Advice Wanted: Closet Conservative

[glocktogo]

Superficial connections are better than total isolation, but I'd be seeking out people who shared my values and shift my time and energy to them over time. If your "friends" wonder why you're spending less and less time on them, explain how mentally taxing they can be always pushing politics.

I usually enjoy sparring with people who have different viewpoints and sometimes I can come to a place where I empathize with their position even when I don't agree with it. That has been severely strained during these troubled times, to the point I've tuned out and stepped away. It can get toxic after a point and degrade the quality of your life. Even among like minded people, the constant barrage of political topics can wear thin.

My blood pressure is SO much lower when I'm fishing on my boat. The fish never talk politics, and that's pretty damned nice.

[BuzzinSATX]

Good luck in your move.

If your friends and family won’t let you speak your views, ask them why you should listen to theirs. It’s about mutual respect...if you give it and don’t get it, that is a tough thing to put up with.

You want fellowship and companionship, find a good church or charity group and get involved. It’s not about having to be religious. Low threat Christian groups are generally pretty easy to find if you ask. If they tell you to believe or leave, I’d leave and find another. That’s not how it works.

If you are a veteran, consider joining your local American Legion or other military type organization. They are about service and fellowship.

Bottom line, friends you’ll make in the right group won’t judge you by your opinions, if respectful.

At least that is my experience...

Good luck.


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[Todd.K]

Avoiding politics at Thanksgiving or being the grey man at work can be prudent, what you describe seems soul crushing.

[Mozart]

Thanks for the responses.

I think the best idea is to set up boundaries. Explain that I do not want politics to infect every single moment and aspect of my life, and when we talk or hang out, I’d like that to be a fun activity of decompression and de-stress. So therefore, please try to keep politics off the table. “So you’re a stubborn, close-minded sycophant?” they could respond. To which I would explain, no, not at all. I’m very reasonable and question everything I read and see, and am on constant guard against received opinions. I simply want a break from all the talk of societal / cultural disfunction. I know things are jacked up. Let’s laugh instead. We both need to.

[rocsteady]

[QUOTE=The_War_Wagon;2851018]

I need some advice from you fine sage fellas.

It’s a very long back-story that I don’t care to delve into, but I’m going to be moving back to New York State...QUOTE]

DON'T.

Live across the border in PA or VT, and commute.

I hafta go to Buffalo a few times a year on business. The best feeling in the world, is getting the hell OUTTA there, and back to PA!

Had to laugh as this reminded me of Mark Bowden (?) when he was doing research to write "Blackhawk Down" and at the State Department was asking for advice about going to Somalia and the guy's advice was "don't go"...

[Esq.]

[QUOTE=rocsteady;2851136]

Had to laugh as this reminded me of Mark Bowden (?) when he was doing research to write "Blackhawk Down" and at the State Department was asking for advice about going to Somalia and the guy's advice was "don't go"...

The parallels are quite striking actually.....

[Straight Shooter]

I just dont know how people on total opposite sides of politics and/or religion and other important things could really be close friends.
Im talking real, true friends. HOW could you be around someone and have lifes most important issues be "off limits" to talk about? I myself- not only do not care to be around or hear anyone, family or "friend", spouting off crap I know to be untrue..if I want that I can literally cut on ANY news channel. Bro- your gonna get up there and be MISERABLE. I wouldnt do it. MAKE...NEW..FRIENDS.
MY best friend is Jesus Christ. Find others who feel the same and VOILA!... a great start to new friends.
NO WAY ill be around people who think & believe opposite of me. Acquaintances...associates..."some guy/girl I know"..yeah, maybe.
But close friend? Nah.

[Mozart]

I just dont know how people on total opposite sides of politics and/or religion and other important things could really be close friends.
Im talking real, true friends. HOW could you be around someone and have lifes most important issues be "off limits" to talk about? I myself- not only do not care to be around or hear anyone, family or "friend", spouting off crap I know to be untrue..if I want that I can literally cut on ANY news channel. Bro- your gonna get up there and be MISERABLE. I wouldnt do it. MAKE...NEW..FRIENDS.
MY best friend is Jesus Christ. Find others who feel the same and VOILA!... a great start to new friends.
NO WAY ill be around people who think & believe opposite of me. Acquaintances...associates..."some guy/girl I know"..yeah, maybe.
But close friend? Nah.

