View Full Version : Report: Marines Banned from Farting in Afghanistan
ghostman1960
08-26-11, 12:52
What will they think of next?
Marines in Afghanistan have reportedly been told not to pass gas around Afghans to avoid offending the indigenous population.
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/report-marines-banned-from-farting-in-afghanistan/
FromMyColdDeadHand
08-26-11, 13:03
Has anyone told the Afghanis that we consider suicide bombers to be a major social faux pas?
jklaughrey
08-26-11, 13:07
Having spent time embedded within the company of "goat ****ers", they do find it offensive. But being the PC person I am, I also told them to GO **** THEMSELVES. I figure if they can use their hand to wipe ass...I can fart at the end of a good meal, especially a meal catered by the greatest chef alive MR. E!
That, to a subculture whose sense of humor directly balances upon sex and scatology.....
Mebbe when those booger-eaters stop smelling like a mix of complete societal failure and Bigfoot's dick, they can start pointing fingers.
No kidding. The filthiest animals on the planet might get offended by ass busting?
GermanSynergy
08-26-11, 13:57
No kidding. The filthiest animals on the planet might get offended by ass busting?
The Iraqis get offended if you call them a pimp. Go figure.
Looks like a news report from The Onion.
theblackknight
08-26-11, 15:41
Pointless 1st Sgts and Majors now have one more nothing to bitch about "I know we dont fart in front of the locals, secure those ass cheeks devil!"
a new motto will be born :) and one I used when I was dating and single :)
better burp now then fart later !
Has anyone told the Afghanis that we consider suicide bombers to be a major social faux pas?
Ya think?
I'd tell those ****ers to go shit in their hat. Marines should hold them down and fart on their heads.
LowSpeed_HighDrag
08-26-11, 17:10
Most AD Marines today find this story unsurprising. Politics is the name of the game.
Suwannee Tim
08-26-11, 18:42
We'll probably spend a couple billion dollars on a device which will connect to the rectum to muffle the sound and absorb the odor. Call it a "combat flatulence suppressor" or some such. Fanboys will get involved. They will have arguments over whether a neoprene hose is better than a viton hose and whether the mil-spec palladium catalyst is superior to the aftermarket platinum catalyst version.
VooDoo6Actual
08-26-11, 18:51
Having spent time embedded within the company of "goat ****ers", they do find it offensive. But being the PC person I am, I also told them to GO **** THEMSELVES. I figure if they can use their hand to wipe ass...I can fart at the end of a good meal, especially a meal catered by the greatest chef alive MR. E!
+1 This.
Considering it's WAR & they are blowing my bretheren up any chance they can this is rediculous and another example of the BS headed our way.
Hearts and minds, people. Hearts and minds.....:rolleyes:
If my superiors took a hard line on this, I'd be in the brig in no time.
ghostman1960
08-26-11, 19:15
We'll probably spend a couple billion dollars on a device which will connect to the rectum to muffle the sound and absorb the odor. Call it a "combat flatulence suppressor" or some such. Fanboys will get involved. They will have arguments over whether a neoprene hose is better than a viton hose and whether the mil-spec palladium catalyst is superior to the aftermarket platinum catalyst version.:lol::lol:
FromMyColdDeadHand
08-26-11, 19:55
Ya think?
I'd tell those ****ers to go shit in their hat. Marines should hold them down and fart on their heads.
Why are we having problems with enemies that are afraid of farts and bacon? Welcome to breakfast in the Hand household.
I guess we have the new waterboarding!!!! Dutch oven style!!
I asked the wife one night if she knew what a Dutch oven was. God that couch is uncomfortable.
That, to a subculture whose sense of humor directly balances upon sex and scatology.....
Mebbe when those booger-eaters stop smelling like a mix of complete societal failure and Bigfoot's dick, they can start pointing fingers.
Yep, well said
ICANHITHIMMAN
08-26-11, 21:05
As a civil affairs guy I knew this back in 03. I remember my Terp telling me how it was the worst thing you could do. He told of a guy whos grandfather had farted in public and how his grandson now had to bare the shame.
I do find this stupid however they are never going to give up we have to kill them all!
GermanSynergy
08-26-11, 21:17
As a civil affairs guy I knew this back in 03. I remember my Terp telling me how it was the worst thing you could do. He told of a guy whos grandfather had farted in public and how his grandson now had to bare the shame.
I do find this stupid however they are never going to give up we have to kill them all!
