PDA

View Full Version : Things I Learned Watching Classic TV And Films...



SteyrAUG
08-09-11, 11:59
1. Quicksand is EVERYWHERE - You have no hope of escape on your own but any crappy twig is sufficiently strong enough to pull you free.

2. Tarantulas are deadly to humans - If a tarantula is introduced to a room the first thing it will do is search for a human sleeping on a bed and climb on their chest.

3. Robots are a serious danger - Despite the average speed of 5 mph and lack of sophisticated weaponry, robots are a deadly threat. That is unless you throw water on them (which usually destroys them) or just walk away from them at speeds in excess of 5 mph.

4. Doctors are horribly incompetent - They always fail to notice the "strange markings" on accident victims and don't find things like complete loss of blood or missing brains particularly unusual. They usually conclude that such things suggest a heart attack or death from shock.

5. The guy in the castle did it - If there is an old castle on a hill in your area, especially if it has a laboratory, that is where all of your vampires, mutated monsters or evil robots are coming from.

6. Eternal youth and Immortality are scams - I don't care what ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead you found or which Voodoo priest is making these claims, if you try them you will be dead by the end of the film no matter how well it seems to be working at first.

7. Don't trust the guy in the Fez - He is either a terrorist, enemy agent or he is controlling resurrected mummies. He probably knows the guy working in the laboratory at that creepy ass castle on the hill.

8. Handguns make great thrown objects - If you just fired all of your rounds into a given monster or robot to no effect it is worth a try to throw the empty handgun at the monster or robot. After all if 6 rounds of .38 or 7 rounds of .45 didn't work, being hit by a pound of metal might just do the trick.

9. People kept a lot of rope back then - Seems no matter where you are if you just look around for a minute you will find a long, sturdy rope which will be the sufficient length required to escape from your given predicament.

10. Everyone knows Judo - Male. female, young or old it doesn't matter. Better keep an eye out for that chop to the back of the neck and that back rolling throw.

J-Dub
08-09-11, 12:01
Good guys wear white, bad guys wear black.

aaron_c
08-09-11, 12:10
8. Handguns make great thrown objects - If you just fired all of your rounds into a given monster or robot to no effect it is worth a try to throw the empty handgun at the monster or robot. After all if 50 rounds of .38 or 40 rounds of .45 didn't work, being hit by a pound of metal might just do the trick.


I changed #8 up a bit to fit what I've seen here. Maybe our TV guns are different!

Jellybean
08-10-11, 00:35
#8.5- There is no need to change magazines, as they hold unlimited ammo so you can fire endlessly, especially on full auto.

#11- You can drive just about any car through just about any object including walls without putting a scratch on it. However, collisions with other vehicles will result in immediate spontaneous combustion.

#12- Apparently belt-fed machine guns will be replacing handguns soon, as they can be easily carried and fired one- handed. However, if your machine gun is not designed for this, or you're a pansie, feel free to grab the barrel firmly with your support hand. No need to worry- no matter how hot it is, your skin will protect your hand from burns.

Dunderway
08-10-11, 22:40
11. Smoking is good. Everyone smokes, even doctors and the pregnant women they are attending to.

12. Before 1960 teenagers did not have sex, they were only "necking".

13. Radiation will turn any lifeform into a gigantic monster.

14. If a dame (woman) gets out of line or is acting hysterically, your best course of action is a sharp smack to her face.

ucrt
08-10-11, 22:57
.

15. The Moon was a lot brighter back then because night scenes had tremendous shadows.

16. Shooting from a horse at full gallop (or from a stage coach or car or boat or plane...) posed no hinderance to hitting your target.

17. How could a guy fixing to get killed not know what was about to be killed...if he paid attention & listened to the music he'd know something bad is about to happen...

18. A horse can get enough water if you share your 2-quart canteen with him.

19. Shoulders had less nerves inside them than they do now because guys shot in the shoulder seldom slowed down or winced in pain.

20. Even to this day, shooting the rear-end of a car will cause it to blow up...except in Bonnie & Clyde movies.

But maybe it's just me...

.

SteyrAUG
08-10-11, 23:51
11. Smoking is good. Everyone smokes, even doctors and the pregnant women they are attending to.


Excellent one.

When I look at movies from the 40s where all the glamorous people have a cigarette burning all I can think is "Damn, all of them and the whole damn house must stink like shit."

CarlosDJackal
08-11-11, 16:12
21. Superman will stand still and let you shoot at him because bullets bounce off him with impunity. But you can make him duck by throwing the empty gun at him every time.

22. Throwing a handful of cartridges into a campfire can ignite them and kills anyone around.

23. A hit from any gun can send even the biggest dudes flying across the room.

24. Saloon tables are bulletproof. :haha:

Abraxas
08-11-11, 16:39
It takes only one to two SF guys to handle any situation, no matter how big an operation is. Oh and they have to be sad or emotionally damaged in some way

theblackknight
08-11-11, 16:40
14. If a dame (woman) gets out of line or is acting hysterically, your best course of action is a sharp smack to her face.

THIS. The pimp hand must be strong

Abraxas
08-11-11, 18:25
THIS. The pimp hand must be strong

Don't forget the powder:D