View Full Version : The Regret Thread!
I try not to live in regret mode, as there's little one can do to change most of it, but from time to time, I think of some of those things I wish I had done. And, all things considered, I have accomplished a lot in this life and have every right to be proud of it, but...
One gets to an age and realizes, some things aint gonna happen, and that's OK too, some things we/I wish I had focused on and didn't and so forth. It's clear to me I'm just not going to be an astronaut at this point.
I think some acceptance of it being OK to be good at what you're good at, and OK with what you are not so hot at, and move on.
I regret not spending more time focused on MA. To be really proficient in the martial arts would be a great thing. Dabbled here and there, but focus was more on the gym then MA. Hindsight, I think a life long focus on MA would have paid off more long term on various levels.
I regret not having been able to join the military and go onto SOF (assuming I had what it takes to get in, which I'll never know). I wont claim it was my all time dream as a dumb kid, but it was something I had figured I would do after college, and some health issues shut that one down. I have had along line of people in the military in my family, and wish I had been part of that brotherhood. Father, uncle, grand father, many distant relatives, etc all mil. My cousin Ben Brink for example:
"A Captain in the Navy Reserve, he was recalled to active duty in 2007, deploying to Afghanistan, where he led efforts to increase intelligence sharing and coordinate operations between Afghanistan, Pakistan, and ISAF forces; following demobilization, Brink took command of Navy Intelligence Reserve Region Southwest, in San Diego. Retiring from the Navy at the beginning of 2011, he is now rebuilding his civilian corporate advisory practice. Brink holds degrees from: Harvard—MBA; Stanford—MS (Operations Research) and BS (Mathematics); and US Army War College—MS (Strategic Studies)."
A very accomplished dude. Wish I knew him better (another regret?)
Wish I had focused on math as a kid, which would have allowed for advanced physics later, as I would have made a hell of a cosmologist. That is truly my calling missed. Concepts, big and small, no problem (actually the harder part for many) but math skills skills not even close for such a thing, and that's not an area that comes natural to me.
Wish I was a bad ass BTDT fast mover shooter with an AR and handgun, and could claim I have taken courses with all of the major names (LAV, Kyle L, etc etc) and spent weeks at places like Thunder Ranch and Black Water, etc.
I'm way better then some, but nadda compared to others. That's life.
Wish I knew another language. I'm working on that one as I'm in Panama and far less English spoken then I would have expected.
Wish I didn't love women so damn much, it's very distracting some times. :cool:
Finally, wish my mother and I had not just started to actually get along before she had to leave this life. RIP ma, I'm still trying to do you proud.
Well, that's what I got top of my pointy head. What you got?
montanadave
02-12-12, 14:39
I spent damn near a quarter century ****ing up my life with alcohol and drugs. By the time I finally got my shit together, it had cost me a marriage, a career, a beautiful home I built with my own hands, my relationships with friends and family ... basically the whole shitaree.
So after almost 16 years of sobriety, I have a good marriage, a home that's paid for, and I'm a couple of weeks away from having a nice chunk of property in the country with the opportunity to build another home.
I've got plenty of regrets, but I can't change the past and dwelling on it does nothing but pull me towards a real bad place. I've taken responsibility for what I've done, tried to set things right where I could, and work real hard at not repeating the same mistakes.
I've heard it said a time or two that everything you go through molds you into the person you are today and delivers you to the place you are today. Who I am and where I am today feels pretty good so I generally let sleeping dogs lie (or is it lay? :smile:). Guess I should regret not paying more attention in English class, too.
Not wearing my knee brace during the academy back in august. I knew due to patellar subluxation i shouldve been wearing a brace, but i didnt want to look "weak". Now i just look dumb.
I beat myself up for a few months post academy exit, i let a lot of people down including myself. I ****ed up my dream job.
But hey, looks like i've got another great opprotunity lined up where i really want to live....so i couldve been a good thing. Who knows.
Oh ya, i wish i wouldve never played D3 football in college, since thats the root of the problem anyway.
Cesiumsponge
02-12-12, 15:34
"Regrets? I've had a few, but then again, to few to mention."
Thinking about things of the past can't really guarantee you a better life. It's quite possible by making the perceived better choice, you would have been hit by a semi-truck two days later.
