My situation is hopeless

[SteyrAUG]

Why do I need help? 30+ years of the worse bullying you can imagine, various other issues, but I keep slugging along without a shrink. Let me just put it this way: modern medicine is killing society and I’m not going to sees gotdamn liberal ass shrink. The medical system can suck my dick.

It isn't about finding some shrink who is gonna put you on some meds and numb you out.

You need to TALK TO SOMEBODY. You need to find somebody who understands what you are going through and can help. You need that more than anything because you do not have a family / friends support system.

You need to talk to an expert and find solutions. It's like precision shooting, you learn from someone who knows because you aren't gonna just figure it out all by yourself.

You may or may not benefit from short term / long term prescriptions that help you with anxiety and shit like that. It's not the same as being doped up.

But you need to find somebody who can help you NOW, not later. You sound like you have more than the usual "my life is hard" situation and it doesn't sound like something you can manage all by yourself.

And if the first person you seek help from isn't what you are looking for, keep looking and find someone who is willing to understand your situation and help you with it.

[KUSA]

the likely hood of me ever having friends was about zero.

It’s hard to find a better friend than a good dog. They are always happy to see you and don’t care about your issues.

Mine even knows how to drive.

[Stickman]

So my house is a nightmare. Mom was over today and about broke out in tears and wishes I would have some fun once in a while. Well, we got to talking and I spilled the beans about having an auditory processing disorder and the likely hood of me ever having friends was about zero.

She wants the best for me, but I continually fail. I don’t care but seeing her hurt because of my circumstances absolutely crushes me.

Truth be told, I wish I had never been born. Suicide is 100% wrong. I don’t know why. I didn’t ask to be brought into this world. It ****ing kills me seeing my mom unhappy because I’ve my shortcomings which I work so hard to address. It ****ing kills me even more because she wants to blame herself.

I end this post with this: **** the medical system. The medical system tired pushing me adderall as a kid. Turns out it’s not adhd, it’s an auditory processing disorder that mimics the symptoms of adhd. There would have been a slight hope to outgrow this if doctors considered it.

The medical system is screwed, but it is screwed by the insurance companies and corporations that own, operate, or manage the doctors.

On a side note, how is your memory? I understand the auditory part is problematic, but how is the memory? Are you sleeping well currently? Lastly, is the auditory processing making you paranoid, or giving an increased paranoia?

Feel free to reply via DM, I know some of the questions may trigger intensely personal responses.

Thanks for any reply.

[BoringGuy45]

Why do I need help? 30+ years of the worse bullying you can imagine, various other issues, but I keep slugging along without a shrink. Let me just put it this way: modern medicine is killing society and I’m not going to sees gotdamn liberal ass shrink. The medical system can suck my dick.

First, not all of us working in behavioral health are "goddamn liberal ass shrinks". Second, just because of the shit we say sounds kooky and new age-y doesn't mean it doesn't work. And if it works, why dismiss it? Third, you're not "slugging along". In fact, you're contradicting yourself: You keep talking about how your life is total hell and everything you touch goes to shit, then when people here offer you advice and tell you to get help, you claim you don't need it. Now, clearly you're in a bad place, but I don't know what you expect to happen by posting over and over how much your life sucks. With your attitude, do you think you would even recognize a solution to your depression even if you saw it here?

You've been given two options here: 1) Get help; talk to a counselor and/or go on medication, then figure out how you are going to pull yourself up, find a new direction, and a new attitude about your life. 2) Pull yourself up, find a new direction, and a new attitude about your life sans medication and counseling. At this point, I wouldn't recommend option 2, because it seems like you're too deep in depression to do anything alone, but it's you're call.

[Coal Dragger]

Why do I need help? 30+ years of the worse bullying you can imagine, various other issues, but I keep slugging along without a shrink. Let me just put it this way: modern medicine is killing society and I’m not going to sees gotdamn liberal ass shrink. The medical system can suck my dick.

Well dude, you have 30+ years of trying to sort this out yourself, and it sounds like you’re treading water at best.

Repeating the same actions isn’t going to fix it this time around either. Find someone who has maybe seen the same thing a few times and has some experience helping turn things around.

