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Thread: A little Humor

  1. #401
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    My brother and his friends tried to rob a liquor store yesterday, but they saw a 'help wanted' sign and ran away.

  2. #402
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    "Doc, can you check out this thing I got?"
    -Every Marine, ever.

  3. #403
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    Magic Hat

    The other day I needed to go to the emergency room.

    Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT.

    When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.

    I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.

    Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

    Here's the hat.

















    Also, works at the DMV. It saved me 5 hours.
    Last edited by parishioner; 09-07-10 at 13:30.

  4. #404
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    Quote Originally Posted by jman4427 View Post
    The other day I needed to go to the emergency room.

    Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT.

    When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.

    I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.

    Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

    Here's the hat.

















    Also, works at the DMV. It saved me 5 hours.

    I would imagine that hat creating quite a scene outside of a Home Depot or Lowe's lol
    ..It was you to me who taught
    In Jersey anythings' legal, as long as you don't get caught.

  5. #405
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    not PC -- very slightly NSFW

    MAN TEST

    1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot..

    2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums! Geeez, you're so queer.

    3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

    4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

    5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbell. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too..

    6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

    7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

    8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a salami smuggler
    • formerly known as "eguns-com"
    • M4Carbine required notice/disclaimer: I run eguns.com
    •eguns.com has not been actively promoted in a long time though I still do Dillon special
    orders, etc. and I have random left over inventory.
    •"eguns.com" domain name for sale (not the webstore). Serious enquiries only.

  6. #406
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    Quote Originally Posted by chadbag View Post
    MAN TEST

    1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot..

    2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums! Geeez, you're so queer.

    3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

    4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

    5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbell. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too..

    6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

    7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

    8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a salami smuggler

    Damn... I might as well match in the parade then...

    1. Not over 40, 27 and no beer gut.
    2. Hey! I love my cat! His name is Kimi, and he is named after Kimi Räikkönen and he will kick your dog's ass!
    3. Lollipops rule! Go to the bank just so I snag one.
    4. I can pee just about anywhere, but no pooping at work.
    5. Can't stand coffee... either tea or Latte/Cafe Mocha for me.
    6. Wearing a fuchsia shirt as I type lol
    7. Okay... so at least I don't drive with two hands on the wheel. But when I race go-karts I have both hands on the wheel.

    Man... I should tell my GF that I am a lost cause... Time for her to move out I suppose

    LOL
    ..It was you to me who taught
    In Jersey anythings' legal, as long as you don't get caught.

  7. #407
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  8. #408
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  9. #409
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    Have you have been searching for the most inappropriate cup for your child? If so, head on down to Publix, they have what you're looking for.....

  10. #410
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quiet-Matt View Post
    Have you have been searching for the most inappropriate cup for your child? If so, head on down to Publix, they have what you're looking for.....
    LMAO

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