The only real thing that I ponder over is when I tried enlisting and the recruiter couldn't get me the contract he promised. I got really annoyed at being pushed on other alternatives for months given I had fantastic ASVAB/line scores. I simply went back to schooling and got a job. Looking back, I still don't know if I was being selfish or not in my refusal to settle for an alternative contract to what I had my eyes set on.
pilotguyo540
02-12-12, 15:52
My biggest regret behind getting married in the first place, is not going through WOFT after all the hard work to get accepted. My wife said she didn't want to be an army wife. Out of respect for her, I walked away from my dream. She left me anyways, about a year and a half later. I wasn't fit for flight for a long time after that. Now it seems too late.
Back to real life I guess.
I regret wasting almost five years with a woman who didn't love me as much as I loved her. And all of the money and time and effort wasted.
I regret not taking advantage of offers back out of high school to play D1 baseball or lacrosse. By now, I could have a college championship under my belt and could be playing professionally. But I chose the Navy and then I chose to become a Fed rather than go back to school.
I regret not being a better brother and example to my little brother.
I regret half of my interactions with women. I know I'm being led on, but let it happen. The ladies like being taken care of and I've got more money than sense. Shocker.
Honor First
H
I regret that I have so many regrets.
I regret that I have so many regrets.
Regret sucks. But, I guess it's part of what forms us, so how boring would we be without it?
Quite a few, but you don't become wise without first doing some stupid shit.
I regret not going to the USNA when given the awesome opportunity. But then again, had I gone I may has never met my Fiancé. So who knows.
I've already picked out a common theme. More of you seem to regret things you DIDN'T DO as opposed to things you did do. Now that I think about it, I'm in the same boat.
I regret not going away to college. It was a scary idea to be on my own far away somewhere. I'm not a big drinker/partier and I didn't know how I would adapt to college life or if I would even like it. From a young age I loved tools and wrenching on things. I always had some kind of project in mind or was tinkering on something in the garage. If I had went away, I didn't know what I would do without those things I loved to do. That's how I rationalized it. I've been to a few college parties and I always have the thoughts "this isn't me", "I couldn't live like this" but I can't help but wonder how I would be different had I gone away. What kind of experiences would I have had? Who would I have met? Maybe I would have loved it.
Reading what you guys have to say really puts things in perspective for me. I've been around m4c long enough to have an idea of what kind of people some of you are and seeing that you all have regrets is a great reminder of how we're all only human. I'm twenty-two years old and that seems like so much time to me. If I had to take away one lesson it would be this: don't say no to opportunity.
I've already picked out a common theme. More of you seem to regret things you DIDN'T DO as opposed to things you did do. Now that I think about it, I'm in the same boat.
I regret not going away to college. It was a scary idea to be on my own far away somewhere. I'm not a big drinker/partier and I didn't know how I would adapt to college life or if I would even like it. From a young age I loved tools and wrenching on things. I always had some kind of project in mind or was tinkering on something in the garage. If I had went away, I didn't know what I would do without those things I loved to do. That's how I rationalized it. I've been to a few college parties and I always have the thoughts "this isn't me", "I couldn't live like this" but I can't help but wonder how I would be different had I gone away. What kind of experiences would I have had? Who would I have met? Maybe I would have loved it.
Reading what you guys have to say really puts things in perspective for me. I've been around m4c long enough to have an idea of what kind of people some of you are and seeing that you all have regrets is a great reminder of how we're all only human. I'm twenty-two years old and that seems like so much time to me. If I had to take away one lesson it would be this: don't say no to opportunity.
Dude. You still can "go away to college" at 22... And most college students are not out partying and drunk all the time. Most are studying hard and doing homework, labs, etc. And you can take your toolbox with you. If nothing else, you will probably meet lots of nice girls, the kind not at the parties, who need a car/bike/sink fixed.
My brother was always tinkering and making things. At the time he was a physics major and was making oxygen stills, or "air puff guns" [don't know what they are called], or all sorts of other things while I was trying to build a FAL in my apartment... (long ago and without the proper tools)
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I can't take my welder and oxy-acetylene equipment :(
I'm graduating from a local community college this spring then I'm transferring to a local satellite campus of a major University. Since it will be an actual campus, I may look into living there.
