to you and your father Oscar.
Good call....its like giving your dad a mission. Tomas kept a low profile on his cancer until he hit 1st grade. The LLS was doing a Pennies for Patients drive at his school. After the briefing he stood up and told his classmates that he was fighting leukemia. He was a different boy after that, a lot of you guys know about his light the night drives. When he felt that he could help find a one pill cure, it lit a fire in his heart.
I am learning about this stuff as we go.
My Father has Advanced Renal Cell Carcinoma (RCC), in other words, advanced kidney cancer.
We will find out the bone and brain scan results next week. There are three good sized tumors confirmed in his lungs.
The medications for treatment will most likely be Sutent (10-12k/mo. :eek:) and Afinitor.
We are looking at enrolling into some studies to offset some medical costs as well as to possibly try alternative medications. Side effects seem to be the biggest concern at this point.
His health and spirits remain high. We are very optimistic. We look foward to kicking this thing in the ass!
Oscar,
look in to programs such as the senior prescription drug assistance program. It might be able to help offset some of the cost. They exist, and they're for people who actually need the help, such as those who can't afford $15k a month for pills.
Wednesday we recieved wonderful news.
My father's brain and bones are free of cancer.
It is unknown how long he has carried the tumors in his lungs. He could have had them for 5 years, or developed them in the past few months.
The rate of spread will dictate the ammount of treatment he receives. At this time, he is not symptomatic and the meds will make him very ill.
Though it is still stage 4 cancer, this is very promising news.
This will buy us some time to enroll in a study to help with medication expenses.
We are, of course, already scheduled with another doctor for a second opinion.
Thank you everyone for your well wishes, prayers and advice (here and PM).
I will continue to post updates as they develop, as I know many here are affected by this terrible disease.
Wednesday we received wonderful news.
My father's brain and bones are free of cancer.
Awesome!
Smuckatelli
02-25-11, 23:18
My father's brain and bones are free of cancer.
Oscar, this is what Tomas and I've been praying for.
This will buy us some time to enroll in a study to help with medication expenses.
Not the right attitude in front of your father. You guys are enrolling in a study to try cutting edge technology....NO OTHER REASON.
The fiscal portion will work itself out.
From my 9 year old cancer warrior: If they feel that they are becoming a burdon, they will get depressed. It took me roughly 2 weeks to convince Tomas that the treatment wasn't taking away from the other members of the family. They do get the martyr mentality very quickly when they feel that they have become a burdon.
If it is fiscally taxing the family, look into setting up a tax deductable contribution fund. You would be surprised how many people will contribute.
Find an appropriate fund raising event for him, something physically demanding.
lethal dose
02-26-11, 00:20
I will be praying over this whole situation. Tell your father to keep pushing forward and to keep standing tall. God bless.
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