controlling stupidity

[pilotguyo540]

Sorry guys, this one is a little serious. I know some of you have been there and done that, but none of us ever talk about it. I write this in hopes that we can help others with this discussion. Plus, you guys are the only ones I would trust enough to take this discussion somewhat seriously.

To put it simply, my ex makes me stupid. I spent the last week devastated over her life choices since we split. Other than its effect on my kids, why should I care? It got so bad that today I asked her to take me back. I left for a very good reason, and there is not a priest on the planet that would hold it against me. Groveling was stupid. Thank God she shut me down. This evening, I am back to normal (I think).

I know I am not the only guy here to go through this. I want to know what worked for you. What didn't work for you. I have been told to go to a therapist, but this is what I thought of> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFgiUm4lQig
If that really is the best option out there, I will give it a try. There just has to be a better way. I have also been told to go cat around. That's not really my thing, but if it worked for you chime in.

If you want to remain anonymous, feel free to PM me and I can post your advice or comments for you.

I am not looking for sympathy, just a little more chill.

BTW, I would never harm a fly, so lets not go full retard in this discussion.:no:

[500grains]

Go do a 90 minute workout to the point of absolute exhaustion. Like 3 crossfit workouts in a row. Then drink a glass of milk and go to bed.

[Suwannee Tim]

...... I have also been told to go cat around.....

In an age of AIDS and herpes I don't think that is good advice.

[HES]

I am a huge fan of counseling. The most difficult thing is finding a counselor who isnt afraid to help you, is willing to call BS, provide solutions, it willing to guide you, and does not do the "So how does that make you feel" crap. At first I was extremely hesitant to seek counseling but now I kick myself in the ass for waiting so long. The changes to my behavior and world view are simply amazing and make me a better, wiser person.

If you want, PM me and I will share more with you.

Just remember you cannot control people or their stupidity. You can either tolerate it or walk away. In your case you have kids so it makes things a little more dicey. But with a good counselor you can learn how to get through it.

[SteyrAUG]

To put it simply, my ex makes me stupid. I spent the last week devastated over her life choices since we split. Other than its effect on my kids, why should I care? It got so bad that today I asked her to take me back. I left for a very good reason, and there is not a priest on the planet that would hold it against me.

Not trying to call names, just trying to offer some objectivity.

In the above scenario which person is making the more "stupid" decision? The one who makes bad decisions but doesn't know she is making bad decisions or the guy who knows he is making a terrible decision but does it anyway?

Like you said, you left for a reason.

Steer clear of the walking disaster waiting to happen to you and focus on your life and getting stable. That way when your kids come to know better they will be able to understand each parent for who they truly are.

Don't waste time and energy trying to effect change beyond your control. This means worrying about your ex and her life choices. If and when they pose a risk to your children, seek legal options to change custody. This is another reason to have your shit together rather than worry about hers.

[pilotguyo540]

Thanks for the replies gentlemen. Great advise.

The point of this post was to help me control my stupidity. I am not trying to control her. I fully understand the stupid decisions I make. I just don't know how not to be an idiot. She has a switch installed in my neck that turns off all rational brain function. Logic, reason, and intelligent thought are immediately dismissed.

I am ashamed that I would let anyone have that level of influence in my life. This is the part that seems out of my control. This is the part that I need to get a hold of.

Most of the time, I am just fine. every once in a while she get in range enough to flip the idiot switch. As soon as the switch was flipped off yesterday, I returned to normal and kicked myself for groveling. Today is like the past week never happened.

I know there are other guys out there who are too proud, or scared to speak up who are going through worse periods than I am. I hope this helps them too.

[SteyrAUG]

The point of this post was to help me control my stupidity. I am not trying to control her. I fully understand the stupid decisions I make. I just don't know how not to be an idiot. She has a switch installed in my neck that turns off all rational brain function. Logic, reason, and intelligent thought are immediately dismissed.

I am ashamed that I would let anyone have that level of influence in my life. This is the part that seems out of my control. This is the part that I need to get a hold of.



Having identified the problem means you can now work towards correcting it. Many people go through life completely unaware of the source of their problems. So in that respect you are ahead of the game.

As a possible solution (offered not knowing anything about you or what would work for you) try focusing on the kids whenever you are around her. Whenever you are prepared to make any decision related to her consciously switch your focus to your kids and with that priority I'm confident you will make better decisions.

Failing that, simply refrain from making any kind of decision until you are away from her and in control of your faculties. Let the phrase "Let me think about that and get back to you" become your mantra.

[R Moran]

Titty bar



Bob

[TOrrock]

Time.

[RogerinTPA]

Going back will not change a thing, except bring you into her world, then having you seriously think about suicide shortly there after, or wanting to be committed to an insane asylum. Follow StyerAug's advice and then spend time (templar) using Bob's suggestion (go to a titty bar).

[QuietShootr]

I don't know how old you are, but lately it's en vogue for 21-year-old hotties to bang we old dudes.

Just sayin.

[Suwannee Tim]

Time.

Always worked for me.

[kal]

Anytime I have problems here's what I do...

Distance yourself away from problem permanently, regroup/rebuild, move on.

[C4IGrant]

Thanks for the replies gentlemen. Great advise.

The point of this post was to help me control my stupidity. I am not trying to control her. I fully understand the stupid decisions I make. I just don't know how not to be an idiot. She has a switch installed in my neck that turns off all rational brain function. Logic, reason, and intelligent thought are immediately dismissed.

I am ashamed that I would let anyone have that level of influence in my life. This is the part that seems out of my control. This is the part that I need to get a hold of.

Most of the time, I am just fine. every once in a while she get in range enough to flip the idiot switch. As soon as the switch was flipped off yesterday, I returned to normal and kicked myself for groveling. Today is like the past week never happened.

I know there are other guys out there who are too proud, or scared to speak up who are going through worse periods than I am. I hope this helps them too.


Are you sure that switch is located in your neck? ;)

Move on and limit your contact with her. Be polite, but nothing that would allow her to move into range of your "Switch."


C4

[willowofwisp]

I vote for titty bar! or just a night out with some guys..

[pilotguyo540]

Gentlemen, Thank you for your replies! Everyone had very good points to make. I am formulating a plan as we speak. I will be in Europe next week, so party on! I had no idea about the 21 year old hotty thing. I am not yet 30, so I don't know if I am old enough:D

All joking aside, RogerinTPA hit upon how serious this can get. I have not been that bad off in over a year and a half. If anyone is that bad off, call the suicide hotline. 1 800 273 8255 What have you got to lose? It does get better.

Thank God I am way past that. If it can happen to me, it can happen to you. It can happen to anybody.

Thanks again.