I wish I had spent more time with my sons and I'm grateful for the time that I did
I wish I had been more of a self-starter early on in life. My intuitions were always pretty well on; my folks went through the Depression and while my grades generally stunk I learned a lot about common sense. Made me a survivor, and eventually I did learn what I really did need to know. Which was NOT what my teachers told me I would need.
Was nuts about airplanes as a kid; got my first ride in a Piper Cub at age 13 from a grass field. If I had had more imagination and initiative I would have asked my father if I could somehow take flying lessons. Back in the mid 50s people didn't think that way. (Made up for it with my son; we replayed the same scenario and he started at age 15, soloed at 16, now has 7000 hours and flies an ISR aircraft in Afghanistan. When he's home we go flying in his Tri-Pacer.)
Wasted a lot of time and my father's money in college. Luckily in later years I think I proved to him that I really did get my act together and we were good friends.
Had a chance to become a survival school instructor in the Air Force. Let it go by, think I would have loved it. Got to see plenty of other neat stuff, so it was probably a wash.
Spent 5 yrs trying to push a chain with a cute girl. In the end I never figured out if she was crazy mean or mean crazy. Now I wouldn't spend 1/1000th of the time and effort on a losing relationship like that. You can't save people from themselves no matter how well intentioned you are.
Got less stupid in my 30s; good job I mostly liked, some adventures; wife, 2 great kids, enough guns. Retired at 51, now a new grandfather. Thanks to used bookstores, Amazon and the internet, I almost have the education I needed as a young, confused man now.
As Charlie Russell said, "anytime I cash in now, I win".
Just remember when youre thinking of your "Regrets"....
That shit happens for a reason. You LEARN something from you
****-ups and you cant improve yourself if you dont.
I dont really have any regrets.
I have bad choices. Im glad I made them
The ways I've screwed up my life have sort of been a wash, as I've had good things happen to me too. If I get a "do over" I might take a different path but that's not really a regret.
The regrets I have are the times I've hurt others or not been there for them when I should have been.
.... but.... you can't live your life staring at sorrow in the rear view mirror. I can't anyway.
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Lots of regrets...but like Willie sings, "there's nothing I can do about it now..."
A few weeks ago, my best friend since 1st grade and I were talking about the "if we had it to do over again what would we do different".
We both came away with this,
If we could go back 40 years and take what we know now to try again, we both agreed, we would do it...
...BUT...
If we had to go back NOT knowing what we know now, to just do it again...NaaHHH, we'd probably just screw things up worse than what we did and be worse off now.
To me, this is a good thing because it indicates now I'm content...at least a little... :)
But maybe it's just me...
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Gosh... where do I even start. The last few years have been such a clusterf***.
I think my biggest regret ever is being to damn nice and bending over to appease everyone. If I would just dig my feet in and say 'screw you I'm doing it my way because I know I'm right' I probably would be a lot better off right now....
I also probably should have kept at flying. But that's a whole different issue.
Not having pulled out sooner :fie:
Just kidding. Right now nothing really comes to mind.
Belmont31R
02-13-12, 04:01
Learning languages and taking more advantage of educational opportunities.
I WAS fluent in German but haven't spoken it in so long I probably suck now.
Never learned a musical instrument.
Never learned how to dance.
Belmont you have a lovely wife and live near the Live Music Capital of The World with dancing 7 nights a week and out of work music instructors falling out of the trees... you can learn an instrument and how to dance around here:p I will take y'all out when you can get a babysitter;)
Reagans Rascals
02-13-12, 07:54
Wish I would have tried harder to get into the Navy, after going partially deaf in my right ear at 15 I was never allowed in... I wish I would have tried harder, maybe wrote a congressman.... every time I see a commercial or movie about NSW... I get that sick in the gut kinda feeling you get when you see your girl with another man....
QuietShootr
02-13-12, 07:59
Dude. You still can "go away to college" at 22... And most college students are not out partying and drunk all the time. Most are studying hard and doing homework, labs, etc. And you can take your toolbox with you. If nothing else, you will probably meet lots of nice girls, the kind not at the parties, who need a car/bike/sink fixed.
