Joke all you want, you jealous bastards! I'm a die hard 1911 fan, but, after seeing this thread, I HAD to have one o' these Tier 1 hand cannons. I pulled some strings at Smith & Wesson (clout... I haz it), and they rushed one out to me, along with a case of their new proprietary ammunition. Well, I didn't bother proving my new blaster at the range, because I know it's Tier 1 kit (any fool can see from the photo that this thing is the real deal). Instead, I headed straight for the woods, with my head dead set on taking down a big elk or a boar.
What happened next was totally unbelievable... I found fairly fresh signs of a large flock of pigs, and tracked them, hoping to catch them at their den. As luck would have it, I eventually tracked them to a clearing, where they were busy feeding. As they scurried around under this one big tree, fighting over some overripe peaches, I took advantage of their preoccupation, and skirted the clearing. Like a panther, I singled out my mark, a great sow who was standing apart from the flock, near the edge of the clearing. After a quick press-check, I deliberately raised ol' Double Trouble, and I took careful aim at COM, for a sure kill... Before I could get my shot off, everything went apeshit! The entire flock of pigs scattered, and started running off into the woods, in about every direction, except... right at me. I figured I'd been made, and cursed TWRA for the blaze orange jacket they'd made me wear. But then I heard a rush of leaves, and limbs breaking, BEHIND ME! With reflexes honed over years of Tier 1 gaming, I quickly whirled 180 degrees, with Double Trouble at high ready. Before I was even turned around, I knew what I was to see, because my nostrils burned with a foul stench like hot garbage, or an old diaper filled with Indian food. I'd only heard about it in whispered stories, but now I was face to face with Big Foot! His great red eyes seemed to bore right through me. Thick saliva streamed from between his dagger-like teeth. I swear he was smiling. In the fight or flight moment, when I felt my knees start to go all watery, I barely fought off the primal instinct to flee, dimly realizing that he would run me down with ease, and likely enjoy it. Then, with his great tree sized arms reaching out to me, I remembered that, in my hands, I held the great equalizer, Double Trouble, and that I had, due to my training, unconsciously leveled its monstrous twin bores right at his solar plexus. With an autonomic squeeze of Double Trouble's match grade trigger, I unleashed a massive searing ball of fire, and it was done. Once my eyes recovered from the incredible flash, I saw his lower body standing in front of me, slightly swaying, with his upper body bouncing through the woods, some 50 or 60 feet behind. Double Trouble had cut him right in half, but not cleanly.
Sadly, I forgot to wear my head cam, and I couldn't document the kill with TWRA, because it's illegal to hunt sasquatch in Tennessee, as they're protected. But, if anyone wants proof, I have some good as hell sausage in the chest freezer.
Last edited by Seraph; 11-24-10 at 14:18.
Under the sword lifted high, there is Hell, making you tremble. But go ahead, and there is the land of Bliss. ~ Miyamoto Musashi
DISCLOSURE: I represent SECRET CITY WEAPONEERS, purveyor of K-25 Multi-Role Concealment Holsters. I may, therefore, be biased...
Bookmarks