View Full Version : Why can't "I don't want to see it." be enough?
Belmont31R
09-16-11, 23:34
Wife just stomped out because Ive told her for the 5th time I don't want to see pictures of what her home town is doing for an Army soldier who died who was from there.
Her whole family has changed their FB profile pics to this guy and she's tried to show me stuff they are doing for his funeral at least 10 times in the last week. Ive already said at least 5 times I don't want to see that stuff, don't want to know how he died, and don't want the details of his funeral including talking about open or closed casket.
I guess 'sorry' I don't get overjoyed because someone made a 3x5 banner with a basic training photo with a flag in the background....:rolleyes:
I prefer mostly empty gestures of support to any of the antics from the anti war/anti troops crowd. I think you'd have gotten a lot more mileage from a quick peek and a "that's nice" and then gone back to whatever you were doing. You shouldn't get so bent because some small town is honoring one of their dead, it's a sure bet that at least a few are taking it very seriously.
RogerinTPA
09-17-11, 07:03
I prefer mostly empty gestures of support to any of the antics from the anti war/anti troops crowd. I think you'd have gotten a lot more mileage from a quick peek and a "that's nice" and then gone back to whatever you were doing. You shouldn't get so bent because some small town is honoring one of their dead, it's a sure bet that at least a few are taking it very seriously.
Agreed. I cut my lady a lot of slack when it comes to things like this to cut down the friction. If a guy friend would have done the same, I would have gone off on a completely different direction...heavy on humorous fowl mouth sarcasm.
Suwannee Tim
09-17-11, 07:13
I rarely give personal advice and then usually when solicited which in this case it implicitly is. I hope you don't take offense Belmont particularly as I like you. You should be more patient and kind especially towards your wife. For quite a while I've been trying to find the best balance between hard and rude on the one extreme and patient and nice on the other and have found, especially where friends and relatives are concerned, that patient and nice works better. I lost the love of my live (not my current wife) because I was a hard-ass which caused me to give this a lot of thought over the years.
I can understand showing respect to a fallen Soldier. But Really a banner :confused: I would just show up to pay my respect then move along .No reason to make signs .and what is up with women who don't get the" I don't care to see it"
My wife got mad at me because I was not jumping for Joy when my sister in laws daughter started dance and she tried to show me Pictures of her first dance class. I have found Myself saying "thats Good Honey" on some stuff when in fact I could care less just to not have to put up with the BS and hurt feelings She gets over dumb stuff.
Army Chief
09-17-11, 08:30
We have to keep in mind here that, unlike previous generations, most Americans these days do not have a family member in the service, but they are still eager to appear supportive. When you don't know really how to do that, or are unfamiliar with more traditional forms of paying respect to the fallen, you end up with some rather silly and sentimental displays. That's just who we are these days as a culture, but it doesn't negate the purity of motivation behind it.
In this case, a veteran's wife and her extended family are trying to do something to show support for a fallen Soldier from their own community. It's doubtless become an emotional and patriotic thing for them, and by extension, they probably feel like they are honoring the vet in their midst by devoting so much attention to this. I'd try to look past what they are doing to why they are doing it, and take it all in stride with an air of appreciation and at least passing interest. Right, wrong or indifferent, it would be a real shame for something like this to end up driving a wedge between man and wife.
Take the high road, brother.
AC
montanadave
09-17-11, 11:18
Show a little more kindness and patience towards your wife.
Take the high road.
Pick your battles.
Sound advice.
How many times have you showed her pics of GUNS on the internet or builds you want to put together...you know she dont want to see that. And when you wont look at somethin she wants to show YOU then she gets mad.
Oh wait...thats me. lol
Belmont31R
09-17-11, 11:40
I was patient. Ive told her 5 times I don't want this stuff thrown in my face. I was very nice and polite about it. Just said I don't want to see it. I don't put stuff in front of her I know she doesn't like or has no interest in.
Its not that I don't think what they are doing isn't nice or thoughtful I just don't want it shown to me everyday for a week after Ive asked many times not to be shown it.
I was patient. Ive told her 5 times I don't want this stuff thrown in my face. I was very nice and polite about it. Just said I don't want to see it. I don't put stuff in front of her I know she doesn't like or has no interest in.
Its not that I don't think what they are doing isn't nice or thoughtful I just don't want it shown to me everyday for a week after Ive asked many times not to be shown it.
If it helps, she is only bothering you with this stuff because she "believes" you will be interested and she has an interest in you. Trust me I understand the frustration, my wife "believes" I give a damn about every youtube video or news story that she finds interesting. I of course could not give less of a **** 99% of the time. But I keep in mind if she didn't care about me, she wouldn't try and share the things she finds interesting and the things she "believes" I will find interesting.