My brother was always tinkering and making things. At the time he was a physics major and was making oxygen stills, or "air puff guns" [don't know what they are called], or all sorts of other things while I was trying to build a FAL in my apartment... (long ago and without the proper tools)
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This - I didn't go to college until I was 22, and I still managed to pledge a great fraternity, maintain a 3.5, and get more pussy than I can even remember.
You want regrets, no way am I sharing the really good ones, but here are a couple you can learn from.
1) I regret not staying in the Army and going all the way.
2) Listen closely: The girls I regret ****ing are FAR outnumbered by the ones I regret NOT ****ing when I had the chance.
1)I regret Not getting back into the Military when I had the chance.
Just had a little more training to do ,But I wait to late because My wife was in a Bad frame of mind and I could not leave her alone.and i missed the cut off By just a couple of weeks .It would be My career today .
2)I regret Not taking the Correctional Officer Position with the sheriffs first time around thought I was going back in the Army it was a done deal .Now i am jumping the hoops again to get the same job that I would already have 4 years in .and probably be on the streets patrolling .
3) letting my oldest daughter stay mad at me and not be there for her .I have not talked to her in over 8 years and word through the grape vine is that I am a grandpa Now :(
well that is My top 3 But as One of My Drill SGTs Taught me I drive on no matter what .never quit ,never give up ,Never stop trying hard work pays off and one day I will cash that check:DHOOAH!!!
Reagans Rascals
02-13-12, 08:39
3) letting my oldest daughter stay mad at me and not be there for her .I have not talked to her in over 8 years and word through the grape vine is that I am a grandpa Now :(
there's no day but today..... sounds like time to change that regret... swallow the pride for sake reconnecting with your family
RIGHT NOW TODAY
Doc Safari
02-13-12, 10:03
I regret not seeing the Bush 41 and Clinton era gun bans coming. I spent way too many years and way too much money trying to acquire "banned" weapons years after the fact when I should have bought them while they were relatively easy to acquire.
I hope since switching to Top Tier AR's that I've put that specter to rest.
As for other regrets?
I've attempted so many things in my life that I sucked at. I can now honestly say I don't have many of the regrets others have because at least I tried some things and they weren't for me.
I'll never be a rock star, and probably not an artist.
I'll never be a high-powered businessman (because I hate the rat race).
I'll never own my own business (because I found out I'm not motivated work 23 hours a day).
I'll never excel in some sport, get a pilot's license, own a boat, or a huge house or expensive car.
I'll never run for public office.
I've slowly discovered that while some people define happiness as having fame, a lot of money, a big family, or whatnot--my definition of happiness is to not have a care in the world.
Like the song from that band Boston says, "All I want is to have my peace of mind."
I had piano lessons in 2nd grade. Got "interested" in a girl in my class and lost interest. (as "interested" as you can be in 2nd grade). I regret not sticking with it.
I started trumpet in 4th grade. I stuck with it through freshman year in college (and a small revival for 6 months a few years later). However, I never really committed myself to it and did not practice nearly as much as I should have. I regret not taking it as seriously as I should have (and perhaps sticking with it still).
I started bass guitar lessons when I was 28. After about 6-8 months I had been laid off from my job and ran out of money, so I quit. I regret not finding the resources to continue with it at that point.
Last year, my son (who was 8 at the time) expressed interest in bass guitar since we had Victor Wooten / Flecktones and other similar stuff playing a lot in the house (and we were wanting to get him involved anyway in an instrument). So we got him a short scale bass and I found the same teacher I had when I was 28 (I was then 45), who now had his own school, and he and I started lessons. So I am trying to make good on my regrets and am again taking bass lessons. We've been at it 9 or 10 months and I plan on sticking with it. While I don't practice as much as I should (mainly due to work/family schedules) I do put an effort into it and am working to make up for lost time.
So Belmont31R, you can always start to make up for things like music instruments if you want to put your mind to it.
While I learned German in HS and college and lived there several years and have kept up with it, I started Swedish about 20 years ago but did not keep up with it, regretfully. So I want to resume Swedish when the family time constraints lessen some as the kids get older and I want to learn Japanese, so I can talk with my in-laws. So I have not yet started to rectify the language regrets with Swedish, I am thinking on how to work it in...
