Originally Posted by
Firefly
I think one of the harshest truths, if not the harshest if all, is that my life is 2/3s over and I’ve kinda bullshitted my way through. Not by misrepresentation or deceit but rather just drifting by doing whatever I wanted chasing rainbows and getting distracted. I’m not even really good at anything particularly useful except oppression and legal thuggery.
I regret not dropping out of school when I was young and skinny, being a deadbeat teen dad, and moving to Canada to start a Goth synthrock band. No, I don’t know how to play an instrument but I just key in a few repetitive sounds and sing about the devil or succubi and angry white 90s teenagers would have eaten it up.
I could have at least had a redemption arc and matriculated to the last vestiges of country before it became hick hop. At some point I would have been publicly outed, but like Condoleeza Rice I could have had both coy and mystique with no presumption of taking a side.
Or stuck with computers, there was a time before the Pajeets took over that a young man who knew COBOL could make some coin. There were still white, nerdy repressed Janine Melnitz looking computer girls back then. Twisted, deviants into witchcraft and Kabbalist spiritualism....stealing mens dirty shirts to sniff as they were hateful towards other women. Foul and profane, they were part time lesbians of inconsistent hygiene who were often too far gone to be cat ladies.
My fear is even if I retire, I won’t have anything left to do but wait for merciful death because I don’t like people or society.
Bah. BAH! Rage, Rage, RAGE against the dying of the light. At some point I am going to retreat to the desert with lightweight 9mm Commander 1911s, AUGs, SP1s, and probably won’t wear clothes or shoes except to town.
It’s not so bad.
Mr. Pibb eases the pain
Also Caddyshack is objectively the peak of Western Cinem
So the person who can write this shit but still believe they have never done anything or useful or of merit is a hilarious contradiction.
Here is what you have done, you have seen. You have seen with real eyes. Mission Accomplished. Few people get to see what Roy Batty has seen.
No go drink a f'ing Mr. Pibb and think happy thoughts. Everyone wants a do over at some point, but you have to accept the fact that even with a do over and a master plan, you'd probably still f it all up to more or less the same degree as your current existence.
There is luck, talent and timing and you can only have direct control over one of the three. Life is vegas odds at best unless you were born fortunate and even then that is no kind of guarantee.
It's hard to be a ACLU hating, philosophically Libertarian, socially liberal, fiscally conservative, scientifically grounded, agnostic, porn admiring gun owner who believes in self determination.
Chuck, we miss ya man.
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