If the day comes when she stops wasting your time with stupid shit then your real problems will have just begun. I only ask that she not disturb me when I'm doing something very important and she is pretty good about that. But if I'm only surfing gunbroker and she calls me in to see a news story about a cat that found it's way home after being lost for X number of years then I simply say "that's nice" and I go back to gunbroker. Every now and then I will make her come look at some rare SMG that popped up on Sturm. And it's because I care about her.
:D
GermanSynergy
09-17-11, 11:58
Sometimes humoring your wife/SO goes a long way. :cool:
Belmont31R
09-17-11, 12:21
Sometimes humoring your wife/SO goes a long way. :cool:
I do 99% of the time. We show each other a lot of things we find.
I always try and Show some interest in some things she shows me , i hate when I get cut off if you know what I mean:jester: But if you were Nice about it Like you said I bet that is annoying as hell to have it thrown up over and over
Army Chief
09-17-11, 13:28
Mars and Venus, my man. Mars and Venus.
AC
RogerinTPA
09-17-11, 17:03
Not saying this about anyone in particular, but "We" can be rough around the edges at times, even when we don't think so, depending on our backgrounds. I find my short, blunt and sarcastic attitude, is almost instinctive, and have to do a mental "pause" before I blurt out something to someone I care about, that I may regret later.
Belmont31R
09-17-11, 18:28
Not saying this about anyone in particular, but "We" can be rough around the edges at times, even when we don't think so, depending on our backgrounds. I find my short, blunt and sarcastic attitude, is almost instinctive, and have to do a mental "pause" before I blurt out something to someone I care about, that I may regret later.
Im pretty shy around people Ive not developed a relationship with but then the gloves come off...:D
And I didn't mean to sound like I told her to **** off or anything. Im a really laid back guy that jokes a lot with people Im familiar with and like ribbing people. We do it back and forth when one of us ****s up with little South Park like comments. Like spilling something Ill say something like herpa derpa derp while she's cleaning her mess up.
My only thing was I shouldn't have to say no to ONE thing 5x before she stops, and after talking about it I guess she walked out all huffy because she was embarrassed..she knew Id not want to seen that stuff and realized she'd made a mistake. I mean watch all kinds of country music videos all the time, listen to her talk about Facebook stuff I call the Drama Llama, and I even talked to her family about getting the Patriot Guard out there since the Westboro people were supposed to show up.
We generally get along great and rarely argue over anything...then its sex and we're all better within 20 minutes.
Oh and she also started bleeding yesterday which was a lightbulb over the head moment. Should have known...:p
kaiservontexas
09-17-11, 18:34
If it helps, she is only bothering you with this stuff because she "believes" you will be interested and she has an interest in you. Trust me I understand the frustration, my wife "believes" I give a damn about every youtube video or news story that she finds interesting. I of course could not give less of a **** 99% of the time. But I keep in mind if she didn't care about me, she wouldn't try and share the things she finds interesting and the things she "believes" I will find interesting.
If the day comes when she stops wasting your time with stupid shit then your real problems will have just begun. I only ask that she not disturb me when I'm doing something very important and she is pretty good about that. But if I'm only surfing gunbroker and she calls me in to see a news story about a cat that found it's way home after being lost for X number of years then I simply say "that's nice" and I go back to gunbroker. Every now and then I will make her come look at some rare SMG that popped up on Sturm. And it's because I care about her.
:D
Styer thank you for the advice that I have been thinking about, and no I am not married. All the same relationships are relationships and if I am going to get there . . .
Suwannee Tim
09-17-11, 19:59
How about this? My wife's boss tells her something one time, she gets it. I tell her fifteen times, she don't get it. I don't understand it. I accept it. I don't have a choice.
Suwannee Tim
09-17-11, 20:02
......Oh and she also started bleeding yesterday which was a lightbulb over the head moment. Should have known...:p
Why didn't you say so sooner Belmont? This one is easy to fix. Send her to the surgeon and get her gutted. That solves all kinds of problems. :D
RogerinTPA
09-17-11, 20:34
Im pretty shy around people Ive not developed a relationship with but then the gloves come off...:D
And I didn't mean to sound like I told her to **** off or anything. Im a really laid back guy that jokes a lot with people Im familiar with and like ribbing people. We do it back and forth when one of us ****s up with little South Park like comments. Like spilling something Ill say something like herpa derpa derp while she's cleaning her mess up.
My only thing was I shouldn't have to say no to ONE thing 5x before she stops, and after talking about it I guess she walked out all huffy because she was embarrassed..she knew Id not want to seen that stuff and realized she'd made a mistake. I mean watch all kinds of country music videos all the time, listen to her talk about Facebook stuff I call the Drama Llama, and I even talked to her family about getting the Patriot Guard out there since the Westboro people were supposed to show up.
We generally get along great and rarely argue over anything...then its sex and we're all better within 20 minutes.