It is never too late for these sorts of skills to be studied.
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at 48
should have done more with MA ? also wish I kept up with my bicycle riding and yoga more ? used to do half hour of yoga every morning and at almost 40 I was in good shape and was amazing flexible I let myself go !! got to get back in to shape used to ride at least 200 miles a week wish I kept up on that !!!!
was going to join the Airforce my dad was a jet fighter pilot my brother was on 131s or is it 141s ? anyway my eyes held me back in the early 80s I had glasses and they said no go !
but then again I chose business did well and not sure I would ever want to second guess my life path
I have great kids a great wife
lucky I always got along with my parents and stay in close touch
I wish I kept more of my guns I had in the past :)
wish I invested dif :) heheheeh
having had my own work all my life mostly its tough but worth the freedom and would not mind a job with benefits and retirement at times ? then again its 10:30 thinking of heading off to Ikea with my 7 year old who does homeschooling and that freedom if she was in school and I was at work would not be possible so its a trade off
I regret the time I wasted on people who didn't deserve my consideration.
I think my biggest regret ever is being to damn nice and bending over to appease everyone. If I would just dig my feet in and say 'screw you I'm doing it my way because I know I'm right' I probably would be a lot better off right now....
A friend of mine is kind of like this. I am the exact, polar, opposite. I will resist almost anything, even good things, if I'm told I have to, need to, or should do it. If I legitimately think I'm right I just flat won't do the "wrong" thing.
He thinks I do things right and he should be more like me, I think he does things right and I should be more like him.
the truth is probably we are both right. and wrong.
Regrets? Honestly, not much. Even my mistakes are part of my character. Without them, I might be less wise or less forgiving, both of myself and others. I'm happy with my life and who I turned out to be.
If I had any at all, it would be not learning Spanish (yet), and not spending more time doing what I want now, rather than later. Both of these are easily corrected and things I'm working on. They seem more like delayed goals rather than mistakes.
Regret doesn't help you eat, sleep or breathe better. I learned long ago that sometimes it's best to drop your baggage at the curb and walk away. With a lighter spirit, you can accomplish much, much more. Cheers! ;)
there's no day but today..... sounds like time to change that regret... swallow the pride for sake reconnecting with your family
RIGHT NOW TODAY
Man I have tried I was driving a Big truck and had fought my ex wife for custody and won. her mom was a whore .
then my second wife decided she wanted a open marriage i said no way :eek:she moved out and because i was on the road all the time My daughter had to go live with her mom .
which started out ok everything was fine for maybe a year and she went off the deep end in and out of trouble and her mom move to Chicago and she blamed me for it .
i tried soooooo hard and she turned her back on me many times i have tried to contact her and she never returned My emails or phone calls I Hope one day she will find me and stop being as stubborn as her dad:(
I regret the time I wasted on people who didn't deserve my consideration.
been there too man it is amazing how folks will walk all over you when you are trying to help them
-Not properly rehabbing my knee after tearing my ACL in high school. I missed out on collegiate athletics as well as military service.
-Really regret not being able to do military service, if I would have done early enlistment I could retire in 9 years! :p (my cousin who is 2 months older than I am constantly reminds me of this fact, he will retire at 37 from the Coast Guard)
Interesting thread, it certainly made me think. Looking back, perhaps surprisingly, most of my regrets are more personal in nature. Sure there are the missed business opportunities, things I could have/should have done, bought, etc. But what probably bother me the most are those involving things I said, things I did (or didn’t do) for others. Most was probably out of immaturity, anger, stubbornness and just plain ignorance.
I regret that I wasn’t a better husband early in our marriage. I could be selfish and often a jerk. I am blessed with a loving wife who saw past me faults and loved me anyway. I sometimes wonder if I don’t appreciate what I have even more now as a result of those times. I certainly know I try harder now and cherish what I have been blessed with.
I regret not being a better dad. I’m told I am a good father but I always feel inadequate, like the time I spend with them is never enough. I certainly try but … Wonder if you ever feel like you’re doing a great job at parenting?
Wow, rereading this I’m afraid it comes off as somewhat maudlin! It sounds like I’m about to cry. ;)
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