There’s no shame in doing what you can with what you’ve got within your abilities, and coming up short. Happens to everyone at some point in some aspect of their life. The ones who overcome their obstacles are most often the ones who step back and change their methods, including getting help.

[3 AE]

See a professional counselor , therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist. Not all of them are liberal C**ksuckers. From what you have described, you don't need a dog or any other animal. You need professional help.

[Firefly]

At least you’ve still got your sunny disposition.

I can understand maybe 10 years of bullying but 30+?

That’s a huge red flag my friend. I’m sure our advice and observations are bullying too.
Go to Lowes, buy a 6’ ladder, and get over yourself? If not for you, then for others who have to be around you.

[LowSpeed_HighDrag]

Why do I need help? 30+ years of the worse bullying you can imagine, various other issues, but I keep slugging along without a shrink. Let me just put it this way: modern medicine is killing society and I’m not going to sees gotdamn liberal ass shrink. The medical system can suck my dick.

Ok cowboy. Then you are beyond help. Stop complaining about it on here, it gets OLD.

[sgtrock82]

So I'll ask some questions that I've never seen asked or answered, yet looms large.

It's always just tossed out to get help, seek advice and or talk to a professional. While it's should be statistically obvious that not all professionals are crazy liberals, it doesn't always seem that way when your looking at the system from the outside. The reality is a that good portion of this country thinks that wanting to own firearms let alone "assault rifles" makes one mentally ill, right off the bat.

Assuming professionals will be quickly burrowing into your life and interests, how does one seek out someone who isn't conditioned to be alarmed by firearms ownership and related activities?

On meds, I'm as equally surprised by the number of otherwise normal amount of folks who admit to be on meds and the number of folks who are on meds and while their old problem may be solved, they are now out of whack in some other way or seem to need constant adjustments of meds. Obviously not all docs are created equal.

I understand that these are simplistic observations and conclusions and am not going to defend against anyone who wants to pick apart the minutia, but we make decisions with the information we have. Asking someone to open their most inner workings and place their future well being into the hands of complete strangers seems understandably intimidating.

Some of these posts seems helpful, some others should take their own advice and f@#k off. You're silence is more helpful than your ignorance.

Sent from my BE2028 using Tapatalk

[thepatriot2705]

The medical system is screwed, but it is screwed by the insurance companies and corporations that own, operate, or manage the doctors.

On a side note, how is your memory? I understand the auditory part is problematic, but how is the memory? Are you sleeping well currently? Lastly, is the auditory processing making you paranoid, or giving an increased paranoia?

Feel free to reply via DM, I know some of the questions may trigger intensely personal responses.

Thanks for any reply.

Working memory is about average per Neuropsychology.
No paranoia. Absolutely zero health issues other than impaired auditory processing. My lack of conversation and personal skills kills me. If I could just have a normal conversation with someone, I would be the happiest guy on the planet.

As for not wanting help, I don’t think therapy can really help me know what to say. You can talk to me, but my answers are going to be extremely simple. Like a constant state of brain fog.
I’ve heard a lot of this advice in the past. I’ve tried getting involved, I’ve taken up hobbies, I stay busy. Nothing seems to work. People take one look at me and write me off. My primary hobby is seen as weird by most. I don’t really like talking about guns with people...(chasing tornadoes)

I have accepted my reality and will slug it out. I only made this post because I needed to vent about disappointing my mother. I don’t have one got damn friend and every time I think I’ve finally made one, I get ghosted.

As for pets, I have a cat who might as well be a dog when how annoying he is. Russian blues are stupid loyal.

Simple fact is, I still wake up everyday, work two jobs and am rebuilding a house and I plan on doing that until my natural expiration. I’m still here for a reason. After all I survived looking down the barrel of 6+ cops with their guns drawn on me while I was armed. (Long story, some may remember my post from nearly a decade ago)

I saw this bible verse not too long ago. “Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win”

I’m angry and pissed that I’m not running in a way to win the prize which in my mind is being happy and having joy. For me, that’s having a family, and a small group of close friends to enjoy life with.