Divorce Agreement......written by a young American college law student
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know that we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
The following is a model separation agreement. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets, since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the police, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly, oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars and you can take every Chevy Volt and Nissan Leaf you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine," "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing," "Kumbaya" or "We are the World."
We'll practice "trickle-down economics" and you can continue to give "trickle up poverty" your best shot.
Since it often offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this separation agreement? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots. If you don't agree, just hit delete.
In the spirit of friendly parting........I'll bet you already know which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely, John J. Wall (an American law student)
PS: Please also take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & (Hanoi) Jane Fonda with you.
PPS: And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country!
Never judge a man by his success, judge by how he deals with his failures!- L.E.C.
Some People suck at being Human!- Me
"To keep you is no gain, to destroy you is no loss."- Khmer Rouge
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Originally Posted by Quiet-Matt
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