Sorry to link to TOS, but:
http://ammo.ar15.com/Self_Defense_Ammo_FAQ/index.htm
Probably the best information on that whole site. As far as "Best" 55gr .223 it lists the Federal Trophy Bonded Bear Claw with the caveat "these also penetrate deeply, even through barriers so be careful where you employ these rounds". Still though the heavier 77gr SMKs and 75gr TAP T2s are vastly superior, so perhaps you should zero with both from mechanical zero and take note of the difference in zero? Then just dial in that difference when you want to switch from one to the other. I did this with my M4 in the sandbox going from M855 to Mk. 262. No it's not going to be as accurate as dialing it in on the range, but it will be pretty damn close. Recently in fact I was firing some BH Blue Box 77gr SMKs with my 16" LMT then switched to PRVI M193s expecting a huge difference in zero, and it was less than 1 MOA. Probably a fluke, but the difference was nill.
The 9mm and .40 lists are as follows:
9mm
Barnes XPB 115gr HP (35515) loaded by:
Cor-Bon (DPX09115)
Winchester Partition Gold 124gr JHP (RA91P)
Winchester Ranger-T 124 gr +P JHP (RA9124TP)
Winchester Ranger-T 127gr JHP +P+ (RA9TA)
Winchester Ranger-T 147gr JHP (RA9T)
Speer Gold Dot 124gr JHP +P (53617)
Speer Gold Dot 147gr JHP (53619)
Remington Golden Saber 147gr JHP (GS9MMC)
Federal Tactical 124gr JHP (LE9T1)
Federal Tactical 135gr JHP +P (LE9T5)
Federal HST 147gr JHP (P9HST2)
.40 S&W
Barnes all-copper bullets (140 & 155gr) loaded by:
Cor-Bon (DPX40140)
Winchester Ranger 180gr JHP (RA40T)
Winchester Ranger 165gr JHP (RA40TA)
Winchester Partition Gold 165gr JHP (RA401P)
Speer Gold Dot 155gr JHP (53961)
Speer Gold Dot 180gr JHP (53962)
Federal Tactical 165gr JHP (LE40T3)
Federal Tactical 180gr JHP (LE40T1)
Federal HST 180gr JHP (P40HST1)
Remington Golden Saber 180 gr JHP (GS40SWB)
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