This is the best advice OP. Sorry things aren't going as well as you'd like, there are people who care and are willing to help. Go to see them. All we can do is offer platitudes, truth is that if you were willing or able to do the things folks have mentioned, you probably would have already. That is not a knock on you, it is reality, and it isn't your fault, it's simply the chemicals in your brain are out of whack.
My daughter, who I was semi-estranged from at the time, called me one day and asked to talk, I was complimented, but quickly realized she was depressed beyond my abilities. I told her she needed to go see someone, she said she didn't want to.
I talked to her, told her my experiences and showed her the Zoloft tablets I've taken everyday for the last 25 years. She didn't know. We talked some more and she agreed to get help. She's doing okay now, just like I am.
Go. Talk to a medical professional. Don't bet the longshot 'I can do it myself' it's not really you, it's brain chemicals, get help.