JW777's Redneck Christmas moment

**John_Wayne777** · 12-25-09, 18:08

So it's the holidays and families are gathered together to celebrate...which usually guarantees some interesting events.

So, and I swear to God I am not making this up, here's mine.

Eating Christmas dinner today the phone rings. I'm with the family and it's the neighbor's number on the caller ID. Turns out to be a Sheriff's deputy from the local department asking us to bring some weapons and come next door to deal with a potentially rabid skunk.

So I grab a Ruger MK-II and my father grabs a bow. The deputy...and, again, I am not making this up...wants us to shoot the skunk with the bow my dad has in his truck. The skunk is currently curled up underneath the 1992 Ford Van owned by my neighbor. It's moving and breathing, but it's growling and it's not afraid of people. The deputy obviously doesn't want to grease the little bastard with his Glock 22, so he thinks a bow might be better. I mention the Ruger MK-II, but the deputy is (understandably) reluctant to use a firearm of any sort to off the little bastard. He asked the neighbor what he had laying around that they could use on the little bastard, and the neihghbor remembered that I kill things and eat them...so perhaps I had a way to dispatch the little beastie.

So I'm studying the situation to try and figure out the best way to end the little bastard when I see my father take a knee and draw the bow.

I barely have time to think "He's not gonna..."

KERTHUNK

He did. He shot the bow and hit the running board on the van.

Sight to arrow relationship wasn't factored in. There are arrow bits all over the place because it basically exploded.

"DUDE! Wait, let me find a better angle on this!" I proceed to try and find another angle to sh....

KERTHUNK

Hit the running board AGAIN...this time only grazing it, and the arrow went under the van.

"DUDE, I said WAIT so we could think this through!"

Knocks and fires a third arrow. "I hit it that time!"

...and he also hit the running board again.

I get down and look under the van and the skunk is not moving anymore, but the underside of the van looks like the aftermath of the Little Bighorn. There are bits of arrow all over the place and broadheads stuck in various bits of the van's undercarriage. Oh, and it's 33 degrees out and raining to beat the band.

Awesome.

The neighbor is actually quite cool about the whole thing. He thinks we had no choice. I, of course, know that we DID have a choice...that I could have fired one shot from the MK-II (the skunk was less than 4 yards away) into the little bastard's skull and ended the whole ****ing problem with no damage to any property...IF the deputy had let me do it. Now I understand why the deputy was apprehensive about use of a firearm, but I can literally shoot at a bullet hole and hit it at 7 yards. I also worked out an angle that provided an adequate backstop that would have contained the round in the extremely unlikely event I would have missed...from the prone position...on a stationary target...at 4 yards.

Hell, I could have duct-taped a knife to the handle of a shovel and fixed the problem with a lot less risk of damage. Right now there's still a broadhead missing (Two of the three arrows were snapped into a bunch of pieces) and I think it's stuck somewhere in the undercarriage of my neighbor's van. When the rain stops I get to crawl up under there and try to find the damn thing.

Oh, and when skunks die from an arrow shot whatever sphincter muscle they have that holds in their stink juice relaxes. The smell is so bad I can taste it. Yet another reason why a nice clean bullet to the cranium would have been preferable.

It was like something out of a Blue Collar comedy tour joke. On the plus side, I finally found a potential use for the Taurus Judge loaded with birdshot.

**jcase64** · 12-25-09, 18:13

Classic!

**Nathan_Bell** · 12-25-09, 18:16

Glad you gave the run-up to the story. That way I had put my drink down and none was spilled

**Heavy Metal** · 12-25-09, 18:23

**5pins** · 12-25-09, 18:25

While the Ruger would have been preferable. You would not have as good of a story to tell.

**Buckaroo** · 12-25-09, 18:27

Thanks for a great Christmas Laugh!!!!! I can picture this happening!

I once had a neighbor's wife call me and ask me to come kill a skunk in her yard (he had been tearing up the neighborhood yards looking for grubs). I did what she requested and killed the skunk. Later that evening her husband called to say thanks for the dead skunk in his yard. I told him that his wife had requested that I kill the skunk not that I would remove it too! Greg had to admit that I had indeed honored his wife's request.

Buckaroo

**John_Wayne777** · 12-25-09, 18:31

Horrible MSPaint of the event:

**theblackknight** · 12-25-09, 18:32

Slingshot or frozen paintballs and a marker would also work.

**SeriousStudent** · 12-25-09, 18:33

BWHAHAHahahahahaha!!!!

I was just waiting to read where he shot the arrow through the skunk, and pinned it to the inner sidewall of the tire. Tire deflates, skunk pollutes the atmosphere, and van settles down on skunk.

Now try and change the tire on that bad boy.

Dayum, I witness some funny shit as a paramedic and an infantry grunt, but that one's definitely on the list.

All you needed was someone saying "Here, hold my beer" before they tried to wrestle the bow from your dad and shoot it themselves......

If I ever meet you at a training class, I'll tell you the one about the guy that shot his own leg, trying to kill what he swore was a rattlesnake under his house. No Darwin Award, but an honorable mention.