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Thread: A little Humor

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by rat31465 View Post


    this is the first time i've laughed out loud while sitting in a room by myself in a long time




    Quote Originally Posted by czydj View Post
    and this is the second time

  2. #12
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    Rat,

    That reminds me of when I was doing a gig up in Nordica (ND). I was between towns and saw something up ahead in the road. It was a road kill badger that was by the side of the road that A.M and someone had pulled it into the center of the road. They added a Cambell's soup can, dark safety glasses and a red and white dowel. As I passed I was laughing so hard I ended up driving off the road. It was priceless.

  3. #13
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    When preparing to engage in a battle of wits, it's best to ensure you're using quality ammunition.

  4. #14
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    have to do these from memory, nor can i take credit for them, but i do enjoy them:

    Any ship can be a mine sweeper..........once.

    Tracer rounds work both ways.

    It is not advisable to eject over an area you have just bombed (airforce manual).

    Look unimportant.......the enemy may be low on ammo.

    If you see the ordinance specialist running...........keep up with him.
    Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum

  5. #15
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    Heres another

    You have to understand that I have this real problem with stray cats...its not something I am really proud of.
    I guess that I am just a dog person is all.

    "Get yourself a Glock, Lose that Nickle plated sissy pistol." Sam Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones)

    Ignorance is Defensible, Stupidity is Not!

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by rat31465 View Post
    You have to understand that I have this real problem with stray cats...its not something I am really proud of.
    I guess that I am just a dog person is all.
    brother, if you knew my ferral problems you'd know you have an ally in me. overgrown furry rats with extra fleas. i call them "crats." i've got stories of epic battles and single combat.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by bkb0000 View Post
    brother, if you knew my ferral problems you'd know you have an ally in me. overgrown furry rats with extra fleas. i call them "crats." i've got stories of epic battles and single combat.
    I shall heft a brew tonight in your honor. Thank you for your selfless service.
    When preparing to engage in a battle of wits, it's best to ensure you're using quality ammunition.

  8. #18
    ToddG Guest
    It's been a few years since I heard this, so I'm going from memory. If anyone has a source for the original recording, it's without doubt the funniest thing I've ever heard.

    One night driving home from the range I came across Loveline, a radio call in show for horny teenagers to ask Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla about sex, drugs, etc. The thing that caught my attention and kept me from switching channels was that they announced they were going to play a long segment from the night before because it was so funny and controversial.

    The call from the evening before went like this:

    A young girl calls the show. She explains that she is a telephone actress and her audience is hanging up on her too soon. After a few questions, it becomes clear that "telephone actress" means phonesex operator and "hanging up" means the guys are climaxing after just a minute or two on the phone with her. Since she is paid by the minute, it's in her best interest to keep them on the line for a while.

    So Adam suggests they do a test run to see what the problem is.
    • girl: Hello, lover.
    • Adam: Hey there sexy. Whatcha wearin'?
    • girl: Oh, I'm just lying here on my big bed with the soft satin sheets rubbing against my black thigh highs and tiny little black thong while I play with the strap of my lacy see through bra ... (and so on)

    Everyone on the show agrees that she needs to tone it down a bit. So they suggest that she throw in some subliminal cues to keep the guy from warming up too fast.

    Of course, the girl has no idea what "subliminal" means so they explain it to her. Then they try again.
    • girl: Hello, lover.
    • Adam: Hey there sexy. Whatcha wearin'?
    • girl: Oh, I'm just lying here on my big bed COLD with the soft satin sheets RELAX rubbing against my black thigh highs DON'T CUM and tiny little black thong while I play RELAX with the strap of my GO SLOW lacy see through bra ...

    Luckily at this point everyone on the show is laughing so hard I don't miss anything while trying to recover from swerving across three lanes of highway traffic due to the lack of oxygen in my brain caused by laughing uncontrollably.

    So they explain to her that isn't exactly what they mean by subliminal, and one of the hosts says (by way of extreme example) that she just needs to work in something about cancer or the Holocaust as part of her opening act to cool the guy down. Phonesex bunny doesn't know what the Holocaust is, so they explain it to her.

    Then they do another test run.
    • girl: Hello, lover.
    • Adam: Hey there sexy. Whatcha wearin'?
    • girl: Oh, I'm just lying here on my big bed, feeling the soft satin sheets rub against my bare skin, (puts on her most sultry to die for voice) while I think about all the Jews killed in the Holocaust ...


    I've never laughed so hard in my entire life.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by rat31465 View Post
    You have to understand that I have this real problem with stray cats...its not something I am really proud of.
    I guess that I am just a dog person is all.


    i havent laughed this hard since.... last night in the misc section on bb.com.... thanks for the daily laugh bro!

  10. #20
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    Cline Street Sniper

    Quote Originally Posted by bkb0000 View Post
    brother, if you knew my ferral problems you'd know you have an ally in me. overgrown furry rats with extra fleas. i call them "crats." i've got stories of epic battles and single combat.
    bkb0000,
    I used to live in a small town...on the last street before the city limit sign where everyone would go to dump off cats and my backyard was a huge field that stretched well over a mile behind my fenceline. Many calls from me and my neighbors to the local Animal Control went unanswered as it wasn't "POLICY" for them to respond to stray cat complaints.
    I decided to take it upon myself to address this problem through the use of a little youth model Marlin .22 rifle and a box of CCI CB Longs.
    I knew the neighbors and what pets they had quite well and inside of two months deleted 27 feline intruders from the neighborhood.

    One morning I went to my truck to leave for work and found a flyer on my window which looked like a wanted poster. It had my picture on it and said. Wanted ...the Cline Street Sniper.
    A so called good friend and neighbor of mine had created it on his PC as a joke....

    Thats been more than five years ago now and I have moved into the "Big City" of Springfield Mo...and I have given up the murderous ways of my past. But every once in awhile I find that the index finger of my right hand gets a little itchy when I see those (Scrats) as you call them, running around loose and un-supervised.
    I have this T-Shirt I dont wear anymore that I bought out of Varmint Hunters Magazine years ago that says "Take care of your cats or I will take care of them for you."

    I share in your struggle bkb0000
    "Get yourself a Glock, Lose that Nickle plated sissy pistol." Sam Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones)

    Ignorance is Defensible, Stupidity is Not!

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