It seems like you're talking about two issues, grip and manipulations. What you're describing in terms of your wife is either undergrip or overgrip.
Yes it's entirely normal for you to have to alter your grip, moreover imo there is little to be gained by keeping the weapon on target during the whole reload. If your wife doesn't have an issue reaching the trigger (which mine did) than she's fine. As others say it's simply a matter of practice.
1. I agree with Todd that the mag release is best actuated with your trigger finger, not the thumb. This will minimize any shift you have to do.
2. If you're locking the slide back, who cares if you shift your grip since your gun is no longer functional and you probably wouldn't be doing it if there was still a threat.
3. When the gun goes "click" or slide-locks, your whole purpose in life is to get that gun back into the fight. That SHOULD include putting eyes on the chamber to make sure it's a simple reload instead of a more serious problem so you're going to have to move the gun off target and reach for a mag. You're not losing any time by shifting your grip at this point.
4. Relevant to overgrip or undergrip, When the gun is back online...I recommend going through the same process of re-establishing your grip and re-indexing your presentation...every time. Because if you're over/under gripping and don't re-establishing it, you/she will have to muscle the sights back into alignment and onto target, this will work ok for the first shot you fire, but the sights will gradually shift back off-target with each shot fired until you restore the proper grip/index.
It takes practice
It is bad policy to fear the resentment of an enemy. -Ethan Allen
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