A Muslim, an illegal alien, and a Communist walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President."
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Senior Member
A Muslim, an illegal alien, and a Communist walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President."
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Monty Python and the Holy Grail
ARTHUR: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
ARTHUR: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you 'Man'.
DENNIS: Well, you could say 'Dennis'.
ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis.'
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the 'old woman,' but from the behind you looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM king...
DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! ....If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?
WOMAN: King of the who?
ARTHUR: The Britons.
WOMAN: Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.
WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. ..... A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would--
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
WOMAN: No one lives there.
ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?
WOMAN: We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting.
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your king!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! --- HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here that, eh?.... That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?
Senior Member
In the spirit of the gameshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dME8fx9Fu5o
^^ Read with southern accent !^^ and blame all grammatical errors on Alabama's public school system.
Technique is nothing more than failed style. Cecil B DeMented
"If you can't eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away."-Dog
Go where the food is.
Senior Member
What is your favorite color?Originally Posted by sqwerl
We miss you, AC.
We miss you, ToddG.
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I'll tell you...
But only if you can tell me the capital of Assyria and the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.
Do you even get down innagrass, bro?
Senior Member
At a USMC Birthday Ball, sitting at the bar was a Major General sipping his scotch, a newly commissioned 2nd Lt. drinking her martini, and the Gunnery Sgt. guzzling his beer.
General: "Well Lt. in all my years in the Corps, I've come to the conclusion that sex is 90% work and 10% pleasure. What's your take on that?"
2nd Lt.: "I respectfully disagree General. In my short time in the Corps, I've come to the conclusion that sex is 90% pleasure and 10% work."
General: "Well Gunny, what do you make of all of this?"
Gunny : "Sir, Ma'am. You're both wrong. For as long as I have been in the Corps, it's a known fact that sex is 100% pure pleasure."
General : "How in the hell do you know that?"
2nd Lt. : "Yeah, how in the hell do you know that?"
Gunny : "For the simple reason that if there was any work involved, you'd have an enlisted man do it!"
Senior Member
European or African?I'll tell you...
But only if you can tell me the capital of Assyria and the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.
We miss you, AC.
We miss you, ToddG.
Site Sponsor
What? I don't know that!!
Do you even get down innagrass, bro?
Senior Member
I'll tell you...
But only if you can tell me the capital of Assyria and the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.Migratory?
shake weight has got nothin on this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuFplGlVAfs
and a funny pic from the range..shooting a UTG-outfitted AK off bench-rest, yet needs the 27 pouches + camelbak.
Last edited by munch520; 07-30-12 at 07:56.
Senior Member
With no belt.Migratory?
shake weight has got nothin on this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuFplGlVAfs
and a funny pic from the range..shooting a UTG-outfitted AK off bench-rest, yet needs the 27 pouches + camelbak.
^^ Read with southern accent !^^ and blame all grammatical errors on Alabama's public school system.
Technique is nothing more than failed style. Cecil B DeMented
"If you can't eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away."-Dog
Go where the food is.
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