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Thread: A little Humor

  1. #801
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    A man is driving down the road
    and breaks down near a monastery.. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the
    door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the
    night?"

    The monks graciously accept
    him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep,
    he hears a
    strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever
    heard.
    The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We
    can't tell you because you're not a monk."

    The man is disappointed
    but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the
    same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

    The monks again accept him,
    feed him, and even fix his car..

    That night, he hears the same strange
    mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

    The next morning, he asks what the
    sound was, but the monks reply,
    "We can't tell you because
    you're not a monk."

    The man says, "All right, all right.
    I'm dying to know.
    If the only way I can find out what that sound was is
    to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

    The monks reply, "You must travel the
    Earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of

    sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a
    monk."

    The man sets about his task. Some
    forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.
    He says, "I have travelled the Earth and devoted my life to the task
    demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are
    371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles

    on the earth.

    The monks reply, "Congratulations, you
    are correct, and you are now considered a monk.
    We shall now show you the
    way to
    the sound."

    The monks lead the man to
    a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is behind that
    door.”

    The man reaches for the knob, but the
    door is locked. He asks, "May I have the key?"

    The monks give him the key,
    and he opens the door.

    Behind the wooden door is
    another door made of stone... Theman requests the key to the stone
    door.

    The monks give him the key,
    and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby... He demands another key
    from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one
    made of sapphire.
    And so it
    went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald...

    ....silver, topaz, and
    amethyst.

    Finally, the
    monks say, "This is
    the key to the last door."

    The man is relieved to be at the end.
    He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished
    to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and
    unbelievable sight...









    ...But I can't tell you what
    it is because you're not a monk.

    DON'T SWEAR AT ME;

    I'M STILL
    HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO STARTED THIS!
    But I bet you send it on.
    POW-MIA, #22untilnone
    Let Us #NeverForget!


    If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    The last thing I want to do is hurt you,
    but it's still on my list.

  2. #802
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    POW-MIA, #22untilnone
    Let Us #NeverForget!


    If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    The last thing I want to do is hurt you,
    but it's still on my list.

  3. #803
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    DIVORCE AGREEMENT--





    WRITTEN BY YOUNG COLLEGE STUDENT
    The person who wrote this is a college (law) student.. Perhaps there is hope for us after all.

    THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S WRITTEN BY A
    PERSON SO YOUNG!



    Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
    Marxists and Obama supporters, etal: We have stuck together since the
    late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest
    election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we
    tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
    generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course

    Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on
    what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We
    can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own
    way.

    Here is a our separation agreement:

    --Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
    taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am
    sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it
    should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can
    effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct
    and disparate tastes.


    --We don't like "spreading the wealth" so we'll keep ours and you can
    spread yours all you want.

    --We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

    --Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the
    NRA and the military.

    --We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and
    you can go with wind, solar and bio diesel.

    --We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical
    companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

    --You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps,
    homeless, home boys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

    --You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

    --We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

    --We'll keep "under God" in our Pledge of Allegiance and we'll keep
    "In God we trust"
    on our money.

    --You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political
    correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we
    will no longer be paying the bill.

    --We'll keep our Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

    --You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

    --You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are,
    however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to
    move all three of them.

    --We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

    --You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right
    to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

    --You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or
    our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

    --We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You
    can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

    --We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."

    --I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach
    the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

    --We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give
    trickle up poverty your best shot.

    --Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

    Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to
    other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not
    agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet
    you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15
    years.

    Sincerely,

    John J. Wall

    Law Student and an American

    P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Brittany Spears, Harry Belafonte
    Barbra Streisand, & ( Hanoi ) Jane Fonda and all the other sick, phony Libs with you.

    P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.
    POW-MIA, #22untilnone
    Let Us #NeverForget!


    If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    The last thing I want to do is hurt you,
    but it's still on my list.

  4. #804
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    College student? Law student?

    That'd be like calling someone in Pre-med a Med Student.
    "I never learned from a man who agreed with me." Robert A. Heinlein

  5. #805
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    I see your mustache and raise you a beard






    S.M.
    "I'd rather have a Bloody Mary made from the bandage drippings of a dozen Ebola victims than watch BattleField Earth again."

    SeriousStudent

  6. #806
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    “It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.” Mark Twain

  7. #807
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    Buyer Beware! (Mid-day AR laughs)

    Just a little mid-day humor. For a Grand you can be the lucky owner of this saaweet Gunsmoke Enterprises AR-15.

    https://floridaguntrader.com/index.php?a=2&b=389937

  8. #808
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    This one has kept me rolling for a couple days

    Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk
    “Answer The Bell...” J.W.

  9. #809
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    Quote Originally Posted by JSantoro View Post
    Stop dicking the dog, please. It's gross.

  10. #810
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    You may have heard on the news about a southern California man put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

    By Southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds would be called "mentally unstable."

    Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:

    In Arizona , he'd be called "an avid gun collector."

    In Arkansas , he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

    In Utah , he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.”

    In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."

    In Montana , he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy.”

    In Alabama , he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."

    In Georgia , he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

    In North Carolina , Mississippi, and South Carolina he would be called "a deer hunting buddy."

    And in Texas he's just "Bubba, who's a little short on ammo.
    “It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.” Mark Twain

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