Sounds more like you've had to work with a bunch of shoddy out-of-spec parts.
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A lot of my learning curve was done in the 1980s, when there was Colt and everything else. It made me, and keeps me, suspicious of everything out there, Colt included.
With dozens making the main components, and hundreds making the smaller ones, the permutations run in the thousands.
I assume everyone is doing their best, but I still check every detail.
My grandfather adjusted my first car's door with a 2x4 by slamming the door on it with it in the hinge area. I was unfortunate enough to have seen it. It hurt my tender 17 year-old brain.
Fast-forward to age 25, and although my grandpa did not like GM, I wish like anything that he had still been alive so that I could call him and tell him that I watched the folks up at Bowling Green, KY adjust the panels on my Z06 on the assembly line...with wooden wedges and regular hammers. It would have made his day!
Even in the world of CAD and CNC and laser cutting/etching...sometimes a hammer and/or a wedge really are what is called for.
One of the guys in a recent class had purchased some type of gun show POS pistol grip. Not only was it a POS, but the grip screw was wrong. It was about 1/2 inch longer than the standard one and had the incorrect threads.
Problem- Stripped out grip screw hole and damaged threads. Additionally the selector lever detent spring was damaged in the process.
Solution- I had him purchase a Magpul MOE grip with the correct screw and we were able to thread it in the hole without issues. Replaced selector lever detent spring.
If you are swapping grips or (doing any task you aren't familiar with) ensure you understand what tools are needed and know what you are doing. Do not use any questionable parts. Try and check things like parts in advance before you start the task.
Problem: safety selector very stiff, but not when grip is off.
Solution A: extend the hole in the grip with a small drill to allow the normal spring compression thus lessening the tension on the pointed detent.
Solution B: clip a few coils from the spring and try to find a comfortable tension.
problem 2: If the opposite is true, try placing a small filler into the grip hole to increase tension to the suitable amount.
When you do this, are you turning the screwdriver blade to cock the tube away from where it's contacting? Or are you pressing the flat of the screwdriver against the tube away from where it's contacting?
I don't know if this tip will help with an AR15, but a car detailer showed me a trick to make your own lock washers to retain screws that come loose too easily. Cut a small strip from a plastic sandwich bag. Bend it into a U across the threaded end of the screw, and screw it in. The plastic gets into the threads and acts like a nylon lock washer.
I've used this trick successfully with my car, door handles, and my 1911 grip screws. I suppose you could use it on an AR hand grip or some sight systems. However, I wouldn't use it anywhere where heat might melt the plastic.