A little Humor

**parishioner** · 12-23-10, 13:00

WASHINGTON (SR) - President Barack Obama has directed the Pentagon to replace the "don't ask, don't tell" policy with one that will allow openly gay men and women to serve in the military. Defense Secretary Robert Gates and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral Mike Mullen, will present details of the plan to U.S. lawmakers next Tuesday.

According to sources inside the Pentagon, changes to be implemented include adding choreography to marching regimens, equipping all dorms with double-wide bunks, new fitted uniforms in seasonal color palettes, the installation of hot tubs, and more.

In a potentially controversial move, the Pentagon will announce the formation of a new all-gay, all male company named the "Fighting 69th Sodomites." Sources credit the creation of the 69th to House member Barney Frank, who has reportedly been working "very, very closely" with gay Pentagon officials.

**jklaughrey** · 12-23-10, 13:44

You forgot about FudgePacker. Now only if the Navy had a squadron named that. Bet many would vie for that "TOP" Gun slot!

http://www.f-16.net/callsigns-F.html

"Fudge
The Blues once had a pilot named Packer. His callsign... Fudge. It was even listed in their program. I don't know how it got by the political correctness police. Especially since it was the post-tail hook era."

**bkb0000** · 01-08-11, 23:34

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp5rBiP15Dk

**nfranco** · 01-09-11, 10:47

As a law enforcement officer I have been approached by several people lately wanting to know how to identify a Meth Lab.

Here is a picture of four Labs. I think it's pretty obvious which one is the Meth Lab. I hope this helps.

Let me know if I can be of any further service in this matter.

**sandman99and9** · 01-09-11, 11:03

One of my favorites, still makes me laugh every time. NSFW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfdY0NMDqYQ

part 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qC301ZbdEyk

S.M.

**chadbag** · 01-09-11, 13:01

THE FEMALE GENIE

While trying to escape through Pakistan , Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

Osama responded," You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything."

The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you.

" The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt , Tonya Harding , and Nancy Pelosi at his side.

His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.

God is good.

**jklaughrey** · 01-10-11, 07:04

Just proves living the thug life doesn't make you a weapons expert!

**chadbag** · 01-23-11, 12:45

**********
PUT ME IN CHARGE

Put me in charge of food stamps. I’d get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho’s, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I’d do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we’ll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings (which increase the chances of dangerous infections and things like hepatitis). If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You must maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your “home” will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, get a job and your own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or report to a “government” job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the “common good.”

Before you say I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules... Before you say this would be “demeaning” and ruin their “self-esteem,” consider it wasn’t that long ago taking someone else’s money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self-esteem. Maybe it's time to bring back some good old personal responsibility.

If we are expected to pay for other people’s mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards people for continuing to make bad choices.

**********
THE WOODEN BOWL

I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. 'We must do something about father,' said the son. 'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded, 'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up. ' The four-year-old smiled and went back to work..

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.