Oh and she also started bleeding yesterday which was a lightbulb over the head moment. Should have known...:p
I wasn't implying my last comment to your particular circumstance by any means. I understand and can relate...sometimes, I want to install a doll pull string on my neck so when I get the same comments, I simply pull the string, over and over and over, and then, after all that, the string will break and the point will still not be made.:confused:
Quiet-Matt
09-17-11, 20:49
Dad was my best man, and he passed on to me the best marriage advice I ever recieved. He said "She's always right. Learn to say Yes Dear, and you'll be just fine."
I've learned the hard way that it's imperative to always respond... no matter what! It doesn't matter if she's talking about paint colors or some story about what happened at work. Grunt, say "ohh really", whatever... just respond.
I have this beer koozie that sums it all up quite nicely...
https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-ddwQ8Gq3nGI/TnVKA9SHztI/AAAAAAAAI8k/Y5axB-yw290/s720/mms_picture.jpg
Belmont31R
09-17-11, 21:06
Not in my house. I told my wife before our first date I was into guns, hunting, all manner of shooting, the male is the head of the household, and if she had a problem with that we don't even need to go on a date. I also told her Im independent and don't need or want to be coddled just to get through a day, and don't need permission to go do something.
I won't put up with a bossy woman who "trains" her husband like my sister brags about doing to by BIL. Then when I offer to take him shooting with me my sister calls me 10 minutes before I was supposed to pick him up to tell me 'he' can't go.
best thing I ever did was work at a hospice type nursing home when I was 15 !
and really listened to these people who knew this was it the last bits of their lives !
not one of them ! every wished they worked more argued more or did not let things slide off their back and realize some were very lonely and some had friends and spouses and such
the grouchy ones sadly seemed to be very very lonely and you could really tell
the ones that saw the error but was to late really realized it and shared their mistakes
others had family and friends in all the time :) and were really fun to be around
I am guilty as others though of not being perfect ;) but often I try to remember these people and their lessons in life to not let the little things become big things which will hurt relationships
pick a tiny scab daily and dig at it will get huge and never heal or when it does leave a life long scar ! :)
just realize its best to leave it alone and before you know it you wont even know it was their ;) or even remember you had a scratch ?
Quiet-Matt
09-18-11, 07:17
Not in my house. I told my wife before our first date I was into guns, hunting, all manner of shooting, the male is the head of the household, and if she had a problem with that we don't even need to go on a date. I also told her Im independent and don't need or want to be coddled just to get through a day, and don't need permission to go do something.
I won't put up with a bossy woman who "trains" her husband like my sister brags about doing to by BIL. Then when I offer to take him shooting with me my sister calls me 10 minutes before I was supposed to pick him up to tell me 'he' can't go.
:sarcastic: Thats funny bro. You're taking my Dad's advice way too literal. Saying "Yes Dear" is a tactic to keep things happy. Hell, she knows that she's not right all the time, but it's in a womans nature to bow up any time she thinks you are arguing with her.
Now hear this... Marriage is a "Give - Give" relationship, NOT a "Give - Take". By this I mean if you are both looking out for one another (give give), then everybodys needs get met. If one or both persons is looking out for themselves (give take), someones needs arent being met. Those needs may be physical touch, time, conversation, gifts, etc. This goes back to the 5 love languages. Everybody has one that they have to have met or things go south in a hurry. Perhaps your wife needs communication?
I'm married to a wonderful woman. We,ve been through some really bad stuff together and we learned alot about what makes our marriage tick in the process. I take care of her and she takes care of me. I've never wanted for anything in our marriage. She's told me that I should go shoot more or do whatever I want every day if thats what I want to do. I choose not to.
Just talking here Belmont. :smile:
-Matt
montanadave
09-18-11, 07:39
Conversations with one's wife are actually dichotomous in nature. One component is that internal soliloquy animated by a husband's "inside voice" and the other is the external dialogue evidenced by the husband's audible response. A fundamental matrimonial skill is learning to differentiate the two and keep them distinct.
Unfortunately, as we age, the demarcation between these two voices can become blurred and our "inside voice" pops out at the most inopportune times. If you're lucky, as I am, you'll have a wife who hears you out with an impassive expression, gently raises an eyebrow, and replies, "Inside voice, honey, inside voice." :laugh:
Suwannee Tim
09-18-11, 19:39
...... a wife who hears you out with an impassive expression, gently raises an eyebrow, and replies, "Inside voice, honey, inside voice." :laugh:
So, if I understand correctly, "Inside voice, honey, inside voice." means "You can think that but it's better not to say it."
montanadave
09-18-11, 19:45
So, if I understand correctly, "Inside voice, honey, inside voice." means "You can think that but it's better not to say it."
You understand correctly.
I won't put up with a bossy woman who "trains" her husband like my sister brags about doing to by BIL. Then when I offer to take him shooting with me my sister calls me 10 minutes before I was supposed to pick him up to tell me 'he' can't go.
I don't know why anyone would marry such a woman. I can't imagine doing that to myself, I'd rather be alone.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.