I’ve known these people since 3rd grade and 9th grade. I’m 35.

That’s sad to hear, “no way I’ll be around people that think and believe opposite of me”

You can learn something from everyone. We each had our own set of eyes and ears, taking in the experiences. No two are alike. So someone else will always be able to explain their experiences to you and teach you something you didn’t know.

What you said only becomes true for me once there’s an actual civil war and dissolution of the union.

[MegademiC]

I need some advice from you fine sage fellas.

It’s a very long back-story that I don’t care to delve into, but I’m going to be moving back to New York State. Terrible decision, particularly with the way things are headed.

All my life-long friends back in NY are varying degrees of left. We get along fine because I never challenge their beliefs. I never try to change their minds, only maybe plant a small seed for them to consider on their own time. But they constantly text me news articles and blather on and on with social media with their shitty received opinions.

It’s not just my close friends; most of my family is evangelical left. They believe in some wildly inaccurate things, which I fight back the urge to correct them on. And ALL, and I mean ALL, of the music I like is written by ignorant bloviating leftists. I started following most of my go-to bands and musicians on social media to keep track of their new releases and tours and such, and it’s a non-stop deluge of political bullshit.

So I feel pretty isolated. These people are willing to be friends with me, but they also seem to want to “bring me around” to their thinking. I say “their thinking”, but it’s all Received Opinion. They don’t question, they nod their heads at the idiot box every night. I don’t respect them in a way, I feel like they’re ignorant and/or close-minded by choice. At the same time, nor do I feel like trying to red pill them.

What do you do when everyone around you is deluded?

But the thought of having nobody in your life is awful. Just keep your mouth shut and enjoy your friends and family? Is it a matter of core philosophy and beliefs being in conflict? Or is it just dismissible as political nonsense? I’d like to think the latter, good friendships are hard to come by. But I don’t believe some of the friendships would survive if I were to “come out of the closet” as a center-right/ libertarian. All would have a negative opinion of me, and a few would probably call me a fascist racist and sever ties.

Stay in the closet for peace?

Everyone is different and ymmv, but imo, You gotta come out or it will eat you up.

I have some friends( not super close, but still friends), who I disagree with. We go back and forth, agree to disagree, and move on to something we have in common.

If they dont like you for who you are, youre living a Fairytail, and wasting all the time you spend with them. You have to know your personal value, irrespective of what they think/say. If they cant have a normal discussion like grown-ups, you need to find better people to surround yourself with.

Again, ymmv- some people need human interaction... i never did so take it fwiw.

As for the civil war comment- if you faced these people during one of the current riots and knew where you stood, would they fight for you, of join the crowd in tearing you up?

[Straight Shooter]

I’ve known these people since 3rd grade and 9th grade. I’m 35.

That’s sad to hear, “no way I’ll be around people that think and believe opposite of me”

You can learn something from everyone. We each had our own set of eyes and ears, taking in the experiences. No two are alike. So someone else will always be able to explain their experiences to you and teach you something you didn’t know.

What you said only becomes true for me once there’s an actual civil war and dissolution of the union.

Im against abortion, for example. Im pro-gun for example. HOW could I associate with people who believe in murdering babies? Who believe in partial birth, who think its ok to sell baby body parts?
HOW could I associate with people who want to dis-arm me? Who think IM evil for owning weapons for fun, sport & SD? HOW can you "avoid" these conversations with people who are your "friends"?
Know what? My FRIENDS and I have NO subject we have to avoid to remain friends.
Ive HEARD the others sides arguments for five decades now. Dont need to keep hearing or "learn" anything else from them.
Go and go up into that shithole place & stay from now on. Glad its you & not me.