Shit, I ate lunch in an Afghan joint today and I'll have to keep that in mind,esp after the lamb kabobs. They might ban me and my grandchildren from the place.
Crow Hunter
08-26-11, 21:58
Ya think?
I'd tell those ****ers to go shit in their hat. Marines should hold them down and fart on their heads.
I used to do that to my little brother.
Ah the memories.
:D
I guess we have the new waterboarding!!!! Dutch oven style!!
Only if she is hot
I asked the wife one night if she knew what a Dutch oven was. God that couch is uncomfortable.
:sarcastic: I always knew I liked your style. I never gave mine the heads up. I just pulled the comforter over and stated yelling "Gas, Gas", Gas". Yeah it and the couch was worth it.
We'll probably spend a couple billion dollars on a device which will connect to the rectum to muffle the sound and absorb the odor. Call it a "combat flatulence suppressor" or some such. Fanboys will get involved. They will have arguments over whether a neoprene hose is better than a viton hose and whether the mil-spec palladium catalyst is superior to the aftermarket platinum catalyst version.
We can create "Green Jobs" by having a work force of idiots running around trying to harness "wind power".
ThirdWatcher
08-27-11, 01:23
We'll probably spend a couple billion dollars on a device which will connect to the rectum to muffle the sound and absorb the odor. Call it a "combat flatulence suppressor" or some such.
Naw, the private sector has already got this one solved: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LvwYUnSoQo
Gotta love capitalism... :D
Rattlehead
08-27-11, 01:24
This sounds like something that would be put into legislation in California.
variablebinary
08-27-11, 01:46
I would spray fart on someone's face as a matter of principle.
Furthermore, what exactly are they going to do to a Marine that rips one?
UCMJ for farting? Seriously, tell me this is not what the world is coming to. Please dear God don't let this be the military of the 21st century.
How can I count the things that I find stupid about this???
1. It's "Afghans" not "Afghanis".
2. I guarantee this is some stupid, ignorant piece of shit Marine officer that thought this stupid shit up, not Afghans.
3. Our military is amateurish and incompetent. Our soldiers and Marines suck at this kind of conflict, and we should never have expected them to be able to win. Especially since our decisionmakers suck even worse.
4. This is pure populist bullshit for the ignorant.
Suwannee Tim
08-27-11, 06:11
.......I asked the wife one night if she knew what a Dutch oven was. God that couch is uncomfortable.
Try this. When the fart is nicely vine ripened, hold your cupped hand a couple or three inches below your asshole, let 'er rip and catch it in your hand. Raise your closed hand to your face and as your wife gazes at you adoringly, open your hand and blow it in her face. You might want to practice first as you will only get one attempt.
Suwannee Tim
08-27-11, 06:20
I was between jobs for a few months and took a job teaching a physics lab to juniors at the local community college. Just outside the lab door was the elevator which was programmed to stop on that floor when not needed. I had gas bad that day and did not want to just let them rip as the class was loaded with babes. So, every fifteen or so minutes I slipped out, rode the elevator to the next floor and back and along the way, let 'er rip. I thought I had a pretty effective strategy until I walked out and saw two maintenance men who had put caution tape on the now out of service elevator car and were setting up a box fan to air it out. I later learned the President of the college was squiring around some guests and used that elevator.:D I just switched to the next elevator car.
Magic_Salad0892
08-27-11, 06:45
What is this I don't even...
**** them.
:angry:
I am going to the store where I am going to buy a case of pork and baked beans to send over to some Devil Dogs so they can gas up. I can understand being aware of issues but this is freaking stupid.
Army Chief
08-27-11, 09:42
Call me the heavy if you like, but I'm going to rein this one in before it goes any farther afield.
Interestingly, the one thing that we never saw here was the original wording and/or format of the so-called order, and it sounds to me as if some pop-media outlet is just trying to score with a crass/funny news item.
Something as simple as a commander telling his Marines to "knock off the intentional flatuence when you're around the locals" would be no more of a news item than "don't speak directly to their women" or "don't show them the soles of your boots." Some people consider farts funny, of course, so now we've got a bona fide news story on our hands. Or not.
The whole thing is really kind of stupid, and more to the point, it isn't even come close to telling the "full story." We (US military) issue a lot of guidance in these situations to at least attempt to prevent our troops from giving willful or overt offense to people in foreign lands, and this case doesn't sound any different.
It's not about the Afghans, or how absurd or backwards their ways might seem to us in the West; this is just another example of trying to avoid needlessly erecting cultural barriers out of our own ignorance or apathy.
AC
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